Erador looked at Haven across the room, sitting against a pillar with a blanket on her legs. He kept checking on her to make sure she hadn’t left again.

  “You have to rest too,” Eonidas said, sitting on the bench next to him. “We’ll watch her.”

  Around the throne room, the Paradins appeared distant, and were quiet. He didn’t expect them to worry about Haven. No… he wasn’t sure he could trust that they would. Erador nodded to pacify him, not wanting to tell him that.

  Eonidas rubbed his seahorse tattoo. “You can be the strongest man, but when it’s time for you to die, it changes you.”

  The candle's flame reflected in Eonidas’s distant gaze.

  “What happened to you?” Erador said.

  Eonidas blinked and looked at him. “What?”

  “You said being near death changed you.”

  Eonidas lowered his head. “I was almost hung for stealing jewelry in Leithin. I was desperate... hungry.” He rubbed his leg. “It wasn’t the first time I looked thinner, but back then... my ribs were showing.”

  Despite the food abundance, Eonidas stopped lifting and had lost muscle mass. He ate, but not as much, as if he was conserving food to make sure they had enough to last.

  “You were going to resell the jewelry?” Erador said.

  “Yeh, I needed it to come to East Haria. They don’t like elements in Leithin, and where I’m from, they didn’t like the common people having them. I spent months on a ship to flee my country, only to arrive in a place that hated that I was black.” Eonidas stared at the floor. “It was... too hard to find work, not unless I went west but that wasn’t where I wanted to be. I became a beggar, but it was hard to get handouts.”

  Eonidas had been quiet about his past. He said he came from West Haria but he never said how he got there. He was burying it like the rest, hoping to start over and have a fulfilling life.

  “I stared death in the face so many times…” Eonidas said. “It wasn’t until I came to Lucrethia, I felt safe.”

  Erador smiled slightly, grateful his father had provided opportunities to people to have a good life. Despite Judgment’s cruelness toward him, that was the only thing he could respect him for.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” Erador said, patting his shoulder.

  Eonidas didn’t return a smile of relief. His distraught face told other truths. “My friend died in Leithin from sickness, others were lost on the ship.”

  “I’m sorry, Eonidas,” Erador frowned.

  Eonidas rubbed his lips together. “Seeing people you care for dying brings it all back. If it wasn’t for Lord Judgment, I would’ve been dead, but sometimes I feel like I had no choice.”

  “Why?”

  Eonidas looked around the room and leaned closer. “He had me tortured.”

  Erador furrowed his brow. “What?”

  “You don’t know?”

  Erador shook his head.

  Eonidas leaned back and looked him over. “It’s because you don’t believe in his practices like the rest of ‘em.”

  “If I knew he was doing that...” Erador said, anger slicing his tone.

  “Yeh… you’d want to kill ‘em.” Eonidas leaned back and crossed his arms. “Well, I wanted to when he revealed himself, but I was too weak.”

  “Is that what he did to the followers who came here?”

  “He never gets his hands dirty. His children torture criminals and sinners to teach them a lesson and when it’s through, he asks, will you accept Judgment as your savior? I bet others agreed, because they were terrified of death.”

  His father’s methods in the Judgment Hall were not allowed to be spoken by those who went inside. But Erador had seen them come out with blindfolds, smiling, while other’s faces were covered and led out before being taken to their living quarters—the latter were considered unfit to be his children until they went through enough sessions that cleansed them. The followers who betrayed them were the only ones who received harsh treatment and were killed.

  “It’s not like that in there,” Eonidas said, staring with him through the doorway. “It’s done away from Lucrethia.”

  Erador turned back to Eonidas. “But you stole to feed yourself. In my father’s teachings, he doesn’t see necessity as a crime.”

  “It’s not because I stole.” Eonidas rubbed his hands between his legs. “I... killed a man to get that jewelry.”

  As much as Eonidas seemed like he had it in him due to his size, he’d been a gentle soul, much like his seahorse mark.

  This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  “Eon…” Erador breathed.

  “I know,” Eonidas said, rubbing his hand down his mouth. “I don’t know what I was thinking.” He took in a deep breath. “I was hungry… tired and angry.” He swallowed a few times, his voice breaking. “I did it in front of his wife. Right in front of his babies. I… I wanted to tell them I was sorry.” He looked to Erador with pained, watery eyes. “I wish I could take it back.”

  Silence fell, expect the other whispering conversations around the room.

  “Sometimes I think I deserved to be hanged.” Eonidas’s shoulders fell. “His family could’ve gotten closure.”

  “You didn’t deserve it.” Erador touched his arm. “It was a mistake and you’ve more than proved you’re capable of compassion.”

  Eonidas shook his head. “I didn’t have it then, when I should’ve.”

  “People don’t always make the right choices when they’re suffering.”

  “I should’ve,” Eonidas choked. “I still see their scared faces.”

  Erador leaned closer. “Do you know how many times I wanted to kill my father when he beat me?”

  Eonidas’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “But you didn’t.”

  “Don’t make it seem like I have some kind of willpower,” Erador said, irritated. “I was a child.”

  “You didn’t deserve any beating.” Eonidas frowned. “I wish you told me sooner.”

  “What could you have done? My father would’ve been furious at me and you...”

  “I’m not scared of him.” Eonidas looked to Judgment on the throne and cracked his knuckle. “It’s like he got what he deserved.”

  Erador couldn’t imitate the feelings he had for his father then. The anger, pain, and the tears. Seeing his father this way didn’t bring him satisfaction and it didn’t feel like he had avenged his past. With how Eonidas said he deserved it, maybe others felt that way. There were likely other people he’d hurt and forced to bend to his ways like Eonidas.

  “You owe your father nothing.” Eonidas leaned closer. “Don’t let him control you, anymore.”

  Erador wanted to tell him he never did, but he remembered when Eli told him to break away, and that stupid fortune at the festival Aminria told him was a sign. Is that what they all thought of him? Did they think he was attached to his father? Hadn’t he proved he wasn’t when he fought with him and disobeyed him? Erador wouldn’t let that lingering sting bother him. He trounced it from his thoughts.

  “Has anyone here been tortured?” Erador asked.

  “They left ages ago,” Eonidas said. “Some had it worse than me.”

  “They talked?”

  “Some refused. Said it should stay in the past. Others told vague moments.”

  “Did they feel forced to accept Judgment?”

  Eonidas raised his eyebrows at Erador. “What do you think?”

  Of course they did and they buried it, as if it never happened. They took a new life in a new place with different ideals. Maybe some felt trapped like Erador, but maybe it was better than being in prison or being executed.

  The one advantage Erador had over those people is that he wasn’t afraid of death. What did he have to lose? He ignored Shade’s complaints about it. As much as he didn’t want to cause another lurker to be in the Shadow Realm, at least he would be free from this life. Death seemed easier than suffering on a throne and waiting for a cure.

  Erador checked on Haven who laid her head on a pillow, asleep. Fedra agreed to watch over her so he could have a break. It was the first time he could be alone in a while. Erador slipped into the shadows and sat against the pillar to be away from everyone, so he could think without Shade. He pulled out the four cards and lifted Sescina’s dove, touching the blood-stained corner. Normally, even dried bodily fluids would disgust him, but now he’d dip himself in blood to bring Sescina back.

  He laid the rest of the cards in order of who died, Eli’s bat, Breck’s wolf, and Pia’s mammoth. If only he could find some way to prove that these cards meant something.

  “Find anything?” Haven said.

  Erador looked at Haven staring at the cards. “No.” He gathered them into a pile.

  “Do you mind if I join you?”

  Erador shook his head and made room for her by scooting further into the darkness. He wanted to leave, feeling she too was going to judge him.

  “I wanted to thank you for looking after me.”

  Erador cleared his throat. “I thought you would resent me for being around you so much.”

  Haven gave a half smile. I’m sorry I made it harder on you and everyone else.”

  “You don’t need to apologize…”

  “No, I should. I thought I could... go without anyone knowing and maybe you would’ve thought I left to my people.”

  “I probably would have.”

  “Well…” Haven played with the tip of her braid. “Maybe... one day I will.”

  Erador looked up at her. “You’re considering going on that journey? Isn’t it dangerous?”

  “Yes, but it’s a necessary path I must face.” Haven smiled painfully and touched her chest. “I feel it’s getting stronger. I don’t want to hurt someone.”

  “But you haven’t. Haven… what if it goes wrong?”

  “When has anything been going right? When I went to Odinaty… I couldn’t control my element. As much as I wanted everyone at that ball to die, I realized that wouldn’t have helped me or my people. It would’ve caused the rest of them to be killed.”

  She was right. What chance did she have here? The encouraging words wouldn’t come no matter how hard he tried to find what to say. He didn’t want to lose her.

  “I don’t want to leave everyone,” Haven whispered. “Not like this. When this clears up and the killer is found… that’s when I’ll go.”

  If they made it, Haven would put herself in danger again.

  “I’ll go with you.”

  Haven shut her eyes. “You can’t. This is my journey. I must go with Degotoga alone.”

  Erador’s chest squeezed at her response. It felt like there was another reason she didn’t want him there.

  “It’s me, isn’t it?”

  Haven pulled her knees up. “I don’t… I don’t want to be part of Lucrethia anymore. I can’t stay here.”

  Her words stabbed into his heart. It wasn’t just Lucrethia. She didn’t want anything to do with him.

  “Is it because of my father? I don’t have to stay here. I can leave too with my father dying and… even Eli said I should go.”

  It’s not that I think you won’t leave. It’s that you’re… like your father.”

  Heat washed over his cheeks as he let out a sharp laugh at her serious stare. “How?”

  She furrowed her brow. “I didn’t mean to...”

  “No, tell me Haven... How am I like him?”

  Haven stiffened her face. “Forget I said that.”

  “No, I want to hear it. You’re not the only one who seems to think it.”

  “Then ask someone else.” She went to stand and Erador grabbed her hand to stop her.

  “I want to hear from you.”

  “If you really want to…” She pulled away and sat back down, facing him this time. “You’re judgmental and biased toward people like him. Like he was with Gillian.”

  “It’s different with me. I know who I can trust.”

  Haven shook her head. “You don’t want to admit it but you have some unhealthy attachment to him. I can’t explain it.”

  Erador’s jaw tensed as he looked down. “This is why you didn’t want to go with me that night.”

  Haven rolled her eyes. “Please, don’t get into this.”

  “It is.” Erador scoffed. “I’m not attached. I just want him to admit he’s done wrong and stop blaming me for it.”

  “You think he ever will? You’ll waste your time trying and still be disappointed. You need to let it go.”

  Erador couldn’t let go of that. He didn’t want Haven to go but she left him alone. Maybe he deserved that. How could he help her when he couldn’t help himself?