My imaginary friend is a mammal.

  Not an amphibian.

  She is not a reptile, a rodent or some type of insect either.

  I’m not quite sure how arachnids differ from insects, but I’m quite certain she doesn’t fit into that category either.

  She is a mammal, an imaginary one, but a mammal none the less, so there is no reason to believe that me kissing her will turn her into a real person.

  Not to mention I don’t have a semblance of royal blood in me, and that fairy tale calls for a princess, so neither of us fit the description.

  “Just a little one, think of how great it will be if it works.”

  I already said no, not in quite that many words but I’m sure me jumping backwards at the mention of her plan conveyed the message.

  I’ll even say it again to make sure.

  “No.”

  “I don’t get why you are so against it, you should be happy you get to kiss me. Trust me, it’s great, I already tried it.”

  I’m not sure I want to know how, but they say curiosity killed the cat and death sounds like the quickest way out of this situation.

  “H-how?”

  “When the idea came to me, I tried kissing my reflection in the mirror. I mean, I’m more than great enough to be counted as a princess right? So it was worth testing out, but it didn’t work. So now it’s your turn.”

  I really wish I was feline right now.

  Ami’s sanity has been slowly eroding ever since we lost access to the TV and the internet, and I was fully prepared to face imaginary murder attempts in the near future, but this is completely out of my expectations.

  I’m willing to handle imaginary stabbings if it means not going to school, but imaginary kisses?

  “Mai, just try it, what do you have to lose?”

  Good question, I want to say dignity but if there was ever any of that I lost it a long time ago, and we both know my first kiss is worthless since no one else will ever want to kiss me.

  “MY LIFE.”

  The situation is so weird that I don’t even have time to stutter properly, the horror.

  “You can’t use that excuse for everything, you will die if you go outside, or if you sing and you used to say you will die if you tried to cook too.”

  Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  “M-murderer.”

  “So you don’t have a life to lose anymore, now let's kiss and I’ll cook for you from now on.”

  There is really no hope left in this world, no place is safe from the horrors.

  It was bad enough when she came up with the concept of imagination TV and started reading me her fanfiction while I was sleeping, in hopes my subconscious will make the TV work for her through some imaginary logic.

  It was a creepy way to wake up the last few days and now I have to deal with this?

  My only other choice is to go to school, and hope restored access to entertainment will be enough to restore her sanity as well, but that will just drive me insane so I don’t see how it will work.

  “I’m waiting…”

  I never said I will do it, why are you closing your eyes and making that face for exactly?

  “N-no means no.”

  “Fine, I didn’t want to say this but, Mai… We are running out of coffee.”

  No, this isn’t possible.

  Well, fine it is possible, the person doing the shopping hasn’t come home in almost two weeks now, it’s almost an inevitability at this point.

  I’ve been cooking almost everyday too since we ran out of hotdogs a week ago.

  What does that have to do with anything?

  “A-and?”

  “Isn’t it obvious? You aren’t willing to do anything without drinking coffee first, if I don’t get a job as a model you are going to stay in bed until you starve because there is no coffee.

  I need to become a real person before you die. And I also want to be able to pay for TV and stuff cause I feel like we are going crazy here.”

  I want to take offense at her lumping me with her, but I have been wondering if an imaginary friend can go insane independently like that.

  Though I’m still mostly sure she is acting out in an attempt to make things interesting during these tough times, and maybe because she finds my reactions funny.

  She never followed through on her crazier plans, like riding the chess horse or taking apart the TV in my mom’s room to make a Mai robot to attend school instead of me, even when I gave up on resisting.

  And I was actually pushing for that second one after she managed to convince me on why it was a good idea.

  Wait, has she just been messing with me this whole time ?

  Great, I’m stuck with a big bully who is making fun of the loner with the imaginary friend.

  I knew my brain isn’t capable of imagining someone that pretty being nice to me.

  I glare at her.

  “What?”

  So the way to end it is just to give up and let her chicken out?

  “F-fine.”

  I close my eyes and pucker my lips, she can feel like she won and get it out of her system, it’s easier to do now that I know she won’t follow through but still difficult.

  The room falls silent for a moment and then the silence breaks with a sound I really didn’t want to hear.

  I open my eyes and her ridiculously pretty face in front of me and her lips are just leaving mine.

  She wasn’t joking?

  My heart is trying to escape my chest, probably in protest of my own stupidity.

  Why did I try to call the bluff of someone who has clearly gone crazy?

  “Well, that didn’t work.”

  Her cheeks are blushing a bit and she looks at me with a little smile.

  “Mai, I think we are going to die.”

  Well , with how embarrassed I am right now, it doesn’t sound so bad…