Alexios

  Before I even realize it, the days have turned into months and the months have turned into a year.

  An entire year that Arun has been living at Blackwood Plantation.

  The last thing I ever expected was to be fall head over heels for him, but here I am a year later, eating my own words. I do not know how I lived without him before.

  Have I confessed my love to him yet?

  Well… not exactly.

  Truthfully, I am afraid to speak it into universe. Men like me are not made for the gentleness of someone like Arun.

  Besides… that same universe has a way of ripping those that I love away from me in violent ways. I could never let that happen to him.

  The year has settled into something quite different. Whatever Arun and I are, it seems as if it has taken root now. I’ve continued to keep my word about the servants too. I give fairer orders and my discipline is much softer. I’ve let go of certain cruelties I once thought necessary.

  She despises it.

  I walk the outer edge of the plantation this morning and my boots press into the damp ground where last night’s rain still clings to bits of the fields. The rows of medicinal plants stretch out in ordered lines. I watch the workers move between them with their heads bowed, focusing on their tasks in front of them.

  I make my way over to a gravel path near a small cluster of workers waiting near the eastern plots. I stop before them, eyeing a few baskets stacked near their feet.

  “Let’s take these rows today,” I tell them as I point toward a few of the far plots where some of the leaves are already turning slightly yellow. “Strip those first and get them dried before midday or they’ll be completely useless, understood?”

  Most of the workers nod and start to walk in the direction I motioned to. However… I notice that one doesn’t. He stands there scowling with his arms crossed.

  “Why?” he asks. I realize he isn’t asking that out of curiosity.

  He’s challenging me.

  I meet his eyes.

  “Because I told you to.”

  Tension runs through the group. They’ve learned to recognize that bit of edge in my voice, but this man?

  He leans into it.

  “You’ve gone soft lately,” he says. “We used to see real discipline around here. Now you’re just giving orders like some shitty merchant haggling over prices.”

  My eyes widen at his boldness. I’m almost impressed.

  “I’ll give you one change to correct what you said.”

  He smirks and shakes his head.

  “Why bother? It’s true. I know it. You know it. Everyone here knows it. You spend all your nights with the healer, playing house like some lovesick fool. I wonder who’s on top, Master… because I’d bet coin it’s him.”

  He spits out the word “Master” like it’s a bad taste in his mouth.

  The rest of the workers around him go still. One of them looks away as if pretending she’s anywhere else but here. Others gasp at his statement.

  “Maybe that’s why the work’s gotten so damn sloppy. You’re too busy in bed to keep this place in line. Too busy spoiling him to care about what’s going on here.”

  He’s being crueler now that he’s committed to it and my scowl deepens. Then the knife twists even more.

  “What do I have to fear now anyway, boss? You don’t punish anyone anymore. Guess you wouldn’t want your pretty little devil thinking you’re still the kind of man who’d put us in our place.”

  The words are poisonous and the others keep their eyes fixed on the ground. They know exactly who I was and what I can be. Now they’re wondering if I’ll prove him wrong.

  He’s looking to get a reaction from me.

  The absolute disrespect. Break him. Show them that you are not being softened by that little pet you keep wrapped around your cock. Show them that you are still mine.

  They don’t fear you anymore. If they don’t fear you, they will never obey you. Fix it, Alexios.

  Now.

  I keep my eyes on the man, but the queen’s voice raises the tension even more.

  FIX. IT. NOW.

  I don’t.

  I inhale deeply through the nose and exhale through my mouth.

  “You think I’ve simply gone soft and I understand where that comes from. It’s easy to mistake mercy for weakness. Especially here. But you need to understand that you are wrong.”

  I take a step forward, causing him to take a cautious step back.

  “Nothing about who shares my bed changes who runs this place,” I continue. “I am still in charge and my words still stands. You have your orders. Get to them. Now. Do not mistake my restraint for the absence of authority again.”

  For a few seconds, I honestly expect him to push back once more, but he nods and mutters something under his breath before turning toward the fields.

  You are wasting an opportunity. Control, control, control. All this talk of control when you could have shown it in the only way they would truly understand.

  She’s not going to get an answer from me. Not right now, at least. Instead, I breathe in deeply again and let the fresh air fill my lungs. I’d rather keep that inside me instead of her would-be poison.

  The rest of the day passes in little fits. I finish my rounds and sign off on deliveries from various couriers coming from Malvatta and Daedi, but I would be lying to myself if I said that the worker’s vile words didn’t agitate me a bit.

  It would be so easy to put him in his place and make an example out of him again. The Alexios from a year ago would have done it without a single thought, but then I think of Arun and how he’d probably look at me if he knew I’d gone back to the way I used to handle disrespect.

  He’s seen more than enough cruelty in his life and I told myself I would be better for him.

  By the time evening comes, I find him in his healing room sorting bundles of dried mint and chamomile into fine rows.

  I sigh heavily out of instinct and he glances up curiously but not alarmed.

  “Is everything okay, Alexios?”

  “One of the workers had a bit of an attitude this morning,” I answer. “He spoke out of turn. Said some things about… us.”

  Arun’s hands pause over the herbs, but he doesn’t say anything.

  “I told him I’m still in charge and left it at that,” I continue.

  “That’s… good,” Arun says. “You didn’t let him control you. See?”

  I don’t admit to him how close I came. The way he’s looking at me now makes me glad I didn’t act on those feelings.

  He goes back to tying off little bundles in his hands, but it seems like he’s thinking through each word before he speaks again.

  “This really does matter to me,” Arun whispers. “It means that you were thinking about more than yourself. When people hurt me in the past, no one really stopped to think before acting. I think punishment was the only language they really knew. It was never about justice, only control.”

  I step forward and place a gentle kiss to his cheek.

  “I told you I’d be a better man for you, yes? I want to keep thinking about more than just… myself.”

  He nods as he ties off another bundle of mint.

  “Then that’s all I need to hear.”

  His statement feels like he’s just handed me something I don’t really deserve entirely, but I want to. I want to be worthy of his love if there’s even the slightest chance that he feels the same way about me as I do him.

  How long do you suppose you can keep this gentleness act up before the real you comes clawing back?

  I focus in on Arun in an attempt to drown out the queen’s words.

  “I don’t want to be the man you’re afraid to be with.”

  “You’re not,” he says quietly. “Not right now.”

  He finally finishes tying the last bundle of chamomile and I move to pick up a stray spring that’s fallen to the ground.

  “I’m quite certain you’ve organized this room more than I have in years.”

  He snorts.

  “Well, it helps when you actually use it for something besides storage, Alexios.”

  I chuckle softly.

  “Fair point.”

  For a while, we work side by side with me passing him twine when he needs it and helping arrange the small bundles into delicate stacks. He even allows me to leave a few cheek kisses here and there.

  He looks completely content surrounded by the quiet order he’s made here and I realize I am too.

  I know the queen is watching, but to my surprise…

  I don’t give a damn.

  --

  The manor is quiet by the time I make it to my room after dinner. My hair is still a bit damp against my back and the bedsheets are cool when I slip under them.

  I used the lavender soap Arun favors so much. I couldn’t help it. If I can’t have him here with me right now, at least I have something of his clinging to my skin to get me through the night.

  As I sink my head into the pillow, I feel her again.

  You should have punished him. I cannot believe you let him speak to you like that in front of others and you did nothing.

  I close my eyes and sigh, letting her know I’m obviously annoyed with her presence right now.

  “I handled it.”

  No, you spared him. You know they will start to believe that their little remarks mean nothing and that they can undermine you without consequence. You understand that, yes? He challenged your authority, Alexios.

  I turn onto my side and face the empty half of the bed, wishing desperately Arun was next to me.

  “I refuse to give…” I stop, catching myself before saying his name. “I refuse to give anyone a reason to think I’m still the same man.”

  You can only pretend to be gently for so long. That violence is in you. It will always be in you. Just waiting. And when it finally comes again? Oh, it will be glorious.

  I try to focus on the soft rhythm of the rain outside. Just as I fall into my trance, she speaks again.

  If you punish him… if you kill him for me… I’ll give you something you want.

  “I don’t want anything right now,” I say flatly.

  You want something for him, yes?

  My eyes open wide.

  Those art classes in Richelor, hmm? The ones he’s talked about in passing. The ones with no openings… ever. He prays for a spot to open up for him, did you know that?

  I bite my lower lip.

  I can open that door for you. I can get him a place in the next session. He will think you worked that miracle for him. He will adore you for it.

  I shut my eyes, but my thoughts are invaded with the image of Arun in a bright studio as the sunlight pools over his hands when he sketches. I want that for him badly.

  One insolent worker’s life and you can give him something he’s praying to the gods for, Alexios. I will even sweeten the deal for you so you can really make your little treasure’s eyes light up.

  I groan and rub my eyes, frustrated beyond means.

  But I cannot lie… a big part of me wants to hear her out right now.

  The entire year would be paid for. Supplies, travel, lodging if you need it. No waiting list. No closed doors. No second-best instructors.

  I think it over in my mind. I want nothing more than to give him the best. He deserves it. He deserves everything.

  I told him I’d never hurt another servant or worker again and that I really can be the man he deserves, but…

  “If I’m going to kill this man for you, you’ll give him everything he needs to make him happy there, do you understand?”

  Are you accepting the order, Alexios?

  A beat of quiet. Then, a deep sigh.

  “Yes. I will. For him.”

  I can feel her grinning in my head. She knows I’m wrapped around her fingers.

  It should feel like a victory that I’ll be able to secure something that Arun has prayed to the damn gods for, but instead… there’s a heavy feeling in my gut. I know that in agreeing, I’ve stepped closer to her again.

  I also know that in agreeing, both the queen and I have discovered a new weakness…

  Arun.

  --

  In the morning, the rain is gone and the dew steams faintly in the early sunlight. I make my way toward the eastern plots and see that the workers are already out trekking through the rows as they pluck leaves.

  I find him stooped over a basket with his back to me. When he straightens, I see him tense up before smoothing it back down into something neutral.

  “You,” I say.

  He wipes his hands anxiously on his trousers.

  “Yes, sir?”

  “There’s an event next week. The wine cellar needs to be organized in advance.”

  He looks toward the manor before turning back to me.

  “The wine cellar, sir?”

  “You’ll see what needs to be done when you’re there,” I reply. “After your break later, report to me. I’ll take you down myself. Best to have it ready sooner than later, I suppose.”

  He nods slowly, but I see a bit of reluctance in it.

  “Yes, sir.”

  I give him a single nod before turning back to the manor. The queen stirs in the back of my mind. She’s pleased, I can tell.

  Alone with him… just as it should be.

  The weight of our bargain hangs heavy on my shoulders all the way back inside.

  I choose to spend the rest of the morning in my study. The ledgers are open but completely ignored. My mind drift to the wine cellar. I consider if sound will carry in that space.

  Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

  “How do you want it done?”

  Hmm. Something… quiet. Controlled. You are not sending a message to the others. This is simply for me.

  “No spectacle. Noted.”

  Correct, but… not painless either. I want him to understand that in the last moment that it was his mouth that brought him his death. He needs to know that his words are what choked out the life from his lungs.

  I sigh and look out the window to see Arun walking through the courtyard. He looks so peaceful right now and so achingly beautiful in the sunlight.

  Do this for me, Alexios, and remember what waits on the other side of it.

  I realize I’m gripping the arm of the chair too tightly.

  “I understand. Now please… leave me to my silence.”

  After an hour or two of actual work for the plantation, a knock comes at the door just as I’m closing the ledger for the day.

  “Come in,” I call out.

  Arun steps inside with his curls loose around his horns. He’s carrying a small tray and I see steam curling from a teapot.

  “I thought you might want some tea,” he says simply as he puts the tray down on my desk.

  “Thank you,” I answer, smiling gently up at him from my chair. “That is very thoughtful of you.”

  He starts pouring a cup and the words slip out before I can even stop them.

  “Do you remember the art classes in Richelor that you mentioned briefly one night?” I ask. “I might be able to get you into them. If you’d still want to do that, of course.”

  He freezes mid-pour, eyes snapping up to mine.

  “You’re… you’re serious?”

  “Possibly,” I say, smiling. “I have a contact there that owes me a bit of a favor. She thinks she can make it happen for us if I play my cards right.”

  His amber eyes light up instantly and it feels like the light of the sun itself is pouring out from them.

  “Alexios… that would mean so much to me. Gods.”

  Before I can answer, he leans down and kisses me. The tenderness of it takes me by surprise. When he pulls back, his eyes are still bright.

  It’s in that moment that I know I need to do this. There is simply no room for failure.

  “Thank you,” he gasps. He says it like I’ve already given it to him.

  I just nod and take the cup from his hands.

  He leaves the study a few minutes later, practically skipping like a child set free. I can’t help but laugh softly as I watch him go.

  He’s already yours, darling. All you have to do is keep your word.

  --

  When lunch has passed, the manor settles back down into a bit of silence. I take the key from the hook behind my desk and make my way down the stairs towards the wine cellar. Even from outside the room, I can smell the aged wine.

  I light a single lantern before placing it on a small table near the racks and I wait.

  Eventually, I hear footsteps from above and then slowly but surely, the worker steps inside the cellar, glancing around with a look of curiosity.

  “Master,” he says.

  “There you are,” I answer. “Close the door please. We have quite a bit to do.”

  Thankfully, he obeys and I hear the latch click. The two of us are now all alone. I point towards the north wall where a few crates have been stacked haphazardly.

  “We’ll start with inventory here. These need to be opened and sorted, understood?”

  He walks over, whispering something under his breath that I can’t quite hear.

  I cross the floor slowly as the lantern light shifts with me. I stop a few feet behind him and watch as he pulls the top crate open.

  “Busy morning?” I ask casually.

  He glances over his shoulder to look at me.

  “Same as always, I suppose.”

  I step to the side and pretend to examine some of the wine bottles.

  “Well, the harvest has been good this year. If the weather stays as lovely as it has been, we should have a great season. Better than the last two, yes?”

  He shrugs.

  “Guess that’s good for your pockets then.”

  “It’s good for all of us,” I correct. “A good harvest means steady work for us. Steady work means you get paid on time and maybe… just maybe… less to complain about.”

  He scoffs quietly.

  “People always find a way though, boss.”

  I smile at his comment, mostly because it’s true but also because it means he’s getting comfortable. I move closer to him as I see the tension leave his shoulders even more.

  “I imagine you’ve worked here long enough to know how quickly things can change there, yes?”

  “Guess so,” he says. He doesn’t turn around to look at me this time.

  I can feel the moment coming.

  He bends over another open crate and sorts the bottles into neat rows on the floor. He keeps his attention on the bottles rather than me. I take another small step forward to where I’m close enough to smell the sweat on him.

  “I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier,” I state.

  His hand pauses mid-reach.

  “Oh…?”

  “Yes,” I respond. I try to keep my voice calm and conversational. I don’t want him getting spooked just yet. “You know… the part about me going soft and not wanting to lose control because of Arun.”

  He straightens slowly.

  “Didn’t think you’d bring that up, boss. Thought we were through with that.”

  “Why wouldn’t I? You spoke your mind. That takes a certain of kind of strength. Some would even say recklessness.”

  I step to his side and it’s close enough that our shadows almost seem to overlap. He finally looks at me, eyes narrowing.

  “What’s your point?”

  “How unfortunate for you to be wrong,”

  Before he can answer, my hand is on his collar as I shove him back against the cold stone. I can hear my queen practically moaning in my head.

  Yes, Alexios. Just like that.

  “You really believe mercy makes me weak?” I ask, leaning in so that my breath brushes against his ear. “I chose restraint then. I decide when to act and when not to. Do not mistake that for a lack of power.”

  He tries to push against me, but I’m stronger. My forearms presses down harder on his chest.

  “You spoke against me in front of others. You questioned who commands his place. How dare you?”

  “W… what are you…”

  The rest of the sentence doesn’t even make it out of his mouth before my other hand closes around his throat. His pulse beats frantically under my fingers.

  Now. End him.

  “Do you know what your real mistake was?” I ask quietly before kissing his cheek, further frightening him.

  He swallows hard.

  “Speaking?”

  “No,” I laugh wickedly. “It was believing you could say anything that includes Arun and walk away.”

  Excuse me?

  He’s practically whimpering by now and tries to twist away, but I tighten my grip just enough to still him again.

  End it, Alexios. Stop dragging this out. End him and I will give him the art classes. The best tutors. Everything.

  I see confusion in his eyes before the hand around his neck tightens, effectively cutting off the air. The sound of his breathing turns into short, desperate gasps.

  I hate that I love how this moment feels.

  I hold on, feeling the frantic pounding under palm slow as I drive my forearm back into his chest to keep him from kicking.

  His pulse slows…

  And slows…

  And slows even more until finally… there’s nothing left but stillness.

  But I know he isn’t dead quite yet.

  I feel him sag forward so I lower him gently to the cold ground as I try to catch my breath. Then, after dragging the tiny knife out of my pocket, I find the spot just beneath the jaw where his skin is still soft. I jam the tip in and a thin line of warmth trails over my fingers.

  As I press my lips to the wound, the hot flow of blood hits my tongue immediately and the taste of his fear is woven in each drop.

  When she decides I’ve taken enough for her, I wipe the blade on the helm of his shirt before sliding it back into my pocket and letting his body slump back.

  You punished him not because of the disrespect to you but to the little tiefling? Did I hear that correctly?

  “I did what you asked,” I grumble. “Now make it happen. Give him what he deserves.”

  …

  “Now. Please.”

  …

  Quite demanding, are we now?

  Fine.

  I’ll make the arrangements. He’ll have the classes, the tutors and the full year you demanded. Bury the body later tonight after the servants have gone back to their quarters, understood?

  “I know,” I say, rolling my eyes.

  And Alexios?

  Do not forget that when he thanks you, you will know who made it possible.

  I snuff out the lantern and climb the stairs. As I move, I listen to the sounds of the manor above me. The temperature is much warmer up here, but what I did in the cellar still clings to me.

  I move slowly upstairs to my bedroom in hopes of not pulling any attention. After all, I quite plainly have blood on my hands right now. The water in the basin is cool against my hands as I scrub away the stickiness of the worker’s blood.

  Clean your hands well, my sweetness. When you see your pet, I want nothing but warmth in your eyes.

  There’s no trace of the cellar in my appearance now, but I can still feel it in my chest.

  I should feel victorious. I’m giving my precious Arun what he desires.

  Why do I feel… off then?

  “Just take a few steady breaths,” I whisper to myself.

  Then I leave my room and step into the hallway with the same unhurried presence I would if I was simply going to the dining room.

  Arun will never know what happened in the cellar. He will only know the gift I’ve brought him.

  As I make my way to the healing room, I pause in the doorway, choosing to stay unseen for a few moments.

  Arun is at the main table sorting bundles of dried plants into labeled jars. He’s smiling softly and the sunlight catches his amber eyes in a way that almost makes me forget why I came in here.

  His tail curls and uncurls lazily behind him as he hums a tune I’ve never heard before. He looks so… peaceful. I can’t bring myself to disturb him immediately.

  I stand there a few minutes longer letting the beauty and gentleness of his presence calm me before I stepping into the room.

  Arun glances up and smiles lovingly as I cross the room. He seems rather caught up with work. Maybe I should come back later?

  I mean to tell him about the classes. I want to tell him that I’ve secured him a place, but in between my mind and my mouth, I feel something.

  The closer I get to him, the more I feel it in my chest. It’s not triumph or even satisfaction.

  It’s guilt.

  It courses through my body and cuts away at the calm composure I’ve been grasping onto since leaving the cellar. He’s looking at me without the faintest idea of what was just bought for him or how.

  I could tell him the truth, couldn’t I? Would he hate me if he knew the truth?

  Do not dare reveal me, Alexios. Do you understand me?

  I place my hands on the table’s edge, purposefully putting them close enough to hold his hand if I really want to.

  “I… have news for you,” I say, trying to swallow down the guilt as best as I can.

  His ears perk up a little.

  “Yes? Is something wrong?”

  I know she can feel my guilt right now. I guarantee she’s waiting for me to choke on it. Aru’s eyes stay bright with curiosity.

  I open my mouth… then close it again. I can’t find the words anymore. What is happening with me right now?

  “Later,” I say, forcing myself to smile slightly. “It can wait until we’re both done for the day, I suppose. I apologize for interrupting your work.”

  A flicker of confusion paints his face, but he doesn’t seem like he’s in the mood to ask any questions.

  “Oh. Um… alright.”

  I kiss his cheek softly before he turns back to his work. The warmth of his presence makes the guilt burn even hotter.

  How disappointing.

  I step back from the table and exit the room, leaving Arun to his work.

  --

  After dinner, I find him curled up under a plush blanket on one of the chairs near the fire in my study with a book in his lap.

  One of his hands holds his place between the pages as he looks up when I enter.

  “Did you mention you had news earlier?

  I close the door behind me.

  “I do, yes.”

  I smile softly and let the fire from the hearth soften the edges of my expression. He sits up straighter as his tail swishes against the arm of the chair.

  “It’s not… bad, is it?”

  I stop beside him and let one of my hands rest on the back of the chair.

  “There is an opening in the classes you mentioned. I’ve arranged for you to have it. The whole season. If you want it, of course.”

  Arun gasps and it sounds like I’ve just knocked the wind out of him without even touching him. He stands up abruptly, book falling to the floor as he does.

  “Alexios… how?”

  I choose to give him the safest version of the truth that I can give.

  “Connections. Timing. Luck. Like I said, I needed a favor.”

  I chuckle softly and kiss the back of his hand.

  Suddenly, the biggest grin I’ve ever seen paints his face. The only way I could even describe it is that it’s simply like the sunlight breaking through the clouds after nothing but rain.

  “Thank you!” he says as he practically launches himself to wrap his arms around me. I laugh and return his hug before realizing that I’m holding him longer than I probably should.

  The guilt is still there, but his pure excitement makes what I’ve done worth it. His arms tighten around me even more as his cheek rests against my chest, a horn digging in slightly as he does so.

  I choose to let myself believe that this is all so simple, but I would truly be lying to myself if I said that it doesn’t feel like her hand is also on my shoulder right now.

  There it is, Alexios. The moment I promised you. Is it just as lovely as you hoped?

  I stiffen slightly, hoping to the gods above Arun can’t feel the sudden shift.

  Every bit of joy in him is because of me. You could tell him the truth right now and watch that smile fade, but you will not. I know it.

  My fingers run through his soft hair before I place a gentle kiss to the crown of his head.

  I love you more than anything.

  Please let me love you for the rest of my life.

  Gods, if I could just get those words out. I want him to know.

  Arun pulls back just enough to look at me, still smiling and still completely unknowing. Even with everything going on in my head right now, I manage to smile back.

  We leave my study together, Arun with his hands wrapped around my upper arm. That sparkle I saw is still there in his eyes and I’m quite certain that I’ve fallen in love with him a little bit more.

  He stops me in the main hallway, wraps his arms around my shoulders and kisses me. Then again. And again, before I can even cradle his beautiful face in my hands.

  His next kiss is much deeper and my back meets the wall as his fingers curl into my shirt, pulling me down to him.

  My own arms wrap around his small frame to bring him closer to me and I hear him gasp softly as I let our kisses turn hungrier. Thankfully, the shadows of the hallway are hiding us from any servant that might pass by.

  I can feel pleasure pulsing through my body and I want nothing more than to give in to him, but underneath it all, that guilt still gnaws at me. I told him I’d be a better man and never put my hands on a servant again. I wanted to be worthy of this.

  But I’ve done the opposite.

  It’s not like I haven’t continued to kill for her during the year. Of course I have. It’s my duty to her. But because of Arun, I stopped taking the servants. Will he notice one of them is missing?

  I kiss him one last time, trying to catch my breath before stepping away.

  “Come upstairs with me?”

  Arun looks at me for a moment before finally nodding his head and slipping his hand into mine as we head toward the stairs. As we make it to my bedroom, I close the door behind us and Arun moves toward the bed, pulling the tie from his hair.

  He looks unguarded here in my bed. I should be grateful that I can give him what he’s been praying to the gods for, but my heart feels… twisted.

  I walk over to the edge of the bed and gently run my thumb along his jaw before leaning in to kiss him again. He returns it without question. That feeling of wanting to give in rushes through me, but I cannot stop thinking about the fact that he absolutely would not be smiling if he knew.

  I sit beside him on the bed and let my fingers thread absently through the ends of his curly hair. He leans into it, choosing to rest his head against my shoulder. I wonder if he can feel the tightness in my chest.

  To earn this closeness is a privilege and although I did earn it in a way, I can still taste the blood in my mouth.

  He’s eased back onto the pillow next to mine, curling up against me instinctively. The bedroom is completely quiet except for gentle sounds of his breathing and eventually, the quiet little snores from him too.

  You did well, Alexios. You gave him his gift and now he is resting peacefully beside you.

  I turn my head towards Arun as I gently caress his waist. He is at peace right now and I wish more than anything that I could say the same for myself.

  Every choice you make in his name ties you tighter to me. When he thanks you again, you will remember exactly who you have to thank in return.

  I lie there unable to trance until the fire from the hearth finally dies out, leaving us in total darkness.

  --

  As the morning comes, I can hear the bustling of servants around the house. Arun is already awake, sitting at the edge of the bed while he ties back his hair. I must have fallen into my trance at some point during the night.

  “May I come with you today?” I ask.

  “You want to come with me?”

  “Of course,” I answer as I leave the bedsheets and stretch out. “I don’t want to miss your first day. Would that be okay?”

  He smiles brightly and nods his head.

  “I would really love that. Thank you, Alexios.”

  Anything for you. I love you, Arun.

  I cough, trying my best to keep the thought from making its way to my mouth. I hold onto the look of his smile as we get ready for the day and make our way downstairs to the carriage waiting just outside.

  --

  The ride into Richelor is pleasantly quiet and comfortable. Arun’s tail swishes every now and then, brushing against my knee in the carriage and once again as we walk through a crowded street.

  When we arrive, the building is already alive with movement as students move to their seats with their sketchbooks in hand.

  I hold the door open for Arun and the instructor greets us immediately.

  “Ah, you must be Arun. We’ve been expecting you.”

  Arun’s shoulders immediately straighten and I see his ears twitch ever so slightly at the greeting. I choose to stay a step behind as the instructor leads him further inside. I watch the way Arun takes in every little detail of the room with its sunlit worktables and easels lined up in neat rows.

  For a brief moment, the guilt actually loosens its grip on me. This is what I told myself it was for, right?

  The instructor politely leads Arun to a table near the window before pulling out a stack of fresh parchment and a roll of pencils.

  Arun unties the roll slowly and I can tell from here that this moment means everything to help. His fingertips brush over each pencil as if to test their weight and balance. Meanwhile, I catch his tail moving subtly in slow arcs when he gets curious about something he sees or does and quickly swishes when he’s excited.

  My seat is off to the side so that I’m close enough to watch but far enough not to crowd him. The quiet whispers of other students and the scratch of charcoal against paper fill the room around us.

  Arun glances up at me once and he just… looks at me for a heartbeat before looking back down at his sketchbook, almost as though he’s letting me in on something that he simply doesn’t have the words for.

  The instructor leans over to offer what I assume is a compliment and Arun’s shoulders relax even further. He begins to draw again and I can see how quickly he finds his rhythm when his hands are busy creating.

  I love his beauty. I love his mind. I love his curiosity.

  I just love him.

  If killing for her is the price it takes to give him anything he wants, I’ve decided in this moment that I’ll keep paying it.

  See how happy he is? This is what you bought him. This is what I gave you. When he is gasping underneath you in bed tonight, you will feel that warmth in your chest again. That is me, Alexios.

  Arun leans over his page as one hand steadies it while the other sketches delicate lines. I can tell by the crease in his brows that he is intensely focused on whatever it is that fills the page.

  Eventually, the instructor calls for a short break and quiet conversations from the other students rises as they stand up to stretch, sip water or step outside for air. Arun puts his pencil down carefully and I see that twinkle in his amber eyes.

  Before I can even stand to go over to him, he’s already crossing the room, weaving between the other students as his tail moves in quick movements.

  He stops in front of me, his grin almost as wide as his entire face. Then he leans forward and wraps his arms around my wait to pull me into a tight embrace.

  “Thank you,” he whispers quietly.

  I try to answer, but he tilts his head up instead and kisses me. The sheer amount of tenderness in the kiss is almost enough to make me forget where we are. He pulls back slightly, but the grin hasn’t left his face.

  “I haven’t felt this happy in… a long time.”

  I chuckle softly and kiss the very tip of one of his horns.

  “I’m glad to hear that,” I answer back.

  His fingers squeeze my waist once before he turns around to head back to his table and I’m left there…

  Absolutely in love.

  He settles back down at the table, keeping his posture straight but his smile remains. I watch him resume his work and it seems like the more the drawing takes shape, the bigger his smile gets.

  Every so often, the instructor passes by to offer a brief suggestion or compliment. Arun listens intently and his tail swishes let me know he’s still enjoying himself, likely even more now if it’s possible.

  By the time the class begins to end, he starts cleaning his pencils and rolling them back up with gentle care. I don’t think he wants this moment to end.

  When he’s dismissed, Arun tucks his sketch into the portfolio the instructor gave him and he skips back over to me excitedly.

  “That was perfect,” he exhales, shaking his head when he speaks as if words don’t even do that moment justice.

  “You deserve more days like this,” I say simply.

  I mean it too.

  More than anything.

  --

  It’s slightly past the evening time when the carriage finally pulls up to the gates of Blackwood Plantation. We step inside the manor together and Arun heads straight for my study, motioning for me to follow.

  I’d follow him anywhere.

  Once the door to my study is closed, he lays out his portfolio on my desk and carefully pulls the sketch free. He shyly turns it around so I can see.

  It’s not finished yet, but the soft lines and delicate shading captured on the page are absolutely striking. It’s a cluster of flowers in a glass vase and the detail of the petals is so realistic that I can practically smell them.

  “This is beautiful,” I say.

  He places the paper down on the desk so I can examine it even further.

  “It felt so easy today. My hands knew what they were doing. I didn’t even really have to think much. You’ve given me the chance to fall in love with creating again.”

  Fall in love with me.

  Please.

  The slight pinch of guilt hits my chest, but I push it down immediately.

  “You deserve it,” I whisper. “You deserve so much, Arun.”

  His eyes widen but he quickly looks away, placing the sketch back in the portfolio carefully. The portfolio is pushed aside and I can’t help but catch Arun’s hand before he pulls it back completely. My thumb drifts over his knuckles as I bite my lip gently.

  Just tell him. Tell him how you truly feel.

  He might feel the exact same.

  “You’ve got that look again,” he says almost in a teasing tone.

  “What look?” I whisper.

  “The one where I’m certain you’re going to bend me over your desk like you did a few nights ago.”

  A wicked grin shines across my face and I kiss him deeply, letting the kiss linger as one of his small hands finds the side of my neck. I chuckle softly as I pull away a few moments later.

  “Actually, I was thinking about making love to you outside in the gardens again. Right next to the fountain. That was quite lovely, wasn’t it?”

  He scoffs jokingly, rolling his eyes as he gently slaps my upper arm.

  “Oh, so we’re calling it lovemaking now, huh?”

  I cough, attempting to cover my slight slip. Arun wraps his arms around my waist, leaning his head into my chest while I run my hands through his hair. I feel his tail gently wrap around my leg, desperate to keep me close to him.

  “You really do spoil me,” he whispers.

  I can only nod because the truth of how I do it is something I will never want him to know.

  So what’s next, I wonder?

  I remember that he spoke of certain types of paints and parchment that even Thislemere’s best shops struggle to keep in stock. I could get those for him. I want to get those and fill his room with them.

  Or perhaps a vacation. I could take him somewhere quiet and beautiful where no one would even look twice at the two of us walking side by side. Maybe he could even paint there without any distractions.

  Careful, Alexios. It sounds like you are beginning to worship him.

  Does it matter if it keeps him close?

  Only if you are willing to pay for it again.

  I already know that I am more than willing.

  that bad.