Alicia was cold, she was tired, and she was thoroughly annoyed.

  'Of all the idiotic, convoluted, half-baked plans,' she grumbled internally, her booted feet crunching through the snow. 'This is, by far, my most brilliant.'

  She glanced behind her. Oliver, bless his simple, sturdy heart, was carrying a massive pack with the grim determination of a man on a vital mission. Nora, her face pinched with worry, was carrying Vivian, who was bundled in so many furs he looked like a disgruntled, black haired potato.

  'A quest!' Alicia had told them. 'For an Artificer!'

  The lie had been insultingly easy. The Frost Cap Mushroom was real, but she did not need an Artificer to make a charm. She had a dozen in her collection. No, she needed an excuse.

  She needed to get the baby to the chapel.

  The villagers were all praying to the God of Cultivation. A practical, boring, human choice. 'Give us bigger potatoes,' Alicia scoffed in her mind. 'Give us fatter pigs.' It was a god for farmers.

  Elves, the children of magic, knew better. They prayed to Sophiel, the God of Knowledge.

  'And this child,' she thought, glancing at Vivian, 'is going to be a creature of knowledge. She would make sure of that.'

  And, if Alicia was being honest, she wanted to show him off. She wanted to march back to those old hags on the Council and say, 'I found a human who awakened at seven months. Now, how about thaaaat.'

  "Are we close, Alicia?" Nora called out, her voice muffled by the snow.

  "Just over this ridge, dear," Alicia lied smoothly, projecting the frail, weary voice of a 55 year old. Internally, she was perfectly fine, though she was bored.

  They arrived at the designated spot an hour later. a sheer, icy cliff face.

  Alicia scanned the cliff. 'Now, where... ah, perfect.'

  She pointed a gloved finger. "There! Look!"

  Nora and Oliver squinted. High up, nearly thirty feet, a small cluster of blue-glowing mushrooms poked out from the ice.

  "The Frost Cap!" Oliver breathed, his eyes wide.

  "Oh, dear me," Alicia sighed, putting a hand to her back. "They are... very high up. I'm afraid my old bones..."

  "We will get them," Oliver said instantly, already shrugging off his pack and pulling out a rope and his axe.

  Nora looked at the cliff, then at Vivian. "Oliver, you cannot climb that with him. And I have to be the spotter for you."

  This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

  This was the moment.

  "Well," Alicia said, sounding as helpless as possible. "I suppose... I can just hold him? I am old, but I am not that useless. I will keep him warm right here by the pack."

  Nora hesitated. She clearly did not want to hand her son over.

  'Oh, for Sophiel's sake, child, he is not a bomb!'

  "Nora," Alicia said gently. "It is fine. Give me the boy. Go help your husband."

  Reluctantly, Nora handed the Vivian over. Alicia held him. Oliver and Nora began their ascent, bickering over handholds.

  Alicia waited until they were twenty feet up and completely focused.

  'They will be up there for at least an hour,' she thought, a mischievous grin spreading across her face.

  The second they were out of her direct line of sight, Alicia's "old lady" persona vanished. She held Vivian like a football, her Elven speed kicking in, and bolted into the woods.

  She ran for five minutes, moving like a ghost through the snowdrifts, until she reached a small, simple wooden chapel, hidden in a grove of ancient pines. It was unlocked, as always, open to any who might wander by.

  "Now, little monster," she said, finally unwrapping Vivian. "Let's get you baptized."

  The chapel was humble, just a few wooden benches and a simple stone altar, carved with the symbol of an open book.

  Vivian was just... looking around, his eyes wide, not making a sound.

  'Right, then. First.' Alicia pulled a small, silk wrapped package from her travel bag.

  'The indignity,' she thought, as she had to, very quickly and with much disgust, change Vivian's soiled cloth wrapping. 'I, an Archmage, reduced to... this. This is why I never had children.'

  She cleaned him up and then, with giddy satisfaction, dressed him in the outfit she'd had prepared, a tiny, absurdly formal set of Elven acolyte robes, made of white silk and embroidered with the golden runes of Sophiel.

  'He looks,' she decided, 'absolutely ridiculous. I love it.'

  She carried the magnificently dressed Vivian to the altar. "Alright, Vivian. This is the Oath of Knowledge. It is in the Ancient Tongue, so you will not understand a word, but the intent is what matters. It just binds you to a life of seeking truth. And it makes Sophiel notice you."

  She placed the prepared offering on the altar , a small, magnificent looking book with crystals on its cover.

  She held Vivian in one arm, placed her other hand on the altar, and began the Oath.

  She chanted, her voice shifting from its human rasp to the clear, melodic ring of her Elven true voice. The ancient words filled the small chapel, the mana in the air thrumming in response. Vivian just watched the light from the snow, fascinated.

  "...and by the Starlight and the First Word, I present this mind to be filled," she concluded. "So be it."

  The ritual was complete. The air in the chapel snapped back to normal. The book on the altar vanished, The offering was accepted.

  Alicia looked at Vivian. Vivian looked at her. He gurgled.

  '...Well. That was it,' Alicia thought, slightly underwhelmed. Oh well, I did my part.The rest is on your shoulders young boy.'

  She sighed, then quickly and efficiently stripped Vivian of the priceless silk robes, shoved them back in her bag, and wrapped him back in his smelly furs.

  She grabbed her pre prepared 'trophy' , a perfectly preserved Frost Cap Mushroom , from another pocket.

  'Now, for the finale.'

  She bolted back to the cliff. She arrived just as Nora and Oliver were rappelling down the last few feet, their own bags empty. They looked around, panic starting to build on their faces.

  "Alicia!" Nora cried. "Where were you? We were worried!"

  Alicia stepped out from the trees, holding up the glowing blue mushroom and radiating smugness.

  "Silence, child," she said, resuming her 'old lady' voice. "I am not so useless I can't hunt. While you two were playing on the ice, I tracked a separate mushroom. And look."

  She presented the mushroom. Oliver and Nora stared, their faces a perfect mix of awe, relief, and embarrassment.

  'I am a genius,' Alicia thought, as they fussed over her and the baby. 'They are so easy to fool. Truly, my intellect is wasted on these children. fufufu.'