“—king kidding me!” I yelled.

  [UH OH!] the Humanbus exclaimed.

  My flesh pod was suddenly spun around so that my ballista pointed backwards, and the whole thing moved along the side of the bus until it reached the back.

  I had no idea if the other monsters would continue to assault us, but the World Boss waddling after us rapidly was obviously a much greater concern.

  [Appraisal x ]

  Level 25 — ‘Serenity Park Swan’ — World Boss

  “*IRATE HONKING*”

  Everyone knows geese are assholes. But have you ever wondered who geese consider assholes? That’s right, swans. They’re territorial and mean, even when they aren’t protecting their young, and will bully geese who are themselves notorious bullies.

  This swan believes the entirety of Serenity Park belongs to him, and he will chase away all those who touch its grassy lawns or murky ponds.

  If you’re thinking, ‘Hold up, Serenity Park is in Castleburg’, then you’re absolutely right!

  However, since you are wearing a cape made of swan feathers, it has been locked on to your location for the last several hours, running along the congested highway in a blind rage to come find you.

  Fun fact!

  If two World Boss Swans meet, they will fight to the death and the winner will evolve into a Hydra-Swan. We highly encourage you to make this happen!

  Tina and Bee were already blasting their ballista bolts at the giant swan, but it was using the wind generated by its wings to divert the trajectory of the projectiles.

  [DO NOT LET IT PECK ME!] the Humanbus squealed. It was somehow not that surprising that it was scared of the swan.

  “I can’t hit it!” Bee complained. “It’s cheating!”

  I joined in with shots of my own, but it just flapped its wings and sent my bolts off into the shops on the side of the street, without a single one hitting anywhere close to its feathery body.

  Bee was trick-shotting off of abandoned cars, the pavement, and even lampposts, but none of the impressive shots hit their mark, since the swan was quick to flap its wings defensively.

  “Nina says we must take the fight to it,” Tina announced.

  “Don’t be an idiot,” I told her. “It’ll literally slap you to death with its wings. It’s way stronger than it looks.”

  “I’ll stay back here while you deal with it,” she replied.

  “What do you mean by that?” Bee asked.

  “Bus driver! This here is my stop!” Tina yelled.

  [ACTIVATING EMERGENCY BRAKES! MISSING A STOP IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!]

  “Oh shit,” Panda muttered.

  The Humanbus screeched to a halt by digging the nails of its chubby feet into the pavement, spinning 90 degrees and exposing its broadside to the incoming swan that clearly had no intentions of slowing down.

  “Oh fuck, oh fuck!” I exclaimed as I quickly climbed out of my fleshy pod and dropped onto the ground.

  Bee followed suit and I caught her as she hopped down.

  “Come on, Brock!” I yelled as I ran towards the swan.

  Lordie made a strange sound and vanished into his transport cage.

  Bee was right behind me, but Tina was still in her ballista pod, firing bolts over our heads at the enraged boss while cackling like a maniac.

  Then the swan rushed right past us, only realizing that the target of its ire, i.e. me, was no longer on the bus. I watched as it scrambled its webbed feet on the pavement to try and stop its momentum and turn, but its mass and speed made that impossible.

  The Humanbus cried out in pain and Tina screamed with laughter as the swan collided with the sentient vehicle and sent it airborne for a couple of seconds. As the bus slammed back down, it landed awkwardly on its left legs and tipped over onto its side.

  [OH NO! AN ACCIDENT! I DO NOT HAVE ANY INSURANCE!]

  The swan stretched its large wings and flapped them once, sending a buffet of wind in our direction.

  “I’ll take it down,” Bee said confidently. “You just have to distract it.”

  “Uhh…”

  HONK!

  “I don’t think you’ll enjoy this,” Panda told me.

  “Brock, please! I need you right now buddy!” I exclaimed to the balloon sleeve stubbornly refusing to turn back into a gauntlet. My right hand had already fully healed, but I knew the swan was a tough son of a bitch and I’d recently lost a lot of my firepower, so I really needed Brock to make up for what I was missing.

  Bee patted me on the shoulder and then sprinted out of the way.

  The swan completely ignored her and ran right for me, lowering its massive head towards the ground while lifting its wings and flapping them as it charged.

  Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.

  I swallowed hard and ran to meet it, figuring the worst that could happen was that I died.

  “Use your cape!” Panda yelled.

  It had a long cooldown, but that thought barely registered as the monster opened its orange maw, preparing to snap me in half.

  “Honk!” I shouted.

  SKILL TRIGGER!

  Swan-feather Cloak’s ‘Indestructible’ Skill Activated!

  Somewhere, a Swan takes notice of your power.

  The Swan-Feather Cloak fully enveloped me in a bubble of velvet-soft fuzz. Even though I could tell I suddenly went airborne and upside-down, I didn’t feel any of the attacks against me. I bounced once against something and then came to a standstill.

  Loud muffled honks came from somewhere below me, and then the protective cloak unfurled, and I realized I was on the roof of a two-story building on the side of the street.

  “I’m alive!” I exclaimed.

  Just then a massive orange beak rose up from below the edge of the building, reaching for my head.

  “Oh s—!” was all I managed to get out before the enormous swan fell back down.

  A loud splat and crunch sounded from the street below me, and I ran to the edge to look down at what was happening.

  The giant swan was slumped against the side of the electronics store I was on the roof of, and before my eyes it aged a hundred years in an instant, its feathers turning grey and old. At the same time, its body lost its structural integrity as its bones turned to mush, and its flesh and organs rotted into nothingness.

  The World Boss collapsed into a heap, but soon even its seemingly-indestructible feathers decayed and became mulch. A carpet of mushrooms sprouted all over and around it, but they too vanished as quickly as they came, at the end just leaving a dark spot on the street and up against the building. A wisp floated where it had been and a few feet away stood Bee, a smug expression on her face. With her new horns and the wing hanging from her back, she had kind of a menacing villainess-in-the-making look about her.

  “Is it weird that her new powers scare the shit out of me?” I asked Panda.

  “I was just about to say the same thing,” he replied.

  “Do you need a hand to get down?” Bee yelled up at me, while Tina hopped out from her turret pod, which she’d been inside of even as the bus went onto its side. The lunatic ran over to the wisp even though she hadn’t contributed shit to the fight and clearly looted a bunch of stuff from it.

  “Hey!” I yelled down at her. “We’ve gotta split those!”

  “Only five more remain! The Hydra of all Hydras shall be born!” Nina exclaimed.

  Then she started to glow.

  “Please tell me she didn’t do what I think she did,” Panda muttered.

  I suddenly remembered the item I’d gotten from the first time I’d killed the swan.

  [‘Swan Foie Gras’ x ]

  Item

  Rich and buttery, with an aftertaste of animal abuse.

  Feed to a World Boss Swan to evolve it into a Hydra-Swan or consume it yourself to force a spontaneous Class Evolution.

  Weight: Approximately one

  As the light vanished from Tina’s body, she was suddenly covered in feathers from her feet to her neck. All her clothes were gone, but the shape of the clothes were imitated by the feathers covering her, which was… odd.

  Then a large swan head appeared over Tina’s actual head.

  She shared the item tooltip, which surprised me, but then again she seemed to have a strong handle on the System Commands thanks to Nina.

  [‘Swan-feather Helmet’ x ]

  Armor

  Aww, you killed it.

  Can you grab me one of its legs, or maybe a wing?

  I have just discovered a new type of human food magic called ‘deep-frying’.

  I would like to try it out.

  Wearing this armor imbues you with the following effects:

  - You become literally waterproof

  - You no longer experience cold

  - If you are within a hundred miles of a World Boss Swan, it will automatically seek you out

  You receive the ‘Sonic Honk’ ability, allowing you to project your voice far into the distance or to use it as a sonic weapon to cause madness, confusion, and discombobulation. 10-minute cooldown.

  Weight: Approximately eight and two quarters

  “How is Billee still talking about food??” I muttered.

  “She is the child of someone often referred to as the Devourer of Suns,” Panda replied. “Eating is like the core of her being.”

  I hopped down from the roof, landing on my feet on the street below, leaving a small crater thanks to my heavy skeleton.

  I stuck my hand inside the wisp to see if there was anything left.

  Leftovers of World Boss ‘Serenity Park Swan’:

  80x ‘GAME Coin’

  ‘Swan wing and drumstick combo set’

  I wasn’t sure how the boss was able to drop food made from its own body given that Bee had used her rotting power and fast forward to turn it into nothingness, but I didn’t question it. Although it was suspicious that it was the exact thing Billee had asked for, which made me wonder if she had the power to affect loot somehow. It was possible that her new job announcing item tooltips meant she had access to item creation.

  [‘Swan wing and drumstick combo set’ x ]

  Consumable

  A deep-fried combo meal made from a plucked swan wing and leg marinated in a special blend of salt, garlic, and MSG. Seasoned with eleven herbs and spices.

  I’m salivating!

  Bring it to me!

  NOW!!!

  Eating this combo set will probably make a certain insatiable Absolute Spawn quite mad at you.

  Weight: Approximately two and a half

  “Does she have the power to change tooltips?” I asked, slightly horrified by the implications.

  Before Panda could respond, a pitch-black child-sized shadowy figure appeared right in front of me, arms outstretched.

  “Billee!” Bee exclaimed.

  “You’re not supposed to be here,” Panda told her.

  “Gambit, give me the food. Right now,” Billee demanded.

  I quickly pulled the combo set out of the Leftovers wisp and handed it to her. It came in a brown paper bag and smelled awesome.

  “That smells good,” Bee commented. “Can I try some?”

  To my surprise, Tina put her hand on Bee’s chest, stopping her.

  Billee clutched the paper bag against her shadowy torso like it was her baby. She’d probably fight anyone who tried to get close, which made me grateful for Tina’s intervention.

  WARNING!

  A Dragonfly Defender from the Voidspawn Defense Force is coming to investigate signs of Voidspawn activity!

  All Players in the area, please do not approach the Dragonfly Defender while he is working!

  Interference will be punished!

  “Oh snap, it’s the fun police!” Billee said. “Gotta go!”

  With that, she just vanished.

  “I didn’t know she could just teleport here,” I remarked.

  “She’s really not supposed to be able to,” Panda explained. “Anyway, we should go. Those dragonfly freaks can probably detect me.”

  Tina, Bee, and I hurried over to where the Humanbus lay on its side, wriggling its many feet and crying out for help.