“Admiral McAllister.
Master Bek’So.
Lady Cabben.
… cuyusho crews.
I have something to say that you will all want to hear, something that I’m sure you’ve never heard from any katneral, nor do I expect you ever will again.”
And then, against all odds, within a few seconds, everyone (including the bridge crew of the Hooded Claw) stopped what they were doing and listened, as if the whole of the known universe were watching in anticipation.
Selecting his words carefully, Dijjak continued,
“I am genuinely impressed. I – indeed, my entire armada and everyone who helped plan this operation – was expecting this to be a laughably effortless and lucrative raid on a relatively defenseless world, but that is obviously not the case. I congratulate you all, and especially you humans on managing to assemble this fleet, and, quite frankly, I am actually flattered at how hard you’ve worked to stop us.”
In giving everyone a moment to reflect on that, he in turn granted himself a moment to make final, minute adjustments to the next extremely critical step,
“Were we even merely respected adversaries, what I have to say next would pain me, and might even give me pause in my actions … but we are not. We are strong; you are weak. Granted, by your sheer numbers, you will take a toll on my forces, but we are still superior to you and YOU WILL ALL DIE if you stay. In the end, your presence here and your stand will change nothing, not for you, not for me, not for either of our peoples; the human world will burn, I will return a hero, and the katneral will have dealt a fatal blow to an admittedly great thorn in their side, but a mere thorn nonetheless.
So, as you put it, Admiral; leave.
I’m not saying this out of any sense of compassion or concern for any of you. Truthfully, I will be glad to kill you all if you stay, but everything would be so much simpler if you just left.
Save yourselves from what YOU KNOW is a hopeless fight. Go spend time with people you care about,“ and then, adding with a glare and slightly menacing tone, “most of you don’t have much time remaining.
Know that as soon as we unravel your trickery and re-establish communications, I will command my forces to advance, regardless of whether or not you remain, and we will kill everyone in our path.
And finally, know that neither I nor any katneral raider will feel any remorse whatsoever.”
Doubtlessly to Dijjak’s eyes, it appeared that his opponents were actually contemplating retreat. Indeed, even the bridge of the Blue Polaris was unsettlingly quiet, and Bek’So had not yet started talking again.
Perhaps his gambit had miraculously worked.
In any case, to cement the impression that the current situation was nothing more than a bothersome complication, he calmly went to his podium to attempt to aid in getting communications working.
Appreciative checkmark.
Admiral McAllister spoke next, but in a surprisingly calm tone, “Warlord Dijjak, I propose a compromise; we will not leave, but we will move aside and allow you a head start to Earth, let’s say … thirty minutes.”
Not waiting for a response, orders were given by everyone on the warlord’s viewscreen and, within a few minutes, the entire combined fleet had traveled roughly a quarter of the way around the attacking armada, maintaining their range the entire time.
Whereas the humans had thus far inspired mostly disgust in the katneral warlord, this was simply baffling, and with everything that had happened since he arrived, Dijjak was nearing the end of his rope, “ … what is this?! Does no aspect of your species make any sense at all?! You would exchange a relatively strong defensive position for a scattered chase that would see you each more vulnerable?! HAVE YOU NO CONCEPT OF SYSTEM DEFENCE?!”
Admiral McAllister had a confused look for a moment, but then gave the impression that understanding hit him square in the smile, “Oh, I see where the confusion is. I’m sorry, Warlord, I should have clarified sooner; this fleet is here to attack, not defend. Truth be told, we were never worried about Earth … or any planet or installation in the system for that matter; they are quite capable of dealing with you and your friends at their leisure.”
With every new piece of information, Dijjak’s endlessly self-contradicting impression of humans worsened, “Capable? It’s well known that your own fleet, even without your friends, has almost as much firepower as your entire home planet. They couldn’t st … stop even a fraction of … our … something ELSE you want to share, Habsh?”
His dilating pupils and paling paws said that yes, he most assuredly did, “Warlord, I can’t explain it … but I’m reading massive power signatures appearing all around Earth … and throughout the system … I’m narrowing my scans … they’re … sir, if these scans are correct, then the defence platforms in this system would be second only to those of the tishari in both number and ability, and attacking with our present force would be suicidal.”
Habsh was certainly full of good news that day.
While agreeing with his tactical officer’s assessment, Dijjak didn’t want to base everything on what he was hoping was a sensory glitch, or more trickery. “Comms, we have to confirm with everyone else if they’re seeing this too, and we’re not going forwards or backwards until we do. Can you give me anythi-?”
“Oh, right, sorry, we should turn that off.” McAllister almost dropped his popcorn as he hurriedly fiddled with his console. Instantly, communications were restored with the entire armada, as was evidenced by the absolute wall of noise that hit them from every other ship.
Dijjak immediately retook command, “SILENCE!! All katneral ships, this is Warlord Dijjak! Confirm presence or absence of human defence installations throughout the system! Now!”
Within seconds, reports began coming in from all ships to confirm that, yes, the installations and their capabilities were indeed very real and, yes, the armada would absolutely be headed into an unmitigated slaughter if they proceeded.
Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.
Haughty checkmark.
Dijjak glowered at McAllister, no doubt hating him and everything he represented, “HOW?! How do you have such weak ships, pathetic military doctrine, a miniscule sphere of influence … but still manage to develop CLOAKING TECHNOLOGY?!”
McAllister swallowed and then just stated plainly, “We didn’t; we asked. Nicely, you know, like civilized folk,” before shoveling more popcorn into his mouth.
“ …asked?! Who would you a- … oh, you have GOT to be KIDDING ME!!”
At that, the admiral almost choked on his popcorn and sputtered as he started laughing, “I knew it! I …
Near the center of the combined fleet, two unmistakably potent warships appeared, and Dijjak’s viewscreen was again segmented with Khalendros (a title equivalent to high commander), the hero of the auresten (a secretive, elusive people that look like a cross between an ant and a Komodo dragon), taking a place in the middle next to McAllister.
The warlord recognized him right away, and the two-way glaring threatened to melt right through the screen.
Excited checkmark.
This time, Dijjak got the first word in, “Well, you’ve been busy; that’s not the ship you had every other time we’ve met. Fumigation couldn’t keep up anymore, so it was time to move on? … oh, ignoring me now? Who are you talking to, anyway?”
Khalendros had indeed been talking someone in a smoldering tone, “ … oh, don’t worry, Meshel, you won’t have to wait long; I’m coming straight for you! For that matter, so is nearly everyone else!”
Editor’s note:
It is immensely satisfying to know that our little ruse with Meshel is still working to this day … well, at least, it’s working on you, since most of you keep falling for it.
When he arrived in Sol, Meshel was in fact largely unknown outside of katneral space. He was very much a guarded coward who led from the rear (and thought and spoke the same way, if we’re being totally honest), so he almost never left his home space for any reason.
Him being present at Sol represented two small but delicious victories.
First, he was present due to the agreements between the clans that WE had heavily influenced; he was still a coward, though, so he was thoroughly miserable the entire time.
Second, unlike Dijjak with his comprehensive list of atrocities and cruelties, Meshel had no notable exploits known to the other races, which is why he was deliberately chosen as the main target of our threats and anger; having a lesser, obscure warlord getting more attention than him made for an exquisitely deep personal insult to Dijjak.
Khalendros then met the warlord with jabs of his own in his usual, icy approach to dialog, “Well, at least the FRONT of your face still works, Dijjak; shame about the back. As for me, I now command the Hades, with my protégé commanding her sister ship, the Nightshade, both of which were part of the payment of the humans and the cuyusho for the stealth tech we helped them to develop.”
One could almost see on Dijjak’s face that dots were connecting in his mind that he REALLY did not want connected, and his remaining options were slimming, “So … it’s your fault that we won’t have our raid. It’s YOUR fault that these weak humans will get to keep their precious Earth. It’s YOUR FAULT that I will not return a CONQUEROR! So be it! If not a conqueror, I will at least return a destroyer! I will destroy you, your ships, your allies and -“
As usual, Khalendros was as cool as could be, “All our ships?” as nearly four hundred more auresten ships (all with the same boosts through the cuyusho, by the way) materialized throughout the combined fleet, soundly cementing the validity of that question, “No … no, I don’t think you will. Admiral, do you think he will?”
McAllister just chuckled softly, pushed the last of his popcorn into his mouth, crumpled up the bag and tossed it off to the side, and finally made a rather messy checkmark on his paper.
Whatever cruel math had kept Dijjak from retreating any sooner had now failed, and he gave commands like his reputation depended on it, “All ships, ready FTL drives for withdrawal as soon as possible! Comms, send a warning to the clans detailing our enemies new capabilities; tell them to prepare for possible attacks! Helm, set a course for the Cheldekka system; they won’t be able to fol-“
A sad, almost tearful slurry from a very disoriented Nerlin put a kink in that plan, “Wurlurn, cahmmicashuns nod happnin, sommin oud der sayn Nnnoooo!”
Since the admiral’s mouth was still too full, Khalendros piped in, “No one speaks.”
Habsh really didn’t improve the situation for the warlord, “Sir, all ships showing FTL failure!”
Dampening fields. Khalendros added a generous dollop of menace, “No one leaves.”
Another buttery checkmark.
Dijjak turned to take another look at the remains of what was supposed to be the now-retired signal jammer for their communications, then back at the intruders on his viewscreen with a frustrated look on his face. Khalendros did not waste it, “Did you honestly think it would be that easy?” He continued with a chuckle, “I personally arranged for that very ship to be built for this exact purpose! We couldn’t tamper with the tactical systems without revealing our involvement, but we did ensure that I have a communications system on that ship and you don’t.”
Recognizing that he was well and truly stuck in the muck with no way out, Dijjak momentarily had the appearance of a restless fission reactor, but then switched to cold fusion; he probably remembered that this situation had happened several times when the katneral had gotten sloppy in their war against the auresten centuries ago. He would have further known that those dampeners took considerable time to deploy and calibrate, and thus only worked when their victim became too predictable.
It is believed that this was the exact moment in which he finally realized that he and his entire armada had been well and truly doomed the instant they arrived in this system.
With a loud gulp, McAllister finished off the last of his popcorn and began sucking the butter and salt off his fingers, looking ready and eager, “Well,
Meticulously obnoxious.
“- then I’ll watch you drown in it and let the maggots follow the scent!”
“Bek’So?
“Reshin! Yes, I’m talking to you! -”
“Master Bek’So?”
“You act and smell like you can’t tell which end of the yittle to eat, which is saying something for a katneral! I’ve seen better situational awareness on a blind dormack’s fat wide -“
McAllister looked surprised and, for the first time that day, genuinely unsure of what to do, “Well … I guess he’ll still be awhile yet,
Dijjak demanded some degree of satisfaction, “Tell me, human, how this all came to be! How is it that you, a lowly race of incompetents, working with cowards and conquered, have ensnared the most powerful fleet in galactic history?!”
That put a smile on the admiral’s face, “Actually, yes, that sounds good. I mean,” he added, motioning towards Bek’So with a chuckle, “we have time.
First, though, to clarify, we haven’t trapped the most powerful fleet, but rather the SECOND most powerful fleet; you’re looking at numero uno right here.
Secondly, this is happening because WE planned your attack decades ago, and I gotta say, it’s been going well according to plan so far.” He held up the clipboard to show the list he’d been checking off.
Several members of McAllister’s bridge crew called out something, and then with a laugh he answered them, “Right, thanks for the reminder!” And then, to Dijjak, “You and your fellow warlords have been very entertaining, and we have a long and cherished tradition of enjoying popcorn with a good show!” At that, a laugh and a cheer erupted from the bridge crew of the Blue Polaris, with bags of popcorn held mightily aloft.