Conveniently, John went into several weeks full of urgent missions where he was constantly traveling or in battle against the forces of the Sovereign Primacy. That gave him an excuse not to discuss matters with Astrid. Preferably, he would have sorted out his own feelings during that time, but such convenient things didn’t actually happen at will. Distractions just made the process longer.
So he ended up in a similar position to where he had been, with only a few thoughts having clarified themself. And he still needed to speak to Astrid. Possibly others, but that would depend on how things went with her.
Finding a location that was private enough to have a proper conversation while keeping a proper level of distance took some work. They both had reputations to uphold, though it was less likely that John’s would suffer any harm if people made certain assumptions. That was just how things were, with standards not being applied equally.
It would be something else entirely if they were lovers, but while Astrid’s pursuit of John was out in the open, they had avoided any physical intimacy. They weren’t so young that they couldn’t handle their own desires, and there were certain emotional entanglements that came along with physical acts, whether people wanted it or not.
The best views around the Silver Haze Sect were atop some nearby crags, remote enough to retain privacy while not providing a social advantage to either party or carrying other concerns.
Even with the sensory dimming of the Muted Crags, or perhaps even because of it, looking off into the blurred horizon at sunset was a wonderful view. There were just enough clouds for the sunlight to reflect off of, even as the sun itself passed the horizon line.
“Wonderful,” Astrid commented. “The skies themselves light up like fire. If only it were possible to capture this moment forever.”
She’d probably like cameras. Though pictures weren’t quite the same as being somewhere in person, they could certainly help recall memories. But they weren’t there to talk about Earth’s technology.
Astrid’s eyes eventually settled on John. “From the lack of speech… I imagine what you have to say is quite important, isn’t it?”
“It does tend to be like that,” John eventually replied. “As you are well aware, I’ve given serious thought to our relationship.”
Astrid shifted her position atop a rock. “If I’m being rejected, I would have preferred it to happen somewhere less romantic.”
The sunset hadn’t entirely been John’s intention. The timing just turned out that way, partially due to his hesitation. “I like you,” John said. “You have many praiseworthy attributes. You are kind, talented, and adaptable.”
She simply waited in silence, demonstrating a high level of patience. No doubt she had things she wished to say. John supposed he shouldn’t draw things out, either.
“Too often, I find myself comparing you to Matayal.” He said it as clearly as possible.
Astrid locked eyes with him. “And this is a problem? You find me unworthy in comparison, perhaps?”
“That hasn’t been the case so far,” John admitted. “But the thoughts are still there.” He had moved on from her death to the extent that he could be expected to. He had his own drives and ambitions, with the memories of her returning more happy thoughts of old times than fears. “She was the one I loved. I have the feeling the comparisons will continue regardless of either of our wills.”
Astrid sat in silence for a few moments, the last remnants of the sunset reflecting off of her eyes- more than what was natural, though whether it was an intentional action was unclear. The movement of a cultivator’s spiritual energy was not always as controlled as they preferred to believe.
“I was worried you had something worse to say. That, perhaps, you couldn’t see yourself growing to love me.” She made a sharp face. “If that is the case, please don’t draw it out.”
John shook his head slightly. He would have recognized that long before, and it would have been easier to say. “You don’t have to worry about that.” Perhaps the most desirable trait in a partner was for them to desire you. It seemed like a fundamental thing that everyone assumed was in place, but John had recognized it clearly enough. His current feelings might even have been suppressed unconsciously, as if he didn’t want to love again. But his thoughts had only come up with reasons why he should, and none that said he shouldn’t. Not sensible thoughts.
“If you haven’t yet found me lacking…” Astrid held her head high. “Then I see no reason I can’t continue to compete. I have sufficient confidence to stand up even against idealized memories.” She paused, considering her words. “I don’t mean to imply you have a distorted image, but…”
John shrugged. “I understand. Perhaps in my memories, she is more than she truly was. That is a very human thing. And while I don’t intend to compare you… it will happen. It won’t be fair to you.”
“I can accept that,” Astrid said. “And others may at well. What about Anna?”
John wondered if she was serious. He decided that even if she was, he didn’t need to be. “She’s a bit too prickly.” As the one who made him even consider remarriage, Astrid was going to have to take responsibility. A bit of flirting by another woman wasn’t really going to sway John much. Anna hadn’t seemed particularly serious, and if she couldn’t convince John of that it was either true or spoke volumes about his own feelings in return.
Astrid wasn’t the choice just because she’d been the one to truly make John consider what he’d subconsciously avoided, yet at the same time that was exactly the reason. She had been brave enough to take action where there was a very real chance of rejection, and his emotional response had been sufficient.
In short, John had gone from considering things to very strongly considering things. They’d known each other for several years and spent enough time together- even if infrequent- that John could reasonably move straight to proposing marriage. But they’d had to get past this particular obstacle. And there were other factors in play. John didn’t want to have to consider politics for his personal life, but he did. That said, if politics would have stopped him, he would have laid things to rest years before. He just needed to hear some particular opinions, and some of them happened to be close.
The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
-----
“Hmm. Want to marry dad, huh? You’ll have to beat me in a fight.”
Ursel wasn’t exactly towering, but she was a tall woman and her armor made her appear far larger. Standing at her full height was rather intimidating, and her spiritual energy certainly amplified that.
“No,” John said. “You don’t get to make such a declaration. I am asking for your opinion out of respect.” His children were all adults, so it wasn’t like he was bringing in a new mother for them- they all lived in vastly different places.
“Tch,” Ursel clicked her tongue. “How am I supposed to know if she’s good enough, then?”
“I’ll do it,” Astrid declared. “I’ll fight you. But you can’t expect me to win. Your cultivation is higher, and I can’t reasonably be expected to catch up. But once I reach the Ascending Soul Phase… I’ll fight you.”
Ursel nodded. “Good. I’d expect at least that much. However, if you back out, I’ll-”
“No,” John said. “No threats.”
Ursel’s expression inside her helmet was only readable with energy, but John saw her roll her eyes. “Aww, come on! You wouldn’t want to marry a coward anyway.”
That was true, really. Though their definitions of coward might not match up precisely. John was significantly more likely to appreciate proper caution, for example.
-----
“You’re on my side, right?” Astrid said. “It would be really embarrassing to lose to Ursel.”
“Not really,” John said. “Unless you’re secretly Abritt? Now that was embarrassing.”
Astrid made a face. “I’ve made a huge mistake, haven’t I? What was I thinking? She defeated a late Ascending Soul Phase cultivator while barely in the early stage!”
John didn’t mention that technically Ursel had been peak Consolidated Soul Phase. Even he found that hard to believe, and he’d been there. Though the circumstances had all added together to help Ursel. The elemental advantage was good, too, since Abritt was most powerful with the air element. And she’d been a bit arrogant, underestimating Ursel and her techniques.
“I can give you some tips,” John said.
Ursel would want the fight to be as good as possible. She couldn’t reasonably expect Astrid to win. And Ursel clearly didn’t dislike Astrid, or she would have said it. To her face. That was ultimately all John wanted to confirm, and the duel sort of happened. Though it wouldn’t be for a while yet. Astrid had only recently hit the thirty-sixth rank, pushing for the next too vigorously would be rather foolish. John himself knew how difficult the Ascending Soul Phase could be.
“Fire should be good, right?” Astrid commented. “Fire dominates earth.”
“Ursel beat Abritt in a fire element arena. So don’t count on that too much.”
“Come on, you’re supposed to be building me up here!”
“Relax. You’ll have plenty of time to prepare.”
Astrid nodded seriously. “So, what totem do you think I should take?”
“Isn’t that a personal decision?”
She raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? You’re almost making me think you aren’t serious.” She brought her face close to his. “You’re a hard individual to pick totems for. Do you think it should be air? I can at least make an allied cycle.”
“Does that even align with your current totems?” John asked.
“Nope. Nobody was even considering six element cultivation when I picked my first three totems.”
“I was,” John pointed out.
“Not publicly! You probably had darkness and earth at best.” Astrid sighed, “Is air no good?”
“You’ve got a pretty set style,” John confirmed. “I don’t think it would benefit either of us to go off that path. I’ve been considering a prism, personally.”
“You already have a sixth totem picked out?”
“Not at all,” John said. “That’s one of many. It’s even harder to pick the last in a set of six elements.”
“Yeah, I bet. What totems did Matayal have?”
“You sure you want to bring that up?”
Astrid just shook her head. “If you’re never going to forget her, then we should learn from that, right?”
“Each of her totems was water imbued with traces of another element,” John said.
“Even her first one?” Astrid asked.
“We were promised to be married before we were even born,” John said. “She took that very seriously.”
“I have some really tough competition.”
-----
Of those whose opinions John was interested in, equally accessible was Renato. He didn’t mean to let family and friends make important choices for him, but ignoring their wisdom would be rather foolish as well. “It is not yet set in stone,” John said. “But we’re moving in the direction of marriage. I was wondering what your thoughts were.” Asking specifically for objections would put a negative light on things.
“If you think it will be a good thing, then I agree with your judgement,” Renato said. He turned to Astrid. “From what I have seen of you, I respect your abilities and persistence. It must have been tough, to get your feelings through this man’s hard head.”
“Hey, I’m not even the earth cultivator here,” John complained.
Renato shrugged. “Anyway, I’m not an expert on romance or marriage of any sort. But I have seen you with and without Matayal, and I preferred the former. A truthful relationship will likely be good for you.”
“Ah, that does remind me of something,” John said. He turned to Astrid. “I would have brought this up sooner, but it requires some level of trust. I’m actually a transmigrator.”
“I know,” Astrid said with no embellishment. “You haven’t exactly kept it secret lately. Personally, I was able to confirm it by seeing how… divergent from the norms you act.”
“Are you saying I’m weird?”
Astrid turned her head away slightly. “Those weren’t my words.”
“You think I’m weird. Even though everything I do makes total sense,” John declared.
Astrid chuckled at that. Her response was nearly a more undignified version, but she had more personal control than that. “Even attempting a full cycle of the elements from the basis of a single element clan?”
John shrugged. “The texts made it seem like the most powerful option.”
“And you just assumed you could succeed.”
“I thought it would at least be interesting,” John shrugged. He hadn’t even been certain he would reach the Foundation Phase, really. But something about the six elements had called to him, even back then.
