Urgh… this nest looks painfully similar to the nest that I had to sneak into to rescue lady Katheryn all those years ago. Miserable looking cave entrance guarded by two barely clothed and incredibly dirty looking goblins. One is wielding a spear and the other a small sword that was chipped in multiple places. It has clearly had way too much use.

  Smutisha approached them on her own initially, while Damecus and I flanked round the side. The goblins looked very bewildered by Smutisha’s advance. They are definitely not used to being approached by women in such a calm and non-threatening way. Which makes sense. Given what the Grim do to women, the only time women usually approach them is to smash their heads in.

  Smutisha: “Hello, darlings…”

  She opened her arms wide to show that she was unarmed… but it looked more like a welcoming hug… the goblins looked at her with puzzled expressions before raising their weapons. The one with the spear licked his lips and looked at the other.

  Spear Goblin: “Fresh… meat.”

  The spear goblin started to advance towards Smutisha but the other one held back… the one with the sword clearly does not trust this situation. The spear goblin was half way towards her before the second one moved. Once they were a sufficient distance from the cave entrance Damecus and I made our move. I swiftly moved for the one with the sword, twisting his sword arm round his back and disarming him before placing my dagger to his throat.

  Damecus… well… Damecus was less subtle. He jumped straight on the one with the spear. Pinning him to the ground in an instant. Were these goblins Bracken, they would likely have attempted to yell in order to warn the others, risking their own lives in the process. Grim are much more self-serving than that. Everything that the Grim do is for the nest… primarily because the nest grants you strength in numbers. But that strength is useless to you if you yourself are dead.

  Smutisha walked towards the one with the spear. He snarled and shouted obscenities at her until Damecus smacked him on the back of the head. She decided to approach the one that I was holding.

  Smutisha: “Shall we try this again, darling?”

  The sword goblin froze… a look of terror in its eyes. I can feel his heart beat accelerate… he genuinely believes this is the end for him.

  Smutisha: “Oh, no need for such emotions, darling. I have no intention of harming you.”

  The goblin’s head tilted. He definitely understood. The Grim may not speak with the largest vocabulary, but their linguistic understanding is normally pretty good. That’s what allows other more powerful creatures to take over and command nests in the way that they do. No powerful being would bother with them if they couldn’t follow complex instructions.

  Smutisha: “Dwynfel, remove the dagger from his throat, then we can have a civilised conversation.”

  I removed my dagger, released his arm, picked his sword up from the ground, and took a step back.

  Smutisha: “Nod if you understand me, darling.”

  The goblin nodded swiftly and nervously. Or at least it appeared that way. The nervous act is a way to lull your attacker into a false sense of security. He is likely trying to work out a plan for how best to capture Smutisha and dispose of her guardians.

  At this point, the rest of our party emerged from the bushes and I think he realised that the nest was in big trouble. Nests have been taken out by much smaller parties than this, and he is well aware of that.

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  Smutisha: “Do you have a name, darling?”

  Sword Goblin: “No.”

  Smutisha: “We shall stick with Darling then. Why do you think we are here?”

  Darling: “Kill nest?”

  Smutisha: “If we were here to do that, Darling. Then we would have killed you and be inside your cave by now.”

  Darling grunted in acknowledgement.

  Smutisha: “We are here to engage you in a discussion of how we can move forwards amicably. I wish to propose an alliance. One where your nest gets to live. But instead of harming the human communities, benefiting from them.”

  Darling looked beyond confused.

  Darling: “Never work. Grim take, not trade.”

  Smutisha: “Oh, come now, Darling.”

  She knelt down on the ground in front of him and looked him square in the eye. She reached one hand inside his loin cloth and began to caress what was within. The goblin’s eyes bulged and his jaw clenched. I can guarantee that no woman has ever touched him in that manner of her own free will before.

  Smutisha: “The thing is, Darling. Goblins are not the only ones that take. Everybody takes in one way or another.”

  She continues to move her hand under his loin cloth. He seems to be frozen in place. He has no idea what to do.

  Smutisha: “A trade is simply both parties taking what they wish in the form of an agreed arrangement. I do not wish to subjugate or enslave you. I do not wish to destroy you. I wish to work with you. When both parties are willing, so much more can be accomplished…”

  His loin cloth started to protrude forwards.

  Smutisha: “You see, you are clearly not averse to a mutually beneficial arrangement. All I need is for you to grant us an audience with your leader. Can you do that, Darling?”

  Darling’s breathing grew heavy and laboured. He looked over at the spear wielding goblin… pinned to the floor… borderline crushed by a lizardman.

  Smutisha: “Ah… yes… you see. I may be seeking an alliance, but I am not stupid, Darling. Get violent with us and we will respond in kind. However, as I am sure you can tell… I am much more pleasurable to work with rather than against.”

  His gaze returned to hers and she winked at him.

  Smutisha: “So… how about it? Get me that audience and maybe we can finish this afterwards.”

  Darling nodded desperately. Smutisha removed her hand from his loin cloth… which now poked forward in the most ungainly manner. She stroked his face and gestured for him to return to the cave. He turned and walked inside in a rather uncomfortable way.

  Agaroth: “That a normal negotiatin’ technique of yours?

  Smutisha: You all kept saying that the only way to get through to them would be with females. Using such gestures seemed the natural way to make progress.”

  She walked over to the spear goblin who was snarling at Damecus.

  Smutisha: “This one is certainly an angry little thing. Is his head okay?”

  Damecus: “Physically, yes. Mentally, however…”

  Smutisha: “You may be right. He definitely has anger issues. Probably best that you keep a hold of him until everything here is resolved, darling. Don’t want him ruining things with further violence.”

  Damecus: “I could just crush his skull now. It will save me dragging him around.”

  Keith: “I second that notion.”

  Smutisha: “We are not killing anyone if we can avoid it. We are trying to make a good impression. Murdering subdued captives is hardly going to do that, now is it, darling?”

  Dwynfel: “Given who we are dealing with, showing that you are willing to commit such violent acts may actually aid your negotiations. Showing how far you are willing to go may give them cause to think twice about attacking.

  Smutisha: “I will not permit killing any one of these goblins unless absolutely necessary. Is that understood, darlings?”

  Everyone in the party nodded in agreement. Although many clearly did not agree in the slightest.

  Smutisha: “Now we just have to wait for my new friend to return with news of our audience.”