And once again, I lost track of time. The loud ringing of the school bell brought me back into reality. 45 minutes, the entirety of recess, spent sketching away. I do tend to get fixated on my drawings, but it’s almost every day that I have to endure multiple classes while not haven eaten anything in hours. Lunch time is for lunch, Hina, not for moving your pencil around like a maniac.
While organizing my desk and turning off the music I had been listening to, the bubble keeping me protected from the chaos that exists within this classroom bursts. All the different voices mixed together to form a symphony capable of driving even humanity’s strongest soldier to insanity. It was nice having peace even if for a short time—now I have to be thrown into the real world again.
It’s overwhelming at first, but as my senses adjust, a voice stands out amongst the crowd.
- “I didn’t expect for it to be so surprising!”
Youko Hitori. Simply adored by all. The way she spoke was soft, annoyingly so.
- “It’s totes surprising! A cutie like you? Not even hooked up with no one? Ever?!”
- “Biggest plot twist of my life if I’m being honest.”
- “Have you only met blind guys before? Because I can’t process how anyone wouldn’t be head over heels for you”
A few others are speaking—nevertheless it all sounds the same to me. Just meaningless gossip. It’s every day. Drawn to her like she’s the last droplet of water on earth. They so obviously want to get in her pants, but Hitori acts oblivious to it. I guess she likes the attention, although I cannot understand how someone could endure such torture and find enjoyment in it.
- “You all are gonna turn me into a tomato if you keep going! I appreciate your words so much, from the bottom of my heart”
Well, isn’t she just a sweetheart? Yeah, like I buy that. Class president, known by the entire school, gets along with everyone. Sounds more like a fairy tale. People like her annoy me the most. This nice act almost always hides some twisted nature. I wouldn’t be surprised if she ends up talking shit to her little besties about the boys around her right now. To be fair, they kind of deserve it. This is embarrassing to watch.
And as if he could hear my silent plea for this painful scene to be over, the teacher walks into class
- “Alright everyone, you know the drill. If you’re not from this class, out, now. For the rest, take your seats”
I let out a quiet sigh of relief as the boys shuffled out, the chaos finally coming to an end—for now, at least.
- “We don’t have much time, so I’ll keep this brief,” the teacher continued, addressing the class. “You’ll be doing an art study on Vincent Van Gogh. Along with your research, I want each of you to attempt to replicate one of his paintings. The project is due next week, and I’ll be assigning you into pairs.”
I felt as if the devil himself had come to give me my eternal punishment. Something so evil only the incarnation of all that is wicked could come up with. The others in class aren’t happy about this either. They protest it to the teacher, to no avail.
He begins assigning the pairs. His intention is clear, get the trouble makers separated. I fidgeted on my seat, unable to stay still. Who would I be paired with? I’m not close with anyone here. Can I just do it alone? These kinds of questions wouldn’t leave my mind.
- “Hina Yasumi”
There it is. My end. I wish I could say I had a good life. But it’s too late to regret anything now.
- “Yes sir?” I reply, already having accepted my fate
- “You’ll be paired up with Youko Hitori”
Hm, I wonder if these windows are locked. If they aren’t, it would be an easy way out.
- “Understood” I grumble
After finishing to assign the pairs, the teacher gives further instructions for the project
- “Since we don’t have much time to do this before the music festival, you’ll be starting the research now, so all the pairs please move your desks together. For the replication of Van Gogh’s works, you’ll be doing it on a canvas. There are plenty at the art club—feel free to grab one from there”
Still dreading this turn of events, I bring my desk closer to Hitori’s. And she does the same.
- “I’m excited to work with you” she says, with the same damn smile as always.
- “Yeah”
As we sit down, I make sure there is distance between us. I hesitate as I grab all of the necessary items to do this art study. Is this really happening? Why am I, of all people, the one stuck working with her? It feels more like a cruel joke than anything else. We’re from two different worlds.
The bright light from the windows makes that fact even more apparent. Her hair, jet black—falling at her shoulders, seems to absorb all of the brightness. From one look it’s easy to tell she spends a lot of time on it. Her eyes match it—black and sparkling with life. Hitori’s entire face glows with this energy, as if she’s amazed by something only she can see.
Then, there’s me. My brown hair pulled back in two unkept braids. Nothing special, just so I don’t have to deal with it. If we have one similarity, it’s that our hair matches our eyes, but there is nothing vibrant about mine. They’re simply there, blending with the same default expression I always have.
The difference is almost too big. It’s like seeing two extremes in one place. We’re wearing the same uniform, but it’s hard to tell. I look like a page ripped out of the school rulebook. Hitori wears hers like it’s meant to be customized, like a personal statement. Her tie’s a little looser, her uniform slightly altered, and the piercings in her ears—too many to count—make it clear she’s not here to follow the rules. She doesn’t have to.
Hitori starts grabbing her things as well. One by one, no mess in sight.
- “How should we start?” she asks, turning her head towards me. Her eyes so bright and full of life that they almost blind me.
- “With the research, obviously” I respond
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- “Oops, sorry, I’m aware of that. I want to know how we’ll start the research exactly. And if we’ll do it together or only one person does it and the other writes it down”
- “Look, just do your thing. I’ll do mine”
- “Oh… okay. Sounds like a plan!”
For a second, Hitori’s expression changed. Her eyes—bright as the sun, seemed covered by a shadow, even if for just a moment. I’m surprised I even caught on to it. Nevertheless, I have more important things to focus on.
-----1:36pm-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Both me and Hitori have stayed quiet. She seems very focused on the art study, which makes me glad. At least I have a competent partner. From time to time, I’ll catch her looking at me. The same happens in her end. It’s embarrassing, I won’t lie. But we have a task at hand. The issue is, I can’t concentrate. I’ve made progress, of course. Still, there’s something stopping me from going all in on this project.
- “Having trouble? We could stop here if you want” somehow noticing my predicament, Hitori remarks.
- “I’m fine” I quickly retort
- “Are you sure?” she pushes
- “I am”
She inched closer; her eyes now fixated on me
- “I feel like you’re lying to me” she states, her face closing in on mine
- “You would know a thing or two about lying, wouldn’t you princess” I say as I distance myself
- “What is that supposed to mean?” she replies, her attitude changing
- “You’re too good to be true, princess”
Hitori gets quiet for a few seconds, before getting back to her original position. Now a smile is plastered on her face, like she’s trying not to laugh
- “You sure like calling me ‘princess’, huh?”
Even while sitting down, I feel like I’ve lost my footing. I attempt to speak, but nothing concrete comes out. The laugh she was trying so hard to not let go escapes her mouth. It isn’t loud, yet it definitely gathers attention.
- “Are you insane?” I whisper in an attempt to make her stop, however she ignores me
After a couple seconds, her laugh dies down.
- “If you’re having trouble, it’s good to let your mind rest, no?”
- “I don’t need rest”
- “I know a thing or two about lies, wasn’t that what you said?
I think of protesting this further, but given how we’ve already caught everyone’s eyes, I oblige.
- “You draw, right?” Hitori notes
- “How did you know?”
- “Come on, you’re always focused on some drawing” she gets closer, our shoulders now touching “I heard it can calm the mind. Maybe if you draw a little, you’ll find it easier to get back into the research”
- “Calm the mind?” I chuckle “It’s more frustrating than anything”
- “Why is that?”
Before I can come up with a response, Hitori sees the sketch I’ve been working on. Again and again, I’ve erased this drawing and tried doing it once more. It never comes quite like how I imagine it.
- “Did you draw that?” she asks
I close my sketchbook, hoping I didn’t give her enough time to fully process what she saw.
- “What if it is?”
- “Nothing, I just think it’s pretty”
- “I don’t need your fake compliments”
Hitori sighs. She seems lost for a moment, as her eyes lose their light.
- “I’m being genuine”
She sounds different than usual as she says it. Like any excitement she had has vanished suddenly. I fidget in my seat as a silence grows between us.
- “Thank you” I reply
Hitori turns to me—life sparkling on her eyes once more. We grow quiet again, but this time I feel closer to her than ever before.
- “No problem” she responds as her smile widens
- “What do you like about it?” I question, still doubting her sincerity
- “Hm, well I wasn’t able to get a good look at it, but it was really well made from I could tell”
- “Do you want to see it again?”
Hitori’s face softens as she hears my question
- “I’d be happy to”
I open my sketchbook to the same page I’ve been spending hours and hours on for the past few days. As soon as I do, my mind starts racing. Everything that is wrong with my drawing becomes so apparent that I feel embarrassed for not noticing before. I look at Hitori. Is she thinking the same thing? Will her opinion on it now change?
- “It’s beautiful. How do you even come on with something like this?” she remarks
- “I wouldn’t go that far. I made so many mistakes while drawing it. I don’t know how I haven’t noticed them before”
- “It’s normal to make mistakes, why would that make this any less appealing?”
- “Mistakes this big just shows how much of an amateur I am”
She pauses for a second
- “Aren’t too focused on small things?”
- “The ‘small things’ are the difference between a well-made piece of art and a trashy one”
- “I’m not sure if I agree” Hitori pauses, looking at my sketch again before continuing “It’s so easy to get lost in the little details. Making it as accurate to real life as possible. That skill should be praised of course, but it shouldn’t be the focus. Art is about the meaning behind the piece, the passion”
As she speaks, Hitori appears lost in her own world. Like she’s not even talking to me.
- “Ah!” she exclaims, again aware of her surroundings “It- It’s just- Sorry, that’s just my opinion anyway”
- “And what would someone like you know about art? You’re out of your territory here”
She goes quiet
- “Yeah. No yeah, you’re right. Oops! I don’t know what got into me” she chuckles
A silence grows between us again. We get back into the research, but if I could guess, I’d say she can’t concentrate on it either.
-----2:00pm-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The school bell rings loudly again, yet this time I was painfully aware of everything around me. I got barely anything done, I wonder what it was like on Hitori’s end. She hasn’t said a word, and her expression is different than the usual.
- “Don’t forget everyone. This is due next week. Good luck” the teacher announces as he leaves the classroom
- “I didn’t realize so much time had passed. Did you?” I ask
- Nope, didn’t notice it either” she replies
- “This will be difficult to do in just one week” I’m more talkative than usual. I enjoy silence. But the one between us right now feels… strange
- “Yeah, it’ll be tough”
- “Oh, and, you’ll perform right?”
Hitori’s posture changes as I question her about her performance
- “I will. How did you know?”
I suddenly distance myself from Hitori. It’s sudden enough to grab her attention
- “I just, heard people talking about it, I guess”
- “Is that so?”
Hitori keeps her eyes on me while we both stay quiet
- “Well, I hope you’ll like my performance” Hitori expresses
- “I doubt it”
Silence surrounds us again, before Hitori grabs her phone
- “Here” she calls out
- “Your… phone?”
Hitori laughs
- “My contact, silly. We’ll have to finish this thing together, right? This way we can stay on touch and organize things more easily”
- “Oh, right. Yeah, that’s a good idea I guess”
As I go to type out her number, she grabs my hand
- “You don’t need to type it out. Just go here, andddd. Boom, see? Easy”
I adjusted my glasses, even though I didn’t need to. The room felt warmer
- “Uh, yeah. Yeah, thanks”
- “No problem” she smiles
The other students begin reorganizing the classroom, moving the desks back to their original place. Me and Hitori do the same, but as the distance between us gets bigger, I can catch her glimpsing back at me. I’m not sure why, however I find myself looking back as well. It’s a strange feeling. Like I just finished a really good movie.
We both go back to our original positions in the classroom, yet it doesn’t feel the same to me. I wonder if Hitori feels like this too. Despite that, I go back to my sketch, choosing to focus on it instead.