Arun

  Alexios… is different.

  I don’t mean in the way that people can sometimes change and pull away from their lover. This is the opposite. Of course, he’s still that same man with the colder-than-ice stare for everyone else, but with me… he’s different.

  It started with the art classes five months ago. Once a week, he makes sure the carriage is ready for us. Sometimes, we stop for tea before and even pastries before I spend hours lost in my artwork while he sits nearby pretending to read, but I know he’s really just watching.

  But it’s not just the classes. There are the other trips too. The museum again where he lets me linger as long as I want and then a visit to a massive library in a city three days away where I can barely carry all the books he just insists I take.

  We even travel to a theater in Felcren City where he takes me to see a play. He buys the best seats and it almost looks like he’s letting something inside him breathe.

  And then there’s the beach. I hadn’t been to a beach in… I don’t quite remember actually. He rents a small villa for a week and we walk along the shore in the evenings as the sea foam curls around our ankles. I’ve never seen the stars shine brighter. He never once complains when I stop to collect seashells and even makes love to me right there on the beach.

  It’s intoxicating.

  There’s even trips to the Stormbell Mountains. The cabin is surrounded by pine trees so tall they block out the sky. He teaches me how to start a fire in the hearth and the days are slow, peaceful and quiet. It feels like the whole world has gone still for us.

  A seamstress comes by the manor more often now. She measures me and brings sketches of new clothes that always seem to fit my tastes and style perfectly.

  “Only the best for you,” he says simply when I question him about it.

  Every other week, an elderly elven man visits to tutor me. Alexios says it’s so that I can continue learning whatever I want whenever. I study languages, history and even anatomy just for my own curiosity and pleasure. The tutor never seems rushed or aggravated with me and Alexios will sometimes watch from the doorway to listen in.

  Today, he tells me to be ready after lunch, but refuses to tell me where exactly we’re going, only that it’s a “birthday surprise”.

  --

  The carriage rolls down the road while Alexios sits across from me, a slight smirk on his face.

  “You’ve been taking me places a lot lately,” I say finally.

  “Do you mind it?”

  “No,” I admit. “It’s just… a bit unexpected, I guess. You know you don’t have to.”

  He chuckles softly.

  “Perhaps, but I want to. Always.”

  I look out the window and watch the world blur past. He’s been giving me little pieces of his world and maybe I’m just imagining it, but it really does feel like something rather unspoken is growing between those moments.

  One trip, one class, one romantic afternoon at a time.

  Hours later, the carriage slows as we reach a tall gate held up by massive stone pillars. Beyond it, I can see hints of manicured gardens, tall hedges and stunning gardens full of orchids and peonies.

  Where has Alexios led me now?

  The guard waves us through without question and my ears angle forward in a curious manner.

  “Alexios, where are we? What is the surprise?”

  “You’ll see,” Alexios says, smiling as he bites his lip gently.

  The carriage rolls along the drive and when we finally stop to get out, I see a sprawling estate built from sand colored stone that almost glows in the sun. It’s absolutely grand. What aristocrat has the privilege of calling this home?

  Tall arched windows rise up from the home and I can see a few of them are even open, curtains sweeping outward with the breeze.

  This place is likely older than the road we arrived on, but it’s kept in impeccable condition. Generations have touched this property but never erased what came before.

  Although the house is absolutely stunning, it’s not what truly catches my attention. The courtyard itself is filled with easels and each one is occupied by someone with a brush in their hand. A few glance up and wave to us as we walk. I wave back shyly.

  “You don’t have to be afraid here, my love,” Alexios whispers gently as he reaches for my hand.

  My tail swishes behind me, but I can’t tell just yet if it’s out of excitement or nervousness.

  “I know you’ve been enjoying the classes in Richelor,” he continues as we walk toward the open doors. “I thought maybe you’d like to try a place with… more.”

  As we step inside, the scent of paint and fresh linen floods my nose. The walls are hung with finished paintings in every style imaginable. A dwarven woman greets us warmly. Is she expecting us?

  “This must be Arun,” she says kindly. “We’ve heard quite a bit about you.”

  I glance back at Alexios, slightly started, but he only gestures forward.

  The woman leads us through a few different rooms and I catch the sight of students sketching from models. She explains to us that the estate is a study center for artists, but also a gallery for them as well. It’s clear from the state of the place that it’s rare to get in and very likely rarer to be allowed to stay for more than a single class.

  “Your benefactor here has secured you a standing place,” she answers as she smiles at the two of us.

  I stop mid-step and gasp quietly.

  “A… standing place?”

  “Every week if you want it,” Alexios answers. “Or whenever you’d like. Happy birthday, my love.”

  The weight of this moment hits me hard. Not only has he provided me with access to a place like this, but he’s been thinking about what I love. He knows what I love and has gone out of his way to make it happen.

  Even though he’s never admitted it, he really… loves me, doesn’t he?

  “I…” My voice catches so I take a few deep breaths before I decide to speak again. “Alexios, I don’t know what to say.”

  “Would you like to stay today?”

  I answer by stepping closer and pulling him down into a kiss. The woman politely looks way, suddenly interested in a display of used brushes.

  When I pull back, I can’t help but smile at what he’s done for me.

  “Yes. I want to stay.”

  --

  He spends the rest of the day watching me from a sunlit corner of the studio while I lose myself in my work. I don’t understand why he’s doing all of this for me, but I know one thing is certain.

  I am in love with him.

  Not because of what he buys me or treats me to, but him and the way he truly listens. He sees me and not the broken boy from some filthy brothel or the Master’s patched together pet.

  He gives without asking for anything in return and I don’t know if I even deserve that.

  After class, my hands are stained with paint and my mind is pleasantly tired from getting lost in my own world for hours. Alexios waits outside the studio now, speaking with the woman who greeted us earlier. As I walk over to him, their conversation tapers off. I’m suddenly shy again, but I bow politely to the woman anyway.

  “Thank you,” I reply. “For the opportunity. I… can’t even begin to explain how much this means to me.”

  She bows back and smiles warmly.

  “You are most welcome, Arun. You have quite a lot of talent in you. We are happy to have you here anytime.

  Alexios offers me his arm and places a gentle kiss on my hand as he leads me back to the carriage. I settle into my seat right across from him and all I can think about is how he managed to get me into a place like that.

  “We’re making another stop,” I hear him say. “I hope that’s okay.”

  “Another birthday surprise?” I ask as both my ears and tail twitch slightly.

  He delicately kisses my hand again.

  “Something like that, yes.”

  The ride continues in a warm silence as my hand stays in his. I feel his thumb gently caress my knuckles every now and then.

  We finally stop in front of a building that towers above the street. The name etched on the glass is elegant, likely some kind of elvish. Even from outside, I can tell someone like me would never be seen in one of these shops.

  The doorman opens it for us the moment we approach and he even greets Alexios by name. We step inside and I’m immediately drawn to how each piece of clothing on display is given space. This isn’t just simply clothing to the designer. This is artwork.

  “Why are we here?” I ask under my breath. Alexios may be at home here, but I feel so oddly out of place.

  “I want you to have something nice,” he answers simply before gently moving me over to a section of tailored coats. “You should have something that makes you feel special.”

  I touch the sleeve of one of the coats, gently running my hand over its soft fabric until I see the price. I draw my hand back immediately.

  “Alexios, this is far too expensive.”

  “The price is nothing, not when it comes to you. Try it on.”

  Before I can protest, a shop assistant appears and within minutes I’m standing in front of a tall mirror with the coat on. Alexios stands behind and watches as the assistant adjusts the shoulders. The dark fabric falls beautifully on me and it even makes my eyes look brighter.

  “It suits you,” Alexios notes.

  I look at my reflection and then back at him.

  “Why are you doing this?”

  He looks down, almost… hesitantly, before looking back up at me and there in those beautiful red eyes lies the answer.

  Because I love you.

  I see it plain as day now.

  I’m quite certain he’s too scared to put it into words, but it’s okay. His eyes are saying it for him right now.

  “Because it was practically made for you, Arun. Do you like it?”

  He steps closer and cradles my face in his hands before leaning down to kiss me. I can only nod because there is no way I can find the right words in this moment.

  “Then it’s yours,” he answers.

  As I begin to take the coat off, Alexios stops me and shakes his head. I watch out of curiosity as the assistant brings a coat for him to try on as well. It’s a deep charcoal color with a collar lined with soft black fur and silver embroidery along the lapels.

  It fits him beautifully.

  Before I can say anything, he’s already handling the payment for both coats like it was never a question in his mind. When we leave the shop, I catch our reflections in the window. We’re wrapped in new coats and it feels like this is something out of a life I never thought I’d get to have.

  Alexios glimpses at our reflections too and then turns to me with a proud smile. He likes what he sees… and so do I.

  Instead of walking to the carriage, Alexios leads me through streets I don’t recognize. We pass broad avenues lined with high-end storefronts and eventually, we stop in front of a restaurant so grand, it could probably be mistaken for a noble’s home. There’s even an elegant crest pressed into the iron doors.

  “Alexios… where are we now?”

  He chuckles and leans down to kiss my cheek.

  “Just trust me. You’ll see.”

  As we step inside, a host greets Alexios by name and leads us down a quiet hallway to a door at the very end. The smell of roasted meats, fresh herbs and baked desserts is almost overwhelming right here.

  When the door opens, I gasp.

  It’s a completely private room with only a table for two placed in the center, draped in fine linen. Beyond the tall window is a view of the city. In one corner of the room, three bards begin to play soft melodies, two with their lutes and one with a violin.

  Stolen story; please report.

  Alexios pulls out the chair and gestures for me to sit. My heart can’t help but race right now. Once we’re both seated, a server pours a beautifully deep red wine. Soon after, delicate pastries are placed in front of us, arranged like small works of art.

  I scoff playfully.

  “You dressed me up for this,” I whisper, realizing it now.

  “I did,” he replies, smiling wickedly. “You deserve more than just a nice meal. You deserve an entire evening. You deserve… everything.”

  I can feel the soft sting of tears filling my eyes so I busy myself with tasting the food. It’s just as exquisite as it looks. Tender fish and roasted vegetables glazed with honey are served next. Each bite practically melts in my mouth.

  The music, candlelight and rich wine is dizzying in the best way possible.

  When a plate of sugared fruits and warm chocolate cake is placed in front of us, Alexios leans forward slightly.

  “I’ve been wanting to do this for a while,” he mentions. “I wanted to give you something that’s just… ours.”

  I put my fork down and my tail curls loosely around the leg of my chair.

  “Alexios… I don’t even know what to say.”

  Neither of us speak to one another for a while, but it’s so that the music can fill the space instead. I want to remember this night for the rest of my life. I want to remember all our nights together.

  By the time we’ve finished with our desserts, the wine has been refilled more than once. We’re not exactly drunk, but everything feels softer. There’s still clarity in both of our heads but the thoughts seem looser and our movements unhurried. Alexios even looks less guarded tonight.

  “You’re smiling more,” he says as he swirls the last bit of wine in his glass.

  “Easy to when the night’s been beautiful,” I reply. The words are coming out much easier than expected.

  Something shifts in his eyes and I realize he’s trying not to let something slip.

  “Good. That’s exactly what I wanted.”

  There’s a slight flush to his cheekbones and when he speaks, the words seem a bit slower.

  The bards keep playing and eventually they shift into a much slower piece. I swirl the last of the red wine in my glass. The candlelight makes it look like liquified garnet.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever had this much wine in one sitting.”

  “You’re handling it well. Probably much better than I am.”

  “Am I? You don’t think I’m talking too much?”

  My tail shifts lazily.

  “No. In fact, I think you should talk even more. I love when you talk to me.”

  Without thinking too much about it, I start telling him about my favorite brush types, how beautiful the light in the studio looked and even asked if he remembers that ridiculous man in Felcren City a few weeks ago who tried to sell him an “enchanted” sword that clearly just had an illusion spell cast on it.

  Thanks to the wine, I don’t have to wonder if I’ve said too much. Alexios listens intently, asking brief questions here and there to show he’s actually following along. When our glasses are empty again, he pours more for both of us.

  Later on, I lean my elbow on the table and rest my chin in my palm.

  “Thank you,” I speak. “Not just for today though.”

  He tilts his head to one side.

  “What do you mean? You know you never have to thank me, my love.”

  “Yeah, but… it seems like you’re… here.” I gesture vaguely. “Not somewhere in your head.”

  I see a subtle crease in his eyebrows, but instead of answering me, he simply reached over the table and tucks a stray strand of curly hair behind one of my horns, smiling softly as he does so.

  The server brings us another bottle of wine and this one is much richer than the first one. The scent clings to the air in between us before it’s even been poured. Alexios fills both of our glasses then takes a quick sip.

  “This one is stronger,” he says in a warning tone.

  I lift the glass anyway and take a slow sip. He’s right, it’s much bolder on the tongue and it spreads heat through me quickly.

  “I like it actually,” I whisper as I quickly lick a trace of it from my lips. I hear a soft moan leave Alexios’s mouth at the sight of me doing that.

  His eyes seem heavier now. I can tell this wine is making him less restrained. Soon after, the bards shift into another song. This one is much slower and I lose myself in the way the violin weaves between the lute’s gentle melody.

  Then Alexios rises from his seat and steps around the table to stop at my side, extending his hand down to me.

  “Dance with me.”

  The words take a moment to fully register in my mind.

  “Alexios, we’re… drunk.”

  “That’s the point, darling.”

  I snort and put my glass down, letting him draw me to my feet. His hand settles at my waist while the other closes around mine. It seems like the bards have been waiting for this all along as they shift into a softer melody.

  The wine has made everything so much warmer. The pressure of his back at my back and the subtle brush of his thigh against mine as we move causes the heat between us to rise even more. He leads me with confidence and I follow without even thinking, choosing to let the slow music pull me closer.

  “I think we’re getting better at this,” I whisper.

  I hear him laugh softly and it pulls me closer into his chest.

  The violin almost sighs through a long note and I realize that I don’t think the wine is entirely to blame for the way my heartbeat is racing.

  We keep moving as one as the music holds us together until I forget about everything but him. Only him. This moment feels more intimate than anything we’ve ever done in his bed… or in his study… or in the carriage, in the gardens or even in the dining room when we prayed to every god to not let a servant walk in during that moment.

  As the music dips even slower, we move with it too. I can’t tell if it’s the wine that is loosening my tongue or if it’s the way he’s holding me like I’m precious but…

  “I’m in love with you, Alexios.”

  For a moment, we both stop moving and I feel his fingers tighten at my waist. He looks down at me and then… he slowly drops to one knee, holding both of my hands in his. He’s looking up at me with eyes that help me understand that something he’s been holding in for far too long has just been released.

  I start to pull back as embarrassment floods me, but he just shakes his head and holds my hands tightly toward his chest.

  “Please don’t take it back,” he says quietly. “Not tonight. Please.”

  The bards keep playing, but now even their music feels like it’s fading into the background. His hands linger around mine just a bit longer as he places soft kisses on my knuckles and then each of my fingers before moving to kiss my wrists. I can see the confession in his eyes again, but the words don’t leave his mouth.

  As he stands again, one arm wraps around my body, pulling me into him again while his other hand gently combs through my hair.

  “Dance with me a little longer,” he whispers. It almost sounds like… a plea.

  I choose to indulge him a little longer as we move slowly. It’s more like we’re swaying in place more than dancing now as his arm holds me firming. I think he’s afraid I might slip away if he loosens his grip.

  I would never.

  The wine rushes through my veins, but it’s the way he’s holding me without saying the words I know he desperately wants to say back that’s keeping me warm now.

  Maybe he’s simply not ready to say it back or I’m not even really supposed to know.

  But I do.

  I do know.

  I think that feeling has been here all along. For both of us.

  For now, this moment is enough. His arms are wrapped around me and the soft kisses he’s placing on all over my horns and on the crown of my head are enough.

  Eventually, we leave the restaurant, drunkenly half-skipping through the streets with our hands in one another’s. Alexios doesn’t let go of my hand until we’re both safely in the carriage.

  Instead of sitting across from him like I usually do, I opt to sit right next to him. Thigh-to-thigh, shoulder-to-shoulder. The wine is still making my head light, but I’m more than aware of the warmth of his body and that rather seductive spicy scent that seems to follow him everywhere.

  As the carriage leaves to take us home, I lean into him unconsciously. He wraps his arm around me, tucking me in closer. When I wrap one of my arms around his waist, I realize I’m exactly where I want to be.

  The cities and small towns roll past us, but I don’t bother to look outside. What I want to see is right next to me. With the sway of the carriage and the heat of his body pressing into me, my eyes begin to close. Every now and then, I feel Alexios press his cheek lightly against my hair.

  It’s so subtle that I’m not sure if it’s intentional or if it’s really just the wine making me imagine things.

  Gods, I hope this night hasn’t just been a dream.

  Hours later, the carriage slows as the manor comes into view again. I almost start praying to the gods to give me one more quiet street so we can stay in this moment a little bit longer.

  As the carriage slows down even more to take the curve of the drive, Alexios shifts just enough for me to meet his eyes.

  There’s no warning before he tightens his arm around me and pulls me in closer for a kiss. It starts slow, but the exact moment I lean into it, I feel his hand slide into my hair. My fingers curl into the edge of his coat in a desperate attempt to somehow pull him even closer to me, if that’s even possible.

  His thumb gently caresses my jaw and my lips instantly part for him. The soft moan he makes in response is enough to make me want more.

  By the time the carriage actually comes to a stop in front of the steps, we’re both breathing hard. His nails gently run down my back as he pulls away to speak.

  “You are simply irresistible, Arun. Do you realize that?”

  I laugh softly as I make an attempt to settle my curly hair back into place before we step out.

  As we step inside, I see that most of the servants have already retired for the night. We make it hallway down the main hallways before he pulls me into an alcove, pressing me lightly against the wall.

  His lips find mine again in the shadows and I can still taste that delicious bit of wine that clings to him. I hear him groan against my lips when I slide my hands up his chest and into the collar of his coat.

  “Come upstairs with me,” he whispers against my lips. “I need you badly… and I think you need me too, hmm?”

  I nod eagerly, practically whimpering at this point, and that’s all it takes.

  --

  We collapse onto his bed, gasping for air and absolutely spent from our lovemaking. I hear him laugh softly as he pulls me into his chest.

  “I apologize for laughing,” he whispers. “I’m just thinking about how I could make love to you every night and never get tired of it. I can’t get enough of you.”

  It seems like the wine is still making him less guarded. His fingers trace soft lines along my arms and ribs before settling against my waist. I shift even closer until my leg is tangled with his.

  “Thank you,” he continues. “Thank you for trusting me again… and for tonight.”

  My only answer is to look up and kiss him passionately. I hope it says more than words could in this moment.

  We trade small touches with each other until my eyelids grow a bit heavier, but his hand never stops gliding over my back in slow strokes. I let my breathing even out, my eyes closing as I sink into the complete warmth of him.

  I’m just on the cusp of sleep when I hear him whisper so quietly, I’m pretty sure he’s speaking to himself only.

  “I’m so in love with you.”

  His arm tightens ever so slightly around me and then he presses a long kiss to the crown of my head. I keep completely still, letting him think I’m asleep, but it’s incredibly hard for me not to gasp at his words.

  I don’t know how I’m even supposed to sleep after hearing that confession. Was I supposed to hear that?

  --

  Before I know it, I’m opening my eyes to the gentle sunlight leaking in from the window. Alexios seems to still be trancing next to me, one hand drapes loosely over his own body while his face is turned towards mine.

  The sun looks so beautiful catching the strands of his white hair that’s peppered with black streaks. His usual guardedness is gone now and it’s easy to believe that whatever shadows that might be following him don’t exist.

  I can still hear the hesitant way he confessed his love for me last night and how it felt like it was pulled from somewhere deep inside him. I still don’t think I was supposed to hear it though.

  I won’t say anything about it. Not unless he brings it up first, I suppose. I don’t want to break whatever love is between us now. I move just enough to press my head against his chest and close my eyes again.

  I wonder if a part of me is afraid to know if he’d admit it again if I asked him while he’s awake.

  Eventually, he stirs a little bit and stretches out.

  “Good morning, love.”

  I answer with a gentle kiss to his chest.

  --

  The dining room is alive with servants and warm from the smell of breakfast. Alexios pulls my chair out for me and before sitting down in his own, he leaves a kiss at my temple.

  He doesn’t seem to care if the servants see us. He reaches for my plate to serve me before I can even lift a finger. My tea is poured, the bread is sliced just the way I like it and when I reach for the small jar of honey, his fingers intertwine with mine as he leans forward and kisses my knuckles.

  As we eat quietly, his hand finds mine beneath the table and the feeling of his thumb stroking lazily over my skin feels like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

  Instead of bringing up what I likely wasn’t supposed to hear, I ask how his trancing was.

  “Peaceful. More peaceful that it has been in… many years.”

  He leans over to me and steals a quick kiss before the conversation drifts into him asking about how my classes are going and what books I plan to start reading next.

  When breakfast ends, all I’m aware of is him and his gentle touch. He’s keeping me close now, like letting go of me will never be an option.

  “I was thinking of having a music teacher come by,” Alexios says.

  “A… music teacher?”

  He nods slowly, wiping a few crumbs of pastry from his lips with his napkin.

  “Yes, she’s immensely skilled. And… she may already be on her way right now.”

  My eyes widen immediately.

  “What?”

  “One last birthday surprise,” he admits. “I wanted it to be ready for you today.”

  I can only stare at him in disbelief. I’m not even sure if I should scold him or thank him for thinking so far ahead. All I can even do now is just shake my head, a gentle laugh leaving my lips.

  “Alexios, you… you are so… what am I going to do with you?”

  “You could keep letting me be yours for starters,” he whispers seductively, leaning in to leave a quick kiss on the tip of my nose.

  I stand from the table in a fit of laughter before immediately skipping up to my room to get ready for the day.

  --

  I’m just tying back the last bit of my hair when I hear a sudden knock at my bedroom door. A servant quietly steps inside a few seconds later.

  “Sir, the music teacher has arrived on site. Master sent me to retrieve you. Follow me, please.”

  I exhale nervously and take one last look in the mirror before heading back downstairs. When I step into the main hallway, Alexios is already there leaning against the stairwell. He looks completely amused right now. The look on his face makes me roll my eyes, but I can’t help but smile as I feel a blush tint my cheeks.

  “She’s waiting in the study” he says, smiling devilishly. “I asked her to prepare something special for your first lesson. I know you’ll love it.”

  He takes my hand in his and presses a kiss to the back of it.

  I know he’s right.

  He leads me into his study and I can feel myself get even more anxious. When Alexios opens the door for me, it feels warmer than it usually does.

  The teacher stands near the center of the room, studying a few of the books on the shelf. As I step further in the room, she turns and flashes a polite smile.

  She is absolutely striking. A high elf, judging by the tapered ears and smoothness of her skin. Her silvery-blonde hair is braided loosely and falls over one shoulder. Her robes are rather simple but still elegant. Alexios would want nothing less than elegance in his circle.

  Her presence alone makes me feel like she’s probably taught dozens of nervous students and survived every single one.

  “Arun,” she says. “What a beautiful name. My name is Elowen. Thank you for allowing me into your home. Alexios was quite insistent that we meet each other.”

  Alexios leans against his desk with his arms crossed. He’s clearly more than happy to watch me.

  “Come,” the teacher motions.

  I walk towards her and she lifts the violin in my direction.

  “Have you ever played one before?”

  “Well… it’s been a few years, but yes. I wasn’t very good.”

  She laughs softly, holding her hand over her heart.

  “Then let’s begin with something a bit simple, yes?”

  She gently guides the violin into my hands and a bit of muscle memory takes over.

  “You are doing a lovely job relaxing,” she exclaims. “Sometimes I think the instruments can tell when we are fighting against them.”

  The moment I angle the violin beneath my chin, I feel the anxiousness return. She notices and moves behind me to gently lift my elbow and lower my shoulder.

  “There you go,” she whispers proudly. “Let’s try a note. Slowly draw the bow across the string.”

  When I do, I’m surprised that it doesn’t sound too terrible. It’s not good, but I’ve heard much worse. She reaches past me and adjusts the angle of my wrist. When I try again now, the note comes out much clearer.

  “That sounds lovely,” the teacher says. She steps back to give me some space and she turns to face Alexios.

  “He handles the instrument with such gentleness. It’s refreshing to see someone approach their first lesson with me with such care for the instrument.”

  Alexios offers a thoughtful smile then gives me a gentle wink.

  “I believe he’s going to do very well,” he says.

  The teacher nods politely and turns back to me to continue the lesson.

  After an hour of getting to know the violin again, the teacher calls for a break. When she leaves the study, I glance at the violin resting on the table.

  “You should try playing something,” I note.

  He scoffs playfully.

  “It’s been years, my love. More than 100, if that tells you anything.”

  “Exactly. Just give it a try. For me?”

  He stares at the violin for what seems like forever before finally, he rises from his chair reluctantly. He picks up the violin carefully and I can tell it feels almost foreign in his hands now.

  When he starts to play, the first sound that comes out is rough. I watch silently as he fumbles through half-remembered notes. He seems like he’s getting rather frustrated, but I’m starting to realize it’s not because of the violin. He’s… remembering something.

  After a long stretch of trial and error, the notes are starting to come together. It still feels far from smooth, but I realize it’s starting to sound like… a lullaby?

  I think it’s supposed to sound soft and sweet, but when he plays it, it sounds stranger and more haunting.

  I almost say something to him, but then I see that his eyes aren’t on me or even the violin. They are far away now. The notes slip as he stares past this moment and into something completely invisible to me.

  When he finally lowers the violin, I’m almost certain he’s holding back tears.

  “… Alexios?” I ask quietly.

  He blinks quickly like he’s trying to pull himself back from somewhere. He gives me a polite smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

  “It’s nothing.”

  He can say that, but I still feel sadness trying to pull him away even more. I take a slow step towards him.

  “It… doesn’t feel like nothing. When you played, you looked like you were somewhere else and now you look like you’d rather be anywhere but here.”

  Alexios keeps quiet and even though the sunlight surrounds him, his eyes are still steeped in shadows.

  “I remembered something,” he finally whispers. “From a very long time ago.”

  I lower my eyes to the floor, trying to make sure my next words are careful.

  “Nykolai…?”

  “It should have been a beautiful memory,” he adds after a moment.

  He moves to sit on the couch in front of the hearth, his eyes focusing on nothing in particular.

  I stay close and let my hand rest lightly on his shoulder.

  “If you ever want to talk about it, I’ll listen.”

  He breathes out harshly and after a moment, he covers my hand with his own.

  “I know, my love. I know.”

  Whatever shadow following him right now doesn’t seem to leave, but his grip on my hand tightens. Alexios doesn’t speak again, but the gently caress of his hand tells me maybe he’s not entirely alone in whatever darkness has found him today.

  a year and a half to confess their love for each other.