*Forgive me.*
Thoughts drifted past like leaves on water, disconnected and strange. It carried an ache with it—a hollow, gnawing thing that carved out space in her chest where something warm used to be. The pain lingered even as the thought itself dissolved, leaving only that emptiness behind.
Another thought floated by.
*Please.*
The ache deepened, spreading through her soul. It hurt in ways she couldn’t name, couldn’t understand, couldn’t escape.
Then something moved in the nothing.
A spark. No—a *thing*. Small and bright, tumbling through the emptiness towards…
Towards…
*Me?*
*Is there a me?*
When it touched her, a universe exploded.
Colors burst everywhere—reds, golds, purples, and so many others she didn’t have names for, swirling and dancing and spinning in patterns that were too big and too fast and too *everything*—the nothing filled with sound-that-wasn’t-sound, music-that-wasn’t-music.
And voices, distant and broken, threaded through the chaos. Loud hollow thumping and a plea for help. She almost heard the words.
Almost.
*Father?*
And just as fast, they were lost in the cosmos. She could *hear* the colors as they swirled and danced around her, painting the void with their voices, singing their arrival, each one carrying its own note, its own harmony.
Her second brain cell arrived!
The colors resolved into shapes that defined this space as they continued to swirl at the edges of her vision, making everything shimmer and pulse. She was in a tunnel, stretching in two directions. Dark stone walls with dim light filtering from… somewhere. The air wasn’t moving. Completely still. Not even a breath of movement to stir her whiskers.
*Uhh.*
She was… somewhere.
*Okay, okay, okay. But where am I?*
She looked around, trying to make sense of it. Just trying to understand. Her gaze drifted downward and—
*Huh.*
She stared at it. Tan fur. Black toe beans. Definitely a paw.
*Wait…*
She tried to wiggle the toes. Nothing. Just a paw sitting there on the ground where her paw should be, which she obviously should have a paw, but that one wasn’t—
*I can’t feel it. It’s not mine. THAT’S NOT MINE.*
The realization hit like ice water. Her chest went tight.
*That’s someone else’s paw. Why is someone else’s paw right there? Where is MY paw?*
She tried to move. Tried to pull back. Tried to do *anything.*
*Move.*
*MOVE.*
*Why aren’t I moving? I need to MOVE—*
**Thwap!**
Something hit the side of her head.
She couldn’t feel it. Knew it happened, but couldn’t *feel* it. The ache in her chest twisted into something sharper. Panic rose like water, filling up all the empty spaces, drowning out everything else.
A voice drifted through. Distant. Broken.
“—she attacks—not meanness—survival—”
Short Father’s voice cut through her panic. Something in her chest loosened.
That word felt right. Felt like permission.
*Father knew. Father understood me.*
*I have to attack first.*
**THWAP!**
Harder this time. More insistent. Right against her ear.
The impact carried meaning.
—Look. Just look—
Her head whipped around on instinct, and there was a tail, the tip twitching with obvious irritation, poised to strike again. Ready to hit her a third time if she didn’t—
*Oh.*
The moment she looked at the tail—*her* tail—sensation flooded back like someone had flipped a switch. The cool stone beneath all four paws. Her paws. HERS.
She could feel the weight of her body. The way her legs folded under her. She finally drew in a breath—the air tasted stale, like the space beneath furniture where dust gathered undisturbed for seasons, nothing like the warm scents of home.
Her tail gave a satisfied flick and settled into place. But fear still gripped her as she remembered the stranger’s paw in front of her, the one she had attack, the one…
**thwap.**
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Her tail flicked, satisfied.
—Dumbass—
*Oh. That’s my paw.*
Relief crashed through her, followed immediately by embarrassment.
*Obviously, that’s my paw. Whose else would it be?*
The big feelings loosened more of their grip on her chest, only for a word to surface and sink again, leaving ripples of pain.
*Brother.*
Why did thinking hurt? Her chest squeezed. Tight. Sharp. But she pushed through the feelings.
*I’m sorry, Brother.*
The flicker of a memory skittered away like a bug under the fridge, gone before she could pounce on it. But it left behind a ghost of warmth, like sunshine on fur, like sleeping pressed against another body.
She stood slowly, testing each leg. Everything worked. Everything was attached and responding and—
From the corner of her vision, colors flashed and shimmered. The swirling hues slowed down, thickened, merging like beads of mercury—until they formed shapes. Letters. Words. Glowing.
Hovering in the air right in front of her face.
**YOU HAVE DIED.**
**YOUR PATH HAS TWO ROUTES.**
**THIS IS YOUR CHOICE.**
**- ACKNOWLEDGE -**
Solstice froze.
*What? What IS this!*
The words just hung there. Taking up her entire field of vision. Refusing to move.
*Died? No. NO.*
*And who is Acknowledge?*
*Where is Acknowledge?*
She stared at the message. This had to be for someone else. Some other… being. Some other creature in this tunnel. Like when the fathers left notes for each other: “Don’t forget, I packed you a snack…”
This had to be for Acknowledge, whoever that was. Not for her.
She waited for it to float away to its proper recipient.
It didn’t move.
*Okay. Any time now.*
Nothing.
*This is ridiculous.*
Her tail twitched. She turned her head to look around it.
The message moved with her eyes, staying directly in her line of sight.
*No. Stop that.*
She turned the other direction.
It followed.
*I said STOP.*
She swatted at the word “died” with her paw. Her claws passed through empty air. The words hovered just out of reach, mocking her.
“KhIIIIsss!”
She hissed at them, ears flattening back against her skull.
The floating note did not react.
She spat at them.
Still nothing.
Her fur started to rise. She could feel it puffing out, making her bigger, making her more threatening. Her back arched. She turned sideways, trying to show the words just how big and scary she was.
“KhIIIISSSS!”
The words stayed calm. Patient. Utterly unbothered.
She backed up slowly, watching them, waiting for them to—
The message moved forward.
*NO.*
She backed up faster.
It came with her, keeping the same unchanging distance.
*Get AWAY from me!*
She turned to run—
The message appeared in front of her.
“Khiiisss! FUCK!”
She jumped. Spun. Landed sideways with her back arched and fur fully puffed. The words matched every movement, every desperate attempt to escape.
*It’s stuck to me. It’s STUCK TO ME. Like when my head got stuck in the—in the uhh—*
She couldn’t remember the word right now, but she knew this feeling. Trapped. Unable to escape.
She launched herself at the wall, ricocheted off, spun in circles—once, twice, three times—trying to outrun it, outlast it, out-anything it.
Her lungs burned. Her heart hammered. The tunnel spun, and the words spun with it, and nothing worked, nothing made them go away, they just kept following her and—
“MrrROW!”
Solstice collapsed onto the cool stone, sides heaving. Her panting echoed off the walls—loud, then swallowed by silence. Her tail lay flat behind her, exhausted. Her fur slowly started to settle.
The words hovered there. Still glowing. Still patient.
*It hasn’t hurt me.*
She watched them warily, catching her breath.
*It just… follows. Won’t go away. Won’t hurt me. Just… there.*
Her tail twitched slightly. The words shifted with her vision.
*Wait.*
She looked left deliberately. The words moved left but got dimmer, less solid. She looked right. Same thing.
A tiny rumble started in her chest. Not quite a purr. More like consideration.
*This is… like when Father wiggles that red dot on the wall.*
*But now I get to make it move.*
*I make YOU move.*
*And I am going to tire you out. See how you like that.*
She looked up. Down. In a circle. Doing a figure-eight with her head. The words followed every movement, dancing to her whims, as she focused more on moving them, the less *there* they became.
“Hgrrrr.” The purr was real now. Small but satisfied.
When the words finally dimmed enough, she saw the tunnel properly. The walls towered high above her, reaching into a complete darkness, smooth and seamless, like they’d been carved from a single piece of the world.
In one direction, at the very end, a light glowed. Soft and inviting.
She breathed in. The light carried a smell—
*It smelled good. Really good—like bleach!*
Sharp and perfect, the kind that made her push her face into the floor when Father mopped, trying to get more of it even when he shooed her away.
She took a step toward it without meaning to.
**Thwap.**
Her tail hit the ground. Hard. Deliberate.
—Not that way—
She looked back, annoyed.
*What?*
In the other direction, the darkness stretched away. Not exactly empty, though. There were small scratches that marked the stone—tiny trails going into the black.
*Two routes.*
She looked at the light. Then back into the darkness.
The scratches seemed to go both ways, some pointing inward and some outward.
She went back to the message, trying to understand it.
“You have died. Your path has two routes. This is your choice.”
*NO, I DID NOT.*
Another voice echoed to her. Gentle. Reassuring.
“It’s okay, baby girl. Everyone makes mistakes.”
Bearded Father’s voice. Something in her chest eased.
*Yes.*
*That’s it.*
*A Mistake. This was a mistake.*
*Not mine, but someone else’s mistake.*
But the words wouldn’t go away. They just hung there, waiting. Like they actually expected her to do something about them.
*Okay, okay. That way. And—that way.*
She looked at the light again. Felt its pull.
It had a different smell now. Lavender. Almond.
*Like clean laundry.*
*Like home.*
That pulled at something in her chest—the same ache from before, but gentler now.
Warmer.
Like curling in the front window with some fresh plants to munch on and never getting up again.
Then back to the darkness. To those small marks in the stone.
*Oh. OH. It means HERE. This tunnel. THIS is the path.*
*One’s dark, and one’s not.*
Well, she didn’t need glowing words to tell her that. She had eyes. And those eyes spotted something much more interesting scattered on the ground—tiny droppings.
Her entire body went still. The message faded to almost nothing as she focused on those tiny dark pellets hidden in the cracks of the floor. She lowered her nose to them, breathing in the faint, familiar scent.
*Mice!*
She knew that shape. Knew what left them. She remembered Mouse TV. Sitting on the bookshelf, watching them in their little homes, doing their little mouse things. Friends. Toys. Fun to catch and carry gently in her mouth and—
*Oh, the mice went that way! Into the darkness.*
And cats followed mice. That was simply the way of things. It was practically a law. Maybe *the law*. Or at least the only one that mattered when mice were involved.
Her tail swished once. Twice.
*The light looks nice. It feels impurrtant.*
She looked at the glow, felt its gentle pull. It smelled like chicken now—like her licky treats, the good kind Father gave her when she’d been brave.
And then back into the darkness. This choice felt enormous. Heavy with meaning she couldn’t grasp yet.
*But… Mice!*
Solstice took a step toward the darkness. Then another. Her paws made no sound. Her whiskers swept ahead. The glowing words remained barely-there as she focused on the trail, imagining what the mice might be doing down there—running, hiding, playing.
She would have things to chase and things to catch.
—Forward—
Her tail swayed behind her, confidence now leading the way.
For a heartbeat, she let her eyes drift back to it—the long curve of her tail, steady as a compass. She took a breath—no tightness in her chest. No panic pulling her apart. Just… this. Just forward.
*Yeah. This feels right.*
She didn’t know why. Didn’t understand that the light behind her was a gift, a release, a choice that mattered. She didn’t realize that ‘died’ meant something irreversible, or that Acknowledge was waiting for comprehension she just didn’t have yet.
None of it mattered. Not to her.
Right now, there were mice to follow.
And she was a cat.
I am seeking feedback. Please take a moment to answer the following questions, or share anything else you'd like. Thank you.
- At any point did you feel confused about what was happening to Solstice—or did her disorientation (not recognizing her own paw, the floating words) feel intentional and immersive?
- Did the moment she chose the darkness (to follow mice) feel earned—or did it surprise you in a way that worked (or didn't)?
- Where did you find yourself smiling, chuckling, or feeling warmth—amidst the grief?
Is it easy enough to recognize internal thought, or should I make it a little more obvious? I could add * to flag it, as I do with Tail dialogue (ex: —Forward—). Example: *Uhh.* She was… somewhere. *Okay, okay, okay. But where am I?* She looked around, trying to make sense of it. Just trying to understand. Her gaze drifted downward and— *Huh.* She stared at it. Tan fur. Black toe beans. Definitely a paw. *Wait…*