Arun

  Je Suis sits across from me in the carriage with her gloved hands folded politely in her lap, the carriage swaying gently as we begin to leave the Blackwood Plantation’s gates.

  I can still feel the warmth of Alexios’s body and his lips pressed lovingly to mine. The kiss had been… different.

  Was he trying to tell me something with it?

  I look out the window and watch as the early morning mist rises from the fields.

  “Did Alexios seem off to you this morning?”

  Je Suis stops looking out the window and looks at me quizzically.

  “Off how?”

  I shrug and lean back against my seat. Truthfully, I’m not completely what I feel anyway. I just want to see if maybe she saw something too.

  “I don’t know. Just… different. He’s always very protective when it comes to me, but it felt stronger earlier. He seems worried about something.”

  “We’ll never truly know what goes on in that head of his, Arun. I’m sure Alexios is worried about many things, especially you. You two are practically attached at the hip and you have been since he brought you to Blackwood.”

  It’s a fair point, actually.

  Alexios and I have barely spent any time apart in a little over two years.

  “I guess you’re right,” I say quietly while I trace my finger over the seam of the seat next to me, right where he would sit.

  “If there’s something weighing on him, it’s probably just his own dealings. I think he tries his hardest to keep his real business from spilling into personal matters.”

  I nod in agreement, but her words don’t really do much to snuff out the unease in my stomach. I turn my eyes back to the window and tell myself it’s just my imagination, but the absolute weight in his tone when he said he loved me keeps replaying in my head.

  --

  The road into Timbertown is a beautiful winding trip along the river and both Je Suis and I watch as the sunlight dances on the surface of the water.

  By the time we reach town, we can hear the loud calls of traders and the sharp clank of a blacksmith’s hammer in the distance. Timbertown is clearly alive and well.

  The carriage slows in front of The Fiddler’s Inn as Je Suis notes it’s one of her favorites in the region. She steps out first, boots hitting the cobblestones softly, and I follow. Within minutes, she’s directing me to a modest private room on the second floor and laying out documents.

  Je Suis gestures for me to sit.

  “Let’s go over the shipping projections one last time and then we’ll look at the revised contract terms. Alexios will yell at me if I don’t make sure you’re properly ready for every point they might challenge you on.”

  I take a seat across from her, but the number lines begin to blur as I find myself still thinking about Alexios gripping my coat in the entryway.

  “Arun,” Je Suis leads.

  I blink quickly.

  “Sorry. Um… the shipment totals?”

  She sighs softly.

  “If you’re distracted now, they’ll eat you alive during the meeting. Put whatever is in your mind aside, at least until this is over.”

  I twirl a strand of my curly hair and force my focus back on the pages, but I still feel the uneasiness in my stomach.

  She decides on an early lunch and one of the inn’s staff brings in a warm loaf of bread and roasted pheasant. Je Suis pours a cup of water before sitting back down across from me.

  “I figured food would probably help your mood,” she says, passing me a plate. “You still seem a bit… unsettled though. Don’t tell me it was nothing, Arun.”

  I look down at my plate, my fork gently prodding at a piece of meat.

  “It felt like he was worried about me, Je Suis. Not his meeting.”

  “Has he given you a reason to think you’re in danger?” she asks.

  “No,” I say a bit too quickly.

  Do I really believe that though?

  She takes a sip of water before nodding a few times.

  “For now, just focus on the meeting. Let me worry about the rest, okay?”

  I know her reassurance is sincere, but I saw the look on Alexios’s face this morning. He was already practically counting down the hours until he could make sure I was safe in his arms again.

  --

  We move to our rooms to change into more polished clothing, with Je Suis dressed up in a tailored black suit with a dark, red scarf pinned neatly at her throat while I chose a deep blue vest and black pants.

  As is usual today, my thoughts keep sliding ahead to the meeting and to faces of the men and women who I know will be judging me within the first few minutes of me walking into the room.

  And of course, to the image of Alexios in the entryway.

  We leave the inn on foot and thankfully, it’s just a short distance to the council hall. Je Suis leads me through the grand building until we reach a conference room with high ceilings and lined with long tables.

  Several merchants have already arrived, keeping their voices low while they speak to one another. I trail behind Je Suis, but as soon as I walk in… I feel their eyes shift to me.

  “Don’t be nervous, okay, sweetheart?” she whispers. “You’re here to represent Alexios, not to please these old geezers.”

  I nod politely and adjust the cuff of my undershirt as we both take a seat. Immediately, a broad-shouldered elven man with a neatly trimmed beard leans forward to look me over.

  “I see Alexios has sent his partner in his place,” he says bluntly. “I admit, I am rather curious to see how this will go.”

  I swallow harshly, already feeling the weight of everyone’s attention. But then I feel the steady and confident presence of Je Suis beside me. She sits beside me like a shield that I didn’t realize I’d need as badly as I do now.

  The rest of the seats are filled shortly after and each new arrival seems to raise my heartbeat. I sit with my back straight beside Je Suis as heavy boots stomp over the polished floor. I’ve laid my notes nearly in front of me, but my fingers keep tightening around the edge of the pages.

  The broad-shouldered elf who “greeted” me earlier is now speaking with a mousy looking woman just two seats down. Her shrewd eyes linger on me just a second too long. Judging by their tone, it’s meant to seem private…

  But their voices carry far more than they think here.

  “… Alexios sending his plaything to bargain for him…”

  A dry laugh rings out.

  “Seems rather desperate of him to do if you ask me.”

  I keep my eyes on my notes in front of me, reading through the columns and pretending not to hear, but their words pull me in anyway.

  “Let’s see if he’s got anything in his pretty little head worth hearing,” another voice whispers from further down the table.

  Je Suis is talking with a broker sitting on the other side of her, pointing out a note in one of the shipping ledgers. I try my best to remember her advice, but it’s hard when these merchants seem to want to make me doubt why I’m here in the first place.

  Finally, the meeting begins and the chairperson calls for order. Various projections are read out before disputes over last season’s losses come to play, but every time I speak to either clarify the terms Alexios already approved or to confirm one of the figures, the merchants and brokers stare me down, eyes like daggers.

  One of the older women with sharp eyes and heavy rings adorning her fingers turns to her neighbor after my last answer.

  “Sounds rehearsed if you ask me,” she whispers, but not softly enough.

  “Bet Alexios kept him up late enough to dull his tongue,” the neighbor replies with a cackle.

  Tears begin to rise in my eyes and when the next question comes my way, I studder.

  “The…” I clear my throat and glance at my notes, but the numbers begin to blur. “The… current… the…”

  My stomach feels like it’s in my throat now. I know these figures. Hells, I’ve recited them to Je Suis at least a dozen times since we arrived, but all I can hear are their cruel whispers.

  Je Suis’s quill taps sharply on a section of my notes. She doesn’t have to say anything for me to understand her message loud and clear:

  Focus, Arun.

  I inhale deep and find the numbers again.

  “The current yields for Blackwood are projected at eight percent above last year, but… that’s assuming… the weather patterns will patch the previous average a few have mentioned.”

  It’s better, but I know I still stumbled through it and it’s too difficult to ignore.

  To my gratefulness, the chairperson nods and moves on, but I can still see the others exchanging glances and deciding what they think I am here. I sit very still, keeping my hands in my lap to hide the tremors in my fingers.

  Before I know it, the discussion moves to projecting shipping timelines for the northern routes. I’m ready this time.

  “If we switch to an additional five percent…” I begin, but the broad-shouldered elven man cuts through.

  “We don’t need the figures from you anymore,” he says and it’s obvious his “politeness” is just being used as a weapon here. “We know who… and what you are to Alexios. We don’t think it puts you in position to speak for him.”

  A few merchants shift awkwardly in their chairs while the others look right at me waiting to see what I’ll do or say.

  Je Suis leans forward in her chair as I put the quill down carefully.

  “May I ask what it is that you think I am to him?” I ask, feeling my heartbeat race wildly with my attempt at confrontation.

  The elven man’s smirk widens.

  “You are simply a distraction. Something for Alexios to keep… entertained while the rest of us handle serious business.”

  An ugly laugh rises from somewhere down the table, but I keep my eyes locked on him.

  I’ve had enough.

  “Do you understand that I’m the one holding the terms Alexios agreed on for these shipments? Despite what you want, you have to answer to me today and my name is Arun… not ‘plaything’.”

  I don’t know where in the hells the boldness came from, but I thank the gods for it. Je Suis’s jaw drops a bit, eyes widening at my words. I inhale deeply again, expecting to see disappointment on her face, but when I catch her eyes, they are filled with excitement.

  I give her a knowing look, one that silently asks, “Did I mess everything up?”

  Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site.

  She shakes her head, grinning.

  The man leans back in his chair, but I can still see him desperately wanting to challenge me again.

  “We’ll see, I suppose.”

  Before I can say anything else, Je Suis steps in sharply.

  “Arun is the one carrying the contracts your businesses rely on. If you’d prefer to speak to Alexios directly… I’m sure he’ll love knowing the names of those who were unwilling to engage professionally with his trusted representative.”

  The filthy smirk on the man’s face falls and the others exchange swift glances with one another. Despite how gentle Alexios is with me, he’s somewhat feared by these merchants here.

  Respected, yes.

  But feared as well.

  The chairperson clears his throat and pushes the meeting forward. I take a moment to steady my breathing, forcing myself to focus on the notes in front of me as Je Suis speaks on possible freight costs.

  When a question about adjusting shipment priorities due to possible weather conditions, I answer without hesitation now.

  “Thankfully, we’ve accounted for that in these revised contracts. If that happens, the southern route may get the delay, but we’ll have a surplus that will cover the deficit.”

  A few of the merchants seem to reluctantly agree. It’s not much, but it feels like I’m making somewhat progress now…

  Even though some of the whispers never stop.

  “Pretty words,” a man mutters behind his hand. “Probably rehearsed them in Alexios’s bed.”

  Every comment hits like a blast to the chest, but I try my best to keep calm. I use my handwriting as an anchor almost. It reminds me that I know this material and that Alexios trusts me with it for a reason.

  When a merchant at the other end of the table asks about the figures for last season’s exports, I take a closer look at my notes.

  “If you mean the winter shipments, the difference is because of port closures in Mira because of the storms. We rerouted the items rather than losing them. I have the manifests here too… if you’d like to take a look.”

  The merchant’s eyebrows raise and I realize he probably wasn’t expecting me to have an immediate answer to his concerns.

  He doesn’t ask any other questions for the rest of the meeting.

  Je Suis give me a flicker of approval before turning her attention back to the chairperson.

  “Does anyone still think Alexios sent him to be nothing more than a decoration?” she asks sharply.

  A few merchants cough quietly.

  “Good,” she says before turning back to her notes.

  The meeting drags on for two hours and by the halfway point, I’ve stopped expecting the whispers to fade, but they also don’t bother me nearly as much as they did earlier.

  I keep answering questions, making sure my tone never rises.

  When the chairperson finally calls for final questions, one merchant coughs, then shakes his head. Another flips through documents that Je Suis sent over to him.

  “It there are no further questions or… comments,” she says. “Let’s consider the terms confirmed and approved.”

  The chairperson nods once.

  “Approved.”

  Chairs scrap across the floor all at once as papers are gathered and handshakes are exchanged… but not with me.

  With Je Suis.

  A few of the merchants glimpse at me as the room begins to empty, heavy doors closing behind the last merchant. Je Suis and I are the only left in the room now.

  My shoulders ache horribly from holding myself rigid for hours on end. I exhale deeply as Je Suis gathers her notes quickly.

  “You did well.”

  I shake my head.

  “I stumbled.”

  “Only once,” she says calmly. “You recovered. That’s way more than some of them expected of you.”

  “They don’t respect me.”

  “Not yet, but respect isn’t really… given in that room, Arun. It’s taken. You took a big step towards it and didn’t back down even when they tried to make you.”

  I don’t think I believe her completely, but it does take some of the tension out of my shoulders.

  We leave the chamber, our footsteps echoing in sync while I wonder how Alexios would be looking at me right now.

  Would he be proud?

  Or would he be angry?

  I wonder if he’d believe I was enough.

  Je Suis and I step out into the evening sun and the scent of roasted duck makes my stomach growl. She looks over at me as we walk.

  “Let’s get some food in you, hmm? Come on, there’s a lovely place in the square that makes a fantastic roast.”

  I follow gladly. The day has left me completely hollow, not just from hunger but from everything that was said… and not said… in that conference room.

  The tavern she chooses is warm and cozy.

  We’re shown to a table by the window by a polite server and Je Suis orders for us both without asking. I find that I’m actually grateful for it tonight. My appetite feels just as unsure as my thoughts.

  I’m quiet through the entire first course and her eyes stay on me between small sips of red wine.

  “Arun, did the comments really affect you that badly?” she asks.

  I look down, nodding slowly.

  “Yes. I know I shouldn’t care what anyone thinks, but… they never saw me as someone worth listening to. They didn’t care about anything I said. To them, I’m just something Alexios keeps around to ‘play with’.”

  “Is that what you think you are too?”

  I stare down at my plate.

  “Sometimes… I do wonder. He’s powerful. He could have anyone he wanted. Why does he want me? Maybe they’re right. Maybe I am just…” I let the sentence fall short, but the word “plaything” sticks in my throat.

  Je Suis scoffs loudly and the look in her green eyes is fierce enough to cut through the atmosphere of the dining room.

  “Absolutely not, Arun. Don’t you ever think that. I’ve known Alexios for a while now and I can tell you this… that man would set the world on fire for you. He would do anything you asked of him. Not because you’re ‘pretty to look at’. You matter to him deeply, in ways that I guarantee no one else will ever see.”

  I blink down at my hands and then look up to meet her eyes again.

  “You know that for sure?”

  “More than anything,” she says, picking up her glass of wine again. “You should realize you hold more power in his life than anyone else in the world, especially those in the meeting who try to undermine you.”

  Her words are like a warm blanket around my shoulders, allowing me to finally exhale properly. The roast arrives and I realize I might actually be able to eat more than just a f ew bites.

  --

  Je Suis and I are making our way back to The Fiddler’s Inn when my stomach drops.

  “Hells,” I say, stopping mid-step. “The contracts.”

  Je Suis turns back to me.

  “What about them?”

  “I left my folder in the meeting room, contracts and all.”

  She sighs tiredly, but glances over to the council hall in the fading evening sun.

  “Fine, let’s get them now. I’ll wait outside, alright? Shouldn’t take you more than a minute, yeah?”

  The echoes of our footsteps on the cobblestone are much louder now that the council hall is pretty much abandoned at this point. At the door of the council hall, Je Suis holds the door open for me, keeping a gloved hand on the frame.

  “Be quick,” she says. “I’ll be right here, okay?”

  I nod before slipping inside.

  When I open the door to the conference room, the room is much dimmer now and only a few sconces are lit along the far wall. My folder sits near the end of the long table, exactly where I left it. I’m reaching for it when a voice comes from the shadows near the window.

  “Well, well… if it isn’t Alexios’s little consort.”

  I freeze and then turn towards the deep voice. It’s that same broad-shouldered merchant from earlier, leaning against the window frame with his arms crossed.

  “I apologize,” I say carefully. “I didn’t know anyone was still here.”

  He smirks and steps away from the wall to close the distance between us.

  “Did you come back for more than just the papers?”

  I grip the folder tightly and my tail makes a hesitant swish behind me.

  “Just what I left behind.”

  “That’s a shame,” he says as I watch his eyes drag over me in a way that makes my heart race quickly. “You know, that was a decent little show you put on today… Arun. You sure have a pretty face and lovely voice, but that’s not why Alexios really keeps you, is it?”

  I turn towards the door to leave, but he takes another step closer.

  --

  “I can imagine exactly what he keeps you for,” he goes on. “Bet you’re real nice to him in bed, aren’t you? What’s a sweet little thing like you doing with a drow anyway?”

  My stomach twists and I try my best to keep my expression neutral, stepping around him without meeting his eyes.

  “Goodnight, sir” I say before walking to the door with my folder in hand.

  I’m two steps from the door when I hear his heavy footsteps follow. Just as I begin to reach for the handle, a large hand slaps against the wood of the door before the click of the lock echoes through the room.

  My grip tightens on my folder.

  “Unlock the door. Now.”

  He leans against it and the smug smirk on his lips doesn’t fade.

  “Relax, boy. I just want to talk. You know... the kind you probably give Alexios every night.”

  My heartrate spikes, but I force myself to take a couple slow breaths.

  “I’m not interested.”

  “That’s not what I asked,” he says as he steps close enough that I can smell the strong tang of alcohol on his breath. “I’ve never been with a devil before. I reckon it wouldn’t take much to find out if you’re all polish and no bite.”

  My mind runs through every single exercise Je Suis and I ran through about keeping composure under stress, but this isn’t a negotiation.

  This is a trap.

  I shift the folder under one arm while my free hand turns into a fist at my side.

  “Move.”

  That only makes him grin wider.

  “Bet you’d be better for me than for some nasty drow like him. Bet I could make you…”

  “Stop it, now!”

  His fingers reach for my arm before I can even step back. He thinks he has the right to touch me.

  I twist away, but the corner of a small table behind me catches my hip and forces me sideways, giving him the perfect opportunity to crowd me in closer.

  “Don’t be shy,” he snickers. “Alexios isn’t here, sweet devil. No one has to know, right?”

  My heart is pounding hard enough to make my hands tremble and I almost drop the folder on the floor, but I raise one of my hands anyway as the motion for Thunderwave begins to form.

  Before the light of the spell can even fully take shape, the man’s arm bats it aside.

  “That’s all you’ve got?” he growls. “Pretty lights and even prettier eyes?”

  I plants my palm against his chest in an effort to shove him back, but he barely moves, grin widening at the resistance.

  “Show me how you earn your keep in that big house of his,” he says, so close that I can feel his disgusting breath at my ear.

  The door feels a million miles away and my mind starts racing, desperate to find any possible way I can still get out of this before he successfully pushes further. I move to slip past him again, but the elven man is somehow faster, even in this disgustingly drunken state. His shoulder slams into mine, knocking me down to the ground as the folder slides across the floor.

  “Please…” I try to speak, but he’s already over me as one hand grips a horn and the other pins my shoulder to the floor. I twist my head far enough that his lips only graze my cheek.

  I shove him with my knee, but his bulky body presses me down flatly. My fingers spark with the beginning of one last desperate attempt at a spell, but his grip crushes my wrist and forces my arm down before I can release it.

  Every instinct is screaming at me to do something, but this man is practically immovable.

  Gods, please help me. Please...

  Someone save me.

  His fingers fumble clumsily at my vest and I jerk my head again to keep his lips from finding mine. My shoulder aches from being pinned to the ground.

  His hand slides lower and I can feel the coldness of his rings through the thin fabric of my clothes. I twist hard, managing to free one arm. My palm slams against his chest and my magic sparks again, but this damn angle is all wrong.

  It fizzles uselessly against the fabric of his coat.

  “Pathetic,” he hisses out. “You can’t do a damn thing without Alexios, can you?”

  Humiliation runs through me at his cruel words.

  --

  And then…

  Crack!

  Our attention is pulled to the sound and as we both look up, the door bursts open as shattered pieces of wood fly violently through the room.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” Je Suis shrieks.

  The man freezes and Je Suis runs over, grabbing him by the collar and yanking him off me with so much power that he flies back into the wall.

  Before he can even rise to his feet, she’s right there in front of him driving her fists hard into his gut repeatedly. He doubles over, knees buckling as he gasps for air.

  She twists his arm behind his back, bending it until he’s howling in pain. And then…

  A dagger is pressed directly to his throat.

  Je Suis has a dagger?!

  “Listen to me carefully,” she demands as her hand tightens so hard that I can hear the pop of his shoulder joint. “You’re going to apologize to him and you are going to mean it... or I’ll dislocate this arm and rip off the other one.”

  The man glares at her and she pulls even more, causing him to groan out louder in pain.

  “I’m… sorry,” he forces out through his rotten teeth.

  Je Suis leans forward and I see the dagger press slightly into his neck. A soft line of blood appears.

  “No. Try again and this time… say it without sounding like you’d rather vomit than apologize.”

  “I’m sorry!” he says again, but his voice is trembling now. The tension in his shoulders is sharp under her scathing grip. “I… I shouldn’t have touched you.”

  She huffs out a laugh and leans in closer.

  “Alexios will hear about this,” she states sharply. “And trust me… you’ll be begging to deal with me instead of whatever punishment he decides for you. He is far more dangerous than any of you vultures will ever know. You think you know him? You know nothing.”

  I expect her to release him with a shove as she pulls her dagger away, but she doesn’t. Suddenly, she turns the blade and slams the blunt end of the weapon into his head.

  He gasps out in pain before collapsing onto the cold floor, unconscious.

  Je Suis immediately runs over to help me up off the ground. Her eyes, brimming with tears, sweep quickly over my face and clothes.

  “Are you hurt, sweetheart? Tell me right now, did he you hurt?!”

  I shake my head as tears run down my face.

  “Thank the gods,” she breathes out. “If you were hurt, I’d have made sure he left here in pieces.”

  She retrieves my folder from the ground and hands it over gently before guiding me out of the council hall. My pulse hasn’t even gotten the chance to slow down.

  Once we’re outside, the cool air is sharp enough to make me take a full breath of air. Je Suis walks beside me the entire way to the inn, her palm steady on the back.

  “You’re not going back there alone ever again,” she says frankly. “Men like that think they can get away with whatever they want.”

  “I can handle…”

  “No!” she cuts me off. “No… you shouldn’t have to ‘handle’ it.”

  I wipe a stray tear away and pull the folder closer into my chest.

  “Please… don’t tell Alexios. He has enough to…”

  “Absolutely not. If you don’t tell him, he is going to hear it from me. I’ll tell him twice as loud if you try to stop me.”

  I know the fury Alexios is capable of when someone threatens what’s his, but to my surprise, I feel relieved that she’s not going to let this go.

  Je Suis opens the door to the inn for me.

  “Upstairs,” she continues. “Eat something and lock your door, do you understand?”

  I step inside quickly and make my way up the stairs, already preparing for the sound of Alexios’s voice when he finds out.

  When I make it into my room, I lock the door immediately just as Je Suis told me to and I’ve even drawn the curtains before tucking the folder into my bag like that will even help me put the whole evening behind me.

  It doesn’t, of course. How could I be so silly to think it would do such a thing?

  Even as I try to fall asleep, I see him again.

  His shadow moving towards me.

  The locked door.

  I turn over and press my face into the pillow, praying to the gods that I can just wash the memory away, but I know it will stick to me like caramel gone rancid.

  --

  The dream starts with the lock clicking in place and the disgusting smell of alcohol on that man’s breath, but this time…

  It doesn’t end with Je Suis bursting into the room. She never comes and my magic never sparks. Every time I try to move, the floor seems to consume even more somehow.

  “You can’t do a damn thing without him.”

  I’m trying to shout for Alexios, but the words are just… nothing. My lungs are empty. I am being torn apart again… and again.

  …

  I jolt awake, huffing in air deeply as sweat falls from my forehead. It feels like I’ve just run miles.

  It takes more than I’d like to admit to convince myself I’m awake, the door is locked and I am safe, but even as I lie back down on the pillow, I know I won’t be able to sleep peacefully tonight.

  It feels almost impossible.

  Finally, I get up and unlock the door, quietly easing it open to find Je Suis sitting at a small table she’s clearly ordered one of the staff to bring up. A glass of wine rests beside her as she skims through a book.

  “Can’t sleep, love?” she asks kindly, looking up at me from behind the pages.

  I shake my head. I don’t have the right words right now.

  She smiles sadly before pointing her book towards my bed.

  “I’m right here, okay? I won’t let anything happen to you.”

  I realize that if anyone were to try coming near this door, they’d immediately regret it. As I start to turn back into the room, I stop. Something she said to that disgusting excuse of a man has stuck with me.

  “Je Suis?”

  “Yes?”

  I look down, studying the wooden floors intensely as I try to find my words.

  “What did you mean when you said Alexios is far more dangerous than anyone realizes?”

  She takes a sip of wine and stays silent for a moment.

  Then…

  “I just meant that he’s a powerful man, that’s all,” she answers. “He’s a drow. People like to make assumptions. I simply just wanted to intimidate.”

  She smiles politely at me, but it seems almost too composed. Maybe she’s being honest. But maybe…

  “Sleep, Arun,” she adds softly. “I’ll be right here for the rest of the night.”

  I nod slowly and slip back inside. This time, sleep does feel more in reach now even though the memory of today isn’t gone, but I know Je Suis is right outside.

  And may the gods help whoever crosses her.