Familiar Doubts

  ?When Blade finished recounting everything, he looked aside, unsure of what more to say or do. He hadn’t held back anything, explaining most of all he knew.

  ?Aisha had stayed silent through it all, not wanting to interrupt Blade through his story. On one hand, she was definitely happy he was telling her, yet on the other hand, she hadn’t expected so much to happen.

  ?When Blade reached the part about his core becoming unstable, the most surprising part about the whole story to Aisha, he asked.

  ?“Aisha… when your Absolute Authorities were getting unstable. How did it feel?”

  ?Thinking back to the moment, she answered.

  ?“I’m not really sure how to explain it. It felt weird, as if I were disconnecting from myself. Mine didn’t get very far, though, as it resolved itself after the campfire talk.”

  ?Maybe it happened differently to everyone then, was what Blade thought. He explained his own unstableness and how it had caused swords to erupt from every part of his body, and after some thinking and contemplation, decided to share the part of that desert place.

  ?He guessed their difference lay in how unstable their Authorities had gotten. Blade’s had been on a breaking point, while Aisha had only gotten uncontrollable. The difference in amount could also make a difference.

  ?Both an Origin and someone who had gotten an Absolute Authority could get unstable. It seemed the better control you had over your Authority, the harder it was for it to go out of control, meaning it would naturally grow with age and mastery. There was also the fact that it seemed far more dangerous for the existence of Origins, if their Authority got unstable. It made sense as they were Authorities given form.

  ?The thought made him pat her head, which she initially leaned into only to freeze up in suspicion as she asked.

  ?“Wait, why are you patting me?”

  ?“Well, can’t I pat my sister?...”

  ?Accepting his answer, she closed back her eyes again to lean into his touch, only to open them again as he finished his sentence.

  ?“And it made me imagine how you would be when you’re older.”

  ?A pout quickly formed on her face as she shook his hand, standing up both literally and metaphorically against Blade’s chuckling.

  ?“I’ll let you know I’m old!”

  ?“Is that so? How old?”

  ?The question made Aisha freeze up, as she herself couldn’t answer.

  ?“I’m… old…”

  ?Pushing himself off the bench with a chuckle, Blade crouched down, hugging her as he patted.

  ?“I know, but as a big brother, it’s my duty to keep you safe.”

  ?At his words, Aisha dropped the drama as she asked.

  ?“Big brother… you want to ask me something, don’t you?”

  ?He knew it would come to this. Aisha was perceptive, and hiding it would also only go to hurt them both. So he did.

  ?“Aisha… What are your thoughts on the Overseer?”

  ?“My thoughts? What is this about?”

  ?Staying quiet a bit, he relented, explaining his reasoning.

  ?Blade had always believed, to some extent, that everyone he cut down was evil, that they deserved it. And in the midst of it, he grew a moral high ground. And it only continued to rise, until he made a mistake. Due to his own carelessness and lack of information, he took the wrong life. And he realized how fragile he was. As his moral high ground crumbled, so did his own belief in his ideals. And even though he managed to rebuild both his ideals and belief, he now was unsure who to point his blade at, and therefore sought her guidance.

  ?After explaining, he left the rest with Aisha. If she had an idea of what she wanted, Blade would follow. If he didn’t, he would contemplate it before finding out his next action.

  ?“This is about my voice then. To be truthful, I don’t really mind it that much.”

  ?“You don’t?”

  ?She shook her head, saying.

  ?“Honestly, I have gotten used to using this voice. It’s more mine than my previous one ever was. So if I had to choose, I would prefer keeping my current one.”

  ?“And your opinion on the Overseer?”

  ?“I’m unsure. I don’t have any strong feelings for or against her.”

  ?Blade paused at her words, before letting go of her.

  ?“Thanks for the input.”

  ?He left with the words. Walking to the outskirts of the village silently, by the time he was out of range, his first action was kicking the nearest tree. The force causes it to fly back and crash into other things on the way, ripping the earth.

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  ?Just when he was about to punch another tree, a voice stopped him.

  ?“How much more do you intend to break me?”

  ?Blade looked around before noticing the figure of Severance, who seemed both tired and unwell. Before he could even ask her about anything, his voice died as she jumped down from the tree and opened her robe to show off her chest, which was cracking.

  ?At first, he didn’t know what to say, so Severance spoke for him.

  ?“I’m sorry for being unable to help you, Master.”

  ?He was momentarily stunned, unable to come up with any words to use.

  ?“I must say, Master, I do find your hypocrisy unwelcome.”

  ?At the accusation, he finally found his voice, saying.

  ?“What do you mean by hypocrisy? I have stood by my belief this whole time.”

  ?“Have you now? Then I must be imagining these cracks on my chest,” she rebuked, touching the cracks before closing it.

  ?“Yet that is not what I meant. I was talking about your hypocrisy towards Aisha.”

  ?“Huh? I haven’t been a hypocrite.”

  ?“Then tell me what’s the plan now?”

  ?And then the truth came clear. Blade had no plan whatsoever he could use.

  ?“If you truly only wanted Aisha’s judgment, would you not have had a plan ready? You can tell yourself all you want that you aren’t pushing your responsibilities onto Aisha, but however you look at it, it seems otherwise.”

  ?Blade stayed quiet this time, unable to even look her in the eyes.

  ?“And since you mentioned your belief, let’s tackle them too. How many need to die before your ideals become unbreakable?”

  ?Again, he was silent, unable to say anything against her, yet he was shaking from the anger. Not towards her, but at the truth she laid bare for him, unfiltered and completely.

  ?“Also, what’s up with you? You managed to open up to Aisha, but now you’re still ignoring her words. Who do you think you are? A main character in a story tailored to you? Ever know how it feels to be ignored? To have a voice but not heard? It hurts far more than not having a voice or choosing not to use it.”

  ?He stared at the earth as if it held all the answers. She was truly dissecting him piece by piece, and he did not know how to feel about it.

  ?“Did everything you went through mean nothing? Tell me honestly.”

  ?“No, it didn’t mean anything… I just…”

  ?Blade didn’t know what to do with himself. It felt like unwanted walls were cracking.

  ?“Then tell me this. Is your dream based on truth, or simply your own ideals?”

  ?The question caught him off guard. Were his dreams not based on both? But what would that even mean, to be based on either or both?

  ?At his inability to give an answer, she got all she needed as Severance vanished.

  ?Alone, Blade sat down on the ground. Now having to face everything he locked away. Were these his emotions? If so, it only felt depressing, like a weight thrown on an already sinking ship.

  ?Blade looked at his ring before mulling over the idea before opening a portal and visiting Aira. When he got through, he saw Aira and Raiden at a picnic table drinking tea and chatting. Noticing Blade, Aira waves towards him as he walks up to them.

  ?Raiden is the first to end the silence.

  ?“What a surprise, a reason for you to visit?”

  ?“I could say the same. Do you all have the luxury to be sitting around?”

  ?“The progress has been going well. Don’t worry, it’s not like we are sitting around doing nothing.”

  ?“If you say so…” Blade said before looking over at Aira, who was patting a chair that she made beside herself.

  ?When Blade sat down, she rested her head on his shoulder.

  ?“You aren’t well. Tell me what’s plaguing you.”

  ?Even if it was surprising, he was glad Aira understood his silent struggles and conflicts. Looking at Raiden who only nodded.

  ?“I believed I had figured things out, but right now I’m unsure if I understood anything at all. Honestly, it’s like I’m trying to reconcile my version of myself with each other.”

  ?Blade shivered a bit when Aira began caressing his neck, but got used to it. Her touch was relaxing even now.

  ?“When you got your Authorities, or found out you were born with them. How was it? And have you ever been near a collapse? How did you deal with it?”

  ?Raiden brought her hand to her chin, thinking for a second before telling him.

  ?“For me, it was because of the extra Authorities, and though it started against Indra, it was at its worst in my first fight against you. It felt like my being itself was being split apart.”

  ?“I have never personally experienced it, but I have observed it happen,” Aira responds.

  ?“How was it like then? And how did you deal with it?”

  ?“The ones I saw had their authority go out of control. By the time they managed to control it, they had found a new sense of self, or so I was told.”

  ?Aira’s response was similar to what Blade had gone through, yet it still wasn’t fully enough.

  ?“What about you, Raiden? You went through it too?”

  ?“For me, it was simply to stop lowering myself. There is no good way for me to explain, but when I stopped lowering myself to levels beneath my own. When I decided to explore instead of serving, it felt like a fog was lifted from my mind. With it, my power grew.”

  ?Like a fog lifted from her mind? Though Blade went through something similar, it felt like more fog had riddled him. His ideals and goals were clear. He had his values. So what would he find?

  ?“What are you struggling with?” Raiden finally asked him.

  ?It made Blade think about what he truly was struggling with.

  ?“Maybe it’s my authority which makes the least sense to me. The power of being the ‘root’? I guess I’m having a hard time understanding what that means…”

  ?The truth that had blinded him finally fell out. What he struggled at was no longer the concept of being a family, or his own values and ideals. It was simply the fact he now carried power he struggled to understand.

  ?“Then why don’t you let me take care of it? I can remove your worries for you.”

  ?Blade looked at her when she voiced the idea. The thought of no longer having to worry was a welcome one. With this, he could stop trying to figure out his worries continuously. Yet the words of agreement never left his mind, as if his body itself was protesting… no, maybe it was more that everything within him was rejecting the idea.

  ?His vision blinked back to the desolate sand storm he had faced, seeing his own core for the second time. Yet what he saw this time was the version that had cut the core, inside it now, while he was outside. No, it was the opposite. He found himself stuck in his core, with a version of himself walking away.

  ?Blade tried to reach out but his body barely moved. He saw them. the ring and sword, standing before him. He could reach out, either of them. If he did, he could reach him, but what if that was his problem? What if his problem was simply reliance?

  ?Before he knew it, the core broke as he began running after the vestige.

  ?What Blade had struggled with the most, more than himself, more than his own powers, was simply asking for help.

  ?He had always been dependent on others, or did things himself. Yet never simply asked for help. To not have somebody do it for him, to have to move him away, but to simply ask how to do it himself, to be guided, not steered.

  ?And maybe that was why, when he connected with the vestige, instead of stopping he continued forward.

  ?Doubt, after all, is a normal response for humans in the face of uncertainty. Yet Blade could no longer stop for every doubt. If he wished to be free, if he wished to find the source of his own self… if he truly wished to explore his own curiosity, it was time he stopped doubting himself.

  ?Feeling the air around him, finding himself in a freefall. He did not question how or why. He simply asked what it meant to him. He felt his curiosity and that was all he needed. It was time he stopped dreaming.