Chapter 14: ID Acquired, Hell Mode Desired

  Waking up in the fanciest bed I have ever slept in is an experience that I am excited to repeat. Of course, I would prefer the bed to not be within my ex and her new wife’s house, but me and the zero dollars I have to my name can’t really be a chooser at the moment. Still, it is nice to sleep in a bed for the first time in a few days (or eons, depending on who’s counting). I yawn, and go into the bathroom (their guest room has its own bathroom, ‘cause of course it does). I take a long ass shower, breathing deep and letting the scaldingly hot water flow over my neck and shoulders. As it patters against my skin, for a moment, I am able to let the stress of my life melt into the background. For a moment, I am able to feel absolute confidence that everything will turn out fine. Then I turn the shower off, shiver a little as the cold air brushes my wet skin, and return to the uncomfortable unknown of reality. As I exit the bathroom, I notice a small pile of clothes on the bed that wasn’t there when I woke up. On top of the clothes is a phone. Right next to the pile of clothes sleeps LS. Briefly, I shake her awake and mentally ask if she wants to come on my errands today or stay here and sleep. With a clear image of sleeping and a deeply annoyed sentiment that I shouldn’t have bothered her to ask, LS rolls over and goes back to sleep. A note on the clothes notifies me they were bought by Lucy, who apparently has left for work. The note also has the phone password and lets me know that Lucy and Genevieve’s numbers are entered into the contacts already. I shrug and get dressed. Walking into the bathroom, I take a look in the mirror. Staring back at me is a convincing mask of normalcy. This mask wears a black T-Shirt with a Metallica logo adorning it, blue jeans, and dark brown boots. He has no bags under his eyes, no hunch to his shoulders, and no blemishes on his face. Do I… deserve this? Seeing this unfamiliar man in the mirror, I have to wonder what I possibly could have done to earn the luck I have received. Maybe there is no such thing as karma. Maybe I’ve done nothing and received everything and that’s just fine. Or maybe the things I do to deserve my power have to come now, after I’ve gained it. I could change the world, maybe save it if I have to. I could make a difference in so many lives, change the fate of so many who are less fortunate than myself. The thing is though… I don’t want to. I just want to live my life for myself and the people I care about. I didn’t ask for any of this. I didn’t have a choice in becoming powerful. I never wanted the world on my shoulders, and the world isn’t falling fast enough that I care to grab it and lift. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but to be honest, I don’t think I care. If the time comes when there is no other option to keep the world safe, I will step in. Until then though, I’ll leave the hero shit to the people who want it. I’m sure there is no shortage in that department. With a firm nod to the mirror, I leave the bathroom and find my way back to the entrance of the house, where I find Genevieve sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee.

  “Heya there Genevieve, you know where a fella can get his grubby mitts on a cup of joe around here?”

  She nods and points over at the counter where there is a pot of coffee sitting.

  “Help yourself.”

  Happily I go over and pour myself a cup, adding in a dash of cream and a mountain of sugar, just how I like it. I sit down across from Genevieve and take a sip of the coffee. The coffee feels warm, and is steaming violently, but I guess that at some level of constitution, hot coffee stops being scalding. I look over at Genevieve.

  “So, I assume since you’re here we’re going to get my ID first? Can you use your influence to let me skip the line? Y’know, give the ol’ ‘do you know who I am?’ spiel and watch them quake in their boots and hand over the cash.”

  She looks back at me, unamused.

  “Could I? I don’t know, probably. Will I? Not a chance in hell. You’re gonna go through the same registration process that everyone else does. Luckily, it won’t be too bad since you are from the Very Easy tutorial. Nobody at the registrar’s office cares about people from the Very Easy tutorial.”

  “I don’t know whether to be relieved or offended. I think I’ll be both. Reffended if you will. Offlieved even.”

  After that, it seems like Genevieve mostly tunes out my chattering. That’s fine, I’m quite used to it. After all, not everyone is equipped to bask in my magnificence for long. Eventually, we finish our drinks and head into a garage, where we board another rune coated flying car and drive off into the mid morning sky.

  We land outside a building that looks like it was once a stadium of some kind. However, what once was once a stadium is now a large strangely rounded school building. Through the many windows along the rounded edges of what were once bleachers, I see a gym where games of basketball are being played at superhuman speeds, I see several classrooms with teachers ranging from engaged to bored out of their mind, who are teaching students that range from bored out of their mind to even more bored out of their mind. Along the bottom I see a large cafeteria and food court, just before the entrance to the field in the center of the building. On the field there are no layouts for sporting events however. Instead, there are rows of weapons and armor, sparring rings, cages of various beasts, and an archery range. Using these facilities are what look to be about a hundred different students, young and old. Some of them seem only a little stronger than a normal human, but others are performing feats and training at speeds that a pre-system human would find miraculous. At the front of the building is a huge set of double doors, tall enough that two buses stacked on top of each other could drive through comfortably. Entering alongside Genevieve, I see a hodge podge of various staff and students walking by, all of whom stop to wave or nod at Genevieve. Taking an immediate left turn, Genevieve leads me to a small room just to the side of the main entrance. Just above a normal sized door is a small black sign with formal green lettering that reads: “Registration Office.” Opening the door, Genevieve enters what looks to be a medium sized waiting room that one might find at an emergency room, with comfortable looking chairs arrayed out, interspersed with houseplants, and no other furniture in the room other than a small coffee table that holds a cooler of water and a couple stacks of paper cups. Genevieve gestures for me to enter.

  “Ok, I have work to do, but you can just wait here. The office opens at 10, so about…” she looks down at her watch, “half an hour. There will probably be a couple other people trickling in for their own registration, especially since this is around the time most normal and easier graduates make it back from their tutorials. At 10, someone will come out and ask for people one by one. Don’t worry if you aren’t called first, there isn’t a particular order. You got it, or do you need anything else?”

  I look around the room.

  “Got a book or something? I just got this phone but I really feel like I’m in my unplugged era right now.”

  She snorts and grabs a necklace from around her neck with one hand. In front of where she holds the necklace, a book appears and she hands it to me.

  “Go nuts.”

  “Holy shit is that a storage item? Where can I get one of those?”

  “Yes it is a storage item, and you can buy one but they are pretty damn expensive so don’t expect to get one while you lay low. Anyway, I really have to go now, so goodbye.”

  With that, she walks off, leaving me alone. I look down at the book she gave me.

  The Tyrant’s Stepdaughter: A Steamy Tale of Regency and Forbidden Romance.

  You have got to be fucking kidding me. I can’t believe she would give me a book like this. Does she think this is the kind of book I like? The kind of book that’s half smut? The kind of book that has three half naked men on the cover? The kind of book where in the first chapter the main character (named Emily, because of course she is) gets kidnapped from her parent’s home and taken to a strange castle by a mad king with three handsome sons? The kind of book where in the second chapter she meets the three sons and all three of them individually fall in love with her? The kind of book where in chapter three she gets summoned to the crown prince’s quarters at the crack of dawn and they have steamy hate sex? Goddam these descriptions are actually pretty good. A+ on the imagery. Can really imagine the feeling of a throbbing member entering me. I am so engrossed in the book (that I definitely don’t like) that I don’t notice someone else has entered the room until I get tapped on the shoulder. I look up to see a friendly looking middle aged man. He has brown hair, green eyes, a shade of stubble, and pronounced dimples. When he sees me look up, he stretches out a hand for a handshake.

  “Nice to meetcha young man, the name’s Frank, but most people call me Smiles, cause I’m all smiles!”

  I put the book down (with the cover out of view) and shake the man’s hand.

  “A pleasure to meet you Mr. Smiles. The name is Calvin, but most people call me Supreme Overlord Calvinity III”

  The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

  Smiles raises an eyebrow.

  “That’s a little bit of a mouthful? You mind if I just call you Calvin?”

  “I suppose that’s ok. If we were in Transylvania, you could be hanged for such an offense, but I suppose when in Rome and all that.”

  “...you’re joking. You are joking right?”

  I snort.

  “Yes I’m joking Smiles, I’m not anything of anywhere, I’m just Calvin. Born and raised in the US of A. There isn’t an important bone in my body.”

  I look down at my pants.

  “Well at least… there isn’t one currently.”

  I wink at Smiles and he gives me a polite chuckle, though it is clear he doesn’t care for my joke. He sits across from me. Just as his butt hits the seat cushion and he lets out the familiar sigh of anyone over 30 sitting down, the door opens and a young woman, maybe early 20s, walks in. She is wearing a black baggy hoodie and black leggings. On the front of the hoodie in bold white lettering are the words “Don’t Talk to Me Till I’ve Had My Coffee… and I Don’t Drink Coffee.” Her hood is up so I can’t make out much of her face, but from what I can see her expression is utterly deadpan. From the little of her frame I can see beneath the baggy cloth, and from the toned muscles that show through the leggings, it is clear that she is in incredibly good shape, and if we were without the system, I would have immediately thought she was an athlete of some kind. She walks with an elegant tension in her legs that makes her look like she is ready to leap into action at any moment. Quietly, she sits down in one of the corner chairs. Smiles immediately gets up to go over and talk to her. Internally, I wince. She does not look like someone in the mood for casual conversation. Still, my thoughts don’t stop Smiles, and he extends the same friendly hand he gave me. She doesn’t take it. She looks up at him.

  “Sorry, I don’t shake hands with morning people. You freak me out.”

  The smile on Smile’s face never wavers, and his hand remains outstretched.

  “Oh don’t be like that little lady, I don’t bite. The name’s Frank, but everyone calls me Smiles.”

  “Ok Smiles, would you kindly fuck off?”

  Smiles’ smile begins to look a little strained.

  “Watch your language young lady, and it’s only polite to give your name in return. I promise I won’t bother you after you introduce yourself.”

  I can hear the annoyance in her voice as she replies tersely.

  “My name is Bitchcunt McFuckshit, now leave. Me. Alone.”

  I snort audibly, and both of them look over at me. Holding in my laugh, I walk over.

  “No way! I think I might have grown up with a relative of yours! You wouldn’t happen to know a Dickcock McFuckshit would you?”

  Smiles finally loses his smile, his face morphing into a frown. The girl smirks. He walks away from the two of us and sits down on the opposite side of the room, muttering the whole way about “kids these days,” and “lacking public decency.” I turn back to the woman.

  “Don’t worry Bitchcunt, I’ll leave you to your brooding.”

  I give her a little salute and start walking back to my seat.

  “Kalia. My name is Kalia. And that isn’t an invitation to talk to me, so keep stepping.”

  I smile and reply without turning back.

  “Kalia McFuckshit, I’ll be sure to remember the name.”

  I don’t look back, but even without looking, I am 100% certain that she rolls her eyes. Sitting down, I return to my book. Only 10 minutes later, the door opens once more, and a busy looking woman holding a clipboard walks in. With a businesslike tone, she addresses the room.

  “All of you are here for registration, yes? If you aren’t, I’m afraid you’re in the wrong place. Nobody is awkwardly leaving? Good. Alright, you’re closest to the door, so you first,” she says, pointing at Smiles. She leads him into a back room and closes the door. The door is clearly quite thin, and muffled voices can be heard through it, but I don’t care enough to pay attention to it. After about five minutes, during which myself and Kalia sit in amicable silence, the door opens and Smiles walks out, smiling once more. He pointedly ignores the two of us as he leaves the room, and me and Kalia share a quick smirk. From the back room, the same businesslike tone rings out.

  “Next! I don’t care who.”

  Kalia and I look at each other and both shrug. I motion to the door.

  “All yours.”

  Kalia nods and gets up, walking to the back room. Again I hear muffled voices that I ignore, but only two minutes after she entered the back room, I hear a loud bang, and very clearly hear the businesslike woman yell, “WHAT?”

  I can’t help myself and immediately engage my stats just enough to listen in (of note, it seems perception and hearing is tied to wisdom, so D&D got it right I guess). Immediately, the voices in the room become audible.

  “-n’t be serious. You seriously expect me to believe that you managed to return from the hell difficulty tutorial in less than a month?”

  “Of course I’m serious. You even used your little scanner doohickey and it said the same thing. What else do I have to do to prove I’m not lying?”

  “The scanner has been fooled before. Would you be willing to swear a system oath?”

  “Fucking fine, whatever. I swear on the system, on pain of death, that I completed the Hell Difficulty tutorial, that I am part of the wave that was taken this year, and that I am not lying about my identity. Happy?”

  There is a pause in the conversation.

  “...well, you’re still alive, so I suppose you really are telling the truth. This is unprecedented! You beat the tutorial more than twice as fast as the next fastest! This will need to be reported!”

  “Uh… yeah, I don’t care about any of that, I’m just here to get registered and leave, please.”

  “Right, right. Well, as a Hell Mode Graduate, you have to submit your full character sheet to the IO for cataloging. Please place your hand on this red stone for me.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I wish I didn’t have to, but whatever.”

  Another pause.

  “Goodness! These stats are incredible, young woman. You have a very bright future ahead of you.”

  I hear a gasp.

  “That title! Does it mean what I think it means? You have a legendary class?!”

  Wait. That can’t be possible. I was the first person to get a legendary class. Or at least… the first human. Is she… an alien or something?

  “No, I don’t have a legendary class. I have an epic class, with a Legendary Ascendant form. Those are distinctly different, at least according to the system.”

  Whew, crisis averted, I wasn’t looking forward to having to fight a random alien for no reason. Especially ‘cause this alien is funny and cute.

  “Still, that is incredibly impressive! You are going to change the world, I have no doubt! You wouldn’t happen to be interested in joining a guild would you? I know some people who will make extremely generous offers.”

  “Not interested. Just give me my registration and let me leave please.”

  “Fine fine, here you are.”

  With that, the door opens and Kalia walks out. She avoids eye contact with me and leaves. I don’t bother her, as she clearly wants space, which is extremely reasonable given the circumstances. The businesslike woman doesn’t call out for me, but since I’m the only one left, I walk over to the back room and look in. The woman is furiously typing on a laptop.

  “...hello? I still need to be registered.”

  She looks up, momentarily confused, then focuses on me.

  “Ah, yes, right. Name?”

  “Calvin Xenos”

  “Tutorial difficulty?”

  “Very easy.”

  “Would you like to submit your character sheet to the catalogue?”

  “Uhh, no?”

  “Alright. One moment.”

  She types a few things into the laptop, presses a button, and a minute later hands me a small card. The card itself is made of some kind of metal that seems extremely sturdy, which I appreciate. On the card in black formal lettering is my name, certification of registry, the words “Very Easy” and "Provisional Licence.” I look up at the woman who is back to typing ferociously on her laptop. Without looking back at me she says, “you can go now. Have a nice day.” Ok then. I leave the building. I guess Genevieve wasn’t kidding when she said people didn’t care about those who were in the Very Easy tutorial. Welp. That’s done. Next up, I have a dad to find.