The 9th of Aggrave, Year 373 P.R.F. (High Lunar Cycle)

  The Cetimos Ministry of Summoning’s Testing and Isolation Facility #2, on the outskirts of Drebos Altimas

  Eventually, the three late arrivals were fed, Hesra having fetched a plate of food for Lady Elutria from the kitchen. I realized after the fact that Rudolpho must have done the cooking for all three of them, unless Master Thomas had left something ready for them or Hesra knew a much faster recipe than Master Thomas had prepared for us. I tried to imagine the still mostly-asleep Rudolpho cooking a proper and inviting meal, and couldn’t quite seem to make it work. But it had looked well put together when they sat down to eat it, and they had apparently found it satisfying. Truly, Rudolpho remained perpetually unpredictable to me.

  But breakfast consumed, Rudolpho directed Master Thomas to clear the dishes away, which he did without fuss. The elderly mage then looked squarely at Lady Elutria, and gave her a nod.

  She rose slowly to her feet, and in formal tones announced to me “Since we don’t need to take the time to teach you our language, today we’ll find out what you are truly capable of. Your knowledge, your skills, your abilities. I ask that you perform to your utmost, holding nothing back. Because today will determine if your future will be long and bright… or short and bleak.”

  With that, she started to sweep towards the door, presumably once again expecting me to follow her wherever she led. Rudolpho and Hesra, their own faces blank despite such dire words, rose as well. Yet another mimicry of yesterday, in its own way.

  “Umm, no thank you? I think I’d rather not.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I’m not sure why you think you can decide my future for me. I still just barely know you, let alone anything about this world. So if these tests of yours are really such a big deal, I think I’d rather hold off for now. I’d like to know why I’m here or what you expect of me before I let you decide whether I measure up to… to whatever it is you are assessing me for.”

  “We’re ‘assessing you’ to find out just what you can offer. In the longer-term sense, we’re not going to ask you to do anything you’re not capable of; that would be pointless. So we need to fully grasp just what it is you can do first.”

  “But what was it that caused you to summon me in the first place? What did you want someone for, to help you with, that you went and found me?”

  “Anything we need!” Lady Elutria snapped.

  “Elutria!” Rudolpho cried sharply, but she pressed on regardless.

  “I don’t know what you were expecting, but Cetimos is a large, powerful nation with large, powerful neighbors. We have a vast population of varying levels of skill and education, and plentiful but limited resources. We are prosperous and innovative. And thus, naturally, we are absolutely plagued by problems at every turn!

  “People outside our borders want what we have. People inside our borders want more of what we have. There are wars to fight, industries to develop, the impoverished to simultaneously lift up and beat back down. We are an advanced nation, a highly developed society, a cultural bastion that has kept the entire world enthralled with our superiority for generations, and likely will do so for generations to come.

  “That is, of course, only if we continue to rise to every challenge, overcome every obstacle. It’s one thing to claw your way to the top of the pile. Staying there requires constant effort, constant innovation, constant improvement! Constant sacrifice! We can never stop! There is always…”

  “Lady Elutria, stop this!” Rudolpho shouted over her, but she still wouldn’t be swayed.

  “She asked! This is what you wanted to know, isn’t it? Who we are? Well, summons are wild cards to us. Random as they are individually, collectively they are one of the most reliable ways we can maintain our edge, outdo our competitors, solve the problems no one believed could be solved. Summons are one of our most potent resources, to be plumbed and used as we see fit.”

  Panting, she leaned against one of the tables as a visibly upset Rudolpho looked between us, frowning deeply all the while. Hesra stood off to one side, posture stiff and expression still carefully blank, although I got the impression she’d subtly shifted her weight to balance on the balls of her feet. Master Thomas remained in the kitchen, out of my sight, so I had no idea of what he thought of all this, even though I had little doubt that Lady Elutria’s tirade had carried to his ears. Not that I was ready to decide how to react to it myself, just now. The whole explosion of words from her had caught me entirely off guard.

  Standing upright, Lady Elutria looked me directly in the eyes and deadpanned, “So come along now and be measured, so we can find out what you are truly worth and put you to work.”

  “Lady Elutria, that is enough! This is highly inappropriate behavior from a summoner, let alone one of your prestige.”

  “You can’t see her as I see her! Don’t judge me, judge her! There is something very wrong with her. We’re wasting our time, trying to gentle her along. Just break her to bridle and be done with her! I doubt she’ll survive a month, no matter what we do.”

  Her gaze returned to mine and she spat “I regret ever summoning you.” Where she stalked off to after that, I have no idea. I certainly wasn’t about to follow her when she exited the dining hall, not anymore.

  Rudolpho did follow her out, although he seemed a bit at a loss. Hesra, too, seemed to be planning to do the same. But I really wanted her perspective on all this, before I decided how to react. I wasn’t sure what to make of any of what Lady Elutria had said, like, at all. That last bit, in particular…

  “Hesra, please wait!”

  “I’m sorry, Secia, I really am. Lady Elutria shouldn’t have said what she did, especially not like that.”

  “Okay, thank you. So did…”

  But Hesra cut me off. “Secia, you understand that Lady Elutria was distraught, right? I don’t know what’s wrong, but Rudolpho shouldn’t have to try and deal with it alone. I need to go.”

  So I was left alone in the dining hall, with the occasional clatter of dishware from the kitchen for company. “Not everything is about you, Secia,” I muttered disapprovingly to myself.

  I tried to decide whether to remain here, talk to Master Thomas, head back to my room, or wander the tower. But I couldn’t make up my mind. I couldn’t even decide on a method to use, to choose what I might want to do.

  *****

  I was a bit startled when I realized I was staring down into the valley from the top of the tower again. The last thing I clearly recalled was struggling to decide what to do next, back in the dining hall. How did I wind up here? What was I doing here?

  Fuzzily, a tiny fragment of a mental image came back to me. I had been… studying the outside of the tower? Trying to see if I could climb down it?

  I shook my head, trying to clear it. The idea made little sense to me; I’ve never climbed up or down a wall before, and definitely had no idea how to go about doing it. Was climbing walls something people actually did, or just another one of those things you heard about in stories? I didn’t know, and I’m not sure how that information would be useful to me right now anyway, even if I did have some means to find out.

  Partially out of boredom and partially just to see if I could, I started rummaging through the various drawers and cabinets of the rooftop furniture. They generally proved to be unlocked, although I did find two I couldn’t open. Those that did open, though, I merely examined the contents. “Look but don’t touch” is the phrase, isn’t it?

  Aside from some writing materials and what was possibly a fire-starter, I found little that I could actually identify. But that in its own right was somewhat fascinating. I tried to guess which objects had magical applications versus more mundane ones.

  I also tried to spot whatever device Hesra had been using yesterday, in hopes of getting a better look at it. But nothing I saw seemed to be it. Maybe it was in one of the compartments I couldn’t open, or it was tucked underneath something else. Maybe Hesra hadn’t returned it to a cabinet after she was finished, or maybe I was misremembering what it looked like. I didn’t particularly care what the answer actually was; it was just a puzzle to occupy my mind.

  About the time I was considering borrowing some of the blank paper and ink to start an inventory of my finds, mostly just because, I heard soft footsteps from the stairwell to the tower’s interior. For the first time, it struck me just how quiet and still the air was on top of this tower, despite being halfway up the side of a mountain. More magic, I suppose, but I had trouble mustering the enthusiasm to try and work out what kind it might be, just this moment.

  Rudolpho’s head and shoulders came into view as he climbed the stairs, saying “Ah, there you are, Secia. I was hoping to speak with you.”

  I didn’t really have anything to say to him in reply, so I went and sat down in the chair I’d used before, as Rudolpho left the staircase for the rooftop patio. In a parody of the day before, I waved him towards a seat much as he had done for me. I’m assuming he caught the reference, as he smiled at the sight. Or he smiled because he was Rudolpho; I had no way to tell which might be the more accurate answer.

  He took a moment to settle himself in his own chair. And then, of course, he smiled at me again. I was really starting to wonder if I should say something to him about that or not. But as we sat in that brief silence, I got the impression he was searching my expression as I looked at his. And now that I looked closer, the eyes behind his smile looked particularly unsettled and ill at ease.

  “Well…” he opened with, apparently trying to break the silence. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt me to try and meet him halfway.

  “Well…” I responded, mirroring his tone and delivery.

  He chuckled slightly, and a bit of the edge disappeared from the tension in his features, even if he still looked a long way from being truly relaxed.

  “Well Secia, I don’t know about you, but that was not the start to the day I was expecting. I’m sorry about that.”

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  “Yeah, me neither. Is Lady Elutria okay?”

  “Oh? Yes, she’s calmed down a bit. I’m very glad for Hesra. I just never know what to do when people get so upset.”

  “Really? I may not have been all that happy with you at the time, but you sure seemed on top of things yesterday. Both when you were prodding me and when you talked me back down again.”

  Was he blushing? Oh my word, I think he’s actually blushing! “Oh ho ho, well, it’s nice of you to say so, I suppose. Hesra was much less impressed with me; she chewed me out quite thoroughly over dinner.”

  For once, I was the one smiling in our conversations. “Hmmm…? Rudolpho got in trouble, Rudolpho got in trouble!” I sang, teasingly. Wow, his face got even redder!

  “Yes, well, all in the name of Science.” He awkwardly cleared his throat, before refocusing his attention on me.

  “Secia, about Lady Elutria… The magic that allows us to summon a person from another world… It creates a magical bond, of sorts, between a summoner and their summon. Much of that bond is to your benefit. We hadn’t really delved into, what, specifically, you know and can do. But based on what you’ve sort of hinted at, am I correct in thinking you’re a spellcaster yourself?”

  “Yes, I am. I’m a healer, to be specific. I know how to cast many different spells, but most of them revolve around mending injuries or relieving conditions such as magically-induced blindness or fear.”

  “You’re a healer?” he asked with evident surprise.

  “Yes, I am. Why?”

  “No, sorry, nevermind. Anyway, I’m glad you are a spellcaster, this’ll be easier for you to understand. The magic you know probably has a few fundamentals in common with the magic of this world. But if you are anything like many of the other spellcasters that have been summoned to our world, most likely your magic has more differences from ours than similarities. You can still use the magic you’re familiar with anyway… Have you tried casting any spells since you arrived?” he interrupted himself.

  I shook my head. “I’ve felt you all channel magic for casting at various times, and my body normally passively uses magic for various purposes without my conscious thought, which I think it’s still doing here. Nothing feels out of sorts in that regard, anyway. I haven’t exactly tried to test it.”

  “Oh ho? Interesting, interesting. Even that much, I believe, are ways you differ from how we use magic. I can tell when others are channelling magic, but only when I first cast a spell to allow me to do so.

  “But to return to my point, the reason your magic is functioning in the ways you expect, uninterrupted, is because of the summoner’s bond between you and Lady Elutria. Without it, you would either have to learn to use magic as we do, or you would find that you are completely incapable of using magic at all.”

  He gave me a moment to digest that. I didn’t have anything to say in reply, but when my attention returned from my own thoughts back to him, he continued.

  “While the purpose of the bond is, first and foremost, to allow you to do everything you were capable of prior to being summoned, our summoners do also gain a small measure of extra insight into those they’ve summoned. Secia… Is it true that you’ve never lied to us?”

  “No? Not that I can recall. Lady Elutria didn’t tell you I’ve been lying, did she?” I didn’t think that was where Rudolpho was going with this, but I was genuinely confused as to why he’d ask the question.

  “No, no, she hasn’t. Instead, your absolute honesty is one of the things she remarked on. Honesty is a good thing, of course, and something we definitely appreciate. But it would be natural, for someone in your position, to tell at least a few small fibs. As a form of self-defense, even if there was no malicious intent behind it. Even if they don’t tell any outright lies, they might feel inclined to obfuscate a few details, or to leave certain things to our assumptions deliberately in such a way that we might come to the wrong conclusions without you actually saying something untrue…?” he asked, searchingly.

  While it didn’t surprise me that some people might do such a thing, that wasn’t me. It wasn’t even most people, was it? Deep down, everyone was inclined to do the right thing. Everyone could be trusted, if you gave them a chance. Sometimes people would act up, but if you called them out on it, they’d listen and behave respectfully.

  Once in a blue moon, you’d come across the exception to the rule. But if you ignored them, they’d leave you be. They had to, lest the GMs come down on them, hard. Either way, such individuals were a rarity. Judging everyone on the basis of the rare bad actor would be too sad.

  Of course, that’s not to say you always agreed with or got along with everyone you met. People came in all shapes and sizes, and possessed an endless variety of opinions. But the world is a truly mind-boggling massive place, and there was room enough for everyone. If you didn’t get along with the people you currently kept company with, it was easy enough to pull up stakes and find someone else to befriend.

  I don’t know what Rudolpho saw in my expression as I contemplated his words, but I got the impression he found some kind of answer to his question. I’m not sure I liked what I saw in his own face, though, and did my best to head off whatever he was thinking.

  “I’ve thought some things I didn’t say aloud, or softened how I said it. I’m not sure where being polite to spare someone’s feelings should be considered lying, but I definitely did some of that with you all. And I could be dishonest if I needed to, really!”

  I’m not sure if he found my arguments convincing or not, as he schooled his face to blankness before replying.

  “Yes, well. Be that as it may be, your… surprisingly forthcoming nature is only one aspect that Lady Elutria is having difficulty comprehending. I’m not going to go any further with this; like honesty, these aren’t exactly flaws on your part and I don’t want you to feel defensive or upset over this.

  “Please understand that this has as much or more to do with Lady Elutria’s background and personality than your own. I know this is a difficult thing to ask, but please try not to take any of this personally.”

  So he said, but… Something about the way he said it… It felt like Rudolpho and I might still be friends of a sort for now, but maybe he wasn’t all that interested in staying friends anymore. I’m not sure how accurate that actually was, but it was the best way I could think of to put words around it.

  Cautiously, I replied “I will try to take your advice to heart. But I think that still leaves the question: Where do we go from here?”

  “I hope you aren’t dwelling too much on what Lady Elutria said to you, on what we hope for from you. I wouldn’t blame you if you were, but… If it’s not clear to you yet, Lady Elutria wasn’t in the best frame of mind when she said that.”

  “I’m coming to understand that. But did she say anything untrue?”

  “It’s not that she said anything that wasn’t true, in one sense or another. But the way she phrased things was somewhat… misleading. I don’t think she left you with an accurate impression of us or the situation.”

  “So summons aren’t a resource to be chewed up and consumed for your convenience?”

  “No, no, and that’s exactly what I mean! I hold summons such as yourself in very great esteem. Not all summons, individually, have the same nature, or can contribute to our society to the same degree. But as to the nature of summons themselves…

  “I’m given to understand this is unconscious on your part when it happens, but we didn’t just pluck you at random from the wider cosmos. Lady Elutria would have had a whole conversation with the deepest, most hidden parts of your mind before summoning you, a conversation where you agreed to take a chance on us. To believe you could build a better life for yourself here, than where you were at the time.

  “And quite frankly, I’m in awe of that. You put your trust in us, believing we could offer you something you lacked, just as much as you could offer us something we lacked. It is, and was always meant to be, a bargain struck between equals, not some extra-dimensional kidnapping for some easy forced labor.”

  He paused here, giving me a chance to respond. And I got that he was trying to be uplifting and positive about things. I wanted to give him every chance to… to… to make things okay between us. I did. But…

  “I want to put my trust in you, I do. But while you haven’t exactly been horrible to me, I’m not used to being tested and evaluated like this. Or shut up in a tower, with no idea of what to expect next. Not that I’ve always known what kind of day tomorrow would bring when today ends, or that I’ve ever felt fully in control of my life before now…”

  “This tower isn’t your future. Nor is the testing and evaluation. And if you felt you couldn’t take charge of your life before you came here, then that might very well be why you chose to take that leap of faith.”

  “See, I think that’s one of the things that bugs me most. Hesra said something about that, too. You keep saying that Lady Elutria asked me if I wanted to come here and that I said ‘yes’. But I don’t remember that.”

  He seemed to want to interject, there, but for once in my life I talked over someone. “I don’t remember it, and I keep trying to find or imagine the part of myself that might have given her that ‘yes’, and I’m not sure I can find it. I’m not sure there is anything for me to find. So I’m really not sure why I’m here. Or that I want to be here at all. Even though you keep trying to assure me otherwise. I’m trying to be open minded about this, I really am. But right now, I just don’t see it.”

  He frowned at this for a bit, and then said “Lady Elutria did say something to the effect of ‘the Secia we’re speaking to now is a very different person than the Secia I invited to join us’. I didn’t know what to make of it when she said it, and was almost ready to write it off as some kind of flight of fancy. I certainly wasn’t expecting you to give words to anything that might echo such a sentiment, however obliquely. And I have no idea at all what to make of any of it, if there might be some kind of truth to the notion.”

  Straightening, he looked me squarely in the eyes and asked, “Secia, were you happy where you were, before we summoned you? Were you happy with the kind of life you were living?”

  My first impulse was to respond with an “Of course I was!”, but I strangled that down. Maybe my first impulse was the right one, but it was just such a huge question, when you thought about it. And we did just have an entire conversation about honesty, just a few minutes before. And we were friends, however bizarrely that had happened. We had exchanged names, we were friends, and asking if someone was okay or if they were happy in their life - that was basically the ultimate “good friend” kind of question, wasn’t it?

  So I took a moment to think about it. To really think about it. And I remembered… I remembered lots of events. Conversations with friends, hard-won battles, the pride when something I was crafting turned out better than I could have ever hoped. Good times. Good memories. Happy memories.

  But something… something I couldn’t really put a name to, something I didn’t really much like, wanted to… to twist Rudolpho’s question, to ask something slightly different. Yes those were happy memories, but did they make for a happy life? Was it really my life? Yes I really did those things, but when did I choose to do them?

  *Did I ever make those choices at all?*

  Which was silly, and stupid. Of course I chose to do them. Who else would have? Nobody ever forced me to become an adventurer, or a healer, or a crafter, or a guildmate, or a friend.

  *And Rudolpho? When did I choose to become his friend? Did I make that choice? Did I ever really have a say in whether or not he would become my friend at all?*

  Yes! Yes. I. Did! I was in the summoning chamber surrounded by strangers, but also fascinating magic. And while I didn’t have much of an idea what was going on, they seemed like friendly strangers. People I wanted to get to know. So I made a choice! I chose to introduce myself to Rudolpho, because I wanted to be his friend. He may have complicated things with his taunting and teasing and testing, such that once he finally introduced himself, I wasn’t sure it was a good idea anymore. But at that time I gave him my name? That was very definitely my choice! Beyond question, my choice, the first choice I’ve made! And so I can stop putting myself down and I can stop asking myself stupid questions and I can just shut up about it!

  *“The first choice I’ve made”?*

  In this world! The first choice I’ve made since I came here! I know what I meant! So I can just shut up! Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up Shut Up SHUT UP SHUT UP!

  “Secia? Secia! Are you okay? I know maybe that was a difficult question for me to ask, or you to answer. Or maybe it’s an answer you don’t want to share with me. And that’s okay. But are you okay? Secia?”

  Blinking, I glanced around blearily to spot a very worried Rudolpho. “Fine. I’m fine,” I said quickly. Was I being honest, polite, or lying, though? I honestly had no idea.