Montana “Mono” Shingles, carrying the cocky cockadoodoo-turned-cockfighter Cockadoody, walked up to the large beings Bruce, Jo, and Gashmouth, who couldn’t fit through the doors of Farshtunkener Castle. The rotund blonde teenager introduced the beat-up brown bird to her new friends.

  "Glad to meet any friend of Montana Shingles'," said Bruce the Retiring Ocelot, politely. He was relax and chill about everything.

  "To judge by your present appearance, you’ve seen some serious krud,” added Gashmouth the Chainsaw Raccoon in their monotone voice. They were a wooden bench chainsaw sculpture shaped like a raccoon that was given the Make Living Concoction by Titiana and Nate Goiterhead. Cocka confirmed she had, indeed, seen krud that was most serious and apologized for her bedraggled appearance. Then she sharted and the shart landed on Mono’s jumpsuit but Mono didn’t notice.

  "Your present appearance makes my mouth water," said Jo the Prolific Rhino, looking at Cocka greedily. "My, my! How good you would taste if I could only crunch you between my jaws. But don't worry. You would only appease my appetite for a moment; so it isn't worth while to eat you."

  "Well, thank you for that," said the cockadoodoo, nestling closer in Montana's arms. The Toosh Island tween hugged the avian-class yokai tighter.

  "Besides, it wouldn't be morally right," continued the voracious rhinoceros, looking steadily at Cocka and licking his wrinkly lips. “Murder is wrong, wrong, wrong. That’s why I only eat tree-grown meat.”

  Then Montana and Cocka said goodbye and the portly tween carried her friend to a screening room in Farshtunkener Palace, where their friend Cydroidobot's son had seated himself on a comfy couch between his father and the Ratsack Golem. Elvira Daisy Shingles sat happily curled up on the living sack of living rat’s burlap lap. Nate Goiterhead stood behind the couch next to Agent Orange, who had one hand on the handle of his machete and the other picking his nose. On the couch across from them sat Titiana, B.M. Foulfinger, and the badger-headed Princess Paskudnyak Farshtunkener, and beside them there was a vacant easy chair for Mono.

  "And now," announced Titiana, the flatulenz fairy princess ruler of Bonertania, "we will hold a solemn conference to decide the best manner of rescuing the Farshtunkener family from their imprisonment by the Fartmeister.”

  "Why should you fight the Fartmeister?" Cydroidobot’s son asked. "He has done no wrong."

  "No wrong!" cried Mono. "Isn't it wrong to enslave a mother and her ten children- five boys and five girls?"

  "They were sold to the Fartmeister by King Dumkopf fair and square," replied Cydroidobot's son.

  "Remember, son, slavery is bad," scolded Cydroidobot. His son looked as abashed as a plastic robot could.

  "My uncle Dumkopf was a very nefarious man," declared Princess Paskudnyak. "If he had drowned himself before he sold his family, no one would have cared. But he sold them to the powerful Fartmeister in exchange for a long life concoction.”

  “But afterward destroyed the life by drowning himself," said B.M. Foulfinger.

  "Then," said Titiana, "he did not get the long life, and the Fartmeister must give up the prisoners. Where are they confined?"

  "No one knows, exactly," replied the princess. "For the Fartmeister has a huge headquarters inside of a massive brown fartcano, which is up north.”

  "I'd like to know," said Montana, "who this Fartmeister is?"

  "The King of the Fart Ghouls is known as the Fartmeister because he is constantly stealing the farts of the good humanoids and yokai of Bonertania. He has a huge stash of farts in the treasury of his fartcano headquarters, and an army of ghouls at his disposal to steal, process, catalog, and defend them all. He possesses powerful thaumaturgism, it will be very dangerous to even approach the Fartcano Dominion," explained Titi.

  "But, for the sake of the poor prisoners," said Mono, "we ought to do it."

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  "We shall do it," added Ratsack.

  "Obviously I’m in," said Cydroidobot, and his son quickly agreed.

  "Let’s kick his farty fart-butt," said Agent Orange. Nate Goiterhead shrugged. He was alternately thinking about fish movies and wondering why he was at this meeting.

  "I can't bear heat," remarked Princess P, her badger-head yawning lazily, "so I shall stay away from any fartcano play. But I wish you may have success in your undertaking, for I am heartily tired of ruling this stupid kingdom, and I need more leisure in which to admire my beautiful severed heads."

  "We do not need you," said Titiana. "For, if with the aid of my brave friends I cannot accomplish my purpose, then it would be useless for you to undertake the journey."

  "Quite true," sighed the princess. "So, if you'll excuse me, I will now retire to my chamber. I've worn this head quite awhile, and I want to change it for another."

  When she had left them (and you may be sure no one was sorry to see her go) Mono said "I am going with my friends. I wouldn't miss the excitement for anything."

  Titiana smiled warmly at her new friend.

  "Will you go, too, Cockadoody?" Montana asked her bird friend.

  "Almost definitely," said Cockadoody in a careless tone. She was licking at her cuts and bruises and not paying much attention.

  "Then," said Titiana, "we will arrange to start for the fartcano headquarters at daybreak tomorrow. And, in the meantime, we will rest and prepare ourselves for the journey."

  "YIP!" yipped Vira, who then jumped to the floor, stood up on her hind legs and trotted about in a circle like a circus dog. Everybody laughed and clapped at the adorable canine-shaped yokai.

  Although Princess Paskudnyak did not again appear to her guests, Zhlob the porky sailor-suited queezimp handmaiden waited upon the strangers and did everything in her power to make the party comfortable. At one point she asked Jo the Prolific Rhino if she could get him anything to eat.

  "How about you? You certainly look delicious," the steed-class yokai was saying. "Will you kindly give me permission to eat you?"

  "No, no, no!" cried the cowering queezimp.

  "Then," said Jo, yawning frightfully, "please to get me about thirty pounds of tree-grown tenderloin iguana steak, cooked rare, with a peck of boiled scabbage on the side, a pint of bachelor butter, and five gallons of pink sherbet for dessert."

  "I- I'll do the best I can!" said Zhlob, and she ran away as fast as she could go.

  "Are you always so very hungry?" asked Mono, in wonder.

  "You can hardly imagine the size of my appetite," replied Jo, sadly. "It seems to fill my whole body, from the tip of my horn to the end of my tail. I am very sure the appetite doesn't fit me, and is too large for the size of my body.”

  The tween spent most of the afternoon talking with Ratsack and Cydroidobot, who related to her all that had taken place in Bonertania since Montana had left it, and getting to know Tremorroid Titiana. She was much interested in the story of Titi, who had been, when a baby, stolen by the nefarious Haight Squeezog and enchanted by the withered hoo-hoo Gonorrena. Titi did not know that she had really been a flatulenz fairy princess until she was restored to her natural form by Empress Nobgoblin of Quirk Quadrant. Then it was found that she was the only offspring of the former tremorroid, Lympeter, and was entitled to rule in his place. Titiana had many adventures, however, before she regained her father's videotape throne, and in these she was accompanied by a goiter-headed garbage golem, a highly magnified and thoroughly educated emancipated finger, a wonderful chainsaw sculpture of a raccoon, and a Humpster. Ratsack and Cydroidobot rounded out the cast.

  That night Montana and Vira slept in a pleasant little bedchamber next to that occupied by Tremorroid Titiana, and Cockadoody perched upon the foot of the bed and tucked her head under her wing and slept as soundly in that position as did Montana upon her soft cushions. Vira sat curled up on the pillow right over Montana’s head.

  But before daybreak every one was awake and stirring, and soon the adventurers were eating a hasty terd breakfast (“terds” were what they called eggs on Sifillis) in the great food court of the palace. Titiana sat at the head of a long table, with Montana on her right hand and the Ratsack Golem on her left. Ratsack did not eat himself, of course, but loosened the twine at the top of his head and dropped in some alien feces waffles with balnut syrup for his hungry rats.

  Lower down the table was Agent Orange and B.M. Foulfinger, while Cockadoody and Vira roamed around to pick up any scraps that might be scattered. (Out on the front yard Bruce and Jo were eating mashed scabricots out of a huge golden troth while Nate and Gash played canasta).

  It did not take long to finish the meal, and then Bruce and Jo were harnessed to the red truckbed and the party was ready to start for the Fartmeister's fartcano headquarters.

  First rode Titiana in the front couch of the truckbed, with Montana beside her holding Vira fast in her arms. Nate Goiterhead and B.M. Foulfinger sat on the rear couch. Then came Ratsack on Gashmouth, with Cydroidobot and Cydroidobot's son rolling on their roller skate extensions side by side just behind him. Cockadoody perched on Cydroidobot’s son’s head. Agent Orange brought up the rear and was breathing heavily within the first five minutes.

  And so the magnificent procession left the palace and started along the road heading north just as day was breaking, and by the time the sun came out they had made good progress toward the valley that led to the Fartmeister's domain.