Bling! Bling!

  [I think you should talk to Lars.]

  Mars looked up from his reread of Font of Demons which was going terribly considering he was not depressed enough to settle for this pathetic attempt at the written word. Which I think is too harsh a sentiment. Clearly M.X. Brady was just starting how and you should give them some sck. But what do I know?

  The human figured out how to turn on Ryzhik’s notifications, which was a helpful feature considering he didn’t want to spend all of his pocket dimension time staring at a text-only (text mostly?) screen. But when he saw the proxy’s message, he went back to pretending to read his world guide. “He hasn’t been back to that part of the dungeon in a fortnight,” the human reminded them.

  Bling! Bling!

  [You can take over his body.]

  “Only when Akakios is vulnerable. Or lets me.”

  Bling! Bling!

  [Make him vulnerable then.]

  “Easier said than done.”

  Ryzhik wished they could tap their foot. All he could do was spam his notification ping, and that would just drive Mars out of the headspace. The human had less tolerance for annoying sounds than even themself, and that was saying something. Mars barely spoke and even that often got on the proxy’s nerves. And then when he did speak, that got on his nerves as well. But anytime Ryzhik even quietly messed with their notification tones (now that their client unlocked that function for them), the human would cover his ears and freak. Or fully just fled. They had a strong feeling the kid was autistic, but didn’t want to be rude and ask. So they didn’t.

  They’ve been trying to work on this frustrating mystery for a month now while Akakios oversaw his downright psychopathic experiments, gathered magic herbs and crystals, ran some kind of small demon army(?) (taskforce?) (maybe scouts?), studied that little freak Gavin, and counted his collection of silver junk like a freakier freak.

  The proxy didn’t like Akakios. The proxy didn’t like a lot of people particurly. They didn’t like Mars or The Pgue Queen or Dr. Vaidya or much of anyone, really. But they especially didn’t like Akakios. He didn’t like his freak collection of silver or his freak collection of people for his freak collection of experiments. They didn’t like the way he spoke to Mars. They didn’t like the way he spoke about Mars. They didn’t like what he probably thought of Mars.

  But Mars was, somewhat, a vulnerability, and that could be exploited. Ryzhik needed to get the human to realize that without sending the poor kid right into the demon’s arms. Not that he wasn’t stuck in the bastard’s head, but he wouldn’t always be. And when that time came, he wanted his client to run far, far away.

  And they were good with people. And they were stuck with Mars for quite a while. They were starting to get a good sense of him, as weird as he was. They firmly believed if Akakios felt like an anchor, not a noose, the dumbass would stay with that chain around his neck. They knew it was hard for that tired, fucked up human to tell the difference.

  Bling! Bling!

  [You can.]

  Mars sighed, setting down the book he was struggling to get through. M.X. Brady still owed them at least 20 cash for psychological damage. (No they didn’t!) “Any drugs I could think of that would dull his senses or rile him up so much he can’t think straight would affect me too. There’s no way for me to get his defenses down.”

  [...]

  [...]

  [...]

  Mars was looking at them, so they didn’t ping.

  [What are you talking about!?]

  “...? I’ve been thinking about this for a while. Alcohol would make me drunk too. So would weed. So would most spells and potion inebriants in this pce.”

  [Why is your only thought drugs!?]

  “How else am I supposed to get his guard down?”

  Ah, right. Mars was a total idiot. A complete waste of a social creature. A human devoid of rational and reasonable thought.

  [If you can’t alter his brain chemistry physically, then you can alter it…]

  Ryzhik was trying to lead the dumbass to the conclusion himself, but Mars said “...?” which meant he said nothing because he was dumb and confused and an idiot.

  [...psychologically, Mars. Trick him. Or lead him on.]

  “And how am I supposed to do that?”

  [You’ve spent almost a month in his head and you haven’t figured him out yet!?]

  “You’ve spent the same time in mine and are surprised!?” Mars shot back. “I’m not good with people. I have no idea how they tick. Characters in a story? They make sense. They follow patterns. Tropes. It’s like a puzzle I get to solve, a pile of toys I get to sort. But Akakios isn’t a character anymore! I don’t understand him! And honestly, the bit I’ve reskimmed from M.X. Brady, I’m not sure they got him either. I have no idea who he is! Except crazy!”

  That was… surprisingly astute.

  [You would be able to trick him.]

  “Okay, Ryzhik. How!? You have to tell me, because I’m not going to be able to figure this out myself.”

  [Ask him to let you have the reins. Mess around. Confound him. Flirt with some servants.]

  “...what!?”

  [You read what I said.]

  “Why?”

  [He’ll short circuit.]

  “He’s not a prude.”

  It would be so much easier, so much less frustrating, if Mars could understand what the proxy knew. But for some deep inexplicable reason, Ryzhik liked how oblivious the young man was to this one thing. Again, anchor. Noose. They could protect him, if they could only lead the reigns without the boy the wiser…

  [Just… trust me.]

  “Okay, let’s say I do fluster the demon lord. How will that keep him out of the headspace? Would he not just take over?”

  [You can’t just flirt. I said mess around. I want you to be chaos. Confuse him. Get him curious.]

  Mars’ eyes lit up. “You’re starting to make sense!”

  [Am I?]

  “He’s a scientist, Ryzhik! Every time I do something he doesn’t fully understand, he waits to see how it pys out, right? Like the first time in the dungeon, when I took over his body. He didn’t get mad. Maybe because it was the first time I was able to take his body over so he wanted to see what I could or would do. And then in the woods before we met the Pgue Queen he–”

  Bling! Bling!

  [You’re more perceptive than I realized.]

  “Wait, I really am on the right track?”

  [I’m surprised as well.]

  “I still don’t get the flirting.”

  [It's just another way to mess with him.]

  “I'll do the other stuff then. I have no idea how to flirt.”

  [No! You have to flirt.] The proxy didn't know how to expin. Just trust them. Trust them. Trust them!

  "I'm really not good at–"

  [You have to! It's to disorient him more. Remember, y ou’re going to be his apprentice.]

  “But why would he care if his apprentice–”

  Because he was in love with his first apprentice, obviously , were the words the proxy didn’t want to say. Because he’s a possessive, out-of-his-mind freak and you’re his next target, were the words they should have said, but couldn’t.

  [I think he's protective of his underlings. The close ones, anyway.] is what they said, and regretted it instantly. It sounded too gentle. It wouldn’t do… Bling! Bling! [I think he’s controlling toward underlings.] they amended.

  Unfortunately, Mars didn't catch the amendment, and Ryzhik didn't realize his eyes had flicked a different way. They were always moving, his eyes. Not the way The Pgue Queen's were, where they danced so fast it made it harder for her to see. No, Mars could see so much. And he did. His eyes saw everything they could and then flicked to another spot so they could take in more over and over and over. So as the human thought about his proxy's message, he was thinking about that gentle word "protective."

  Of course the protective demon wouldn't want his rebound apprentice to disappear like the first one. Of course he would want him to be safe, once he got his own body. "The people around here are dangerous. I fall for the wrong ones, I could get hurt."

  [Correct!] Mars was talking too much sense right now. Maybe Ryzhik could prevent the human for falling for that freak demon. This was going better than anticipated.

  "hmm..."

  [What are you thinking?]

  “So I’m going to ask to take over, disorient him with a bunch of unpredictable actions, flirt with someone to rev up his amygda making it even harder for him to think and understand my actions, and make my way down to Lars somehow without him realizing my pn, which is to get one solid question in before Akakios forces me out of the controls? All so I can maybe maybe hear one answer.”

  [...yes.]

  “That’s ridiculously convoluted.”

  [What other pn do you have?]

  “I’m just not sure it will work.”

  [1000 points if you attempt. 3000 if you succeed.]

  “...okay, let’s do this.”