John threw the door open and strode through, seemingly without a care in the world. The rest of us followed him in. I was just happy to see something other than the same damn hallway.

  On the other side of the door was a packed dirt floor maybe fifty feet across. The center was brightly lit while the rest of the area was shrouded in darkness. At the edge of the circular area we found ourselves in there was a ten foot tall, brightly painted, yellow, wooden wall. The door snicked shut behind us and became immediately indistinguishable from the wall around it. Rows of empty seats rose all around us on the other side of the wall.

  In the center of the brightly lit space sat a small car. Smaller than a smart car, it seemed more toy than something someone could reasonably drive around. It was garishly painted in bright colors that were splashed all across a simple, white background.

  The sound of a honking horn echoed from the car. Not a normal honk…a clownish honk. The doors on either side of the car flew open and out of each side stepped a crooked and bent figure. It stood up and was easily eight feet tall. Its too thin body swimming in the oversized clothes it wore. Frills at all the edges, polka dots and squiggly designs embroidered or whatever on the fabric. Giant red shoes adorned its feet. Its face was painted a bright white, but beneath the cracked paint flaking off in patches its skin was a sickly grey. A large, round, red nose sat in the middle of its face, right above a rictus smile stretching way too far. A bright red afro sat atop its head. The other clown, for there was nothing else these things could be, had a green afro on its head and wore a turquoise sequined jumpsuit with large yellow buttons. Each carried a large baton with long nails driven through the head.

  “I fucking told you assholes!” I screamed as more clowns came crawling out of the car. They kept stepping free of the tiny little car and standing up to their imposing heights before stepping forward.

  “Yeah, yeah,” Mara grunted at me as she started throwing fireballs into the midst of the crowd of clowns. They scattered after the first one caught fire like it had been dowsed in gasoline.

  I looked around, panicking more than a little. I may have undersold exactly how freaked out by clowns I was. I had watched a certain movie at a very young and impressionable age and had never been the same since. Just seeing pictures of clowns could leave me hyperventilating and near panic attack levels of fear. It had gotten better as I got older, easier to control. But clowns still more than freaked me the fuck out.

  Off to the side I noticed Ashley stepping back, further into the shadows and almost disappear into them. I could just barely make out the glint from her gun’s little red dot scope thingy. She’d explained it to me before but I still didn’t really understand it other than it helped with aiming while keeping her eyes open or something.

  Ashley practically disappeared into the shadows, and then a loud bark of gunfire went off. Except it didn’t come from where I could have sworn I just saw her at. Then another shot rang out from another location.

  I looked back to the mob of clowns and watched two clowns stumble from taking lethal levels of lead. Then I caught sight of John. He was once again rushing into the thick of things, bladed arms swinging around in bloody arcs.

  The clowns were all giggling as they came out of the car. They giggled hysterically as they came charging at us. They giggled even as they died in droves. Bats and batons bouncing off of John’s mithril coated skin. Burning like a lit match from Mara’s fireballs. Gasping for breath from Ashley’s gunshots. Even Oliver was joining in with sledgehammers of water he flung into the horde of clowns.

  Then Mara did something really impressive. With a clench of her fist she yanked her arm down and a swath of clowns in front of her became much shorter as she smashed them with what I assumed were her newfound gravity powers. Their torsos suddenly met with their ankles and they became very thick clown pancakes. And still they giggled.

  My spear trembled in my hand as I twitched in place. My eyes were jumping from one abomination in face paint to the next. I had stabbed an angry minotaur, fought off an entire pack of direwolves, and made mincemeat of scary ass shadow cats. I had faced down a literal monster from some Cthulu type shit with barely a flutter of my heart. I killed my doppelganger with hardly more than a few qualms. But clowns were a nightmare straight out of my past that I could not simply overcome.

  I watched in fascinated terror as my friends mowed down one of my only true phobias. I cheered them on internally as I whimpered aloud and prayed for the nightmare to end. But still they came. More and more were pulling themselves out of the tiny car by the minute. I had long ago lost count of the number of abominations that walked the earth in front of me.

  You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

  John made it all the way to the car, pieces of broken bodies lying in piles behind him. He went to lean into the car to stab whatever it was he could find inside when the door suddenly slammed shut on his head. John’s head bounced off the frame of the car and he fell down to a knee.

  The car finally stopped disgorging clowns and revved up its tiny little engine. With an eerie clown honk it whipped around in a tight little donut maneuver that brought John’s body into line with the front of the car. As he began to stand up, the car jumped forward and caught him around the waist.

  His upper body jerked forward as the rest of his body was driven back. He latched onto the top of the hood, his hands having quickly morphed into large hooks that he sank through the metal.

  The car plowed through the crowd of clowns, seemingly uncaring about them in its attempt to hurt John. Then with a loud boom, the car rammed John into the wall surrounding the ring we were in. He crunched through the wooden barricade and became lodged in the hole. He seemed to have struck something harder than him on the other side of the wooden barrier as no matter how much the little car revved its engine John didn’t go any deeper into the wall. Its tires slipped side to side as it tried though.

  John looked dazed. His hooks had morphed back into regular hands and were limp on the hood of the car. He was thankfully still covered in mithril and seemed unhurt. He’d just had his bell rung. The risks of being a berserker tank type I guess.

  Mara was having none of it though. She stepped forward and crushed another wave of clowns. Then she extended her arms, placing her wrists together with her hands cupped up in one direction and down in the other. Oh my god, no she wouldn’t. “Kamehameha!” Mara shouted at the top of her lungs. Apparently she would.

  A bright light flared to life between her hands. It was so bright I had to close my eyes and turn away. It was like staring into the sun. There was a brighter flash against my closed eyelids and then the light dimmed down.

  I hesitantly opened my eyes and looked around. The car that had been trying to cut John in half had been blasted a dozen feet to the side and the back half of it looked like it had simply melted. Molten red metal still dripped down as the car gave out a final feeble honk.

  The ground leading up to where the car had been had been completely glassed. The dirt instantly melting together. The clowns within ten feet of the glassed scorch mark were nothing more than crisp, blackened stick figures that even now were beginning to crumble.

  Oliver ran over to John, spraying water all over the mithril covered man. Steam rose from his body, though not as much as I would have guess considering how close to the destruction he was. John stood up out of the hole and waved Oliver away with a grunt. Only for Oliver to continue his dash over and slap a hand against his dumbass husband’s head. A bright glow infused his hands and John’s head for a moment before snuffing out.

  Gunshots continued to ring out and it was only then that I realized that there were still clowns running about. Though most of them seemed to be running away from Mara who I happened to be standing near.

  John threw himself back into the fray and only a few minutes later the final gunshot rang out from behind me. It had been jumping all over the ring the entire time. The final clown went down with an extra hole in its chest, wheezing giggles the entire time. I shuddered.

  [Your party has killed: Car Mimic with summoned minions x 1]

  The fucking clowns hadn’t even counted as the real monster?! The car was the real monster and the clowns were just summons?! That was so absurdly fucked I didn’t even know what to think anymore.

  I turned around, facing away from all the clown carnage. I dropped to a crouch and rocked with my arms wrapped around my shins. I mumbled something incoherent under my breath. Just noise to try and express the abject terror I had been subjected to the last several minutes.

  I felt a hand on my shoulder and stiffened. My head jerked up. There beside me were Mara and Ashley both looking very concerned. I was still muttering under my breath as I met their eyes.

  “Baby, are you ok?” Ashley dropped down to her knees beside me. She took my face in her hands and swiped under my eyes with her thumbs. I felt her wipe away the tears I didn’t even know I had streaming down my face right now. “It’s ok. I’ve got you,” she whispered before wrapping me in a tight hug.

  Over her shoulder I saw Mara frowning down at me. “I know she said she didn’t like clowns, but I didn’t know it was this bad.” She bit her lip, guilt riding across her features. “I’m sorry we didn’t listen to you, Gracy.”

  Ashley pulled back a little from me to meet my eyes, “What are you mumbling, baby?”

  Finally my voice rose above a whisper, though just barely. “They didn’t even count!”

  “I know. Shhhhhh. We’ll get through this. They’re all gone,” Ashley assured me.

  “But what if there are more?” I pleaded.

  “You just stick by me and I’ll keep you safe, baby,” Ashley whispered into my ear as she pulled me close again in her strong arms.

  I slowly loosened my grip around my legs and hesitantly wrapped my arms around Ashley. It felt so nice to be held. To be taken care of instead of being the one to take care of everyone. I buried my nose in her neck and inhaled the comforting scent of clean skin and peaches.

  A few moments later my legs gave out and I crashed onto my hip, legs sprawled to the side. Ashley kept ahold of me, rubbing her hands up and down my back in soothing motions. Mara had wandered off after making sure Ashley had me. I think she needed to help John find the monster core or whatever from the mimic. I did not see car mimic on the bingo card for today when I got up. This whole dungeon could get fucked.

  I sniffled a little as I pulled away from Ashley. There was a wet spot on her shirt. I couldn’t help but feel guilty as we stood up together. I hadn’t meant to fall apart so completely. But I was glad she was here to help pick me up.