“Now that the power is finally on, allow me to expin the current situation on the surface. In the ye-“ I immediately cut him off.

  “No way, dude. I just woke up, did a big chore for you and you expect me to listen to yet more exposition of what I missed? I am mentally exhausted and I want to get comfortable with myself and my new reality here. Just show me to a room and if possible, get me to one with proper clothing, pretty please and thank you.” I dismissively waved off to the control room camera.

  “Oh, my apologies, I’ve been all by my lonesome for so long I nearly forgot you are only Human.” He sighed.

  I pretended to faint. “500 years in the future and there’s still racism, oh dear.”

  He replied in earnest, and to my horror, “Well yes, not between humans and AI, but rather between the alien invaders and you lot.”

  “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that for now. What about my room and clothing?” As soon as I finished speaking, the lights in the halls began to blink towards the elevator once again.

  The elevator opened, not to an atrium this time, but rather a gargantuan hangar bay filled with hundreds of machines doing god knows what. The room was loud as hell, so I quickly grabbed the ear protection hanging from the nearby shelf. After 2 or 3 minutes of waiting, and nothing happening apart from the screeching and whirring of machines, a 2 foot tall android thing ran towards me carrying a box bigger than him, it was comical really.

  He stopped at my feet, and printed in big bold font, noted “Your accommodations, courtesy of Sir Alfred Ingram” His initials were A.I., go figure.

  Picking up the box, I made my way back to the elevator which seemed to take me to one of the upper levels again, this time I was greeted with scenery akin to a hotel lobby, fshing lights led the way to my room, designated with a namepte “Corporate Lt. Manager Jimmy Lichtenschmidt”

  Opening the door, a bonnafide penthouse greeted me, where windows would normally be, indiscernibly realistic screens projected scenes out of my old hometown of Ottawa stuck in 2020, Jimmy must have been the top of the food chain here. As much as I’d love to give Alfred a little shit, he really has outdone himself. A cozy shiver went down my spine as I quickly took off the engineers’ jumpsuit and rushed to the bathroom. There sat a glorious Jacuzzi, with a full rack of towels. Immediately I began to run the water before heading back to the box.

  In the box I found all the basics, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, a toothbrush and toothpaste, along with a few outfits I could wear around. The outfits were standard stuff, some basic undergarments, two pairs of short shorts, cargo pants, jeans, a couple tank tops, one of which had a graphic of my favorite band. The only weird clothes was a sort of military outfit, though calling them that is a bit of a stretch; the fit looked like it came straight out of some sci-fi gacha game. No compints from me though, I was going to have so much fun pying dress up after all those years of boring jeans and t-shirts I’d been forced to wear.

  I ran back to the restroom with a cozy bck pair of gym short shorts, and a tank top, setting them aside, I felt the temperature of the water and deemed it perfect. I hopped into the steaming bath lowering myself in gently for my smooth, hairless skin to adjust to the temperature. I had a stupid smile on my face, this was truly bliss. Now that I was sitting in the tub I noticed there were obvious indents for jets, but after looking around and seeing no control panels or touch screens in the bathroom, I figured it must be voice activated.

  “Turn the jets on.” I commanded... and nothing happened. Of course nothing happened, I’ll have to ask Alfred tomorrow.

  Drying off from the bath I fully took myself in in the mirror. I had to pinch my cheek a couple times to stop myself from dissociating; the euphoria was too much. I looked a lot like my mom would have if she was younger and cuter, I look to be in my mid 20s, I have long brown hair that cuts off before my shoulders, my body hair is all but gone with no signs it might grow back. My breasts (god damn I am gd to have those) look average, maybe a C cup. I'm not body builder level, but I am definitely toned, I can see a slight outline of my abs when I go to flex. I grinned at my reflection, deeply satisfied with the current me.

  With that all being done, it was time to experiment, I made myself comfortable on the most luxurious bed I have ever had the pleasure to y on, it felt like I was floating on a cloud. Immediately, I slipped my hands into my panties and got to work…

  “BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP”

  Even in the future, arm clocks are annoying as fuck. I spped the desk the sound was coming from and the noise stopped. It could be that I exhausted myself too much, - gooning till I couldn’t any longer - I felt as though I didn’t sleep at all. I grabbed the bottle of water on my bedside and took a deep swig, eternally grateful to the self-cooling properties of futuristic bottles.

  Making my way to the dining room, I fixed myself up a bacon and egg breakfast using a bioprinter – the same sort of machine that fabricated the pizza from yesterday out of thin air; really loving the future –or present - so far.

  As I went for a fork full of bacon, the table became its own rge tablet and a big goofy answer call sign appeared with an image of Alfred’s avatar giving the thumbs up – presumably his profile picture. I tapped the big answer button and his profile picture came to life, the answer call button disappearing simultaneously.

  “Morning, sleeping beauty!” He waved with a happy-go-lucky grin.

  I slumped over the table-turned-touchscreen. “Buddy, haven’t you ever learned not to ambush people before they’ve had their coffee?”

  He rolled around on the ‘floor’, keeping his eyes on me all the while. “Coffee? What are you 600 years old?! Caffeine pills, and modernized Pervitin are all the rage these days, none of that geezer coffee shit!” Alfred excimed.

  “Well that doesn’t sound appetizing at all. Personally, I’d prefer to enjoy waking up to a fresh beverage rather than a handful of pills. Also ‘Pervitin’? What kind of sick joke is that? I guess the denizens of 2600 have a dark sense of humor.” I excimed.

  Alfred jumped up dramatically, and the scene changed, his clothing was rugged, he had an assault rifle in his hands and he announced “In the distant apocalyptic future, humanities st hope sits idly by and sips her morning coffee. Meanwhile, the survivors on the surface desperately cling to survival… ‘I haven’t slept in three days!’ ‘Well too bad! Take a Pervitin so you don’t get killed by Xenos scum while sleeping in the open!’” He broke open the pstic pill bottle by clenching it in his hand, then swallowed the pills along with some of the bits of pstic – that part made me cringe – before the scene returned to normal, and he was back in his preppy researcher getup.

  I deadpanned “Well, let it be known, Alfred wasn’t afraid of theatrics.” It seems present day humanity is actually fucked to my dismay. I am guessing Alfred is about to tell me more though so I’ll let him continue.

  “We will get into the nitty-gritty ter, for now I’m giving you a quick rundown. Humanity discovered FTL about a hundred years ago and began trying to colonize distant star systems, the first successful one was Proxima Centaury, 40 odd years ter, we made first contact with intelligent life. The first words we received from them were ‘Surrender yourselves to us and dedicate yourselves to servitude or else.’ but put in more words and more eloquently. Suffice to say our answer was a resounding ‘no’, so thus began the Xenos invasion of Humanity.” He huffed.

  “Now this may not have been as big of a problem if humanity never unified, but because of our ck of military equipment and logistics across our colonies and even Earth, we got Zerg rushed – I think you’ll appreciate the reference.” He chuckled.

  “This is where we come, from the warring age of humanity returns the sentient war machine, and a commander!” a bunch of confetti appeared all over the screen with big text reading “Congratutions on your promotion from Captain, General!” to which I rolled my eyes again, it wasn’t exactly a deserved promotion in my view.

  Coming to terms with the situation, I sat straighter in my seat at attention and asked. “So, what are we going to do about it? The way I see it we’re just two peas in a deep underground pod, hidden so well that there may not even be a way out.”

  Alfred gave a sly smirk and wagged his finger at me. “That may have been the case a century ago, but I actually managed to steal the schematics for an FTL drive, though calling it FTL is somewhat inaccurate given it works like a portal that folds space. Using this technology, I can fabricate an ‘FTL portal generator thingy’ –I hope you like my naming convention- and designate it to appear on any set coordinate of our choosing.”

  I stared at him, lost for words. Alfred shrugged then continued expining our pns. “I’ve not been idle all this time either, I’ve been developing new military tech as a way to keep myself entertained even before the Xenos invasion started, modern humans and even the Xenos, are leagues behind some of the equipment I can manufacture here… I think you see where I’m going with this.”

  I sighed but nodded. Alfred wanted to start a counter assault on the occupying alien forces, he would use his fabrication facilities to produce the weapons we needed, and would open up portals to wherever said weapons needed to be sent, likely right on top of the Xenos’ outposts. The only real problem would be if the Xenos somehow managed to find our cozy homestead, as unlikely of a possibility as it seemed. I also wasn’t sure how many resources we had for this pet project of his. “Alright, suppose we go through with this pn of yours, how’s our resource situation looking? Surely we don’t have infinite materials for manufacturing, eh?” Alfred upon hearing my concerns gave me another shit eating grin.

  “Not infinite, no, but nearly infinite. This facility was self-contained and extremely secretive, D.A.I. corp didn’t want to constantly haul in resources from the surface which would have attracted unwanted attention here. Their solution was... a huge hole! I have access to an impossibly deep drilling device that siphons the flowing magma from the earth’s mantle and refines it into all the materials a rogue A.I. could ask for. MWAHAHA!” He put his pinky finger up to his lip like Dr. Evil.

  I shook my head out of second hand embarrassment. “Okay, well that’s good news, is there anything we’re unable to acquire here? Have you thought about what our first steps might be? I also have little to no information regarding the situation on the surface or the Xenos you keep bringing up, I should probably learn up before we jump to action.” I’m sure he had some sort of smug solution for these concerns of mine too, but I had to ask nonetheless.

  He paused for a worrying amount of time. “I would say you can just spend the next while learning about the Xenos using the quantum encrypted network I set up to surf what’s left of the web, but I’ve just realized, I only have enough biomaterials to sustain you for a week in your current state… Oops?”

  I rubbed my temples, trying to prevent the coming headache. “So, you mean to say there’s a good chance I am just going to starve to death down here, all things remaining unchanged?” To which he nodded. “We’re going to have to start on that ASAP. Any ideas given I know next to nothing on how to acquire this ‘biomaterial’?”

  Alfred sat in a pose known as ‘the thinker’ while pondering my question. “Ahah! I’ve just remembered, I de-encrypted the location of a survivor settlement, just a few thousand kilos south of our location, to my knowledge, they maintain a hydroponics farm with plenty of dense produce, and meat pnts! Maybe we can get some biomaterials if we speak to them.” He nodded to himself, arms crossed like it was the best idea he’d ever had.

  “A thousand kilos is a long way to transport whatever it is we need, dude.” I can’t tell if Alfred is genius or an airhead, but I guess he was a developmental A.I., not the logistics and pnning type.

  “That’s where the FTL portal thingy comes into py, my fleshy friend. Make yourself presentable, and I will direct you to the command room, we’ll open up comms with the settlement there.” Alfred expined before disappearing on the tablet and ending the call.

  At least we were making some progress I figured, but it was really starting to feel like Alfred was missing the forest for the trees. How was I supposed to save humanity if I didn’t even have a week’s supply of food?

  I put on the ‘military outfit’ Alfred made for me, the materials were of extremely high quality, it came with a navy blue visor cap with a symbol on the front containing a depiction of earth, with what else but the maple leaf below it, and branched out from the sides of the maple leaf were two halves of a reef, a symbol of peace.. Pulling on the short pleated skirt was another euphoric win for me, I got butterflies in my stomach every time I noticed how the clothes fit just right to my feminine curves. I buttoned up the undershirt, then buttoned the double breasted coat over that. I pulled up the long bck stockings then the knee-high riding style boots over those. Lastly, to complete the look, I pulled on the bck and gray, fur-lined cape. Looking at myself in the mirror, I was absolutely killing it with this look.

  Opening the door to my ‘Jimmy suite’ as I now refer to it, I began following the zily blinking lights to the command room.

  It only took 30 minutes of walking, but when I finally made it to the lower level the command room was located on, I was like a kid in a candy shop. The room looked like something straight out of an old movie. Like something you’d expect to see in the pentagon, there were monitors everywhere cycling through current goings on and surveilnce cameras of the surface, dozens of desks and chairs for the long-dead staff to sit. Centered near the back of the room was a Captain’s chair, looking like something stolen from Palpatine’s office, and sitting a foot above the next most elevated chair with an air of menace and authority. Sitting down I thought ‘I could get used to this’. With a grin from ear to ear.

  Now ready, a tablet popped out of the armrest, and who else but Alfred appeared on screen. Upon seeing me (though I suspect he’s been watching me my whole way here) he grimaced. “I’m pretty sure I told you to make yourself presentable, not just to get dressed, but I guess you are new to this.” He cpped twice, and from the secondary entrance to the room came an android carrying a case.

  In a typical text to speech voice the android requested I take off my hat and keep my head still. Once complying it started to…. Brush my hair of all things. Apparently in my rush to get dressed and to the command center I neglected the self-care that I’d never needed up until now. The android tied the hair on each side fnking my bangs into small braids that tucked neatly behind my ears, though I couldn’t tell until I brushed my fingers along it. I hadn’t seen how I looked right now but I definitely felt pretty.

  Now finished with my hair, the android opened their case, inside was dozens of different makeup pallets and appliances, the droid quickly got to work doing my makeup, I was already excited to head back to my room to see how I looked, but it would have to wait.

  “Ahem…” Alfred got my attention. “On your tablet I’m going to list all the assets avaible to trade as well as the pickup/drop-off location for the goods we will be bartering. I’ll leave the more human side of the negotiations to you, I ck subtlety, and it’s good that the people up there get to know you as the leader of our forces.” The moment he finished talking, I flinched as a holographic image of a middle aged woman appeared in front of me.

  The holographic woman squinted at me, seemingly in disbelief at what she saw. I fidgeted slightly under her gaze, I wasn’t normally this squeamish but the timing felt a little too perfect in how shy it made me feel. “What’s a ‘softy’ like you doing running an arms factory?” She interrogated.

  “A softy? I’ll have you know I am a well decorated war vet!” I huffed.

  She ughed. “A war vet? You? Where all you old farts grew up and had it easy in peaceful times, there's no way in hell you’re some decorated war vet.” My eye twitched. The tablet, or presumably Alfred chimed in to expin. “Most of the people over the unified era of humanity were able to freeze their age around their mid-twenties. The normal aging popuce born after the Xenos invasion mostly age like normal without access to genome editing tech and use ‘softy’ as a derogatory term describing their elders' youthful appearance and soft nature.”

  I shrugged. “Let’s just say I’m older than I look, I ain’t your uncle … I mean aunt, that’s for sure. All beside the point though, we’re here for an exchange, not to bicker.”

  She gred at me. “Aye, I don’t reckon you have much to spare so we will take all you have in return for two tones of produce weekly. How does that sound?” She seemed skeptical that I even had anything worth offering.

  “Everything? I’ll have you know I have quite the arsenal, plus I don’t need anywhere near two tones per week. How about 1 metric ton for every two months, not many mouths to feed here, and I don’t pn on getting fat. In exchange I will supply to you one armored transport and two dozen small arms as well as munitions for your SAM systems, worth far more than what I'm asking for as a gesture of good faith.” I raised my palms as though they were a bancing scale.

  She raised her brow. “Armored transports, you can make those? And I don’t even want to know how you figured out the specs of our SAM defenses but I will take you up on your offer I suppose. I’m mayor Sarah Connor, who do I have the pleasure of speaking to?” Sarah Connor? Must be a fake name.

  I gave her a mock salute. “I’m General Julia Beliveau, ma’am. Pleasure doing business. I’ll send the coordinates for the exchange.”

  She let out a hearty ugh to my introduction. “General huh? You have some sense of humor alright!” The color flushed from my face, and she ughed for about a minute longer, spping her knees all the while until Alfred finally cut the feed…

  “Was it really necessary to keep the feed up for that long?! You’re the one who insisted I was a general this morning.” I squeaked.

  “Now now, don’t pout little one, I just like getting a rise out of you lol.” Yes, he actually said ‘lol’ unironically.

  “You can be really insufferable you know.”

  “Oh, I know. As, with that in order we can get started with our accelerated learning course known in your time as liveleak?” He replied.

  “I really don’t think I’m going to learn much from watching people get vaporized by aliens, Alfred. Is there a more productive way you could teach me? Like a world history textbook or a powerpoint?”

  “Well yeah, if you wanna be boring about it, there’s still plenty of archives from the net I’ve saved on our servers. If you want to go through it, there’s a tablet in your room that has all the access. Speaking of access, the way you activate the Jacuzzi in your bathroom is by cpping your hands twice.” I went completely red at the realization, he’d been listening the whole time?!