tent warningsslurs, misgendering, refereo self-harm

  [colpse]Chapter 2: Lies2023 October 6Friday“A what?”

  “A naughty kitten. A bitey puppy… Some kind of horrible goose?”

  I’m not sure how I’m supposed to respond.

  Bethah—pauses for a moment before tinuing, “Joe, what do you know about toxic masity?”

  Oh, this nonsense.

  I answer, “Plenty. As the great Dr. Jordaerson expins, toxic masity is the idea that mase traits such as strength and fidence are ily bad. To which I say, ‘Isn’t the very idea that a man should be ashamed of his self from birth itself highly toxic, especially given the great feats of strength and iy that said masity has made ma?’”

  She stares at me in disbelief of what I’ve said. Got her.

  After what feels like several satisfying minutes of Beth staring at me dumbstruck, her expression softens, and she starts talking to me with the tone of a patronizing schoolteacher.

  “It’s alright, Joe. You could have just answered ‘nothing’. I promise nobody is grading you on your answers and you don’t o make up nonsense for a ce at partial credit.”

  Her tone shifts to be menuinely informative but equally obnoxious.

  “Joe, you’re ag as if I said ‘masity, which is toxic’. What I asked about was the specific type of masity that is toxic. The kind that demands a man to always be right, to always be in charge, to judge and punish those different from himself and to act as if he did nothing wrong wheakes things too far. The kind of masity, Joe, that has made you dangerous to be around. You see, Joe…”

  I start to tune her out when it bees clear she isn’t stopping any time soon. This girl obviously loves the sound of her own voice.

  I focus on other things nearby to distract me from whatever nonsense she’s going on about. The feel h fabric stretched over my cot. The funny shape of my cell’s toilet. The way the gre from the cell’s lights on the gss walls has been reduced thanks to the increased amount of light ing in from outside. How those outside lights are illuminating the girl standing outside my cell door. The same girl I’m supposed to be ign…

  Damn it.

  I tune ba, just in time to hear her say, “And then there was the event that got you expelled from Bradford Mley.”

  I jump off of my cot and walk toward the cell door, one arm extended so I gesture as I speak. “THAT WASN’T MY FAULT,” I yell.

  Then, with a bit more trol, I say, “Dee lied to me for months, ag like he was pletely normal. Ag like he was my friend instead of the… the degee tranny he really is. And when I tried to expin how that wasn’t alright, how friends don’t lie to each other like that, he made up some bullshit story about how he was faking being trans to show it was just a fad. I couldn’t do nothing, could I? I had to do somethingto remind him that lying is wrong and that the world isn’t the safe space he wishes it was.”

  “And so you hit her,” Beth says matter-of-factly. “And, when she dared to defend herself, you threateo do worse. It’s good for both your sakes that your RA caught you when he did.”

  Her tourns more versational.

  “I’m going to give you some time to think over what I said today, Joe. Dinner will be delivered soon, and I’ll be back after breakfast tomorrow m to talk about what es .”

  She turns to walk away, stops, and then quickly turns toward me again. “Oh, I almost fot.”

  Her tone darkens.

  “Despite whatever she may have said while trying to calm you down, your old roommate goes by Lily now and uses she/her pronouns. If I or any of the others running this fi hear you misgender her or call her anything other than Lily, you will receive a strike. You do not want to see what happens when you get three strikes. Ugly stuff. Causes nightmares for days.”

  And theone brightens again.

  “Alright, that’s all for now. See you in the m. Have a good night, Joe!”

  She walks away, leaving me aloh my crappy cot and one question at the forefront of my mind: what the hell is wrong with this girl?

  2023 October 7SaturdayAfter I finish another bnd breakfast—anything has got to be better than the never-ending bananas and cereal bars—Beth walks up to my cell door.

  “Good m, Joe!,” she starts. “Did you have a good night’s sleep?”

  “Not really,” I answer.

  “Ah, I suppose not with that cot, huh? Well, cheer up, because we’ve got some fun activities pnned for today. First, though, I’m sure you could use a shower.”

  Oh yeah, it’s been what? Three days since I st showered? I know I should reek by now, but I ’t smell it like I expect to.

  Beth pulls the taser out of her pocket, unlocks the cell door with her thumb, and steps to my right. I take an uep out and survey my surroundings.

  Beth is still standing to the right, taser drawn like I might try something. Smart of her, holy. The hallway behind her leads to a dead end. Along the side of the hall behi appears there’s around ten cells like the one I was in.

  “Alright, move along,” Beth says. She motions with her taser for me to go left to the other end of the hallway.

  Somebody I ’t see opens the doors at the end. To my left beyond the doors are stairs going up, with another locked door at the top.

  “Right, here,” Beth says.

  As I turn, I see the woman with the mannish haircut that brought some of my meals. She’s carrying her own taser along with a small basket.

  “M, Ames,” Beth says. “I appreciate the backup.”

  Ames leads me the rest of the way down the hall and points to my right with her taser. She hands me the basket and starts giving instrus.

  “This is your shower kit. The shower annex is right through here. The doors to the on area are locked for now, so you’ll have to e back out the way you came ih and I will be waiting here, with tasers of course. There will be fresh clothes waiting in your cell, so just wear your towel out. And don’t be too long!”

  “Of course,” I respond.

  And of course they’ll both be waiting for me. I could probably tackle one of them as soon as she lets her guard down and steal her taser. I doubt I would get very far with it if they’re both watg me, though. Shit.

  I take a quick shower, my towel around my waist, a led bay cell. As promised, there’s a fresh set of workout clothes waiting for me. Sants and a hoodie. Practical.

  “A little privacy, maybe?,” I say.

  “Nothing I haven’t seen before,” says Beth. “You, Ames?”

  She just shrugs.

  “But fine, I tell your little guy is shy,” says Beth, and she and Ames both turn their backs to my cell.

  I quickly ge and then annouhat I’m done.

  “Great! The’s tihe tour,” says Beth. She and Ames lead me out of the cell and back through the other hall to just short of the showers.

  “Stop,” says Beth. “Now, as much as I hate listening to the sound of my own voice…”

  I hear Ames let out a quiet snort.

  “I o make some things clear before we tinue. Every woman you see here is armed with a taser. The tasers are locked to their individual users, so don’t get any bright ideas about tag one of us to steal our taser. Obviously, the doors out of here are locked. Also, you’re being recorded at all times; sound and video. If yood, you’ll be rewarded with more privileges, but if you’re naughty, then we’ll have to take away your toys.

  “And finally, Joe, there are only two ways out of here. You either stick with the programme until we’ve determihat you’ve ready to reenter polite society, or you wash out.”

  “Is washing out what happens after the third strike?” I ask.

  “No,” Beth says. “Washing out is far worse. Nearly every year there are washouts, and whatever happens to them—and they won’t tell me what it is even though I work here—they’re never heard from again. Hurting one of us or the other women here is the quickest way to wash out. So, if you ever want to leave, you’re best off pying nid following instrus. Say you uand and agree.”

  “You ’t be serious,” I say.

  “Joe. Say you uand and agree.”

  I look bad forth betweeh and Ames. Their tasers are pointed right at me, and assumih isn’t lying, even if I mao disarm them both, it wouldn’t help. Fihen. I’ll py along for now.

  “I uand and agree,” I say.

  “Great!,” says Beth, “Now that’s all squared away, it’s time to meet the other boys. Oh, and Joe.”

  She gives me a very serious look for a moment and then puts on a smile. “Wele to Dorley Hall.”

  Dorley Hall. I think I’ve heard of it. It’s supposed to be one of those dorms exclusively firls from “disadvantaged” backgrounds, and it happens to be somewhere on the Saints campus. If that’s where I really am, then I should be able to find help pretty easily after I mao get out of here.

  Ames opens another set of doors tht. This must be the on area she mentioned earlier. There’s a few heavy metal tables, some couches, some ets with red lights on them for some reason, and a rge TV on the back wall. Three more taser-wielding wometing near each other by some doors off to the right.

  And there’s the other boys that Beth mentiowo of them are sitting on the couearest the TV, watg some kind of realty show, and a third boy is sitting at one of the tables, staring off into space while twitg one of his legs up and down.

  I hear two loud cps behind me before Beth raises her voice.

  “Alright, kids, we’ve got a new pymate joining us today. Everybody, meet Joe. Joe, everybody. Have fun!”

  One of the two boys on the couch sits up and turns to face me.

  “Hey there. I’m Andrew,” he says.

  “Hi. I’m Joe, uh, like she said. Did they hit you with the whole toxic masity speech, also?”

  “Yep,” says Andrew, “I guess it’s a crime now to date too many different women.”

  One of the women watg us chimes in. She’s wearing gsses and a top that somehow has full ce but doesn’t hide her curves.

  “I told you Ahe problem isn’t dating too many women. Hell, you could pull all you want and we wouldn’t have any issue. The problem is when you lead these women on like you’re ied in a long-term retionship and then kick them to the curb not a week ter after you’ve had your fun.”

  “Well, maybe I do want something long term but end up ging my mind,” says Andrew. “’t bme me for that, you, Serena?”

  Based on the versation, I ihat Serena has taken on the same role for Ahat Beth has for me.

  “Anyway, Joe,” Andrew says, “what are you in for? And from the sound of your voice, I’m guessing very far from home.”

  “Um, I got into some fights,” I say. “One of them got me kicked out of my old college, so I came here to study instead.”

  “Yeah?” says Andrew. “Did the guys you fought have it ing?”

  I gnce back at Beth as I e up with an ahat won’t risk me a strike. “Yeah, I’d say everybody I fought had it ing.”

  Andrew gestures toward the other boy on the couch. “Sebastiaends to fight with his words.”

  “I’m just doing a public service,” Sebastian says. “Somebody has to expin to these Tumblr kiddies how the world really works.”

  I take a closer look at Beth and the other women. They don’t seem to care about Sebastian speaking frankly, so I rex a bit.

  “Yeah,” I say, “it’s crazy some of the things people believe these days. You announce ‘I’m going by she/they/bark now’ and everybody else is supposed to accept it as if what you said is the most natural thing in the world.”

  “I’m gd somebody gets it,” says Sebastian.

  “So, Sebastian—is Seb, OK?” I ask.

  “Either’s fine,” he says.

  “So, Seb, who’s your, uh…”

  “Pippa,” he answers while pointing out a blonde woman with the pixie cut, “and they prefer to be called your ‘sponsor’.”

  I practically see finger quotes when he says that st word.

  “Huh, Pippa is a new one for me,” I say.

  Her ears must be burning, because she volunteers, “It’s short for Philippa.”

  That didn’t help as much as one would hope.

  The nervous guy sitting at a table says, “Oh, I didn’t make the e before. Doesn’t that mean you like horses?”

  “They’re OK,” Pippa says.

  I take the opportunity to turn toward the third guy and ask, “So what did you do?”

  He stops twitg his leg and faces me.

  “It’s more like what I didn’t do.” He lets out a nervous ugh at his turn-of-phrase. “But yeah, I just… stopped doing. Stopped attending modules and started failing courses. I had a really nasty breakup with my girlfriend.”

  “A me guess,” I interjected, “your parents wouldn’t get off your case about any of it.”

  “No,” he said, “they’ve been nothing but supportive and patient, and I keep wasting it. I know I have what it takes to succeed. I excelled in school up through A-levels. But as soon as things got the least bit challenging at uy, it’s like my brain just fot how to work. And every time I thought I was ready to get back at it, I’d dht for a few weeks, and then start falling apart again. I’m supposed to be their smart, successful son. I should be better than this.”

  The one ban in the room speaks up. “It’s called burnout, or. You felt challenged for the first time in your life, didn’t know how to ha, and burned out. It takes more than ‘a few weeks’ to get over that. Normally, this is something you’d figure out on your own, but you were spiraling so bad we had t you in for your own safety.

  “Now, please, so I don’t have to remind you again, try to rex. Wate TV. Get to know your new… friends, however distasteful they may seem. Yoing to be here together for a while still.”

  “Thanks, Tabby,” or says. “I o hear that. Probably won’t be the st time I do, either.”

  I ’t believe what I just heard.

  “You actually get along with her?” I ask.

  “I’m pretty sure she just wants to help me,” or says. “I should probably be mad about the whole kidnapping thing, but I’m already such a mess, I find it hard to care.”

  Yikes.

  “So how long have the rest of you been here?” I ask.

  “Um… about a week and a half,” says Andrew. “I was the first one here. Last thing I remember is starting to ast an alley on the way bay ft, and boom, I’m staring up at the blinding lights in one of the cells.”

  Without me asking more questions, Andrew goes back to watg TV with Seb while or tinues his fidgeting thing. It’s shog how easily these three were broken. Or maybe they never had it io fight ba the first pce.

  I need more time to properly process what’s going on with both them and the “sponsors”, and or’s stant fidgeting while sitting by himself is making me nervous, so I motion for him to join me on a couch to wate TV.

  * * *

  After a long day of TV, lun the adjat dining room, and more TV—there are some books avaible, but they’re all romarash—Beth and Tabby lead me bay cell. Once I’m on the inside, Beth oside, and Tabby off to who knows where—probably looking for someone else to kidnap—Beth starts speaking.

  “Well Joe, I’m sure you have tons of questions, and now’s your ce to ask them.”

  “Fine. What the hell is going on here? I didn’t do anything to deserve being locked up, aher did the others.”

  “Other than the assaults? Like I said whe, Joe, you’re dangerous. You’re all dangerous, although in or’s case, he’s mostly just a dao himself. What’s going on here is that we’re going to help you improve. When we’ve made sure you’re no longer any kind of danger, and only after we’ve made sure, you’ll get to leave. Of course, being washed out is a pretty definite—and holy easier—way of making sure you’re not a danger, so I’m going to give you a choice. You either gh the modest little programme we’ve got here, or you wash out. o answer now—I’ll let you sleep on it—but I do hope you’ll choose the programme. It gets lonely down in this basement.”

  “And what’s with the bump on my stomach? Did you stick me with something?”

  “Goserelin impnt. It lowers your testosterone and keeps you calm. We’ll re-admi once a month for as long as the programme takes.”

  Jesus. It’s like these crazy bitches are trying to emascute me.

  “That’s fucked up, you know.”

  “It does seem that way, doesn’t it, but better safe than sorry.”

  I try to think if there’s any more important questions to ask right now, but I’m getting too hungry for dio think straight, and I might be freaking out a little. Just a bit.

  “I think that’s all my questions.”

  “Well that was easy, then. I’ll be ba the m for your answer about the programme, Joe. Enjoy one more night in the cell.”

  She walks away, and I’m alone again. I start to shiver as I think about what kind of hell I’ve gotten into. I kick my cot against the gss wall and watch it bounce off without leaving a scratch. Then, I sit on the floor, and I begin to cry.