I should probably clarify exactly what Smutisha has requested. Her scouts have detected a Grim nest several miles to the east of Fort Bracken. Fairly obviously, this nest needs to be dealt with. Otherwise, the farmers and the Bracken will be at risk of attack. Usual Grim protocol would just be to send a party of adventurers to wipe them out.

  As I am sure you have likely guessed, that is not what Smutisha wishes to do. She intends to take a party into the nest under a banner of peace and attempt to talk the Grim into forming an alliance… similar to what we did with the Bracken.

  Now… I have been very clear about my distaste for the Grim over the years. Everyone who knows me is aware of my desire to wipe them all out. They are best killed. I hate that people use me as an example of how they can be civilised. I was found as an infant. I was only two. And even being taken at that age I was not a sweet compliant child. It took years for me to calm down. Years of me assaulting my parents, plotting to kill them, injuring them and all sorts of vile behaviour.

  I will concede that maybe… the very, and I mean very young ones, may be okay to keep alive. But trying to form an alliance with fully grown Grim… no… just no… they are vile, disgusting creatures.

  Back when I first let you into my thoughts, I was purposely swift and vague when describing the horrors that I witnessed in that nest. I remember everything from that time… I remember right back to my first days as a baby… a significant downside of goblin memory… as a babe in arms, I never left the room where the females were kept… in case I needed feeding I needed to be near the breasts. The things that I witnessed, even at that age… in that room… surrounded by those creatures… abusing those women again and again, day after day, month after month.

  I genuinely cannot imagine how it must have felt to be one of those women… witnessing it was traumatising enough for me… thinking about it now… it makes me feel violently sick. The fact that at the first opportunity, my mother slit her own throat, rather than continue to experience that situation is… well… I think that says enough.

  Those creatures… they think nothing of such abuse. It is part of their lives and they will continue to do such things as long as they live. There is no negotiating with creatures like that. They need to be killed… they need to be wiped out. I don’t want to be part of a negotiation party… the only Grim that I want to see is a dead one.

  Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work!

  When I got back to the farm, I talked to my mother and Kiyui about it. I still haven’t told either of them the full extent of what I witnessed in that nest. I have never told anybody. I alluded to things… I was clear about how much they sicken me… but I just… I cannot speak of the worst of it… I can’t even bring myself to think about that stuff. Even so… I know that Kiyui understands… fuck knows, he has his own demons to contend with… but I’m not sure my mother fully gets it.

  Once again… the problem is that I am trying to convey that this species in dangerous… a scourge on the world that needs to be purged. But these people know me… they know what I am… so when I talk of these vile creatures… all they see is that with the right upbringing they don’t end up like that. These people love me… they love a Grim… of course they aren’t going to agree with me that these creatures are irredeemable and should be wiped out.

  My mother simply said that had my dad thought that way, then she wouldn’t have the loving and wonderful son that she has now… she wouldn’t have grandchildren… she wouldn’t have this wonderful, happy life. The humans would not have accepted lizardmen into the city and they certainly would not have formed an alliance with the Bracken. She says that she understands why I hate them… she knows from raising me that those creatures traumatised me. But she also knows from raising me… that it is learned behaviour. Which means that it is something that can be overcome.

  Kiyui has always been very na?ve. He always tries to see the best in people. Even though he has been through a hell of a lot of shit… he still tries to find the positives. I love him for that… but that doesn’t stop him from being painfully wrong sometimes. He thinks that we should go. And I stress his use of the word “we.” He wants to be there with me to help me deal with the situation. Which is very sweet of him… he just wants to support me to move forwards… which is admirable. Stuff like this is why I love him… but I still disagree with him.

  Kiyui says that I need to do this. I need to confront the past to help me move forward. But this is not the nest that I was raised in… they aren’t the same goblins… they are not technically my past… although they do bear a striking resemblance to it. He may be right that I need to do this though. I don’t want to… by the gods do I not want to do this. But maybe I need to be there to see if it can be done. I didn’t think Smutisha could do it with the Bracken, but she did. She does seem oddly good at diplomacy. Maybe I need to go just to see if it can be done

  Perhaps more importantly… maybe I need to go to see if it can’t be done. I need to know if these feelings of deep-seated hatred within me are fully justified. Maybe Smutisha is right… maybe different nests do operate differently… maybe mine was just particularly vile. Or maybe I am right to have these feelings… maybe all nests do need to be destroyed as soon as they are discovered. I owe it to myself to at least find out, either way. And if it does go wrong… I will help to exterminate them. This is not going to be easy for me… this is not going to be easy at all.