When I got to the estate, Styx was waiting at the gate.

  Wagging his tail as his eyes went from the three boxes piled up to me.

  I hadn’t even taken two steps inside before the ebony dragon started pushing the boxes towards me, the impatience and eagerness flooding from him like waves.

  “Yeah, yeah, heard you loud and clear.”

  As I made my way to the storage room to grab a crowbar, Styx followed my steps like a second shadow. I eyed him over my shoulder, sparing a quick glance at the wooden boxes.

  Vin must have trained him well, for Styx to be this well-behaved.

  Older dragons were, in general, more tamed and educated. Still, Styx was 54 years old—if he was that impatient to get his treats, he could easily break those boxes apart with just a swing of his tail. Yet apart from the tricks he liked to do with me every now and then, Styx was incredibly composed and well-mannered.

  Judging his temper, I always assumed he was going to give me some headaches. But Styx never gave me any problems. In fact, it was almost scary how much in synchrony we usually were.

  …I shouldn’t get too used to this, huh?

  Not when Styx was nearing retirement age. For me to start relying too much on Styx—to get used to a dragon as mannered as him…when it came the day I would be forced to buy another dragon, it would be even harder to make the change.

  This was actually a common problem many riders faced, especially the ones that had always competed with the same mount. When their dragon was forced to retire, or in some cases lost their lives in a race, the riders would quit racing.

  All because they couldn’t ride another dragon.

  Yet someone like me, with all my plans and goals, didn’t have the luxury of nitpicking. For me to reach and stay at the very top again, I could never stop.

  I could never slow down.

  “Even if you hate me and see me as your foe, you can use me to reach your goal. You should.”

  My foot tripped, almost making me lose balance for a second. I grabbed the crowbar with a clenched fist, making my way back to the boxes. As I opened the first one, I kicked the thing to the ground, the bluish and white flowers pouring out of the box as if they too had been desperate to get out.

  I gave Styx one pat on the back before heading to the house, my body heavy. My mind clouded.

  you can use me

  Gritting my teeth, I walked faster. And the second I opened the door and walked in—

  “Ah, Vex! You finally arrived. I knew you would be getting home late today, though I must confess I was expecting you some time ago.”

  I saw Angus wearing a laced apron in the kitchen, holding a wooden spoon in front of the fire.

  My body froze. My eyes blinked.

  “What are you doing here? No, first of—how did you even get in?”

  Angus smiled, his gleeful golden eyes locking with mine before his attention got pulled by whatever he was making in that pot.

  “Please, you talk as if it were something troublesome to do. How was school today?”

  I had to force my brain to just…stop working. For my mind to block any thoughts and feelings, at least for a few moments, as I closed the door and walked closer, taking a deep breath before turning to the white haired man.

  “Classes were fine. Now what are you—”

  “You must be busy preparing for the interclass event, no?” As Angus stirred the pot, something sparked within his gaze. An amused glow. “Though my thoughts about that place remain unchanged, I cannot help myself but feel proud of you. I’m certain you will succeed this time around, as well.”

  A dry chuckle escaped through my lips. “Why? Because I’m lucky?”

  “Because you are trying your best.”

  It was not only his words that left me speechless, but the intensity of Angus’ piercing eyes as he turned to face me, the warm smile spreading across his face with grace.

  Honestly, I didn’t know how I felt. What I should feel.

  The reason, the “why” my heart was racing with those words—I didn’t know. If it was due fear, joy, or nervousness. And honestly, I didn’t have enough mental energy to interpret those convoluted thoughts and emotions.

  Before I could say anything in reply, Angus put out the fire, taking a bowl out of a cabinet. Soon enough there was a serving of stew on the counter, the man wasting no time before pouring wine for both of us.

  Then he looked at me, his smile as radiant as the gold in his eyes.

  “You must be quite famished, yes? Hopefully, you will enjoy this.”

  “What is this?”

  “Beef stew with purple wine, honey, valley almonds, and a little bit of wild cloves.”

  Though I lacked the patience to deal with Angus at that moment, my stomach rumbled—the savory smell of the stew pulling me closer, making me take a seat despite myself. Without saying anything, I dragged a spoon to my mouth.

  It was so good I almost cried.

  When was the last time I ate an actual meal?

  …curse Ergos and this stupid student life.

  Angus let out a faint chuckle, forcing me to recompose myself. I took a few sips of the wine, surprised it didn’t taste as strong as what Angus would usually drink.

  “And why are you here cooking for me? I wasn’t aware I had hired your services as my personal maid.”

  The man took out the apron, placing it on top of a chair. He smelled the wine before taking a sip himself, the smile never fading from his face.

  “I had a clear schedule today. Thought I could surprise you with a visit.”

  “But why?” There was a sharpness in my voice I could not hide, a turbulence shifting the shadows in my eyes that not even the delicious stew could alleviate.

  “Would it be so strange if I said it’s because we are friends?”

  I replied in less than a heartbeat.

  “Yes, it would.”

  Yet instead of feeling offended or saddened, Angus laughed. A sound that was melodic and lighthearted—almost too pleasant.

  “Well, I guess it could be unlike my usual self, couldn’t it?” The man rested his face on his hand, his eyes never looking away from mine. And within that golden gaze, below all the gleeful shine and amusement, I saw a piercing blade. One that would cut truer than any knife. “…actually, I had another dream. That is why I came.”

  A few months ago, I would’ve laughed. Yet after being a target of Angus’ dreams myself, his words were enough to make my hand freeze right before the spoon entered my mouth.

  Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.

  “You mean a dream with me?” When he nodded, a smile crept on my face. One that tasted bitter and sour. “What was it this time? Will the ravens come knocking at my door this time? Or will Ergos find out my relation with ringleader Jackal and kick me out?”

  Instead of replying, Angus stared at the red liquid in his glass for a moment, taking another sip.

  “Something happened, didn’t it? Something that is weighing on your mind and heart.”

  My smile was gone.

  Without answering, I stuffed myself with stew. Then after I finished drinking my wine, I ate more of the stew until there was practically nothing remaining in my bowl. All the while Angus watched me, in silence, his eyes never wandering—not even as he drunk the wine.

  Perhaps he waited because he knew it would be just a matter of time before I spoke.

  Because Angus knew Vex just enough to know I would eventually need to voice those thoughts in my head. Because he was one of the very few people who would understand where they came from, and what they meant.

  “…Alantra Harris. She knows…how I feel about her.”

  “I imagine this was never something you intended to hide, yes?” There was no judgment in Angus’ voice. Rather, it possessed its own serenity and assertiveness. An undeniable certainty.

  I clenched my fists.

  “She also said I should use her. That she’s expecting me to do just so.”

  How easy it was for someone like her to speak those words? To understand exactly what they meant to me? ‘Use me’, she said. Did she say that believing someone like me could never reach high enough without her help?

  Or was that her way of pitying me? Of trying to help me?

  From afar, I could almost feel a migraine coming. Yet somehow, a part of my mind felt numb—as if it had grown too tired to think and ache.

  “I see…that is quite bold of her. Indeed, my dear friend couldn’t have found a better opponent. I’m certain your rivalry will only make you thrive.”

  I banged my hand on the counter, a sudden burst of rage flooding from my voice. “This is not rivalry! This is—”

  “Comeuppance.” Angus cut me with a single word, and the look in his eyes made me shiver. “Retribution. Poetic justice, if you will—yes, I am aware, dear friend. Which is also why I’m certain you understand the opportunities being given by that woman. Be her your sworn enemy or not.”

  A few seconds passed, my heart’s beat slowing down. My nerves soothing.

  “…yes. Yes, I’m aware. I’m not planning on rejecting the offer, it’s just—”

  I bit my lip, not being able to finish that sentence.

  She makes me feel pathetic.

  Time and time again, whenever I interacted with Alantra Harris, I would be forced to see how far I’d fallen. How small I had become. How I was so behind in terms of skills and talent, my only chance of succeeding was to rely on others.

  On her.

  I felt my eyes burn, yet there was no way I would ever shed a tear in front of someone else. Especially Angus.

  “Doesn’t matter. If Alantra fucking Harris said I should use her, then I’ll do so to my heart’s content. And I’m hoping she will regret it dearly, one day.”

  Angus’ expression softened before he poured more wine for us. “Glad to hear it, Vex. Someone like her, I’m sure you will be able to learn many things. Connect with many people. You must take advantage of that.”

  I snorted, rolling back my eyes. “No need to state the obvious—you talk as if I don’t know.”

  “Well, you don’t usually fancy connecting with others, do you?”

  “Your dream. You never answered me. What was it about?” I changed the subject, not at all wishing to go into that discussion again.

  Yet to my surprise, what I saw in Angus’ face was not amusement or a piercing gaze. It was almost…

  Sadness.

  “I saw you crying.”

  My mouth parted, my eyes filled with bewilderment before a mocking smile stretched my lips.

  “You’re telling me you came all the way here to play maid, what, because you were worried about me? Because I was crying in your dream?”

  “And those tears were so painful, it made my own heart weep.”

  The fact I knew the man was serious left me speechless for a moment. At that point, I shouldn’t be surprised. Angus had been going around blurting that “friendship” nonsense, and usually I would’ve simply dismissed like I normally did.

  But somehow, hearing him call me “friend” this time was not only tiring—it made me uncomfortable, unsettled. Annoyed.

  …also, there was something. A piece that didn’t seem to fit, as I started thinking about it.

  Men like Angus, they don’t do friends.

  They do business.

  And what could a friendship with Vex provide to someone like Angus? Was it truly just about my potential? Before I managed to pay Angus back threefold after I settled as Jackal. Did he trust his intuition so much to bet on me all over again, without even caring for the risks?

  Was that truly all that was about?

  Then, a thought. A possibility.

  One I wouldn’t have considered before, one that was only viable because of what Angus’ sister had shown me—of what áine knew. Something I should’ve thought about before.

  “Do you know who my family is?” I blurted the words without a second thought, without fully intending to. Yet once they had poured out of my mouth, it was as if time stopped.

  As if the air froze and condensed around us.

  Because Angus was a smart man, and he knew the true meaning of my question.

  ‘Did they send you?’

  And that possibility, that likely reality I would’ve been completely unaware of, it frightened me. Especially when knowing Echidna’s connection to Jackal’s fall.

  The white-haired man’s smile became sweeter. His eyes—

  They were sharp enough to kill with a glare.

  “If áine knows, don’t you think I would too?”

  My body became a block of stone, the blood in my veins turning to frost while my heart started racing against my chest, as if its beating was the only thing that could prevent me from freezing to death. And those golden eyes, it was as if they knew exactly what I was thinking.

  Yet before I could find a weapon, before I could think of what Angus' true intentions were—

  “I was actually friends with your mother.”

  Angus' following words completely broke me. Melted the frost from the inside, leaving me afloat without knowing what kind of ground I was standing on.

  “My mother…?”

  A woman I barely had any recollection of. A stranger who, as far as I knew, had died years ago. Someone I only knew through photos.

  Angus knew her…?

  They both were born and lived in the slums, so it was not that unlikely.

  But then…

  “We lost contact when I moved to the underground, however. That was years before I met you.” Angus stood up, taking the glasses and the bowl to the sink. “It is a shame you didn’t get the chance to know her, back then. I’m certain the two of you would’ve had a lot in common.”

  My eyes followed Angus as he moved through the kitchen, washing the dishes and putting the stew aside. And while my thoughts ran wildly in my mind, with no true direction or goal, no words ever came to me.

  There were just so many questions. So many things that didn’t make sense.

  So many whys.

  A soft chuckle echoed in the room, and before I knew it, Angus was standing by my side holding a leather briefcase and a hat under his arm.

  “Alas, dear friend, though I wished we could continue our talk, I must take my leave now. Don’t forget to eat, even with your training. You’ve lost some weight.”

  As the man made his way to the door, I grabbed his hand without thinking.

  My heart racing. My thoughts rampaging.

  “Did you know?” I didn’t know why I was out of breath, why my hands were sweating. Nothing made sense. All I knew was how I had to be certain. “Who my mother was—who I was. Is that why you approached me?”

  A laugh escaped his lips before he patted my head with a gloved hand. Any other day I would’ve smacked his hand, yet in that moment I couldn’t even move as I held my breath.

  “At this point, I thought you would trust me a bit more. Yet I must say this is one of the things I like about you.” Angus put on his hat, opening the door before I even realized I had let go of his hand. When our eyes met again, there was a spark in his gaze. One I couldn’t interpret or comprehend.

  “Answer my question.”

  I don’t know how I looked in that moment. Desperate? Outraged? Frenzied? Hateful? It didn’t matter.

  Angus let out a soft sigh, his pleasant smile never leaving his face.

  “Our meeting was but a fortunate coincidence, Vex, one I cherish dearly. Yet I did have my suspicions.” He turned his back to me, crossing the threshold. Yet right before he closed the door, Angus’ gaze met mine. And in those eyes, I saw memories and secrets. Things I was not privy to. “You have your mother’s eyes, you see.”

  I stood there.

  Long after I heard the door closing, after the stars were already visible in the sky, I was still standing there.

  Feeling as lost as I’ve ever been.

  Unsure of what to think, what to do, how I should even feel.

  At that moment—

  “…I thought I told you to stop breaking the windows, didn’t I?”

  Styx’s head popped into the living room, the sound of glass cracking and falling still echoing through the space.

  For a few moments, the dragon did nothing. Neither did I. Then, Styx laid down—his eyes staring at me, unwavering. There was no eagerness or annoyance, no mockery or intensity.

  Styx just kept looking at me.

  Waiting.

  I couldn’t know how much time had passed. How many minutes, how many hours, with me standing there and the ebony dragon watching me. But at some point, my feet moved. My boots walked through the broken window, the glass crunching at my feet.

  Styx followed me, as quietly as the night itself.

  There were no words spoken, no gestures. I simply placed the saddle on Styx’s back and climbed. No gear, no goggles, no nothing.

  Styx took flight with grace, and before long we were flying high above the estate—as high as the clouds. The night’s breeze felt chillier, and in some instances, I would’ve found that unpleasant. Not this time. This time, it felt freeing.

  Styx and I had trained many times before, from dusk till dawn. Yet somehow, the view on this night was beautiful enough to take my breath away. To crush the stones that weighed on my heart and mind to dust. And as we flew around the mountains, as my fingers brushed past the clouds while I felt Styx’s breathing beneath me—his wings and muscles moving in a constant rhythm…

  I felt at peace.

  The dragon made his descent with no rush, flying right above the lake. And through the crystal clear waters, its reflection was almost a perfect mirror of the starry sky above, with the crescent moon and its silver light surrounded by the radiant stars. And as I stared down at those waters, it felt like we were flying among the stars, as well.

  The cool, clean air filled my lungs as I took a deep breath.

  “…thank you.”

  Whether Styx heard me or not, I didn’t know.

  What I did know was all the things that didn’t matter, and all the things that did.

  It didn’t matter how Angus knew the woman who gave birth to me. It didn’t matter if he knew who my family was.

  It didn’t matter how insignificant I was compared to Alantra Harris. It didn’t matter how she knew the way I saw her.

  What mattered was how I had been given another chance. To live not as Jackal, but as myself.

  How I would keep climbing my way to the very top, until there was nothing out of my sight or out of my reach. Until I could never feel lost anymore.

  Until I knew for a fact that no matter where I was, or who I was with—

  Being Vex was enough.