[Noah’s perspective]

  I have this recurring thought, over and over again, like my minds connected to a wheel on a car and keeps getting flattened every time it does a full rotation.

  My thought is ‘what if I’m not enough?’

  Jackson, before he lost everything, before he complained about being empty every second of every day. He was the one who was keeping us together, he was courageous, funny and most of all knew how to control a room of people.

  I’m not a leader, part of me wonders if I sealed the fate of everyone in this town by forwarding our magic research. That’s what they want right? They want us to learn. They want us to struggle and make something of ourselves for some benign reason.

  Fay is back, and I can tell he has been through unimaginable things, but I can't stop feeling mad, mad that he thinks he can play God. I wish I could just hate him, I wish he wouldn't give arguments to his wrongdoings, I wish he could just give me a reason to hurt him as much as he hurt the rest of us.

  “Noah?” Anne walks into my hut, its day now, the grey sky making my grass floor look dead.

  “Yeah?”

  “I fed Fay. But he has multiple injuries, I think a concussion, or maybe just sleep deprecation... there's also a burn mark on his entire chest…” she says this like I can do anything about it.

  “I can’t do anything, I’m still lightheaded from using two spells yesterday and I’m afraid if I use anymore, I’ll be-“ I swipe at my neck with my thumb.

  “What about Jackson?”

  “Then talk to Jackson.”

  She brushes her feet over the grass outside, finding out where Jackson is hiding, most likely in a corner far away.

  I don’t blame him, from what he told me he awoke in a cabin with Fay, there was a sphere of meat on the table and Fay had told him he killed himself. Not exactly good words to say to a newborn.

  I get up from the grassy interior, we had been slowly expanding the grass in each home to make standards of living better, but Jackson is the only one who can use the growing spell without coughing up a lung.

  I walk along the path, kids play by the apple tree we had grown near the water, the roots sinking deep into the mud and out again.

  One kid was especially high, a fall would injure him and that’s another spell we can’t afford. “Hey get down!”

  The woman in the black dress that we released begins to climb the tree with ease, I get closer to watch intently.

  “Let me guide you down.” She says gently, her hand reaching for the boys, he follows her presence like she is the last person on earth, landing safely on the mud.

  I give out one of my classic fake smiles, “thanks… uh what’s your name?”

  “I do not have one.” She lets go of the boy, who is just standing around trying to find new finds to do.

  “Huh… we should give you a name then.”

  “Please do not. Consult master Fay first.” She bows deeply, “my creator was bestowed a name; therefore, I want the bestower to bestow me as well.”

  Jackson arrives at the scene, he’s clearly been up all-night growing things, “clone, I need help with some flowers.”

  She turns her heel while looking at me, “goodbye.” She walks through the mud with surprising agility considering the high heels.

  Everyone is doing their own thing, a man called Gerald taps me on the shoulder, he is one of the older people in the town and was very adamant about killing Fay for obvious reasons.

  “I need help collecting the planks, I have about 5 men, need more, these conditions arent good”

  We had destroyed the majority of the unused huts over the last two days, our plan is to build a better shelter behind the food clinic for people to hide in, along with a lot of small spaces for kids to stay away.

  “Sorry but I need to talk to Fay first, I’ll be there in a minute.” I smile again.

  He grunts and goes along his way while kicking his feet in the mud extra hard, the opposite direction of the food clinic.

  I walk towards a big plant pot made of wooden planks, we had filled it with seeds of different kinds, but none had grown yet.

  I look around and spot my friend Leo who was hanging around this girl that he liked, better let him show off, “AYE, LEO I NEED TO BRING THIS INSIDE.”

  He snaps his head towards me, smiles and scratches the nape of his neck while saying something to the girl, he makes his way towards me, “why?”

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  “Need to get some use out of Fay, gonna get him to grow these seeds.”

  He nods and digs his hands on one side of the rectangular plant pot, I put my hands under the other side, “okay… lift.”

  I go backwards up the stairs, there are some cracks in the planks that leak mud but that’s fine, I move back into the blood vial room and rest it down, Fay is staring at me, “Leo you can go… have fun with Grace.”

  Leo laughs, “like I need your permission, seeya.” He waves.

  “Seeya” I wave back.

  I turn to Fay who is looking worse for ware, a cut on his forehead, burns on his neck down to his collar hidden by the shirt and yet again an obscene amount of water puddling on the floor.

  “Rough night?”

  “Yep.”

  I drag the box closer, “I’m guessing you know what growth magic is?”

  “I do not.”

  He doesn’t? I untie his hands and take out a piece of paper with the formula on it, “here.”

  He takes it and stares for a while, “why is it burning the body?”

  “Huh?”

  “There’s a body variable then a cook variable in parentheses, then that carries into whatever this combination variable is… is it burning body fat to grow plants?” He rips that part of the spell off “I guess that makes it use less blood which is good for… humans… considerate…”

  He places the paper on the mud and says those two words, he holds his head “argh” when he activates it.

  A few sprouts turn into plants which turn into fruit and vegetables, a leek, carrot, basil? And a red crimson flower. I’m unsure about most of these.

  Fay leans back on the chair, “using me as fuel for food now huh?” He gives a tiny laugh before staring at the ceiling. “After all these years and I’m still cattle.”

  “Yeah... Thanks.”

  “Don’t mention it.” He holds his chest where the burns are “hey uh… by the way if anyone visits just hide, especially if it’s Lilith or a short girl with freckles.”

  He sits around for a moment, I just inspect the plants, “are you going to tie me up again? My wrists really hurt.”

  “Nah… just…” I pull out a carrot and take a bite… “this tastes…” I take a piece of basil and eat it, “holy shit this tastes of food.” I get overwhelmingly excited.

  “Cool.” Is all he says to this, the kids are going to love this.

  “I’ll make more spells, you… yeah I’ll be back with more seeds and plants.” I get up, pulling out a few more carrots and leeks, there’s also a flower that looks nice, dark crimson.

  I lock the door as I walk out and search for Anne, who usually gives out the food. She is sitting on the left side the food clinic with the clone and Jackson. All sitting against the wall.

  “So… how do you get over the empty feeling?” Jackson is looking at the ground, the clone is holding his hand.

  “You focus on the future not the past… when I was made… I dreamt up a future where I’ll be a famous painter… travel the world and paint different landscapes… eventually people would follow me on my tours, and I’d have a million friends.” She squeezes his hand.

  Anne looks over, “oh, hey Noah.”

  “Hey… uh Jackson you okay?” Jackson begins crying.

  “I don’t know what I want to be…”

  “You don’t have to know… just think of a future where you are happy… and that cold feeling… I like to sometimes wrap myself in a blanket and pretend I have body heat.”

  Right… when we first got Jackson the first thing we realised was that his body was constantly cold.

  Anne snaps her fingers, “gimme, carrots.” She holds her arms out, I place them gracefully in her thankless hands. Along with the other plants I had ripped from the ground.

  “Fay grew them, they have flavour… they don’t taste like nothing.”

  Anne gets excited, which is the normal reaction unlike Fays ‘cool,’ she takes a bite, “mmmhm, Jackson here’s something to look forward to.” She passes him the carrots and he takes a bite.

  “Tastes earthy… it’s good…”

  Anne nudges him, “is that a smile I see?” She turns towards me, “can you get Fay to grow more…”

  “I can… but…” I look over towards the people collecting planks for the safe space, “Fay mentioned someone dangerous may come over… I’m going to help with the safe hut… can you get Fay to grow things?”

  She nods, “yep!”

  “Great, thank you.” I pat her shoulder, playing the role of the leader. I go down the pathway, past the parked carriage in which we ripped apart, curtains used for sheets and wheels used for makeshift wheelbarrows. I get to the place with all the planks.

  There are only around 7 people working towards moving all the planks, since most people want to save their energy and not starve to death, thats why my top priority has been food, because excess food means excess energy.

  Old man Gerald is the one leading everyone, he stops while holding two large planks, “glad you could make it.”

  “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I grab some planks that were by the water, a light drizzle of rain begins to come down like always.

  Everyone is carrying up to 2 planks. So, I need to carry 3, maybe 4. That’s what the old Jackson would do. I manage to get 4, 2 in between each arm place uncomfortably in my armpits.

  As I'm walking to the back of the food clinic some kid, 12, Harry speaks to me, “Hey Noah!! We are playing a game of zombie tag; do you want to join?”

  I smile and turn while holding the planks, my wrists getting tired, “not right now... but later at night we can have a super spooky game of zombie tag. I'll be like...” I make my voice deeper “‘braaaaiinsss’” He runs away, towards the group of kids who were hiding behind a hut.

  They wave at me as they leave, I would wave back but my hands were occupied. I continue walking, past the carriage, some girl speaks to me, 23, Alina, “hey... uhm I was wondering if we were going to get any more fruit? Adrian really wants some.”

  She had been taking care of Adrian since he was 4, 9 now, super nice girl, she is one of the ones who took care of the younger kids as soon as we were all taken, “ask Anne, we should have some food coming up soon... tell Adrian I said ‘hi’ okay?”

  She nods and leaves me be, I continue walking, almost reaching the food clinic before someone stops me, another kid, Luke, 15. “So is he in there? Is he dead?”

  “No. Fay is not dead.” Alot of the younger kids hate Fay, they used to not like him because he got special treatment and seemed on the side of the demon, but that turned into hatred when it was revealed that he was 100% on the side of the demon, taking one of us to be killed in front of everyone.

  “Why even keep him alive?”

  My fingers start digging into the planks, I could lose grip at any moment, “because he has information we need, it's a tactical move.”

  He nods, “interrogation style” he punches twice in the air “are you the bad cop?”

  “The worst cop. In a cool way.”

  The kid chuckles and leaves, I walk beside the food clinic, Jackson and the clone are playing with a flower that Fay grew.

  As I walk by them, I hear, “I understand your heart... just don't focus on what you need to remember, make new memories okay?” The clone pulls petals off the crimson flower, “a flower with very few petals just needs more water to thrive.”

  I get to the back of the food clinic, there are stacks of planks piled high, along with crates that used to hold food scraps and vials used as supports.

  Old man Gerald is wiping at his brow, removing the nails from the planks with his fingers, they keep slipping due to the layer of sweat he has all over him, he sees me place the planks down, “don't overdo it.”

  I nod and begin to track back, I keep my breathing steady despite how much I want to take deeper breaths, to pick up 4 more planks. I have to overdo it, if I don't how could I call myself a leader.