I think it's been helping.
I respond as I pick up individual pieces of the dish, pinching them between two fingers while holding each piece over a small bowl to collect the powder that results.
"I don't have anything going on, but I was kind of hoping to stay in today. The past few days have been trying. Been working around the Emberforge and taking in a ton of Ignia because of it that has me feeling a little restless and wanting to take some calm time." She straightens up, putting on a strong face to mask what is pretty clearly disappointment. I'm just not really good at spontaneity. Even if I'm planning to do nothing, like I have been for today, it's still part of the plan, and so, changing it feels daunting. "I'm sorry, Lil. It's just that I was planning to relax today, and disrupting plans, even ones as simple as 'do nothing' makes me feel a little unsettled about everything."
The pots and pans that Lilly has going on the stove continue to clank and scrape as she moves them around, keeping her back to me and her posture tight. "It's no problem, Olly. I'm happy to relax all the same. That decided, we fall into small talk — mostly about how Lilly is planning to win the upcoming talent expo. As always, Lilly feels a little tense whenever it's just the two of us, seeming to pause more often while looking over at me, always thinking. It's something I never particularly mind as I tend to fill those moments with thoughts of my own.
But both of our reveries are broken at once with a a couple of very jaunty knocks. "You mind getting it while I put back on the sleeve?"
Lilly nods, making her way slowly to the door. After I'm fully "dressed", as it were, she opens it up with a cheery smile and a greeting on her lips that dies the moment she processes what's actually outside. "Ah. Hi."
Her downtrodden reaction makes me curious, so I begin standing up when I hear the familiar voice of the sidhe from Silverbrook, Arran. "Oh, hey Blondie. You dye your hair or something? I remember it being more…shimmery. Wanted to ask what you used to get it that way… Hey Olly!"
The tall sidhe spots me walking up behind Lilly and turns all smiles and waves. They have skin with a greenish hue, a vaguely feminine figure, long locks of elaborately braided nearly translucent gray hair, soft green eyes, and a serenely calm face that's split into a wide grin.
"It's great to see you, Arran. Please, come in." Lilly steps to the side, returning to the kitchen without adding anything — her posture reserved.
"I'll get some drinks for us all." She offers as Arran steps in and abruptly pulls me into a tight hug, draping themselves around my neck while pressing in close.
I freeze, momentarily overwhelmed by what I need to do in this situation. My first reaction is to wrap both of my arms back around them, but I resist that initial urge. Instead, I shift to move my right arm a hair farther away and to wrap my left around them with the same level of awkwardness as Lilly surprising me with a hug a couple months back at the skyglide stop when we first arrived.
"You weren't joking about the house, huh? This place is downright palatial compared to anywhere else I've ever stayed myself. Oh, I just realized that I must have interrupted you both, if the table is anything go by. Sorry for that!" Arran separates themselves from me and more or less dances a couple steps away, radiating sort of buoyant energy that's hard to not smile along with. "In truth, though, I've been thinking about taking you to one of my favorite restaurants in the city ever since we parted ways and was wondering if I could pull you away for the day? If you're not busy, of course."
I look over at Lilly, who's just started pouring a third glass of some red juice — She mentioned it being some spicy berry that's not common around here. She looks up at me, thinks for a moment, and then makes a shoo-ing motion with her hands. "Yeah, that's fine, Go on Olly, I'll be fine here or I'll go out. I can take care of myself for the day."
"You sure? I don't want to leave you alone."
"I said it's fine!" Lilly snaps back at me after I do one of the few things I know makes her consistently mad — questioning her after she's made a statement of intent. After a moment, she relaxes back, putting an erudite smile on and waving me off. "Get going, enjoy the day."
The little connection we share has felt particularly dim since we came to the city. Based on what she';s told me and my own knowledge of magic I've been getting from my manager, I think it might just be the case that it's being obscured by the raw density of interpersonal connections around us. I do feel some vestige of discontent across it as she starts to shuffle things around while keeping her back to me, though.
"You heard her, let's get going." Arran grabs me by the hand and whisks me out of the house. Conversation comes just as easily as the last time we met, but I can't shake a feeling that I'm making the wrong choice being here.
Lilly said she didn't mind, so I'll take her at face value.
Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
Watching Arran tear into food has been an eye-opening experience for me. They were so demure and gentle when we first met and really talked with one another — not counting for when they all-but yelled at me for wanting to spend time in their grove — that I assumed that was just the type of person they were. Turns out that while they are generally quiet, they carry themselves with a particularly joyful energy when they're not 'at work'. They do everything with a sort of unabashed glee that I struggle to keep up with as we bounce between restaurants, sights, and parks through the city.
Altogether it leaves my head spinning. I'm having a good time, for certain. They've kept me so busy that I haven't really even been pestered by the constant memory phantasms because I've not been in any one place long enough for familiarity to settle in.
"You've been thinking a while, Olly." Looking up and out of my thoughts, I see that they're coated in some sort of sauce that was glazing the dish they've been working through. Some sort of ribs that look heavily fried. "If you keep staring like that, you might give me some ideas."
"Yeah, sorry. I'm trying my hardest to be present, but…it's not always easy." I explain, idly waggling my hand like I'm trying to shake off bugs that are trapped in the sleeve. No bugs come out, naturally, but a couple motes of dust do manage to sift through and drift down onto the table. Seeing it happen, I know all color drains from my face as I stare at the grains.
"Is…that null dust?" Arran sounds curious and reacts before I do in my stunned silence. They carefully gather it up into a small pile and then into their hands to inspect and poke at it with little flashes of essence at the tips of their finger. "Why've you got null dust in your sleeve? This stuff is crazy valuable, ya know?"
"I…uh… I should probably go." It's all I can manage to think to say as I stand and step out the front door of the little restaurant with a growing and frantic haste.
Lilly's been having to mend the sleeve more often as we've been here in town and I've failed to consistently find essence-rich sources to 'feed' on. She just messed with it last night, even. The essence collectors and learning about them has been taking the edge off, sure. But it's never enough.
I push out into the streets, looking around frantically to find an alley as I try to focus through countless phantasms of people stepping out of doors and going every single direction at every speed. Some break into runs, some jog, some walk. A few skip and a handful barely make it out before they're set upon by a calamity or are chased from the building by one.
I spot an alley that doesn't seem to have any of the memories making their way into it, so I brush away from someone grabbing my shoulder and hustle over to it — only to bounce off of it when it turns out to be a solid wall on the face of a small building. It sends me reeling as the memory that was a part of breaks down fully, leaving me feeling dizzy. Casting around, there's people staring at me all over, forming a loose circle around me as a few edge closer and speak in low tones as I all-but hyperventilate while finding a better place to go.
Gratefully, down here and in my current state, I get a clear look at the world around me and spot what is assuredly a real alley and scramble to my feet and push through the crowd while muttering platitudes of being fine, not needing help and there being nothing to worry about. Under the cool spring sun, passing into the alley gives me a chill. I left my coat and am feeling it now. This damnable curse thing makes me cold compared to everything else and I hate it.
But the alleyway feels safe, so I slow down after a couple turns and press myself into a corner behind some crates. I just try to be as small as possible. Withdraw to help myself focus. Close my eyes to prevent seeing any pasts that aren't my own. All that and trying to bring my breathing back under control and fighting against the rising urge to rip this damned sleeve off to end the awful scratching against my skin and the constant low-level confusion an nausea from Lilly's magic.
I know how I can make myself feel better. It's simple. The Prime told me so. She showed me. The memories of how it feels every time she consumes something rich in memories and power.
Kyn, of all kinds, are the most essence dense things in the Material World. Consume a single experienced individual, and you’ll be sated for weeks, months.
But I don't want to hurt anyone.
There are dozens, hundreds of people within easy arms reach right now. They all seemed concerned, I could easily lure one back off into this alley and…
I sense something coming nearby. It tastes calming on the air. Something familiar that tugs me back out of the spiral. A hand falls on either shoulder a moment later as the feeling raises to its apex. Something potent I could just reach out and grab.
"Hey, Olly?" I keep my eyes pinched closed as tight as I can as something heavy settles atop me — my coat. Then, a moment later, there's a rush of air as someone — Arran — sits down next to me on my left and begins whistling a pleasant tune while Florii essence issues from them in waves. It's very calming and helps me pull back from a ledge I've been walking towards.
I wrench my eyes open with a lot of effort. I need to at least pretend to be normal. When I do, I see Arran give me a gentle smile. "I'm pretty sure that you know what I'm going to ask. You don't have to tell me, but I'm probably not going to stop pestering you until you do. I've rather enjoyed today and now you've made it memorable to boot." They toss their hair around once to make a show of being nonplussed. There's nobody else in the alley — no doors or windows lining the entire way through. It means it's just one of the places that was carved into the city to add a bit of chaos into the order of city planning. So there's no reason for anyone to come this way and if they do, we'll hear them coming from echoing footsteps long before they pass by this little alcove.
The thought of sharing, though, doesn't fill me with dread for once. I just get the feeling I can trust them. Something about the countless little muscle movements, the way their eyes sit, and countless other little tells that my all of my memories agree are signs of an earnest desire to help. As such, I open my mouth and say, "Alright. But I need you to promise not to share with anyone else."
"My dear Olly, I have a distinct feeling that sharing could get you into trouble. You probably wouldn't have run from me, otherwise. The last thing I would want is to throw away my chance at being at the center of whatever this is. You are far too interesting for me to let anything bad happen to you."
I have to sigh after drawing in a deep breath. Then, clasp by clasp, I free my arm to show it to them to get the "hard part" out of the way.
Arran doesn't shout or scream. They don't attack me or back away. They simply look at the mostly-red-crystal arm with an unrestrained interest and curiosity. Seeing them not have the reaction I one hundred percent expected steals the rest of my concern, I think, as I settle in to answer questions and give an explanation as best I can.
It feels good.