Getting slapped hurt a lot. Getting gutted like a fish by a frogman would probably have been more painful, but this was much more embarrassing.

  “Ow!” He clutched his face.

  “Are you a half… head, face, brain…” she ran out of accusations.

  “She’s a minnikin.”

  “Starkin!” Tianna wrinkled her nose and stuck her tongue out.

  “Nobody calls them that,” Yuri whispered in his ear. “People don’t call him a metalkin do they? He’s a human, you’re a minnikin.”

  “I know he’s a human! And I know what you do, so keep your hands off me!” she cried. At that moment they both realised that he was still holding her other hand. It was pleasantly soft and delicate, the kind of hand you would want to soothe your feverish brow. Not slap you in the face.

  She screamed and pulled her hand away. “I know what humans do!”

  “Oh?” Yuri asked, intrigued. She snaked her hand down into Dee’s pyjama top and rested it on his chest. Here we go again. Please let me escape this dungeon so I can enjoy this feeling without the imminent threat of frogite daggers in my guts.

  “What do humans do?” she asked.

  “Wander about in dungeons in their pyjamas, apparently. Stop flirting with him and group up,” Arjelica said.

  “She’s very bossy, isn’t she? Like she thinks she’s better than us,” Yuri whispered in Dee’s ear, a stage whisper that Arjelica clearly heard.

  “I’m a better fighter than all of you.”

  “I don’t want to be a fighter,” Tianna said. She stuck her nose in the air defiantly, which just made her look like an adorable puppy throwing a tantrum. “But I do my duty as a War Priest. I’m a level 2 War Priest and my god is a kind and bountiful protector. Have you heard of the Kingfisher God, the god that brings fortune to those who seek?” She looked suddenly at Dee, with pleading eyes.

  He felt that he should back away, but Yuri was still pressed against him from behind.

  “No, you’re not making him another Priest. I want a Bodyguard or a Fighter. You want to take a Potentia Class and defend me, don’t you?” Yuri slid between Dee and Tianna. She put her hands on her hips and glared down at Tianna. Her robes swished across Dee’s feet and her backside rubbed deliciously against his stomach.

  “Maybe a Paladin?” Tianna’s head popped out from behind Yuri’s thighs. She had a pleading and hopeful look on her face. “The Kingfisher brings fortune in battle as well as trade.”

  “I can get a class?” An idea started to percolate through his brain. I could be like them. I could gain XP and level up and become useful.

  “If you don’t have a class already, of course. But a useful one, we don’t need another healer,” Yuri said.

  “Yes you do, you get beaten up all the time. I heal you more than I heal Arjelica.” Tianna pouted up at Yuri.

  “Shh, you little scoundrel. Not in front of my human. She’s lying. The path of the Mist Witch is often filled with pain, but that’s not because I can’t fight.”

  “I said enough flirting, we have to get out of here,” Arjelica snapped.

  “I wasn’t flirting! I’m a War Priest, we don’t flirt,” Tianna said. She frowned at Dee as if it was his fault.

  “I was. Do you like being flirted with, little human?” Yuri ran her finger under his chin, both condescending and pleasurable.

  “It’s quite nice.”

  Yuri threw her head back and laughed. “O-hohoho, I have him wrapped around my little finger.”

  “His guts are going to be wrapped around a stone spear if we don’t get that crest and get out of here.”

  Yuri grimaced. “So gruesome. Lead on then, sweetie.”

  The Claw Stalker sniffed the air and cocked her head to one side. She listened for a moment, and then something led her toward a passageway. She prowled forward and waved for the other to follow.

  Dee grabbed his satchel and tightened his dressing-gown, trying to pretend he could sneak through a dungeon.

  “Stay close, I’ll protect you,” Yuri whispered into his ear.

  Tianna scampered after them, her mace slung over her shoulder. “What about Emizra?”

  “She’ll find us,” Yuri said airily.

  The tunnel was straight and slime-filled, like the other. Small mushrooms dotted the walls. The slime had a horrible way of squelching between Dee’s toes and making a sucking sound as he pulled his feet out. The bottom of his dressing gown was becoming sodden and heavy, but all he could do was follow Arjelica’s lead and hope that they would be out of here soon. Then maybe he could think of a plan to survive in a world where he had no special powers or tools.

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  “This is impossible!” Arjelica shouted suddenly. She raced ahead to where the tunnel opened into a cavern.

  “What’s wrong, dearie?” Yuri called after her. She ran ahead and Tianna squealed in shock and hurried after them. Dee grabbed his bag tighter and tried to run through the sticky slime of the tunnel.

  When he caught up, Dee saw that they were back in the statue chamber. This tunnel had brought them closer to the centre of the cavern, but it was the same space for sure. The two giant frog statues were there, staring out across the cave.

  “Oh dear, you got us lost,” Yuri said. She planted her staff down and leant against it.

  “No, I didn’t. The tunnel didn’t bend, you must have felt that.” Arjelica stared at the tunnel they had entered and the one they had just emerged from, tilted her head and listened for something.

  “It’s true,” Tianna said. “My Battle Sense is confused, we shouldn’t be back here at all.” She bit her lip and snapped her head around, like a pensive mongoose on the lookout for snakes.

  Dee had felt the same, he thought they had gone in a straight line. But here they were, back where they started.

  “Whose side are you on, sweetie?” Yuri threw a side-eye at Tianna.

  “I’m on the side of the Kingfisher God, I trust in his bounty, which is for those who seek. And I trust my Class Art. Something tricky happened.”

  “This is a trap. The dungeon has caught us here.” Arjelica’s eyes flickered over the dozens of tunnel entrances into the cavern. “I think all of these will lead us back here. This is really bad.” She bared her teeth and hissed.

  Noise came from the tunnels, a disconcerting squelching.

  Yuri gripped her staff in a ready pose. At the top, a large purple crystal started glowing. She pointed that end across the far wall, like a sniper searching for a target.

  Frogites began to enter from multiple passageways, sliding out of the slimy tunnels into their cavern.

  Dee counted about forty or fifty of them altogether, all armed with spears and axes.

  “Back up to the statues, I’ll draw their attention,” Arjelica said in a low voice. The entry way back to the sacrifice chamber was the only entry still free from foes.

  The frogites massed around the edge of the cavern, but didn’t seem ready to attack. Then a fat frogite popped out from a tunnel, sliding in on his enormous belly. He slid to a stop and several warriors helped him to his feet. Though his chin and belly drooped low, his arms and legs were wiry thin with age. He pointed at the adventurers and shouted something in the croaking frogite language.

  “He’s angry!” Tianna wailed. “Oh, we shouldn’t be sneaking through dungeons stealing crests!”

  “What should we do, just ask them nicely?” Arjelica said.

  “It’s worth a try once in a while.” Tianna pulled her mace from her back and readied it. “The Kingfisher says we should never pay for what we can ask for. Bargaining is not cowardly, it’s just good business sense.” Light started to glow in her lantern-shape mace.

  “Get to the statues.” Arjelica strode forward and raised her axes high. She struck the blades together, and the sound rang out through the cave. “Come taste my blades!” she cried.

  The frog priest waved his arms and the troop of frogites ran towards her.

  Arjelica fought them like a cross between a jaguar and a dragonfly, leaping through the air and striking her foes from behind or above. Frogites scattered and tried to regroup, but she leapt between them, striking with her axes, leaping away, and twisting through the air. There was no respite from her strikes, but there were always more frogites. The whole clan could be racing towards them.

  Tianna ran in to help. She was only half the size of Arjelica, but her mace swung like a sledgehammer. Sparks of power erupted every time she connected with a blow and sent frogites flying through the air. “By the Kingfisher, we fight together!” She lurched and lunged as if her mace were dragging her around the battlefield, but never quite fell over.

  Arjelica said nothing, but Dee noticed that she adjusted to Tianna’s actions, knocking out distracted frogites from behind and tripping them into Tianna’s wild swings. She acted like she could take on a whole army, but she was canny enough to take advantage of Tianna’s chaotic help.

  Still, despite the heroes’ skills, there were too many frogites to hold off forever. They should be retreating during the distraction, but Dee couldn’t bring himself to just run away like a coward.

  “Well, if Tianna’s not retreating, then I’m not going to.” Yuri straightened up and twirled her staff. Magical power swirled around her, her hat and robes flapped in non-existent wind as the purple gem on her staff glowed even brighter.

  Dee grabbed hold of her robe and tried to pull her away. “Maybe we should retreat.”

  He trailed off as a group of frogites leaped forth, cutting them off from Arjelica and Tianna. They stared with bulging eyes, cautious of Yuri’s power, but confident that they had these two intruders outnumbered.

  “Watch how I fight, my little human!” Yuri cried.

  She lashed at a couple of nearby frogites, braining one and tripping the other over. A third leapt forward, slashing at her. Its sword sliced through her robe and left a long gash on her leg. She stifled a scream and sent it flying into the air with a reverberating strike from her staff.

  “Witch Bolt!” she cried. A purple energy bolt launched from her staff right into a frogite that was leaping towards her. It caught the creature full in the chest and it hurtled away like a stunt man on a bungee cord. “O-hohoho! Looks like you can’t handle a little- Witch Bolt!”

  She lashed out again and again with her staff, each time purple bolts slammed into a frogite. There was nothing they could do against her magic, but there were more of them jumping into replace the repulsed warriors.

  “Stay close!” Yuri cried. Dee leaned up against her, thankful for the contact and her confidence. He had no idea what he could do to help here.

  He felt a charge in the air, not electric but another kind of energy, one that made his whole body vibrate. It was like a scene from a movie before a T-Rex appears, but with the amount of power he felt, possibly a T-Rex strapped to a rocket.

  “It’s time they saw the true power of a Mist Witch!” Power pooled around Yuri, making her robes dance in the sudden turbulence. A circular pattern appeared before her. It was a complicated tangle of runic shapes, green and brown in colour. He thought he could read it for a second, but the effort made him go cross-eyed. Dee smelt a foul swampy stench as the pattern rotated and pulsed with power.

  “Mad Marsh!” Yuri cried. She swung her staff and the seal of energy blasted forwards, splitting apart and sinking into the fabric of the world. The stone floor around them turned into sticky mud, pulling surprised frogites down into it. At first, they laughed and simply kicked forward, but huge bubbles were brewing on the surface. They exploded, releasing howling gassy faces. The frogites caught in the gas croaked and shivered with fear.

  “O-hohoho! You know, frogs are not the only ones who like water!” It didn’t really land as a quip, but she seemed pleased with herself.

  “Don’t waste your mana!” Arjelica called out.

  “I have plenty of mana, I know how to fight.” Yuri twirled her staff and struck a pose, blood seeping down one leg. Injured but always ready to show off.

  Dee crawled backwards away from the fighting. That’s magic, real magic. That’s what it feels like. Maybe I should go and hide in the sacrifice chamber. He tried to stand up, but his legs felt like jelly. All he could do was inch away like a horrible dream where you forget how to run. He was breathless, fear was squeezing his inside. More enemies dropped down around him suddenly. They held up their clubs and spears. Yuri called something out to him, but his ears roared with bloody fear. Time to get your brains bashed out.