Between moments of sitting and pacing, I've been wandering around the room aimlessly, realizing that I miss having a window. But then again, the hostile environment outside would be too close, just an inch or two away – depending on the thickness of the glass. How can anyone live in a place where they can't go outside? If I had a dog, where would it do its business? For me, densely built cities are creepy environments. Tall buildings block out much of the sky and cast shadows over the streets. Even a lush park can feel claustrophobic if it's surrounded by apartment buildings.
One can get used to concrete jungles, even if they never feel like home. Then there are those who can't imagine living anywhere else but among the glass-walled towers. If the penthouse is located in a skyscraper, for some it is a piece of heaven, while others would not dare to draw the curtains.
Right now, this minuscule room is my whole world, even though outside its stone walls lies an entire solar system full of wonders. But how could I explore those wonders? Back on Earth, I was forced by work to live in an equally small apartment in the middle of a maze of buildings. But during my sleepless nights, I was able to wander around those mazes. In quiet moments, I might even smell something other than exhaust fumes. What would I smell here? My room smells fresh. It has clearly been professionally cleaned. I have a picture on the wall of a plant I don't recognize. Looking at it doesn't evoke even a distant memory of the sensory experience it might offer. It feels almost sterile.
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I'm sure I could walk on the surface of this petite moon, but it's still more limiting than those green spaces squeezed between tall buildings. Stressed-out residents of nearby apartments may find some relief knowing there's a small patch of grass to sit on a nice day. As long as there isn't too much dog poop or other urban waste underneath. But what is there to offer here? The neighbor is a gas giant with no solid surface beneath its clouds. And even if there were, it would be a whole spaceflight away. I would need my very own shuttle or something similar.
The fact that my fear melted away, and the adrenaline evaporated, did not bring relief. Sometimes my mind starts racing at its own pace, creating trains of thought that only cause anxiety. I am not a city person. And based on this experience, I don't think I'm a moon person either. Let’s see, if I can get used to this.
I don't know if anyone actually reads these rants of mine, but it's a relief to be able to write down my thoughts. It clears my mind. Maybe after a little breather, I'll go back to the cafeteria on my own to get more information. And to eat.
Till next time.
- Johnny