It was not more than a two Earth hours' journey to the bungalow where Big Fat Fanny had lived with Hepatitissa, but when Soda, Chunks, Cydroidobot, Edwige, and Kommandant Fistur arrived there they found it deserted and the interior of the place was thick with dust. A family of gatorpossums had made themselves at home and covered the floor with a thick layer of gatorpossum feces. It was evident that no one else had lived there for a long time.
"I guess that after Hepatitissa was crushed, Big Fat Fanny became lonely and went somewhere else to live,” speculated Soda.
"She probably wanted company,” added Edwige, “she has gone where other beings live."
"And perhaps she is still crying her poor little heart out because no molybdenum man came to marry her," suggested Chunks.
"Well, in that case, it is our clear duty to seek Big Fat Fanny until we find her," declared Cydroidobot.
"Why not go to Crazy Rolf the Botsmith and ask him where Fanny moved to?" proposed Soda.
That struck them all as being a good suggestion, so once more they started to tramp through the forest, taking the direct path to Crazy Rolf's residence.
Crazy Rolf lived within the great Mungtree Forest. When they came to his home and workshop, the botsmith was not at home. It was a pretty shack, all painted dark blue with trimmings of azure. There was a neat azure fence around the yard and several azure benches had been placed underneath the shady fleshtrees which marked the line between the flesh forest and greasy plain. There was an azure lawn before the shack, which was of a good size. Crazy Rolf lived in the front part of the shack and had his work-shop in the back part, in a lean-to addition that gave him more room to craft and create.
Although they found the botsmith absent on their arrival, there was smoke coming out of his chimney, which proved that he would soon return. Soda had to take a really big dump, so the friends let themselves inside to use Rolf’s toilet. While they waited for Soda to make brown, our friends examined Rolf’s workshop. Cydroidobot and Fistur were particularly interested in looking around the room where they had been made into the men they were today.
Scraps of plastic and dead fleshwood and fleshstone, of all shapes and sizes, lay scattered around the workshop. Also there were soldering irons and microcircuit boards and spazmotronic wrenchelmints and many other tools such as a botsmith works with. At the end of the room were several rough-hewn cupboards.
After stinking up Rolf’s tiny bathroom Soda exited and said:
"I think I will go outside until Crazy Rolf comes. It’s not cool for us to be in here while he’s not home."
Chunks, Edwige, and Fistur agreed, and the ladies were all about to leave the room when Cydroidobot said: "Wait a minute," and they halted.
Cydroidobot had just noticed the cupboards and was curious to know what they contained, so he went to one of them and opened the door. There were shelves inside, and upon one of the shelves which was about on a level with his molybdenum chin the Robotic Emperor discovered a severed head. It seemed to be constructed by the ragged pieces of at least two different humanoid heads and a koala head. Chunks saw this mix-matched visage, whistled, and said admiringly:
“Piddily-cum-a-zreen! That’ss the cutest head I’ve ever seen!
The hodgepodge head was facing Cydroidobot and as the cupboard door swung back, the eyes of the head slowly opened and looked at him. The head yawned as Kommandant Fistur sidled up to Cy’s side.
"Yikes stripes!" said Cydroidobot, staring hard.
“Good morning, sir!" added Fistur.
"Good morning, metal men" replied the head, which then yawned again.
"Your face, er, faces, er, face is very familiar," said Cydroidobot.
“I feel the same way!” said Fistur. "Pardon me, but may I ask if you if, er, you ever had a body?"
"Yes, at one time," answered the head, "but that is so long ago I can't remember it. You'll have to ask Crazy Rolf about it. My memory is not good since my separation from the rest of me."
"Iggly piggly!" cried Cydroidobot in astonishment. "I believe this is what’s left of my old head—”
“And my head too!” blurted out Fistur.
“I guess that makes us all family!” exclaimed Cydroidobot.
"Oh, I don’t think so," replied the head. "For my part, I'm not anxious to claim relationship with any common, manufactured article, like you. You may be all right in your class, but your class isn't my class. You're molybdenum."
The poor Robotic Emperor and Molybdenum Warrior felt so bewildered that for a time they could only stare at the patched-together pieces of their old heads in silence. The Cydroidobot asked:
"Do you remember loving a pretty Schling girl named Big Fat Fanny?"
"No," answered the head. "That is a foolish question. The heart in my body- when I had a body- might have loved someone, for all I know, but a head isn't made to love; it's made to think."
Soda, Chunks, and Edwige had grouped themselves behind their spazmotronic friends, and had fixed their eyes on the head and listened to the conversation with much interest, but until now, they had not interrupted because they thought Cydroidobot and Fistur had the best right to talk to their own heads and renew acquaintance with it.
But now Soda asked:
"Are you happy?"
"Happy? What's that?" replied the head.
"Don't you know what happiness is?" Soda replied.
"I haven't the faintest idea whether it's round or square, or turquoise or magenta, what it is or what’s in it. And, if you will pardon my lack of interest in it, I will say that I don't give a flying fart at a rolling doughnut about happiness."
Cydroidobot was much puzzled by this answer. “Happiness is being less anguished than the day before," he told the head.
“If I may be frank,” added Fistur, “you are a very disagreeable fellow.”
If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.
"May I be frank?” remarked the head testily. “I don't see what right you freaks have to disturb my peace and comfort. In this cupboard I am leading a simple life, peaceful and dignified, and when a mob of stupid robots and hideous creatures in whom I am not at all interested disturb me, they are the disagreeable ones; not I."
With a sigh Cydroidobot closed and latched the cupboard door and turned away. Just then Crazy Rolf the Botsmith arrived, and he was surprised to find so many visitors. Crazy Rolf was a stout man. He had his sleeves rolled above his elbows, and he wore an iguana leather apron that covered all the front of him, and was so long that Soda was surprised he didn't step on it and trip whenever he walked. It was easy to see that the botsmith was kind-hearted, as well as a cheerful and agreeable one. He didn’t seem crazy at all, despite his name, and Soda remarked as such.
“Oh, the name is just marketing,” said Rolf after introductions were made. Then he regarded Cydroidobot and Fistur "Oh-ho-ho! Here are both my molybdenum men come to visit me. I'm very proud of you two characters, I assure you, for you are so perfect that you are proof that I'm a good botsmith. And any friends of yours are potentially friends of mine! Sit down. Sit down, all of you- if you can find anything to sit on- and tell me why you are here."
So they found seats and told him all of their adventures that they thought he would like to know. Crazy Rolf was glad to learn that Mike Creamer, Cydroidobot, was now emperor of the Mukuses and a friend of the fairy tremorroid Titiana, and the botsmith was also interested in Chunks.
He turned the chunks golem around, examining her curiously, and patted her on all sides, and then said:
"You are certainly wonderful, but I think you would be more durable and steady on your legs if you were made of molybdenum. Would you like me to- "
"No, indeed!" interrupted Chunks hastily; "I like myself better as mixed-up meat."
To Edwige the botsmith said:
"Nothing could improve you, my dear, for you are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. It is pure happiness just to look at you."
"That is praise, indeed, from so skillful an artist as you," returned the chigger.
"Then maybe this little girl would like some spazmotronic upgrades," said Crazy Rolf, looking at Soda.
"No," said Soda.
"We are not here to seek your skill, but have merely come to you for information," said Cydroidobot.
Then they related their search for Big Fat Fanny, and when the story was told, they asked Crazy Rolf if he knew what had become of her.
"Not exactly," replied Crazy Rolf, "but I know that she wept bitterly when the Molybdenum Warrior did not come to marry her, as he had promised to do. Old Hepa was so provoked at the girl's tears that she beat Big Fat Fanny with her crooked shaft. It was shortly after that the big brown pickle fell on the stinky old thaumaturge, and she was flattened to gore. After that, Big Fat Fanny decided to go away from the forest and live with some humanoids she was acquainted with who had a house on Mount Whole. I have never seen the girl since."
"Do you know the name of the humanoids on Mount Whole, with whom she went to live?" asked Cydroidobot.
"No, Big Fat Fanny did not mention her friends’ name, and I did not ask her. She took with her all that she could carry of the stuff that were in Hepatitissa’s bungalow, and she told me I could have the rest. But when I went there I found nothing worth taking except some thaumaturgic kidney stones and alchemistic powders that I did not know how to use, and a bottle of Schmadacher’s glue."
"What is Schmadacher’s glue?" asked Soda.
"It is a thaumaturgic concoction with which to mend humanoids when they sever their parts. It was originally invented by the Pussloids of Cronenberg Island who didn’t wish to fall to pieces. When you two boys used to bring me most of your chunks when they were cut off, I saved them in that barrel in the corner. You must not have brought me all the parts, for when I made Creamfist I had hard work finding enough pieces to complete the job. I finally had to finish him with one arm."
"Who is Creamfist?" inquired Soda.
"Oh, haven't I told you about Creamfist?" exclaimed Crazy Rolf. "He's quite a curiosity. One day, after Hepatitissa had been destroyed and Big Fat Fanny had gone to live with her friends on the mountain, I was looking around the shop for something and came upon the bottle of Schmadacher’s glue which I had brought from the old hoo-hoo’s bungalow. It occurred to me to piece together the odds and ends of you two humanoids, which of course were just as good as ever, and see if I couldn't make a whole man out of them. If I succeeded, I would have an assistant to help me with my work. I set to work to see what I could do.
"First, I pieced together a body, gluing it with the thaumaturgic glue, which worked perfectly. The bodies didn't match up well and some parts were missing, but by using a piece of Fistur here and a piece of Creamer there, I finally got together a very decent body, with guts and all the trimmings complete."
"Whose heart did you use in making the body?" asked Cydroidobot anxiously.
"I can't tell, for the parts had no tags on them and one heart looks much like another. After the body was completed, I glued two fine legs and feet onto it. One leg was Creamer's and one was Fistur's and, finding one leg longer than the other, I trimmed it down to make them match. I was much disappointed to find that I had but one arm. There was an extra leg in the barrel, but I could find only one arm. Having glued this onto the body, I was ready to construct the head. I had enough pieces to construct one whole head and one partial head. I filled in the partial head with koala bear parts and put in in the cupboard for later use.”
“Aye-ya, we have become well acquainted with your closeted noggin,” said Fistur.
“He’s a drip. Anyway, when the glue had dried, my new man was quite an interesting fellow. I named him Creamfist, using a part of Mike's name and a part of Fistur's name, because he was a mixture of both your chunks. Creamfist was interesting, as I said, but just like the composite head he did not prove a very agreeable companion. I made him a spazmotronic arm to take the place of the missing one, and that pleased him very much, bug he grumbled because the clothes, which I got for him from a neighbor, did not fit him perfectly."
"As an assistant," the botsmith continued, "Creamfist was not a success. He was awkward with tools and was always hungry. He demanded something to eat six or eight times a day, so I wondered if I had fitted his insides properly. Indeed, Creamfist ate so much that little food was left for myself; so, when he proposed, one day, to go out into the world and become a wanderer, I was delighted to be rid of him."
"What became of Creamfist after that?" Chunks inquired.
"I never heard. That was the last I ever saw of him."
"Never mind Creamfist," said Edwige. "Our business now is to find poor Big Fat Fanny and let her choose her molybdenum husband. To do that, it seems, from the information Crazy Rolf has given us, we must travel to Mount Whole."
"If that's the deal, let us start at once," suggested Soda. So they did.

