“The crowd is ready, the press are ready, but the real question is this – the guest of honour ready? And here he is! The rock-and-roll scientist, el numero uno – Dr Bernard Warnick! He’s the biological genius behind the cure of the previously terrifying Hickman’s Syndrome, who can bend genetics to his will. Wow! And look, he even has his Echorist necklace on! But what’s this? He’s not taking his place at the podium. He seems to be approaching the crowd? Oh, he’s handing out drinks! That’s our Warnick! And now he’s doing a guitar riff! Isn’t that great! O-oh and now he’s crowd surfing… Cool… Great… *sigh* Fred, when is this interview meant to start? My feet are killing me. Wha- An hour?! You’re kidding me!” – Atto Glacklin, Glass Tip Productions Reporter, 2256. Recorded from ‘Live with The Stars’, Season 12.

  “Look, if you want me to keep fucking you, then you have to stop trying to get in my socks – it’s really throwing me off.”

  Elias had never thought he’d need to say that sentence prior to coming to Kral’Thul. In fact, he’d said and done a lot of things he’d never expected after meeting his rival. A rival who’d become an unexpected friend and lover, one who he knew he could stick by through thick and thin.

  And yet, having sex with an alien in a chemical storage closet had not been on his bucket list.

  It had been a few weeks since the glory of producing the first CHALICE Shaft in human history, and the strangeness of Project Grail’s impossible code had been unveiled. Since then, both Elias and Chel-Lin had spent some time away from secret FTL work to both take some rest from the stressful events of that day, and to get a little more familiar with one another. Unfortunately, Chel-Lin’s idea of familiarity was trying to wrap her strap-like tendrils across every untouched spot of his body during sex. During the current session, a particularly ad hoc encounter after some raunchy back and forth in the lab, she had seemingly been obsessed with trying to get at his feet.

  “But why?” Chel-Lin whined, clearly frustrated at being denied her chance to feel under the colourful socks emblazoned with the images of penguins Elias had on.

  “Because, god damnit, I’m ticklish there! I can’t fuck whilst laughing.” Elias said, upping his pace with deafened impacts against her energy absorbing skin.

  “I- hng… definitely can,” she said between moans and giggles.

  Good for her.

  Sex with a Tylas was a rather strange affair. Chel-Lin had spent the time configuring different levels of density for her inner gaseous core to act as a cavity for their intercourse, varying from ‘vague impression of getting a blowjob from a ghost to ‘black hole-level tightness’. The latter, unfortunately, had not been as fun as it sounded, and the bruises he bore after that particular session were a harsh reminder that men should probably have limits to where they stuffed their dicks into.

  Chel-Lin was, at the moment, his choice for dick stuffing. Still half dressed, she’d had been raring to get into the action. She had wanted to complain that human physiology just happened, by pure coincidence, to be perfect for attracting alien mates, and that the onus of knowing when to reject an alien partner was fully on the homo sapiens involved. Elias, however, hypothesised that the universe might just be full of aliens that lusted after monkey meat, and that Chel-Lin was no exception. Regardless of whether it was either of their faults for wanting to bang, they were already part-way through, and it didn’t really matter how they had gotten to that point.

  With a grunt, Elias gripped at the soft, almost cloth-like texture of her golden-black surface across her torso. Rubbing along the stripes, he felt the shifting, swirling tightness of her insides around him. Across every inch, along the surface of his glans, the fiery inferno within her ached for his touch. Externally, her straps had gotten used to snaking under his clothes and caressing his arms, his chest, his neck. He had once compared it to an octopus’ suckers, resulting in an embarrassed Chel-Lin for the rest of the night, refusing to carry out her usual groping. When he tried to explain that octopuses were hot, he had a pillow tossed at his head.

  Back in the present, he lifted her feather-light body up with both hands and slammed her pelvis flush with his. Elias made a careful effort of not pushing her against the bottles of hydrochloric acid on the shelf behind her. Damn it all, the idea of illicit sex in the storeroom had initially been sexy, but the furnishings really did badly impact the overall vibe. It was hard to concentrate on fucking an alien’s brains out when one was preoccupied with not smashing a vial of dangerous chemicals.

  Elias, however, was a multitasker. Hand around the back of her neck, he brought her into a rough kiss, the zing of zest and pzazz a delicious flavour across his tongue. Imitating the texture of a mouth had been difficult for Chel-Lin, but she was nothing if determined. She had even created a close-enough approximation of a tongue to wrestle with. Not that Elias knew what that felt like. Damn Tylas - if it wasn’t for her, maybe he could’ve once been able to get a boner to the human form. Now, he had been irreparable damaged by the haughty alien he was taking to pound town whilst discussing physics.

  It appeared something else was on Chel-Lin’s mind.

  “Elias…” she panted.

  “Yeah?”

  “Why do you… find me attractive?”

  Elias paused, pulled out and pointed down to the dick halfway inside her. With the colours of her black and gold striped skin contrasting against his own, it kind of reminded him of the hues of a tiger. Heh, tiger pussy.

  “It’s a bit late to be asking that,” Elias said.

  “No, dumbass. What I mean is… why do you like me? My body is so different to what humans should like. I have no bulbous orbs of fat, no firm cheeks to grab. I even lack hands to interlock with your own properly. I love you for all you have – your rugged muscles, your soft face and hair, and your delicious mind, always full of stupid ideas. But… why do you love me?”

  This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

  “Well, Chel-Lin, despite how much you like to think that us humans are on a one-track mind of ignorance, I think it’s fair to say that…” Elias leaned into her face, voice husky. “I love you for the all the same reasons.”

  “B-but… how?”

  “Not everyone has the same tastes, my little jellyfish. Your body is strange, so different to mine that I can’t help but lust after every inch of you. Your fiery insides, your soft yet unyielding skin. After all, everyone knows a true intellectual only fucks the person they like for the person they are deep down. Looks are nice and all, but the one I am making love to, the one whose world I want to rock, is yours, Chel-Lin. No one elses.”

  She looked straight into his soul with those glowing eyes of hers. They were half-lidded, as if scrunching up to cry. He ran a hand across her stomach, dancing across the soft texture of her body and squeezing at the firmness of her sides. With a gasp, she tilted her head at him, waiting with bated breath to hear what he had to say next. Damn, that little speech was sappy. Shit, how to recover from this? It was best to go with the reason he got a stiffy whenever she didn’t have her mantle covering her inner body.

  “And besides,” Elias said as he pointed to her chest. “Look how fucking flat you are. Goddamn, that’s hot.”

  “You ass!” Chel-Lin whined as she gripped his own ass with a tightening of her straps. Oof, maybe that was a bad idea. “Now, you idiot, rock my world. Use that ape dick and show me what happens to naughty aliens.”

  “Yeah, yeah, Ms Never-Done-A-Thing-Wrong-In-Her-Life. Very naughty. Now, we’ve really got to get back to the lab soon. The atomizer should finish its cycle in about ten minutes.”

  “Hmm. I think it’s closer to seven.” Chel-Lin raised a seductive brow.

  “Seven, huh?”

  Elias seized the moment. He had been waiting for that timeframe to appear in their sex for ages, and had prepared. Standing up straight, he switched out his scratched-up eyeglasses for a pair of sunglasses he had ‘borrowed’ from Kurt as he swept his blond hair back neatly. With all the effort he could summon, he did a terrible impression of the villain from the horror game the two had gotten close to finishing in between bouts of sex whenever Chel-Lin stayed over at his room.

  “Seven minutes,” Elias impersonated. “Seven minutes is all I can spare to play with you.”

  She stared at him, expression even more deadpan than normal.

  “Wow. That impression sucked. Finish me off, Mr Wesker before that boulder punching roider finds you.”

  Elias increased his tempo, stifling a laugh at the mental image of the game’s protagonist pulling his infamous move only to find the sunglass wearing antagonist having sex. Inch by inch, Elias felt the hot gas of her insides leak around his dick, creating a miasma of Tylas gas around his crotch, and crushing his efforts of doing any further terrible impressions. In a way, with the orange mist surrounding his dick and balls he felt like a wizard summoning an occult spell, but instead of using a wand, he was using a penis.

  It was as he felt the clenching of his nuts, climax approaching for both himself and Chel-Lin, based on the way her insides tightened around him, that he heard a sound approaching.

  “Dr Savage? Dr Daksira? Where are you?” EXCAL called out from the hallway beyond the door.

  Shit! Of all the times!

  “Quiet. He’ll go past.” Chel-Lin whispered, pressing a strap to his lips. “But don’t you dare stop.”

  Not one to disobey an instruction, Elias kept his movement sharp and quick, shoving a finger into another slit above the makeshift vaginal passage Chel-Lin had made. It turns out, shoving any human parts into the hole of a Tylas, regardless of location was still incredibly titillating for the inorganic aliens. Elias had once tried giving a four-finger barrage, and had gotten Chel-Lin to collapse in a twitching pile in less than a minute. All it cost was the embarrassed xeno jerking him off a half-dozen times in a row as payback, but still worth it seeing her reduced to an orgasming puddle.

  At his limit, he slammed his crotch against hers in an accidently violent movement that wrought a muffled clap from the contact. With gritted teeth, he released his load into her. She gasped, desperately trying to silence her translator with a tendril as she gripped every other strap across his body into a full-body constriction. Snake-like compression still ongoing, he leaned in to begin adjusting her scarves. Chel-Lin felt embarrassed after sex if her ribbons and accessories were out of sorts, saying it made her feel especially dirty, like a stripper of sorts. When Elias had responded that Barald was probably more concerned with alien sex, she had clarified herself – she wanted to be seen as composed by him, even after a round of rough sex. Elias wasn’t sure if that was touching or just egotistical. Still, he had since made the effort to make her more comfortable when they settled into an afterglow by setting her straight.

  “I think he’s gone,” Chel-Lin said.

  Elias nodded, “Yeah, we’ll see what he wanted in a bi-“

  “Hello guys!” EXCAL shouted as the locked door swung open hard, and from behind it a humanoid drone stared at them.

  Elias slowly turned and looked towards the robot, effusions still dripping out of his alien partner. Likewise, she was stunned, eyes as wide as Elias had ever seen, and her untranslated voice a fever pitch of warbling. Seconds ticked by as EXCAL looked up and down, then up and down again.

  The unbearable weight of tension crushed down on the pair as the robot took another look up and down. As if on cue to destroy the stillness of the moment, Elias’ borrowed sunglasses slid off his nose and clattered to the floor.

  “I… uh… think I called out, did you hear me?” EXCAL said. “It’s rude not to answer back, y’know.”

  “Uhhh…” Elias said, post-nut clarity shifting into post-nut horror.

  EXCAL finally seemed to take note of the scene. “Right! I see, you two are mid coitus. How interesting. Apologies. I didn’t mean to interrupt. Did you finish?”

  Elias didn’t respond. He simply looked down to the cum leaking out of Chel-Lin and onto the floor.

  “Oh, great!” EXCAL exclaimed. “I was going to ask about whether you had gotten any information about my past yet, but to be honest, that would’ve been a bit of an excuse. You see, I really wanted to let you know I finally got the ultra-rare drop of the Shifting Serpent, Mulrah! You see, the fast-attacking Venomous Blowpipe, though rare, is really good at do-“

  “EXCAL!” Elias shouted. “Some fucking privacy, for the love of god!”

  “Oh, right, right! See you guys later. Have fun! Use a condom! Don’t get Space AIDS!”

  With a little wave, the robot reached in, and closed the door shut. Or at least, he tried to. He’d broken the lock by slamming it open forcefully. Instead, the door weakly swung open a crack as the sound of the android’s footsteps faded away. Elias turned back to face Chel-Lin.

  “What the fuck,” he said.

  She simply groaned, covering her face with her tendrils. “Oh, Barald’s mercy, what a disaster. So… the CAI in charge of the whole facility knows we’re together…” Chel-Lin moaned in further discomfort. “Barald damn me, what a stupid, stupid idea this was!”

  Elias sighed and pulled out, drawing a yelp from Chel-Lin.

  “H-hey, I wasn’t ready!” she cried out. “I feel really weird about getting walked in on, and you just yanking it out made it worse.”

  “What, you want me to stay in you all day as we talk about whatever the hell that situation was?”

  “…Maybe. It feels better than having to go talk to him right now.”

  It was Elias’ turn to be exasperated. “Fuck. Let’s… tidy up and see what happens now.”

  As Elias began to restore the room to order, wiping up the mess they’d made, a pertinent point EXCAL made did enter his mind - did you need to use a condom when banging aliens?

  Eh, fuck it. It’d been fine so far. Who cared? Not Elias, that was for sure. He’d just gotten some gas-based, raw, tiger-striped xeno pussy in a storeroom whilst doing the worst Albert Wesker impression of all time.

  If that wasn’t a first somewhere in the universe, then the concept of a unique experience was long gone.