Afraid of 59

  I returned to the dormitory and saw Dong Ge with only his underwear on, grabbing the iron bunk bed and doing a pull-up. When he saw me coming back, Dong Ge coolly did another pull-up and said "Six~~~~er~~~~"

  "What's up."

  "Brother, isn't it awesome?" After saying that, he sat down again. Then, a "clang" sound was heard, and the bed railing that Dong Ge was holding onto fell off. Immediately after, a "thud" sound was heard, and Dong Ge lay flat on the ground, having fallen heavily. His injuries were also triggered, causing him to roll around on the ground in pain, his face twisted in agony.

  Making fun of Bao Long and Pang Zi Tao with a series of nods and bows.

  I casually said two words, "awesome." After saying that, I looked at Dong Ge's bandages and didn't see any major issues. I strolled over to the balcony, picked up a cigarette, lit it, and thought about Zi Ya. The more I thought, the less human I felt.

  After a long time outside, Bao Long also came over and patted me on the shoulder, "Liu Er, what's wrong?"

  I didn't watch Bolognese, slowly let out a breath "I broke up with Yaya."

  "Break up?" Bao Long grabbed my shoulder and pulled me in front of him. "What did you say?"

  "I broke up with Zi Ya," I continued.

  "How can it be over just like that? Without any warning signs at all."

  "What sign do you want."

  "Zi Ya will be very sad."

  I sighed, "You know how we got together in the first place. After all this time, I realized that I just can't love her. I only care for her like a little sister, taking care of her. As for romance, there's really nothing between us except for the natural attraction between men and women."

  "My grass, you're saying this now? You've slept with so many people for so many nights, and now you're saying this? It's too late, I already know that Zi Ya is still a virgin. You're not human." Bo Long said seriously.

  "I have never touched her."

  "Don't fart."

  "I swear, I'm telling the truth, nothing happened between us."

  Bo Long was somewhat unbelievable "Really didn't?"

  I nodded, "Those few days when I came back to sleep, it was because at night I slept with her in my arms but couldn't touch her, it was really unbearable, so I didn't sleep well at night. The next day I still had to accompany her to the park, and after being tired all day, I still didn't sleep well at night. On the third day, I still had to accompany her hiking. So that night when I came back, I was so exhausted. Actually, for such a long time, we hadn't done anything, at most just kissed a few times."

  Bo Long smiled, lit a cigarette and said "You're still somewhat human, otherwise you'd be done for, I reckon even my wife and Xiang Xiang would never let you off."

  "Am I pretty bad?"

  "It's okay, compared to me, you're far worse." Bao Long also leaned against the railing, looking at the night sky outside.

  "What's wrong with you?"

  "I used to be in high school, I chased a girl, in order to sleep with her, I coaxed her into drinking, she got drunk, and then we slept together. There was another girl too. I had an agreement with her, we discussed it, but she was always afraid, so I coaxed her into drinking to satisfy my own desires. Then we went to bed. Hehe, you say the things you've done, compared to what I've done, aren't I more shameless? More despicable?"

  "Really?"

  "Honestly, we're like brothers, I don't need to lie to you." Bao Long looked at me. "And the second woman I told you about earlier, she's actually the ex-wife of a former brother of mine. They got divorced for some reason, and then I hooked up with her. As a result, my brother and I had a huge falling out over this woman, and now we don't even have any contact anymore. We used to be as close as sworn brothers."

  "Where's that woman?"

  "That woman later felt guilty towards me and left me, I didn't suffer any loss, just gained another bed partner. But my brother, he's gone."

  "You also have such history."

  "Sixth, to be honest, no one can really grasp the intricacies of relationships between men and women. Everyone has their own emotions that they can't control. I'm asking you, who dares to say they've never done anything embarrassing, anything stupid, or anything despicable? No one would dare say that. These are all necessary processes for people to grow up. Think about it, it's not a big deal. We're still young, just a bunch of 16 and 17-year-old kids in high school. Who thinks that much? Who considers that much? As long as we're happy, that's all that matters. We don't worry about life, and we won't consider other people's feelings. Including our own parents, most people have hurt others and been hurt by others. That's just life. It's okay to do something stupid occasionally, but if you always do stupid things, then you're really a moron, beyond salvation."

  "So what should I do to make it up to Zi Ya?"

  "Actually, Ziyaxi calmed down and thought carefully, she shouldn't hate you either, because after all, you didn't do anything to her. These days, you've taken good care of her, played with her, fetched water for her, bought food for her, coaxed her into happiness, did so much for her, and didn't even have a relationship with her. Just based on this point alone, she shouldn't hate you either."

  I smiled and said, "That's from a man's perspective. For women, no matter how considerate and thoughtful you are to her, it can't make up for the harm caused by one lie."

  "You seem to understand pretty well, regret it?"

  I thought for a moment, then shook my head. "Actually, I've done pretty well so far. I was never a good person to begin with, just a small-time hoodlum. If I were still using the same tricks as when I was in high school, I would have already hooked up with Yaya by now. The fact that I can control myself now is progress, isn't it?"

  "It's okay." Bao Long smiled slightly "I hope Ziya won't be too heartbroken."

  "It shouldn't be, even if it's sad, it should be a quick thing. We haven't been together for long and nothing has happened between us. She just had some dependence on me, that's all."

  Bo Long patted my back and smiled, "A man without poison is not a husband. With ambition, one can travel the world. Even if something happens between us, what's the big deal? Cheer up, don't be so down. Don't be so gloomy. To put it bluntly, she's just a woman, isn't she?"

  I suddenly turned my head and glanced at Bolog. Looking at Bolog's radiant smile, I suddenly felt a little strange about him.

  "Alright, alright, don't think so much, we've been together for so long, looking at you like this, I'm really uncomfortable."

  I smiled and said "Alright, you go back. I'll be quiet for a while."

  Bo Long grunted and turned back to the dormitory. Not long after, his shouting could be heard from inside "Hu Koudong, I'll f**k your grandfather."

  "Damn your grandma, Polong."

  "Ah yo."

  "Go easy, damn it."

  I couldn't help but smile wryly, thinking of these people. I casually took out my phone and found Xi Yu's number again, only to find that it was still turned off. I thought about sending her a message to tell her the truth about me and Zi Ya, but after editing the text, I hesitated. If I were Xi Yu, would I believe someone like Wang Yue who had deceived her countless times? No need for explanations, some things can never be clarified. Facing the quiet night sky, my mouth curled up slightly.

  My phone vibrated. I took a glance, and the message was from Nuan Nuan. There was only one word: Afraid. I ignored Nuan Nuan and put my phone back in my pocket, thinking about Yu Xi's adorable smile, thinking about Yu Xi hugging my arm, sweetly calling me Liu Liu husband. Thinking about Yu Xi snuggling in my arms, falling asleep in my embrace. I smiled again, although I still didn't know what I was smiling about. Tears welled up in my eyes, and only now did I realize how much I loved Yu Xi. With a numb sense of habit, I lit a cigarette, with a worried expression on my face, looking at the starry night sky, the bald head with a smile hanging in the air like it was suspended in mid-air. Suddenly, "Brother, you're still not asleep yet?"

  I took a few hard drags on the cigarette, spat out the remaining half, and just as I was about to reach for another one, someone stuffed one into my mouth. I turned around to see Dong Ge, who was smiling at me, and lit it up for me.

  "Big Brother Dong."

  "Have you broken up with Zi Ya?"

  I nodded "Uh-huh, got it."

  "It's fine, since you don't like each other, it's better to break up early. There's nothing wrong with that. According to Bao Long, you didn't do anything to wrong her and didn't have a relationship with her, right?"

  "Uh-huh, it's just unrequited love."

  "Why can't love be right."

  "I don't know either, it's just that I've fallen out of love"

  Big Brother Dong reached out and wiped away the tears from the corners of my eyes. "Liu'er, tell me, what was your past like?"

  I smiled and said "Dong Ge, what's wrong?"

  "Why do you always like living in the past, living in memories."

  "I don't have."

  "Still making excuses," Dong Ge lit a cigarette. "I've already discovered that you're not just crying once, but often in the quiet of the night. You like to shed tears. If you don't love Zi Ya, then you definitely won't be heartbroken for her sake. At most, it's just some guilt. But you are genuinely heartbroken. What exactly is making you so sad?"

  I listened to Dong Ge's words and fell silent, really didn't know what to say.

  "Alright," Dong Ge continued, "No matter how sad you are, listen to me, I'll tell you one thing. In this world, any sadness is futile. There's no regret medicine, nothing can be turned back. You can be sad for a while, but you absolutely cannot be sad for your whole life. You still have your life, tomorrow will still be beautiful, and we brothers will always be by your side." After Dong Ge finished speaking, he smiled "Be happier, there's still a long way to go in the future. Zi Ya is gone, isn't there still that 500 beauty? Can continue trying again." After Dong Ge said this, he turned around and left. Suddenly, I felt that Dong Ge was also very unfamiliar.

  Not much time had passed before I heard Bolong and Dongge making a ruckus inside again.

  Shaking my head, everyone is the same, no longer strangers, only I have changed. I am no longer the carefree and innocent Wang Yue who only lived for emotions, not for life. I really want to be like before, carefree and laughing at everything. But I found that I really can't do it anymore, why?

  Suddenly remembered Dong Ge's words, remembered the text message in the phone, Nuan said she was afraid.