I hurried to intercept the boss. Bee was deftly avoiding every slash of Delightful’s pink scythe, but I knew that just one hit would be enough to kill her, and she didn’t have the comfort of a respawn skill.

  Triggering SPRING_HEEL, I flew at the reaper with Brock cocked back. The boss whirled around just before I could hit, putting the sharp blade of his scythe in the way. I swung early, aiming for the blade with my balloon gauntlet and hoping that both Brock and I would survive what came next.

  “1-armed_Bandit.exe!” I exclaimed.

  The tip of my middle knuckle touched the edge of the scythe and time immediately froze. The golden slot machine fell down next to me with a loud clunk, lacking any of the dramatic flair that the fortune wheel had had. Like the first time that I’d used it, the four options were: “My arm is an orbital laser!”; “Messimer staring contest”; “moneySucker( )”; and “Demon Incursion”.

  Panda sighed. “Do I really have to do this again?”

  Delightful stared between me and the slot machine. I suddenly realized that Bee was right behind him, her right hand inches from touching his back. Given that we were inside her Fungal Fortress, any affliction she caused would be twice as effective, whatever that meant.

  “I can only move my eyes and mouth,” I replied. “You’re the only one who can pull the lever.”

  Panda frowned. “Why did they design the skill like this??”

  “Stop whining and just do it,” I told him.

  He sighed again but then took a running start from my shoulder and hopped, barely catching his fingerless arms around the lever and pulling it down with his weight.

  The three wheels spun inside the slot machine, going through the icons for the four options, showing a blue fist, a green rain cloud, a yellow treasure chest, and a black skull. For the next 10 seconds, the machine played a jingle as the options were cycled through. Now that I knew that getting three colors would give me a random effect, I was desperately hoping to avoid it, since randomness seemed to have it out for me.

  As it finally slowed down, the four of us, Delightful included, eagerly watched the wheels. The first one stopped on a black skull.

  “Shit,” Panda muttered, still hanging from the lever.

  The second stopped on a yellow treasure chest.

  Then the third wheel slowly came to a halt as well, barely avoiding the green rain cloud to end on the chest.

  Result: Yellow Pair!

  moneySucker( ) effect triggered.

  “Inherit all of target’s assets upon death.”

  A golden light enveloped the Delightful Reaper’s body, casting a slight bit of light around him, which I hoped would stick around, since we only had a few minutes before Bee’s Fungal Fortress would expire and remove the fluorescent mushrooms serving as the main source of light.

  “I need that money to buy Funko Pops!” the boss exclaimed. “You can’t have them, nyan!”

  “Ugh, he’s a collector,” I muttered in disgust.

  The slot machine exploded into golden particles and then time resumed, bouncing me back and away from the scythe unscathed. I flipped once in the air before landing on my feet.

  Bee gently touched the boss just as he prepared to charge me, and a sickly purple taint grew from the spot and quickly spread to stain the color of his bathrobe and skin.

  He spun around in reaction, but I shot myself at him again, slamming my fist into his head and knocking him forward, allowing Bee to move out of the way.

  I landed in a slide and summoned my Cooldown Claymore, then prepared to trigger SPRING_HEEL for a third time, but before I could release my bent knees, pale hands came out of the dark floor and grabbed me.

  Delightful recovered and flew towards me with speed. I triggered Blink to teleport behind him but instead found myself back where I’d entered the chamber, several meters from him and Bee.

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  “Gambit! There’s a teleport trap in here!” Panda exclaimed.

  “I know!”

  I crouched and shot myself towards the boss again, activating another skill mid-air.

  “Rules of Anarchy(Fall Guy)!”

  Rules of Anarchy Activated!

  Passive Selected: Fall Guy

  Description:

  A perfect copy of you will take all the blame and seek out the foes hunting you. Anyone who kills the Fall Guy will believe they have killed you.

  My ‘perfect’ copy appeared in the air next to me, holding a foam board sword spraypainted orange, and with a small koala plushie on his shoulder. Like the last time I’d used this ability, he had mostly the same appearance as me, except his eyes were entirely black and there was a pencil-thin mustache on his upper lip. He also had a poor imitation of Brock covering his entire right arm, and it was a mix of colors, looking like it had been made by a circus clown who had struggled a lot with the concept.

  “?Ni siquiera la Muerte puede separarnos, compadre!”

  Delightful flew up to meet us, swinging his sword directly at my Fall Guy. My copy somehow spun in the air and deflected the scythe with his foam sword, landing in a cool slide and immediately surging towards the boss.

  With the boss’ attention completely locked on the copy, I used Blink to return back to the entrance of the dark chamber, ending up almost directly behind the reaper and not wasting a second to slash my Cooldown Claymore through his body.

  The smell of burning flesh, hair, and fabric came from Delightful, who screamed in pain as my energy blade carved through him. His right arm came off, but he was able to tilt his body in a way that my blade veered down and only moved through his hip and right leg, instead of his torso, sparing him.

  But then my Fall Guy swung his foam sword through Delightful’s neck, decapitating him.

  “Holy shit!” Panda exclaimed as the boss’ head fell to the floor with a thunk. “I had no idea the Fall Guy could kill people!”

  “Me neither,” I replied.

  Bee quickly came over.

  “That sword is really strong,” she commented just as it fizzled out.

  “I got it from killing the Red Pawn, remember?”

  She nodded.

  “Uhh, I think there might be a problem,” Panda remarked.

  I immediately turned to the corpse, fearing that the reaper wouldn’t stay dead. But his body was rapidly decaying into mulch, thanks to Bee’s terrifying ability. Then I realized what he’d meant when I saw the golden light leave the boss’ body and flow towards my copy.

  “?Ay caramba! ?Soy rico!”

  “Please tell me he didn’t just get all of the boss’ assets…” I muttered.

  “Felicidades,” Bee told him.

  “Wait, you speak Spanish?” I asked her.

  “Of course,” she replied.

  “So, what happens if I kill him? Can I loot all the stuff he just got?” I asked.

  “I don’t think that will work,” Panda replied.

  “Ask him what he got,” I told Bee.

  Bee translated the question, and the Fall Guy gestured widely and spoke quickly.

  “He says he got nearly 2 million Game Coins and about 800 unopened boxes of rare Funko Pops,” she replied.

  I immediately punch-decapitated my clone.

  “What the fuck, Gambit!” Panda exclaimed.

  My Fall Guy just vanished, leaving no leftovers wisp behind.

  Rules of Anarchy Deactivated!

  Passive Deselected: Fall Guy

  Description:

  A perfect copy of you will take all the blame and seek out the foes hunting you.

  Cause:

  Your innocent Fall Guy was brutally murdered.

  “Goddamn it!” I complained. “That money was meant to be ours!”

  [Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x ]

  ‘Death-defier’

  Killed a Death Boss.

  I’m being told that you’re not supposed to be able to win against a Boss like this.

  Also, his brothers are very upset.

  Fortunately for you, one of the System’s rules is that challenges must be rewarded proportionally, and the blame for you being able to survive a Death door from the colored paths is placed solely on the person who designed this encounter.

  Reward: ‘Reaper’s Lunchbox’

  [Congratulations! You have unlocked an achievement! x ]

  ‘Soft-Lock 2: Return of the QA’s Nightmare’

  The guys upstairs really don’t like when this happens.

  Since you weren’t supposed to win this fight, there was no plan for what to do if you actually beat the Death Boss, which means you are stuck.

  In case you’re wondering, the room you are in is a hermetically-sealed box and it’s located far away from the actual dungeon, so even if you could break through its walls, you would not be able to get back into the dungeon.

  By the way, tell Bee that those mushrooms look tasty. If she can bring me a few, then I’ll give her something in return.

  Reward: ‘Vial of a QA’s tears’

  A rumbling metal lunchbox producing muffled screams landed in my hands alongside a glass vial full of liquid silver.

  Just then Bee’s Fungal Fortress expired, and all the towering mushrooms vanished, plunging us into darkness.

  “Well, shit.”