I become vaguely aware of a wet crunching munching sound. Slowly, my vision swirls and I blink a few times. The munching crunching stops. There's a taste in my mouth. It's so-so. Definitely not as delicious as the all you can eat buffét or the children, to say nothing of the candy apples and the honeycakes. No, this is just like a premade paper burger, edible but not particularly delectable.

  I was eating while I was asleep? No wonder I got a little bit chubby in my past life... wait, ignore that. I'm definitely not fat, alright? Alyce chan is slim salabim, okay? Goddamn it!

  I spit out the paper meat and clear my mouth with a powerful HNNG to make my drool overflow, but when I try to reach up and wipe my mouth, I realize that something is horribly wrong. I can't use my arm. Looking down, I realize why. It's simply gone and there's also a huge hole in my chest. This is taking the flat chested loli washboard to a whole new level.

  That's simpy no good. Who, just who molested Alyce-chan's body so much? The scoundrels! I worked hard to create this cute body you know? And now it's in ruins... uguu!

  The memories slowly come to me and I remember. It seems I went a little bit berserk, but I definitely didn't go overboard, okay? Goddamn it!

  The system-chan attack was very severe this time, and I have almost no time to prepare for it. My eyes roll back and my vision grows dark as the world swirls around me in a vortex of colour. I feel my body crumbling to the ground in a heap.

  With a powerful HNNG I exude my willpower and fight the system-chan attack. This time, this time for sure, Alyce-chan will prevent the fainting.

  The darkness came.

  I wake up just as my forehead smacks into the floor and my nose goes crunch crack with a wet sound. Well, I only fainted a little bit this time. I am making progress. Still, my poor nose-chan is broken now too. It doesn't hurt that much, but it's just one more thing on my to fix list.

  Well, first of all I have to fix my body. It won't do to leave myself in this state of extreme uncuteness. Alyce-chan has to be an idol of adorability, you know? And that is definitely a proper word, alright? Don't you dare tell me my adorability level is low! Alyce-chan's adorability level is very high, you know? It is just on a temporary hiatus, but with the power of hnng I shall soon restore the adorability level to max.

  Actually, since I have so much biomass I can even add to my adorability level. I already have the oni horns of extreme cuteness and the adorable japanese style horizontal elf ears. Perhaps what I am missing is a succubus style tail or something.

  But first, let me take a selfie. I mean, let me fix up my body!

  I unattach my face from floor-chan and rectify my posture so that I am sitting in a cross-legged pose. Next, I let out a very powerful hnng and activate flesh manipulation, and that is definitely not an innuendo.

  As before back in the child corpse cellar, I feel my body tingling as it restores itself. The creepy crawly feeling all over my skin makes every single inch of my body itch, and I resist the urge to writhe about and uguu a lot as I try to scratch my body all over. I just have to endure it for a little while, come on come on.

  Yes, finished! No longer is there a huge gaping hole in my ribcage, and the right hand of Alyce-chan has been magnificently restored as well. I need it for the nugi-nugi later. Ah, come to think of it, Poor Tie'sha, I attacked her. I have to make it up to her somehow.

  But still, even after I've fully restored my loli body, I still have a lot of biomass left over from the pile of monsters, and actually there's still a wall of rotting monster flesh surrounding me although it doesn't look very appetizing.

  In this kind of situation there is only one thing that I can do. I must add to my adorability level by getting a cute succubus-style tail! There is no other option, you know? It's definitely not weird to want a cute succubus tail with a heart-shaped tip on the end like in Japanese Anime!

  So with a nostalgic feeling, I close my eyes and imagine a cute succubus tail, all black and thin and cute, with a heart shaped tip. I feel a little pin prick and tingling sensation right above my butt. Then I remember that I am in fact wearing clothes, but before I can take them off, the tail grows, sprouting from me like a rapidly growing beanstalk, and that is definitely not an innuendo either, okay? Goddamn it!

  Anyway, the succubus tail magnificently punches through my pants and exits on the other side.

  What a strange description, and why is the box pink! Still, I have a tail now, a cute prehensile easily movable, flexible and cute and amazing tail! It is long enough that I can move it in front of me and study it, so that's what I do.

  It feels just like an extra limb and is surprisingly easy to move. I thought I had to get used to it first, but it seems I can manage well even without practicing a bunch first. The cause must definitely be my extreme elegance bleeding over. Alyce-chan is amazing, right?

  Still, why does this heart-shaped tip look like a butt plug, and why does it seem like I can enlarge it at will? Let's test it later, is what I want to say, but perhaps it's better not to test it and instead leave the tail alone. It seems like a dangerous weapon in an entirely different sense.

  Coughing a few times into my hand, I get to my feet and wrap my tail securely around my midsection. Yes, let's think of it as a cute and fashionable new belt, not a pleasure organ. Un.

  Still, there's so much monster meat here. I don't even feel that hungry anymore. Besides, it tastes kind of crap compared to human or honeycake. Oi, why are you looking at me like that? Both humans and honeycakes are delicious, alright? It's just the truth, okay? Goddamn it!

  Anyway, I fight my way through the wall of meat wondering how I ended up in here. The last memory I have is defeating the creepy bandaged orb mummy thingie in my berserker mode and next thing I know, I wake up here in the monster meat igloo.

  I squeeze myself through an opening in the monster corpse barrier with a pop. I almost stumble and fall, but I don't faceplant because I am extremely elegant now, yes yes. Fufufu, so great and cool I am. Still, that was a close call, but I am not clumsy so it's okay.

  I take a deep breath and dust my clothes off trying to exude my supreme coolness, because I am definitely cool, you know? I am extremely awesome, a corpse loli with horns and elf ears. I even have a tail now! … athough it's classified as a pleasure organ which his slightly dubious, but let's ignore that for now and just rejoice that I have gained an extra limb.

  I see a very delicious looking hairy meat pie slumped against a wall in the distance.

  I feel my face tug into a wide smile as I bounce up to Grom. It seems he is sleeping. He looks tired, his hand is gripping his glowing blue sword even with his eyes closed. When I get closer, I can hear snoring and every time he breathes in, part of beard-chan disappears up his nose and when he breathes out, beard-chan is propelled out of his nose like foooh! This repeats itself a few times.

  Although Grom has no doubt had it tough, I must admit he has balls of steel to be sleeping in a place like this, but perhaps he was just too tired.

  He was probably also comforted by my amazing presence, for what kind of monster would dare try to steal my hairy meat pie from me, huh? That's right, only boner-kun would be so bold as to attempt to eat my hairy meat pie. But Grom is mine and I am saving him for later. I won't hand him over to the bonerlord lars rick, or whatever that stupid skeleton was called.

  Although it's fascinating and mezmerising to watch Grom's nose repeatedly eat and throw up poor beard-chan, I decide to wake my hairy meat pie.

  I inhale deeply, sucking in as much air as I can, making my small chest bulge like a baloon. Atleast that's how I am imagining I look. I sucked in a lot of air after all.

  I walk up to Grom and move my face close to his sleeping face. The suu, haa, suu haa of beard-chan is still going on, but I manage to put myself nose to nose with him so my eyes are level with his closed eyelids.

  Then I open my mouth. “FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!” I shout. Grom's eyes shoot open and then he headbutts me with panic in his eyes.

  The headbutt is ridiculously powerful and with my forehead smacked, I fly back like a ragdoll and bounce a few times on the ground rolling around. Now my clothes got even more dirty.

  I get back to my feet and look over to find Grom staring wide-eyed at me, the sword he was holding fell clanking to the floor and he is just gaping at me.

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  Cocking my head to the side, I stick out my tongue at him. Then I repeat. “Fuck?” “Fuck fuck?!” For a moment, Grom's facial expression is frozen in surprise, but soon he starts laughing.

  It's a bit embarrassing for me, but I actually also laughed. I only giggled a little bit, alright? It definitely wasn't a deep, heaving, crippling belly laugh, okay? Goddamn it!

  “Fucking hell lass, I almost shat meself, don't be scarin' me like that.” Grom said as he laughed.

  Once the two of us have recovered, Grom picks up his sword and sheathes it. “Glad to see ye be as spunky as ever. Took ye awhile there lass.” Grom says.

  “The battle was a bit crazy, of course I had to take a nap.” I say, walking over to him.

  “But you know Grom, after the most recent system-chan attack, I only fainted for a second, it was amazing progress. Soon I will be able to defeat system-chan and claim my rightful place on top of the world.” I say with a smile. I am happy. After all, I am overcoming obstacles one at a time at an amazing pace, godlike! Brilliantly goodly great, advance of the amazing Alyce-chan.

  Grom is quite silent.

  “You can praise me more, you know?” I say, once more sticking out my tongue at him. It would be bad if it became a habit, so I stop it before I can become too addicted to it like the tehehe.

  “Aye... ye did well lass.” Grom says after awhile. He even reached out and patted me on the head. I was a bit disappointed that he didn't slap me, but since he headbutted me, I will overlook it this once and let him pat me.

  “So uhm, where's Tie'sha and what happened after?” I ask, and Grom explains the aftermath of my epic struggle with the bandaged orb. I wipe phantom sweat from my brow. I wouldn't put it past them to have burned my body. That's dangerous. Let's faint in a more secure location next time.

  Wait, I don't want that. Let's use HNNG power to avoid the fainting altogether! Yes, un.

  “I... I have a few things I'd like to take care of before going back.” I say. Grom nods in understanding. “Ye leveled up quite a bit there, didn't ye?” Grom says.

  I reply with a smile. “Yep! And that's not all. Since I am a mythic level monster, I took this dungeon over. It's mine now, you know?” I say, but actually I haven't claimed it yet. Quickly, I mentally click yes to the prompt and a refreshing sensation flows through me.

  Then the dungeon starts shaking like there's an earthquake. “What by the seven beards!” Grom exclaims and I follow his gaze. The huge pile of monster corpses are disappearing.

  Of course, I clicked yes in my mind.

  Yes!

  Once the change was complete, I grin. I have to say I'm quite satisfied with this development. I am on a fast track to becoming a splendid boss monster. Although please spare me from the guard duty, I don't want to just stand in the last room of the dungeon and wait for adventurers to attack me.

  Regarding the name, I am also happy. I had to add the lair in there because I used to love WoW and I have good memories of raiding blackwing lair so I wanted to make my own. Although I can't lay eggs, I will still make it my lair in a sense, since this will become the headquarters of my future witch coven.

  “Lass, what in the blazes did ye do? What did ye just say!?” Grom says but I am a bit confused.

  “What do you mean? I'm gonna sort out my dungeon and my level ups. I don't think that merits such a loud shout of disbelief.” I say.

  “No ye daft little cunt. Ye said mythic level monster. What by the breadcrumb-ridden beard is that?”

  Grom looks really excited, very red faced and his eyes are also bulging. Perhaps his diarrhea has returned and he has to evacuate the undercarriage. After all, he has been holding it in since the beach landing after the lintball expedition, he must be ready to explode by now. Poor Grom-san is in denial. Perhaps I shall help his bum along with some prune juice, but I don't have it readily on hand so he will have to endure for now.

  “Uhm, yeah. I've got four plus signs next to my monster rank, which is now D by the way. It took me so long to get the D, but I finally got it. It's great.” I say with a smile. But my smile sours quickly because my level is 99 and not 100. System-chan... what have you done, you bitch.

  How dare you troll me like this! Don't you know that I can choose a third class at level 100, and that I will get another trait and talent point as well? Goddamn it!

  “Yeah that, I haven't heard of that before. I know of a few legendary monsters, but I've never heard a' mythic level monsters before.” Grom says. His jaw seems to have become dislocated, or perhaps beard-chan is just stretching and waking up, maybe finally becoming sentient after eating Grom's nosehair, would that count as cannibalism? I don't know.

  “That's right. I'm mythical. Alyce-chan is amazing, you know? Fufufu, praise me, for I am your overloli.” I say, taking on a noble-lady pose as I fufufu with one hand covering my mouth. My elegance is overflowing, but Grom still looks like he has to poo. It seems his posterior perils won't be so easily relieved.

  “Well, I've got a system-chan to contend with Grom, so go on ahead and tell Tie'sha I will be coming up to nugi nugi her to sleep later. Wait, actually... I did something bad and attacked her before. I have to apologize to her and make it better somehow...” I say, trailing off.

  “I don't think she blames ye.” Grom says. “But I get ye. I'll go up and tell her ye be alright. She broke down and cried a lot when she saw ye.”

  “I made her go through something terrible...” I say.

  “It ain't yet fault lass.” Grom replies.

  “It was partially my fault. I went berserk there, and I wasn't in control of myself and many things happened... I need to learn to control myself better.”

  Grom nodded quietly and left me alone in the dungeon to do what must be done.

  First, I assigned my attributes. 400 points went straight to intelligence and 95 went to wisdom. With dismay I realized that it was indeed as I predicted before. My intelligence stat has been overtaken by constitution now. Well, I'm happy that I am so sturdy for a mage, but I am definitely not just a fat meatshield, you know? I'm also a splendid mage with very high intelligence, okay? Goddamn it!

  Next up was the problem of the witch coven. It sounded so cool, but I hadn't been able to create my witch coven before now. However, now it seems I've unlocked the ability somehow. System-chan works in mysterious ways. What are you, a god? Get out of here! Stupid system-chan, uguu!

  Yes. Let's go witch coven. Evil organization, GET. Fufufu, a small step towards world domination, but a large step for Alyce-chan's coolness factor. It's definitely very cool, you know?

  System-chan, you know I can't resist! Of course I mentally acquiesced and yes'd.

  In my vision there's suddenly a coven menu with many options. I can set up coven branches, and divide the coven however I want aswell as make custom ranks for my minions. It is a good tool for later when I have to build my evil organization for world domination, but for now I leave it alone. I have to get some coven members first, and besides, my stats!

  My status!

  The verdict is in. After a long court case, trial and judgement by jury, we have found Alyce-chan guilty of being extremely awesome and cool.

  Yes.

  Now let's head up to see Tie'sha and console her. I really want to cheer her up somehow, so let's go up to the surface and see what everyone is up to.