Am I... alive?
Maybe I'm in a hospital. A nice, pure white bed, a sexy nurse, some roofies... A man can only dream, right? Though, if I'm in a hospital, it doesn't explain why I can't see anything. I also can't hear anything. Or smell. Don't know about taste, though, and I don't think I want to. What do you expect me to do, roll to the ground and lick the floor? I can't move, so I don't think that's possible. At least I can feel... something. A small, hammer shaped section of my body is the only thing that I'm aware of. I don't even know its orientation. That's a really strange feeling.
Wait, I think someone might be picking me up.
On a side note, I am not one to assume genders, so I will use non-gender specific pronouns, like a real gentleman.
I think that section of my body -you know, the hammer shaped one? - might be an arm or a leg, judging from the way I'm being held. Their hand is wrapped around the stiff, shaft like area. A man can only dream.
We soon started moving, so I'm guessing I'm being taken to a hospital. Oh, I feel the speed increasing. Are we in a c- Ow, what the fuck!? What just- F-! Again! Why am I being slammed into something!? Is this the perpetrator trying to finish the job!?
Shit! That was the third time! How do they even know what part I can feel!?
...
Why is the number so precise!? Also, why is it crongatulating me for being closer to death!? Why does it say I'm an inanimate object!? Why is there a crossed out 'Virgin' there!? So many questions, with no answers to be found... What a life this one is.
However, I do seem to be pretty sturdy... That's nice to know. Now, if this person could just STOP. FUCKING. SLAMMING. ME. INTO. SOMETHING. Everything would be fine. At least there's a boon to this. I know I can feel pain now. Hooray for pain! Would it be fine to say 'My pain is far greater than yours!' or something. Probably not.
Hmm... I wonder what I should do now. The slamming stopped quite a while ago, and I don't know when it'll start up again. My only enjoyment in this world of darkness, so fleeting and volatile. I need more pain. Actually, I don't. Please don't give me more pain.
I'm pretty hungry. Too bad I can't move. Or see, since I would probably be eating dog shit.
I just remembered... I never got to enter Becky's room. Damn. Don't know how dog shit reminded me of Becky, but sill. Damn.
Well, I can still role play, as the best of us do. Ok. First, the setting, which... I am too lazy to come up with. Let's improvise.
Nurse! Status report!
'He seems to have crippling depre-
-ssion!'
Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.
'I know just the cu-'
Wait... Something's not quite right here. The hell is that? I'm pretty sure I'm not a hammer, though it would explain that earlier 'inanimate object' thing. What is with these floating screens anyways!? And why does it say I'm a virgin!?
Well, that's pretty self-explanatory, isn't it...? But, why does it need to have sex jokes in the messages!? What's the point!? Wait, I'm a flipping hammer!!! That title doesn't even make any sense! Even my gender is Hammer!
And why are skills locked!? Why is this screen here in the first place!?! Shouldn't I be dead from blood loss by now!?! That would even be a better explanation for lack of senses!! Blood loss!!
WHY THE FUCK AM I A HAMMER!?!?
Quite a bit of time has passed again, though this time it was after my amazing revelation. It seems that the criminal came back once more. They picked me up to start the greusome proccess of slamming me into something, probably nails, for the second time.
I might as well start counting, since I have nothing better to do. And, start! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11...
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67, 68, 69...
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238, 239, 240...
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367, 368, 369...
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664, 665, 666...
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749, 750, 7-...
Oh! I leveled up! That wording puts a damper on my excitement, though.
What? Mana and Skills were unlocked! Yes! Why!?! What the hell is even happening!?!?
I still don't get it!
" Totally not in denial like the MC, and convincing my mind that I feel pain. Maybe that's why he is so calm with the pain, don't you think?
Btw, every strike takes off 0.002 Durability. So, from 21 to 15, 3000 hits. 0.000533333333333333... etc. exp per hit. Don't know what the point was in calculating that. 3000 = 1.6. 750 = 0.4. 13.5/21 was a total accident."
Which meant, "It was an accident that it took exactly half the durability for a level up," if you want an explanation.
