I was not religious, by any means.

  Some people believed in a God and Goddess who had created the world, others believed in only one of them, and a few groups chose to worship the mystical creatures researchers were still trying to prove existed.

  Angus would preach how his “winged goddess” gave him prophetic dreams, and I had even caught Emrys praying before some races. Me? Whether there was one or multiple gods, whether they were a cute bunny with wings or an uglier manticore, I didn’t care—as long as they stayed out of my business, and didn’t interfere with my life.

  Yet sometimes, I wondered if I had somewhat pissed some divine entity out there. Because there would just be those days that, no matter what I tried or what I did, nothing would go my way?

  …why…

  Can’t I fucking find her?!

  One time.

  Until that day, there hadn’t been a single time when I met Alantra Harris because I wanted to. Instead, each encounter became a memory filled with shame, disgust, and bitter hatred. Moments where there was little I could do but suffocate in self-loath and anger.

  But then, the one time when I actually wanted to meet her and ask what the fuck she meant before—

  The woman became a ghost.

  Libraries, gymnasiums, hallways, infirmary, sophomore classrooms…not a single sign of her, for almost an entire week. And sure enough, I could try asking some of the professors. I could try to find out her exact schedule and stalk her like a freak.

  Yet it would be a scorching day in the Arctic when I would not only chase down Alantra Harris, but beg strangers to help me find her. Letting her know how desperate I was in finding her.

  No, never. Not even a cursed chance.

  “Hey, Vex, you all right, buddy?”

  Jaya voice brought me back, making me realize I may have been holding my quill too tight. Enough to break it.

  It was a rare day when the big man and I were alone, since Ceres had left to buy something at the cafeteria and Liber rushed after Professor Arke as soon as class finished. And while there were more students present, to my relief they were pretty set on ignoring and avoiding the “leftovers” that came from the reinforcement class—and anyone else who was interacting with them, apparently.

  I willingly ignored the broken quill in my hand, continuing to transcribe the words from the board without processing what a single one meant.

  “…and why wouldn’t I be, exactly?”

  To my surprise, the man did not mention the quill. Instead, he gave me a broken smile as he scratched his face, almost as if embarrassed. “Ah, did I get it wrong? You see, it’s been a few days already. There’s just this…ah, how could I explain…”

  What the heck is this guy trying to say now?

  Then, Jaya hit his hand with his own fist—a sparkle of realization flashing within his eyes. “Yes! That’s it, it’s a morose, tight embrace.”

  Usually, I would at least try to pretend. Amuse him, to some extent, to seem a bit more polite and less annoyed. It just so happened my patience was on the lower side.

  “Could you drop the nonsense and explain things in a way I can actually understand?”

  Yet instead of appearing offended, Jaya smiled even brighter.

  He even laughed.

  “Forgive me, I struggle to find the right words at times. Not exactly an usual thing, what I see.” For a second, something crossed the man’s blue eyes. Something heavy and…dark. “There’s this…thing I see, at times. Around people, like a cloud or a mist. Yours changed, since a few days ago. Got me thinking something could be afflicting you.”

  My gaze narrowed, trying to decipher just how much my classmate was trying to screw me over, and how much was his own personal madness.

  Then I recalled Angus—the many dreams he’d had in the past, including one about Jackal’s demise. Making me wonder if there maybe there really was at least one divine being watching us, handpicking some random bastards to be a bit more blessed or fortunate than others.

  Perhaps that’s where my “luck” really came from.

  A luck that is failing me now.

  “…I’m fine. And even if I wasn’t, it’s not like it would be any of yo—”

  “Ah, look at that!” Before I could finish my sentence, Jaya turned away—his blue eyes sparkling for a second. I followed his gaze, watching as Ceres walked toward her seat with arms filled with food. “At last, you’ve claimed victory.”

  Ceres matched the man’s bright, gleeful smile, adding some impish delight to her laugh as she poured everything on her table. Pastries, sandwiches, small berries—everything packed in elegant, colored paper wraps.

  “I had to wrestle a senior to get the blue pepper pie. But I won!”

  As if they had planned beforehand, they slapped both hands together alongside a victorious cheer. Then Jaya squinted his eyes while he searched for something among the pile. When he finally found it, the man turned—

  And threw it my way.

  I barely had time to react as it almost flew above my head, a new shine crossing Jaya’s eyes.

  “Uh, forgive me, buddy. I fail to control my strength at times.”

  As I lowered my gaze, a small, bluish wrap laid in my right hand. A soft, sweet fragrance escaping the package—something buttery and nutty.

  My eyes met Jaya’s, an annoyed suspicion getting the best of me as I replied. “I told you, I’m fine.”

  The man cocked his head, raising his brow. “And? Do you only eat when you are feeling bad?”

  I blinked.

  “N-no, but, you—”

  “Ceres, you don’t mind sharing some with us, do you?”

  The girl was already halfway with a filled bun in her mouth, a red cream escaping the corner of her mouth. She took a few seconds to chew what she had in her mouth, in a rush, before opening a warm, bright smile.

  “Why do you think I bought this many?! Eat away, you guys. I even got some for Liber…ah, he’s still not back?” As Ceres scanned the classroom in search of the boy, Jaya’s focus went back to me.

  “All good then, buddy. I reckon you fancy sweets, no?”

  Ah…I can almost see it.

  There was just something. In his eyes. A spark, a glow—something that told me Jaya was all too aware of what he was doing, that nothing about what had just happened had been a mere coincidence or dense act on his part. Rather, it was calculated.

  And those eyes were daring me to call him out. To confess to something that, in the end, would only cause more conflict and undesired attention.

  I glanced at Ceres, watching how she was now unwrapping a sandwich while licking the cream on her other fingers.

  Then I sighed, opening the blue paper wrap in my hand. “Yes, sure, whatever you say.”

  As our break came to an end, I didn’t know what I hated most. The smug way Jaya kept looking at me as I ate the biscuits—

  Or the fact I liked them so much, there was not even a single crumb left.

  Usually, I wouldn’t bother wasting my time going to the city centre only to get my hands on a delivery a few days earlier. Yet, though I mostly had Styx interests in mind, choosing to get the treats myself was the perfect excuse I found to decline Jaya’s invitation.

  “Why don’t you come to my workshop today? I can take your measurements and make something nice.”

  Ceres was ecstatic with the offer—even Liber seemed pretty excited, especially if that meant he could get something else for Blue. And while I wouldn’t usually reject the invitation, this particular day…

  I need some time away from them.

  It was as if I could still sense Jaya’s gaze on me, the man’s knowing smile burning in my mind. Both he and Ceres, and even before with Elowen, they kept acting as if no one owed each other. As if everything we did was for the sole sake of friendship.

  Sure, they could believe in that lie all they wanted. People like them, they led lives that fed those lies with sweetness and glamour, basking in sunlight while hiding all the deformed, disturbing truths that crawled in the shadows. People like Ceres and Jaya believed those lies because it was all they had ever known.

  Yet both Vex and Jackal knew better.

  And spending so much time with them is starting to get…uncomfortable.

  Stifling, almost.

  Which was why I had been waiting in a line for almost half an hour.

  “Next, please.”

  Before I had even reached the receptionist, I was extending my arm so she could scan my crystal—the thing blinking as it synchronized with the post office’s bigger crystal.

  “I came for a package. Name’s Styx.”

  The woman spared a second to glaze over my uniform—Ergos’ uniform—before shifting her eyes to the crystal on her desk. “Hm, yes. I see it. Unfortunately, it appears we didn’t register your reply in time, saying you would come pick up, yourself.”

  …deep breaths, Vex, deep breaths…

  “…meaning?”

  “It was taken by our courier a couple of hours ago, for the evening's deliveries.”

  I blinked. Clenched my fists.

  “So, you’re saying I came here for nothing?”

  Perhaps I failed to hide my discontentment, seeing how the older woman narrowed her eyes and gave me a gelid, piercing stare.

  “Our logs show we sent you a message earlier this week, and you only replied this morning. By then, your package had already been selected for today’s deliveries. So forgive us if we couldn’t adjust to your schedule as you wished, sir.”

  There was a brief silence before I managed to collect myself—enough to prevent me from screaming in frustration—mumbling a “thank you” as I left the building in a rush.

  If there were any gods somewhere, I wondered how much they delighted themselves in our misfortunes. How much entertainment I was providing them in that moment. Taking a deep breath, my eyes shifted toward the sky, the sun already making its way to the horizon as the day came to an end.

  I wish I were flying right now…

  My heart stopped for a second, its beat faltering as I processed my own thought. Yet as my mind absorbed the shock, I realized how true that sentiment was. How I actually wanted to be holding Styx’s reins in my hands, feeling the breeze brush against my skin while flying high up in the clouds without a single person in sight.

  Yes…now that I think about it, they always allured me in a way, no…?

  Dragon races.

  Ever since I was a child, I kept trying to watch them one way or another. When I couldn’t watch them anymore, I became a ringleader. When my business got destroyed, I became a rider. And while I had motives and reasons why I had always been involved in the field, one way or another…I couldn’t help but be honest with myself.

  Sure, dragon races brought money. Sure, being a rider was the most efficient way to get my revenge.

  …but I like it.

  Being a dragon rider, I actually like it.

  A scent reached my nostrils, pulling me back to reality in a heartbeat—like a punch in the gut. A scent that almost made me choke, one that was far too familiar and sickeningly sweet. And as the breeze brought that scent to me, I caught a glimpse of something turning the corner.

  Someone with silver hair and red locks.

  I blinked a few times, my body paralyzed for a few seconds, before rushing after that person. After that scent. Going against the crowd, passing through small groups and parked carriages, I almost lost her at least three times—my heart beating so loud, it was practically all I could hear as my blood burned in my veins. Yet before I could lose her for good, before I could stop myself—

  “Alantra Harris!”

  That name crawled out of my mouth like a desperate cry, giving me just enough time to grab her wrist.

  Our eyes met, surprise filling her gaze as she turned to me. For a second, it was as if there was no one else around us. As if time had stopped. Because somehow, after searching for that woman for almost an entire week, I had no idea what to say.

  “Miss Harris! Is something wrong?”

  As my eyes shifted toward the voice, all the small details I had missed until then became painfully clear. Alantra Harris’ disappearance from the academy. The fact she was not wearing Ergos’ colors, but the same uniform as the small group around her.

  A white and gold uniform I had seen her wearing before.

  …of course.

  It was a fact I had forgotten,

  She was with the ravens.

  A cape that resembled ravens wings—reaching just below the waistline—with golden threads embroidered around the collar. Cuffs and buttons displaying the authorities’ emblem. Fingerless white gloves and a cap. These were things that composed the white ravens’ uniform, things that made my eyes burn and my stomach drop.

  And seeing her in those clothes again, the only difference being the official white coat instead of the black one she wore that day…

  I didn’t even need to close my eyes. It was as if I was reliving that day within my mind, all over again.

  All the shame.

  All the frustration and anger of seeing my entire life being torn apart in front of my eyes.

  The way Jackal was portrayed to be as nothing but a tumorous plague that should be wiped out of existence.

  The way she hunted me down like a disgraceful lowlife criminal.

  I could not breathe. Could not move. All I could do was stare into her eyes while fighting every cell in my body to not lose control—to not break down right there, with my hand still holding her wrist.

  “Miss Harris?”

  A young man, the same one who had spoken before, called out to Alantra again. She never looked away from my gaze, not even when she turned her head ever so slightly toward her colleague to reply him.

  “Could you excuse me for a moment? He’s a junior of mine, there’s a matter we need to discuss briefly. It shouldn’t take long.”

  The officers exchanged glances for a moment, whispering among themselves. I didn’t hear their reply, I could barely focus on anything else that was happening. Yet as my feet began to move, I soon realized I was being guided by that woman—away from the crowd and the main street, down into a more secluded alley.

  Only when she stopped moving did I trust myself to move by myself, feeling it was safe enough to not let my mind be overwhelmed by rotten, unsavory memories. And as I slowly let go of her, not daring to meet her eyes, Alantra Harris spoke.

  “I hope I assumed correctly, and that you have business with me.”

  There was no mockery or presumptuousness in her voice. Instead, it felt like her words were a waning tide, giving enough space for me to refute or even walk away if I wished to.

  For long seconds, I couldn’t find my voice.

  …when will you stop being so pathetic, Vex?

  When will you stop showing Alantra fucking Harris your crumbling ego?

  “…that thing you said. In the library.” I let the words echo between us, my tongue still adjusting to their weight and the bitterness that would soon follow, before raising my gaze. Before meeting hers. “What did you mean?”

  There was not even a hint of surprise in her. As if the moment she saw me, she already knew what I wanted to ask. And as the silence stretched—as Alantra’s eyes continued to pierce my own, her body still, her face expressionless—I could only think one thing.

  Does she know?

  That I was the lowlife criminal she couldn’t catch, the one who once hid behind a black jackal mask. Did she know?

  Could she see the fear reflected in my eyes?

  Yet instead of pulling out her manacles to tie me down, the faintest smile touched her lips.

  “Allow me to ask you something first, instead. The thing you said back then, did you mean it?”

  I frowned. Which day was she even talking about? But then a memory came to me, one I didn’t even want to touch of glimpse at.

  “My name is Vex. And I will become Ergos’ number one. No matter what.”

  …was she talking about this day?

  The words slipped through my mouth, my nails digging into my skin as I clenched my fists. “I did. Why? You don’t think I can make it?”

  Again, I saw that faint smile. A glow so weak and fleeting, appearing and disappearing from her eyes as if it was never there.

  “Honestly, I don’t know. Which is why I said what I said.”

  I did not hide the confusion in my voice. Much less my irritation. “That you would be waiting?”

  “That you can use me.”

  Her reply knocked the air out of my lungs, the blow so strong I almost gave a step back.

  “Wh-what are you—”

  “Back at the library, that’s what I meant. Even if you hate me and see me as your foe, you can use me to reach your goal. You should.”

  “Miss Harris!” Both of us turned, a voice reaching us from afar. “I’m truly sorry, miss, but we must go.”

  The young officer stood at the alley’s entrance, without ever stepping into its shadows. Alantra nodded once before shifting back to me, tapping her cap once as she began turning away.

  “Let’s see each other at Ergos, later.”

  “W-wait!”

  For the second time that day, I reached out to Alantra Harris and grabbed her hand. Felt the softness and warmth of her skin, pulling her gaze to meet mine.

  And that warmth, I didn’t like it.

  “How did you know?”

  Somehow, she understood exactly what I meant. The rest of that question.

  And this time, if there was one thing I did not miss and wish I had, was the distant and sorrowful shadow that crossed her eyes.

  “‘When the same tune is played to you so many a time, you will dance and sing to it no matter the hands that play it. For your heart will know it best.’”

  I never replied. Instead, I watched as Alantra Harris stepped back into the light with the white cape floating behind her. Making me wonder, once again, if there were any gods watching us from above, how much they delighted themselves in our misery and shame.

  And just how much they interfered in our lives to indulge their whims.