I walk back to the entrance of the hearth. With the last light of the mushrooms, I can see two paths to choose, one will lead back to the hot fissures but I prefer going in the other direction.

  The further I go the light’s fade out. It’s a curving and winding path, just going on and on until eventually I happen on a crossroad. Instinctively I choose left, as the path keeps on winding.

  Quite quickly the path widens out until I can’t feel both sides anymore. I stick to the left side and this goes on until I reach another opening, where both sides of the passage are at hands reach.

  Is this the same path I came from or a new one? Let’s walk back and see if it’s the same or should I throw myself into the space between the walls and leave that security behind? Not an easy choice because I don’t want to get lost, or as I should say, feel lost.

  To the heck of it, I’ll be adventurous, by trying the open space. If it’s the same path then I should be able to walk from one wall to another quite easily.

  One step, and another one, the other side is a bit further than I anticipated. I haven’t touched any wall yet so maybe the passage I found goes on to a new place.

  A few more steps and I reach a wall, which could be between the two or multiple passages. It is probably a smaller cavern. I could also try to test the size of this space by creating an echo.

  “HELLO… HELLoOOO”

  The response to my voice doesn’t take long, giving off the impression that I am indeed in a small space. From where I am now, I walk on to complete the full circle, again coming to a passage. I’m not sure if this is the same passage.

  I should try another method. I walk from one passage in a left and right hand way counting the steps until I get to another passage. If I count approximatively equal on both tries, there is only one passage or there are two at equal distance.

  If my count is far off, there are multiple passages. Having counted both ways, I am at 42 steps left way and 43 steps right way, which means either it’s the same passage or there are two passages at equal distance.

  How do I discover which it is? I can try leaving a scratch mark at about chest height and verify before whether there isn’t already such a mark at either side of the passage.

  Having ascertained that there are no scratch marks that might confuse me, I leave one on the right hand side. Walking to the next entry I do indeed discover my scratch mark, thus I can walk through and go back again. Quite an adventurous little cavern, once you can’t see anymore.

  As I walk around the next bend, I perceive the light from Bhosun’s hearth. It is time to head to bed.

  As slumber takes over, Henry begins to dream:

  Hey Henry, stop being so absent-minded. Look up. Check out those mountains. We are on a wonderful hike and nature’s wonderful diversity is all around us.

  Henry stops and looks around.

  He finds himself on a ridge of a long mountain range, on both sides are steep drops, from where there is no coming back again. There are herds of mountain goats in front of them, slowing down their pace. They find themselves far above the tree line and yet there are beautiful flowers and butterflies tending the nectar.

  Henry breathes in, amazed at the soft breeze carrying notes of lemon balm and mint, mixed with flowery scents of the many flowers surrounding them. There are red, violet, yellow and blue petals covering the slopes. The goats love this abundance. Clarity takes his hand and they continue on their walk.

  “Finally, you’re back again. Look at what’s in front of you, isn’t that all you need? Sustenance and a blessing all at once.”

  “Up to a degree you are right, this can be all I need, yet my feelings and small experiences tell me otherwise. I love being with you. Nature replenishes me, my world on the inside inspires me, it makes me curious as to what’s there. What I can discover. There is so much I’d love to learn and still have to discover.”

  “How can there be something to discover if it’s only in your mind’s eye? I can’t confirm the reality of your so called vision. What I really try to say is that I feel kind of left out, of your world.”

  “You may not be seeing this but it is part of your world too. Part of everyone’s world. A part of it is indeed my imagination only but not all of it. We live in a complex world and this is simply a part of it.

  I can’t claim to understand everything about it, as it probably goes beyond my comprehension too, beyond everyone’s comprehension. That makes it all the more interesting.

  A world shaped by intention and imagination. I know it’s real as I have seen, what you call the invisible, affect my life and that of others too. Just like gravity and magnetism can’t be seen, they do manifest and are thus real to me.”

  “It’s not that I don’t believe you but that it kind of scares me. If you can do good, then you can also harm, with unknown forces and partial understanding of what actually you are working with.

  How can there not come real harm to you or maybe even me or others that are close to you?”

  “That’s a really good question I feel it depends on integrity and learning from your mistakes. It depends on having certain values. As its such a vast and complex world inside all of us, I try to be wary and think for myself before I act.

  I can’t claim that there is no danger to others or myself. It’s a responsibility perhaps not everybody is truly willing to carry, once they understand how far the consequences of seemingly simple actions can go.

  There’s also a danger that I think better of myself than I really am or that I misjudge my capability of shouldering this work. I try to humbly learn to be the best of myself and to make wiser choices along my road of learning.”

  “If you put it like that, then perhaps I can learn also to live with you being elsewhere some of the time. It may take a while for me.”

  “That’s part of getting to know each other. It’s best to do it well but slowly. Some people go far too quickly.

  While saying this, it also implies that I make an effort to enter your world, your intimacy. To get to learn about your changing views and appetites.

  If you feel I don’t do enough of this, please tell me. Where we perhaps are not alike, I learn to better see myself and you yourself. We can only grow from this, as long as we allow this to happen. To challenge openly and stay open to hear an other out.”

  “You may not inquire with your words but I feel you are open to me. With your eyes and your attention. Words pertain to mean a lot yet this attention will always mean more.

  Perhaps you can have this attention because you live so much on your inside. Perhaps I am mainly drawn to your attention. You are a dreamy person that much is clear but why should that be something negative?

  Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

  It can actually be a quality I am to learn to cherish and appreciate.”

  “Could be, that’s another way to look at it. You can’t have introspection without extrospection. What leads in, also leads out. Through you, I understand myself. So thank you for that. Humans are made to be together.”

  They look each other in the eyes for a long time.

  The dream fades out again.

  Next day as I wake up, Bhosun is already up and away on his hooves tending to his mushrooms. I am more of a slow riser in the morning, taking my time for my head to just be empty, doing as little as possible, after a good night’s sleep. Just being aware of myself and my body. Once ready, I join Bhosun so we can get busy together.

  “Hello there partner, did you rest well? I am so happy to be back again at my hearth. I’ve been away far too long. Luckily these mushrooms survive without me.”

  “Yeah but I dreamed about Clarity whom I left behind to come in here, as if I’m still with her, so weird.”

  “Are you still sure you perceive right?”, replies Bhosun with a knowing smile.

  “Yes of course and yesterday on my explorations I discovered the small cavern that’s on the left hand path, by following the path that leads away from the hot fissures.”

  “Ah, so you found the small cavern.”

  “Yes, I was trying to find out whether it’s a dead end or a passage but it ended up being a dead end.”

  “You are beginning to play with darkness, the fear of the unknown.”

  “It’s only a small room, can’t see how that would make me play with darkness.”

  “Can you truly say that? At the beginning you walked through and got adapted to this darkness then you kept on following whatever path you found.

  You met a lot of characters along the way but really venture or test the darkness you’ve not done. So far you’ve been constantly guided by the darkness, you didn’t really try to see the darkness itself. There is so much more to discover.”

  “I am only settling down because I am living with you and it’s the cave that guides me, while I am still making my choices. It is the space in the cave I am playing with if you want to call it like that.

  It’s a choice to venture in here and just confront this nagging feeling of mine. To jump in the water is playing with so many things. Walking into a dark cave is definitely looking straight at and into darkness. Can we actually play with something we can’t touch? Is this darkness really the same as fear of the unknown or is the darkness so much more?”

  “Now you’re beginning to ask questions I like, not that I have many answers nor do I want to impress my opinions on you but that’s interesting. Just like most humans walk through life but don’t dare to look at life itself and wring their head around this concept or process to get to an answer that is sufficient for them.

  I would say that darkness and fear of the unknown aren’t the same but they are linked in other ways.”

  “You can stare at the darkness as long as you want but it’s not going to stare back. Then again, it’s us that give life and meaning to all our fears, as one interpretation of darkness.”

  “Are you sure about that? This cave is quite alive and we are both right now expressions of its conscience. The cave isn’t the darkness. The cave is an expression in this darkness.”

  “All right, for the sake of discussion, how do you test this darkness? Will testing the darkness really ever give any satisfying enough answer, just like with life? What’s the sense of this search if there’s never going to be an answer that satisfies everybody equally, as all we’ll ever see is but fractions.”

  “Why indeed play with the darkness. If it’s lifeless, and unresponsive there are no fucks needed to be given. If this darkness, just like life prove to be alive and conscient on their own, and my inputs are answered, where is the limit? What can we achieve, and where can we get to?”

  “Make yourself rich and beautiful. Feel no more pain. Never suffer. Experience only pure bliss. Complete understanding of everything. That’s the kind of stuff you mean?”

  “That’s the usual bullshit everybody goes for. You can’t go for them as they are elusive ideas outside of myself. They can though be attitudes I foster in myself and that’s another story entirely and actually a pursuit worth having.

  This conscience has put you into existence. If life has no meaning then nothing makes sense, nor your existence. There is a possibility that life is meaningless. I could even live with that because that makes me the giver of meaning and even if life has a meaning, I can still be the give(r/n) of meaning.

  As I have found out I can ask life and it responds thus I must assume there is a living conscience somewhere in there. It may be that there are forms of living energy that make these things happen.

  They don’t have to be the primordial conscience. As they do respond, I hope they get value in return. Nothing’s ever free in life. If you want something, you should always be prepared to give back, otherwise beautiful rivers shrivel up quickly. What to give in return?

  No matter how grateful you think you are, you aren’t the only one in the pond, so be aware of how your gratefulness is perceived and received. If there are forms of energy that have a conscience, where did their conscience come from?

  What are their needs? I ain’t pure conscience, that much is clear, but I am a part of a conscience, otherwise I couldn’t be conscient. To be conscient is thus a gift on it’s own that is perhaps the biggest value anyone can ever be given, no matter what we make of it.”

  “Conscience is complicated indeed.

  To you playing with darkness means, what can you achieve in the world around you and yourself by interacting with something inside of you?”

  "That’s a way of putting it, yes.”

  “Why would I align myself with the one or multiple wills of creation? I can also just live for myself.”

  “Indeed, unless both are one and the same. We can be selfish, if you truly find the value you think in there, you truly should. You really should only live for yourself and whatever you find important.

  No reason to thank the creator of creation or abide by its will, if you are even able to hear truly instead of creating mental constructions of what it is supposed to be. Then at least thank your parents, if you are able to, because without them you couldn’t even be selfish to begin with.

  Then why bother coming into this cave? You don’t have any nagging feelings that seek an answer, right?

  One answer: Fulfilment, you take the role given, you embody it. You give form to a need within the whole of conscience. That’s birth.

  The opposite of that is doing the exact opposite and not listening to the inner voice, be that your own or of life itself. Unless even that road still leads back to listening to yourself/ the universe again, eventually.”

  “How do I know which voice to listen to, because let’s be honest there are so many of them, some bring me closer to union at least with myself and others further away.”

  “Good, you’ve become aware of that already. Are they both You? Are they different You’s? Can you make a choice and decide somewhere inside which You, you want to become? Is perhaps one You feeling bit by bit less You? Has it ever been You or did you decide somewhen to just try be something that didn’t feel right? So, What do you do?”

  “Learn to discern the one from the other.”

  “Why not choose the one of your downfall?”

  “I already do, most of the time, as it is the easy choice. Just because it’s easy, it generally isn’t pleasant, that’s also how I find out which is which. It looks like there is a choice but my demise isn’t really a choice, more of an automatism.

  To make a choice I need to act on it, which makes it so hard, for most people. We aren’t used to thinking, or to put it differently the way we usually think contributes little to making real choices.

  We are practically clueless as to what thinking is, as we are so submerged in a myriad of thoughts that split us up internally and go against different parts of our character.

  You can’t really think with a split up character that pulls you in ten different directions at the same moment. In the morning you can feel as if you will act wise but then in the evening there is nothing left of that resolve.

  Thinking is something else as just accepting to act without internal consideration of the consequences from which a weighted and acted on choice is made. Just get what you need.

  Real choices are made without internal chatter, more of a wilful energy than a thought. We aren’t brought up in a way that makes acting from ourselves any important.

  Be like everybody, don’t stick your neck out but then there isn’t a reason to be alive just to copy everybody else, because that makes one particular existence meaningless. If we can accept that everything happens for a reason, then everything makes sense, even if sometimes we are part of the reason.”