Time seemed to blur as I stared into the big blue sky above of me, the fact that I had sobbed like a small child wasn’t a bad thing necessarily, as bottling up emotions inside of you was akin to bottling up poison within yourself. Sure it was painful at first to allow the overhwelming flood of sadness to get to me, but after I finally stopped I felt positively relieved, like the world was clear and focused again and earlier I was looking through a foggy filter of pain and anguish. But now the lenses were once again clear, and now that I had sight, had vision, I knew what i needed to do next..... I needed to find a goal, something to focus on in this new and confusing world, even back on earth I was a extremely goal oriented person. If I didn’t have something to focus on in life I tended to become a bit lost, not having something I was supposed to be doing for me was like being a fish out of water, breathless and dying. My general life goal back on earth was to just help people, whether that be helping out Old Woman McWrinkles across the street, or in my most recent act of bravery and kindness, becoming a martyr while protesting against a tyrannical government after being branded a domestic terrorist for staging a peaceful protest against governmental policies and then promptly imprisoned, after that what happened is self explanatory. So in short the question I wanted to pose to myself is what did I want to do here? I was basically the same person that I was before I was thrown and prison and died, and I still had every intention to help people however I could, I mean with those two spells I choose I was literally going to have the ability to cure any disease and heal anyone who wasn’t already impaled like a fucking kabob back to full health. Not to mention the possibilities that being able to cure depression or aniexty disorders brings.
,But I didn’t think being a healer was going to cut it, I knew from experience that a small amount of preventative measure meant that no one would have to be healed in the first place, that one bad man put in jail would mean 5 more innocents hale and hearthy. Also what about the people that could die before I could heal them? Not to mention the fact that God herself or at least one of them, had straight up told me that everything around her was fucked six ways from sunday and practically begged me to help fix it, I could potentially do way more to help by putting people down before they could hurt others in the first place. But even with all my rationalizations for why ethunizing people like rabid dogs was the best option to help people, I still couldn’t to bring myself to entertain the idea of killing another humanoid, maybe I could do it if they were so monstrous as to be redeemable or were a literal monster in appearance, as something that looked like it laughed while eating puppies probably didn’t look that way because they jumped in the way of a curse spell meant for their best friend Bubbles the friendly clown. I think for now at the most I would just knock someone out and turn them into law enforcement, I did not look forward to the day when that was not an option, but I would cross that road when I came to it, hopefully on that day, i would choose correctly.
A metaphorical light bulb popped into my head as I remembered I the discounts I had gotten for having pre existing traits in the karma rewards screen, I should probably do the first thing all the MC’s do when they first get transported to a game world in the light novels, it was time to check my status page, distractions from troubling and disheartining thoughst ahoy!
The not yet redeemed sub text certainly explained why I don't feel any more motivated, fast, or brimming with righteous fury than usual, it seemed I would have to wait for the Worldsoul to finally make up it's goddamn mind already and choose whether it used my karma to buy me the mystical fart spoon or the Umorgrosh The Sword Of Unmaking. I was starting to regret asking the Worldsoul to choose just because of the fact that I had been waiting for it to make up it's mind for about 2 days and at this point I felt like I had a fire lit under my ass commanding me to do something, anything really, whatever that something was. But I guess that on the bright side that because it was taking so long I had been given the time to work through my emotions and put myself mentally back together, otherwise I might have just ran off to go play hero and done something I would regret later. Which would probably would have been just me redirecting my anger at my situation at the first "evil" person i saw, as I was nowhere near emotionally stable at the time.
I was honestly acting like I was in a dream or a game at first instead of reality at first, which is generally unhealthy for you and everyone around you as people should not just be looked at like bags pf experience points, I guess despite my low luck score, I was lucky enough to be summoned by a God kind enough to actually explain what was going on to me instead of dropping me in the middle of the woods somewhere with whatever magical beasties exist in this reality, as they would probably with my luck immediately find me and eat my fucking face. Anyways it seemed that my statline was actually pretty damn good, the high willpower i could understand as my family had fallen on hard times when I was born, I had to live in what was commonly considered a slum in america and it took a lot of effort to drag myself from being in a poor neighbourhood to becoming financially self sufficient and then helping my parents get out of there too spot so they no longer had to live in a neighbourhood where they had to fear going to the store late at night, or been concerned about not being able to feed themselves. It took alot of will and effort to not resort to selling drugs or joining a gang and finding one of the few steady jobs left and then working myself to the bone from ages 15-21 saving up money. until I could make a down payment on a new house in a better neighbourhood. My physical attributes also made a lot of sense to me as I had worked out for about 2 days each week for the past 3 years of my life, which made me reasonably stronger than most other people. Intelligence I couldn't really say whether or not made sense to me as I had never really considered myself really smart, sure my parents and friends sometimes told me that I was smart but i always thought that it was just favoritism. Wisdom though, I had no idea how in the world my wisdom was 24, I had never been a zen philosopher, or made poems with hidden meanings within hidden meanings, the only ways I could possibly consider myself wise was that I always had a sixth senses for whether people were good or not. My wife affectionately called it "The Douche Radar" but other than that and being able to get a gut sense for the truth, I had never considered myself all that wise.
But I guess if reality itself was telling me what I am and am not good at, I really had no place, or desire to argue with it, arguing with a omniscient being i imagine is like stabbing yourself in the face, pointless and painful. I did not currently own anything so i didn't bother looking for an inventory screen, and I already knew the two spells I had, so i guess all the was left to do was look at the descriptions of the traits that I already had.
Wow I didn't even pretend to have any idea how I should react to the implications of that one, the idea that I had once upon a time in my life had the chance to see Entropy Itself work it's course and to see the last gasp dying gasp of an entire Universe.... that was some heavy stuff. In the interest of not wasting the next 3 hours thinking about this I mentally pressed the paragon of kindness trait.
Wait, what?..... I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS, first of all I find out that I have literally seen the heat death of the universe once upon a time, and then I find out that I have some kind of multi universal reality concept construct fuckery going on inside of me? I mean sure I could be all excited about how much potential I apparently have and do my best emperor palpatine impression and scream UNLIMITED POWAH!!! into the sky like some mentally unhinged cosplayer, BUT HOLY CHRIST this day just kept getting more and more surreal, I felt like I was on the God's version of the reality television show Punked. Eithier that or i'm some mary sue bullshit character in some shitty author's poorly written litrpg novel on some crappy web serial website. right as I was about to go and just take a nap and think about all this crazy reality fuckery later, I hear the sound of trumpets blast through the air like the world's most obnoxious air horns, I twisted to where it was coming from, and then promptly seeing that the text on the Worldsoul bullshit loading screen page had changed, I sprinted over, excited at the possiblility that I could finally stop being trapped in a field of damn grass with invisible walls surrounding the perimeter, what I was greeted with made me made me so excited that after i made sure no one was watching, i did a little happy dance.
My instinctual reaction would be to just press the yes button and get this waiting in a sunny field business over with already, but my mind whirred back to a warning I had ignored before. Something that if i wasn't acting like i was playing a videogame, i would have payed more importance and thought to.
Was I really willing to possibly change who I was so drastically that i might not even be the same person anymore at a fundemental level for some perceived greater good? Was such a risk even worth being slightly better at fighting the ills and evils of the world? I felt like I could argue with myself for day over this one question, not to mention that there wasn't really an objective awnser to such a open ended phisosphical question, so instead i asked myself a simpler one that I already knew the answer to 100%. Something that i had asked myself and been asked by others over the course of my life hundreds of times. What means more to you? The happiness and wellbeing of yourself? Or the happiness and wellbeing of others?......
I had never been more sure of pressing a button with a warning label slapped near it all my life, I punched the button once, twice, and 3 times to confirm and a cerulean blue portal like the one Quaz has torn open in reality opened up below me and swallowed me up as blue screen after blue screen flashed before my eyes as I felt my mind, body, and soul inexplicably changing itself forever.
