Hard to face

  "Where's Xiao Mei?"

  "Xiao Mei is engaged to Xue Weize." Lin Ran smiled at me and said, "After graduation, Xiao Mei went to Xue Weize's house to find him. I don't know what happened to them in the end, but anyway, they got engaged. Next year, they will get married, and Xiao Mei will move to Xue Weize's village."

  Xue Weize didn't tell us.

  Lin Ran smiled and said, "Before, Xue Weize gave up Xiaomei for your sake. Now that the two of them are engaged and about to get married, do you think he won't give you up for Xiaomei's sake as well? Xiaomei and all of you are on opposing sides. Since they're getting engaged now, I'm sure you understand what's left."

  I smiled and said "Good, really good."

  "I think it's been a long time since you've all been in touch with each other, right?"

  I shook my head "Of course not."

  Lin Ran looked at me and said "That Jing Jie in your class has been kept by someone."

  "What about Qujian?"

  "Qu Ge's relationship with Jing Jie ended after you guys graduated. He got tired of her. Then Jing Jie went to a different city to attend a private university, where she met a middle-aged man and became his mistress. The man bought her a car, which she drove back here not long ago. We ran into each other on the street and chatted for a bit. She said that during Chinese New Year, the man would buy her a house, and after that, she'd leave him. I don't know what's going through her mind, but anyway, she's already left that city."

  "What about others?"

  Lin Ran smiled and said "I don't know anything anymore. I also don't want to say anything."

  "You actually still hide many things from me."

  "Perhaps those are the things you most want to know. If you had paid attention, you would have known, but now that I think about it, there's no need to anyway. After all, everything has already happened and I've come this far, so there's no going back."

  "Come back, I'll marry you."

  "What right do you have to marry me?"

  "What does it mean."

  "You have a house, you have a car, and you have a job. Every month, you worry about a few hundred dollars. What kind of life are you going to lead me to? Are we going to beg?"

  I was taken aback.

  "Six Six, don't be offended by my harsh words. Look at the current society, high school and middle school students are smoking, drinking, fighting, and having same-sex relationships. They're opening rooms with men, and nothing is off-limits. Each generation is more open-minded than the last, and each generation is happier than the last. Here, there's a 16-year-old girl who looks like she's 15 or 16 during the day, but at night, after putting on makeup, she looks like she's over 20. She earns money, saves money... of course, this profession isn't good, but she's still young. At least she's seen a lot of things clearly. There was a saying you guys used to say that was quite good: 'In this society, not everyone with milk is a mother, but anyone with money is a master.' Now take a look at yourself, living in this kind of society, you're already an adult, and all you think about is playing around, fighting in school... your broken school isn't even called a university. I'm going to say something you won't like: if you weren't Lin Yifei, when would you be able to afford to come to a place like this? One night, including tips and a room, costs 2,000 yuan, which is a month's salary for an ordinary person. Have you ever thought about that? Six Six, think about how to make money, don't just say things like 'I want to marry you.' First of all, my current body isn't worthy of you anymore, whether you care or not. In the future, I'll only marry a man who doesn't know about my past, so I can be at peace and live happily with him. Secondly, Six Six, hope you mature some more... when it comes to marriage, what do you have to offer? Don't think about things like 'naked marriage' or believe that love is based on something other than money. The only time in life when true love can exist without money is during school days, and you've already missed that opportunity. Six Six, think carefully about my words... I'm Lin Ran, and all these years, I haven't done anything to wrong you, except for the thing with Yu Xiang, but I don't think I wronged you because of her either. I just want to tell you, Six Six, it's time to wake up. If you keep going down this path, what will your future be like? You don't have any backing... in two years, when you graduate from university with nothing accomplished, which girl will be willing to follow you around and live with you? Six Six, think carefully. You're not young anymore, everything will change. You need to mature some more, understand?"

  I looked at Lin Ran, feeling somewhat stifled, and was left speechless by her rebuke. Lying in bed.

  Lin Ran sat on one side "Later, when you have money, everything will be available, believe me. Six six. Think about it carefully."

  I thought about what Lin Ran said and fell silent for a long time "You've changed."

  "Everyone is changing, Liu Liu. Do you remember that time I called you? I said goodbye to Liu Liu, goodbye to the world. Liu Liu, you are my world. If you leave me, I will never have a chance to turn back. Now that I've come this far, I don't blame anyone else, I can only blame myself for being too easy to believe in men. It's all my fault, it has nothing to do with anyone else. I don't blame you."

  I shook my head "Why choose this road."

  "I need money, this line of work can get me a lot of it, I don't have the ability to pay out emotions to anyone, nor do I need emotions for this job." Lin Ran's eyes turned red. "I remember when we were kids, we would cry and then laugh, now that we're grown up, we laugh and then cry."

  I reached out and hugged Lin Ran "I know you're wronged, cry."

  Lin Yan's hands were tightly grasping my back, her fingernails digging deep into my flesh, and finally, she burst into silent tears.

  Like this, having cried for a long time, Lin Ran got up and slowly wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes. "Liu Liu, I'll go get someone else to replace me. I'll call my sister over, she's the type you like."

  I smiled and said "Are you canceling me?"

  "One night, a person spent nearly two thousand yuan on nothing, isn't that a waste?"

  "Why did you break up Yuxu and me?" I suddenly asked Lin Ran.

  Lin Ran stood up, "Because Yu Xu and Mo Yan broke us up. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have ended up on this road of no return. Look at me now, and look at them now, what's there to compare?"

  "It's that you don't want to go back, not that there is no way to go back."

  Lin Ran smiled and said "I won't be able to go back, you don't understand these things, Liu Liu, don't ask me anything else, I'm leaving"

  "Don't go." I reached out and grabbed Lin Ran's hand "Where are you going?"

  "Go and get another one for you."

  "It's okay, let me hold you and sleep for one more night."

  Lin Ran's body trembled slightly, and she looked up at me with tears glistening in her eyes.

  That night, we didn't do anything because I had no thoughts at all and couldn't sleep either. Lin Ran seemed to be really tired, lying in my arms, and fell asleep in just a few minutes. My heart ached for the woman in my arms, suddenly it felt like we were back six years ago when we first met. Time is really scary, in the blink of an eye, so much time has passed, I never thought Lin Ran would take this path.

  I took a closer look at the room, and there was only a bed and a bedside table. There was nothing else. The room was decorated, and it was indeed not bad. Suddenly, I felt like I was lying in Chen Yang's house.

  Chen Yang, he was our brother in high school. At that time, we didn't live in the dormitory, but lived at his home. His house had four rooms and two halls. There were four of us: me, Hui Xu, Chen Yang, and Xiao Chao. Each person had a room, and we lived there for three years.

  Now, Minister Yang and his daughter-in-law, who is also the sister of Tu Zi, are studying at a private university in another place. It's been a long time since they last contacted each other, and the feelings from back then have unknowingly slowly faded away. Feeling lost about one's own future, not knowing when one will fall asleep. The room doesn't even have a window, besides looking at the phone, there is no other way to tell the time.

  The next morning Lin Ran woke up early, I was still sleeping, and felt that someone beside me was moving.

  I turned around, and Lin Ran was staring at me with her eyes wide open, blinking repeatedly, as if it were many years ago.

  "Six six, I'd better get up early, or else Lin Yifei and them will see me soon, it's going to be a hassle."

  I reached out and stroked Lin Ran's face "Don't continue doing this here, okay?"

  Lin Ran smiled and said "I won't be able to turn back now, Liu Liu, wish you happiness."

  "Do you see me as happy?"

  "You will be happy."

  I lay in bed, Lin Ran took out a box of Great Wall from the bag and handed it to me "Have a smoke, your old favorite."

  "You still bought this drawing."

  "It was given by a guest last time."

  I don't know why, I hesitated for a moment and ended up not taking it.

  Lin Ran smiled slightly, "The 'don't mind' on your lips, the 'don't mind' in your heart, after all, is just a rational compensation for your guilt towards me. I don't need it, Liu Liu. Wishing you happiness, Liu Liu. Goodbye, world. Goodbye."

  Lin Ran stood up, skillfully put on her work uniform without wearing any underwear. She just wore the uniform, carried a bag, made a phone call to the front desk, opened the door and left.

  I watched Lin Ran leave, and my heart was extremely entangled and complicated. Once again, I felt that everything was like a dream, so unbelievable. But the thing is really happening around me. Can't accept it. But have to accept it, can't help but face it.

  I opened the door of the room and went downstairs to the rest hall on the second floor, where there were also many people.

  The waiter looked at me "Sir, would you like a massage?"

  I shook my head, found a sofa and lay down, watching the movie playing on the big screen in front of me. The movie was quite cliché, it was Chow Yun-fat's God of Gamblers, a film I had seen since primary school, and after all these years, someone was still showing it.

  It was almost noon when the waiter came over and looked at me, "Sir, are you Mr. 18?"

  I glanced at my hand and nodded "What's wrong?"

  "Your friend is looking for you, in the bathroom on the first floor."

  I nodded "thank you" and then went downstairs, put my clothes aside, looked at the familiar faces in the pool, and smiled as I got into the water.

  Biting her lips hard, she saw nothing, knew nothing and remembered nothing. It was just a dream.