“So, you sent Cool Momo home without blinking, but now you're getting all sentimental over a flesh-eating goblin?”

  “For the record,” Momo said. “Nether Demons technically don’t have flesh.”

  Mallmart groaned and slapped a hand over her face.

  Momo had the smaller clone scooped up in her arms, carrying her bridal-style as they soared over to the other side of the shattered bridge. She’d already delivered Marie and Richard safely across, and so far, the goblin’s murderous streak thankfully seemed limited to Nether Demons. Not a hair on their precious human heads had been chewed on.

  “Semantics,” Mallmart muttered.

  Momo scoffed. “Where’d you even learn that word? I didn’t know that word at your age.”

  “Because, unlike you, I’m actually studying for my SATs.”

  That earned a surprised laugh from Momo. She looked down at Mallmart with a smile, proud, but the younger version refused to meet her eyes, arms crossed and cheeks red. Clearly, that bit of honesty had slipped out by accident.

  “That’s really great,” Momo said, earnestly. She probably meant it more than anything she’d ever said. If Teenage Momo was actually studying, maybe she’d end up somewhere better than the random state school her original self had puttered off to. Maybe she'd manage to make something of herself—without needing to die first to figure her life out.

  Momo swooped lower, gliding through the air until her feet touched down on the bridge with a soft thud. As soon as they landed, Mallmart wriggled free, stepping back with a huff.

  “Bumpiest flight I’ve ever been on.”

  Momo rolled her eyes, then glanced over at Kava, who was busy picking at her teeth with a sharp fingernail. Evidently, there was still some Nether Demon gunk lodged in there.

  Richard and Marie were keeping a cautious distance, with Richard looking highly suspicious and Marie mildly horrified. So much for team bonding.

  “Kava,” Momo greeted, hoping to catch her attention. The goblin barely looked up, grunting before going back to her teeth maintenance. “Looks like you got… busy!”

  Kava didn’t justify her with a response, continuing to pick at her teeth.

  Momo pressed her lips together. Mallmart, annoyingly, had a point. She couldn’t exactly communicate with Kava; how was she supposed to make her a real part of the team?

  There had to be a way.

  She reached over and grabbed Kava’s wrist, looking up at her imploringly. The goblin frowned, clearly wondering why this strange lady was now holding her arm.

  “Just… give me a second, alright?” Momo said, enunciating each word as if that would magically bridge the language gap. “Stay right here. Don’t move.”

  The goblin’s grunt was close enough to an “okay” for Momo, who turned and began searching through her System, flicking impatiently through panels.

  She hadn’t had time to fully explore it since arriving—maybe, just maybe, there was a language setting hidden in there somewhere?

  She poked around a little more, and accidentally triggered her quest again.

  YOUR FIRST REAPING

  Quest Description: At the time of target’s death, open a Nether rift and escort target’s soul to the designated replicant area. Use caution to not appear threatening. Avoid being perceived by other mortals. If widespread public perception occurs, please contact the Nether Lore Department so a suitable excuse can be concocted and the timeline can remain in balance.

  Quest Rewards: Access to the full [Domain: Reaping] Lvl. 1 skillset

  So much for maintaining the timeline.

  And so much for her reaping skill set—since Richard was still very much alive, it looked like that skill progression would be on hold. Whatever. She was already knee-deep in power compared to everyone else on Earth; they were practically paddling in the mana kiddy-pool.

  Just as she moved to close the panel, her knuckle brushed the screen, triggering a haptic buzz. Curious, she repeated the motion—this time deliberately—and an entire row of options sprang from the left of the screen.

  Character Sheet

  Contact Lore Department

  Contact System Administration Department

  Contact God/Goddess

  This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

  System Overrides

  Wait… what?!

  That had been there the whole time?

  Without giving it a second thought, she pressed the Contact God/Goddess button. Another panel sprang out immediately. A list of names were written across the screen, descending in alphabetical order: every god in the pantheon, and their lesser equivalents. She was about to scroll down to Valerica’s name when the screen abruptly grayed out.

  Functionality Disabled

  Prerequisite Quest: Your First Reaping

  Momo clenched her fists. Because, of course.

  Sighing, she flicked back to the menu, testing each command, but each one returned the same disabled message—until she reached System Overrides.

  System Overrides

  As a god, there are several System overrides you can use in order to make carrying out your responsibilities easier. Please use with caution and care as advised by a superior deity. If we notice that you are meddling too much with mortals that belong to other gods, you will have to answer to the Council.

  Momo snorted. The Council? She had been around Morgana long enough to know there was no such thing. It was probably just a threatening-sounding proper name that the System Administrators threw around in order to try and keep a semblance of checks and balances going. The image of Kyros being dragged into a dark room with a bunch of System admins in hoods and cloaks for a stern talking-to was downright hilarious. What would they use on the cat as punishment? A spray bottle? Temporary retraction of treats?

  Thoroughly amused, Momo scrolled down to see what overrides were actually available.

  Provide Blessing (Must Be Approved by Superior Deity)

  Temporary Skill or Stat Boost

  Provide Curse (Must Be Approved by Superior Deity)

  Temporary Negative Skill or Stat Boost

  Luckily, they were a few she could actually use. She reasoned it was because they required the approval of someone above her.

  “Let’s try this,” she mumbled, picking Provide Blessing from the list of options.

  Please specify what kind of blessing you want to apply.

  A long scrollable list appeared below the prompt. She hunted through them until she found a category called Language.

  Language Blessings Under Morgana’s Domain

  None

  Oh.

  Suppressing a groan, she was about to exit the System completely when the thought struck her to check the curses. What do I have to lose?

  Sure enough, when she navigated to the Language section in Curses, it wasn’t empty.

  Language Curses Under Morgana’s Domain

  Curse of Tongues

  Momo grimaced. There was only one curse available to her, and the name wasn’t exactly… promising. She shouldn’t have been surprised, though. Morgana wasn’t exactly the God of Good Communication. Maybe the god of the opposite of that, actually.

  Curse Description: For the length of the curse, the Subject will forget how to speak in their native language. If you desire, you can specify a new language to assign to them. This can be used to scare the Subject’s companions when they suddenly start speaking in a foreign language. To humans, this curse is known in popular culture as “speaking in tongues” or “devil speech.”

  A slow grin spread across her face.

  That’ll do just fine.

  Selecting Kava as the recipient was as simple as looking at her; a white outline appeared around the goblin, and her information populated the System automatically. Momo set the duration to three weeks—the max—and pressed Submit Request. The response was instantaneous.

  You’ve reached Morgana’s office of Death and Decay.

  Since she has retired, your request has been auto-approved.

  Don’t use this to get away with anything too stupid.

  Momo shook her head. Does she even know me at all?

  Curse Applied

  A pulse of dark magic swirled around Kava, who stared wide-eyed at the swirling mist, momentarily pausing her tooth-picking to watch in awe.

  Mallmart shot Momo a sharp look. “What did you do this time?”

  “Patience,” Momo said, flapping her hand at the clone dismissively.

  A moment later, the black mist dissipated, and Kava narrowed her eyes at them. Everyone waited with baited breath for her to say something, but she just stood there, eyebrows furrowed as if she was trying to piece together a puzzle.

  Momo couldn’t exactly blame her. Losing your language and getting slapped with a new one was bound to be a lightly traumatizing—err, enlightening—experience.

  “Kava?” Momo ventured, stepping closer. The goblin didn't flinch when Momo gripped the rough edge of her leather sleeve. “Can you understand me?”

  Kava's crimson eyes went wide, then narrowed.

  Without warning, she leaned in and cupped Momo’s chin, roughly tilting her head side to side like a parent checking for head injuries. The goblin’s stare was intense, almost reverent.

  Then, slowly, she licked her lips.

  “Say again,” Kava grunted.

  Her speech was gruff, as if each word had been chewed on first. There was an accent too—rough, guttural, like a grumpy Russian landlord. Clearly, whatever magic had rewired her brain for human language hadn’t accounted for the actual physical makeup of her body. The sound wasn’t coming from vocal chords, but somewhere deeper.

  Momo blinked, seeing her own reflection in the goblin’s eyes.

  “Hi, Kava,” she mumbled, finding it hard to speak with how tightly Kava was pressing her cheeks together, her lips pursed like a pufferfish. “I’m Momo.”

  Kava’s nostrils flared. Something sharp and peculiar flickered in her eyes. Recognition? Curiosity? Hunger?

  “Momo,” she repeated, savoring the sound. Then, with a scoff, she released Momo’s face and folded her arms, looking thoroughly unimpressed.

  “You should have said name sooner,” Kava huffed. “All this time, I thought you were just overgrown babbling monkey. But no—you are monkey that learned talk.”

  For a moment, Momo could only blink, processing the insult wrapped in garbled grammar. Next to her, Mallmart was doubled over, cackling.

  “Forget everything I said,” Mallmart wheezed, grinning deviously at Momo. “We’re absolutely keeping her. Kava, welcome to the team."

  Kava’s expression shifted as she eyed the smaller Momo, clearly unimpressed by the human’s laughter. The goblin sauntered over to the teenager, and then drilled a pointed red fingernail lightly into her chest. Mallmart swallowed.

  “Smaller monkey. Kava is not name. My name is…” She leaned closer, her voice dropping to a dramatic whisper. “Kavamommok.”

  Mallmart snorted, the veneer of intimidation broken immediately.

  “Kavamommok? Really?”

  Kava huffed, arms crossed, looking both proud and offended. “Yes. Strong name. Passed down through many goblin generations. Means ‘One-Who-Squashes-Like-Hammer.’ But, eh, if you want to be lazy, Kava is fine, I guess.”

  Momo butted in before Mallmart could get another—plausibly insulting—word in, thrusting her hand forward to take the goblin’s in a handshake. The goblin just stared down at it.

  “Welcome to the team,” she said, beaming. “Kavamommok.”

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